On October 31, 2008, I was just a girl grasping for hope.
I was struggling with disordered eating that still lingered despite my best efforts to beat it. I felt like I had made a lot of progress, but there was still a missing piece to my puzzle.
Self-love.
I fought a daily battle of self-acceptance, depressive thoughts, and anxiety. Despite the smile on the outside, most days I felt like I was crumbling on the inside. I was simply going through the motions of life and the days were passing me by. Indeed, I was truly thankful for so many wonderful people in my life, but the one thing I couldn’t be thankful for was myself.
I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to get to that place of self-acceptance or happiness, but I decided the first step was going to be writing about it.
And so it all began with a simple Boo on Halloween day!
I have always loved writing because it comes to me easier than expressing my thoughts out loud. It is just me and a keyboard or piece of paper talking to someone out there and thinking things through. Writing is a way for my inner voice to be heard when often it is silenced by all the thoughts swirling through my mind. Writing gives each thought a chance, each thought a moment to be heard and I often clear my mind or work things out as I write.
I guess this is why I was never meant to be a researcher. While I did spend most of my time writing in grad school, my writing was very very formal, scientific, and sterile in many ways. I felt suffocated when I wrote a research paper and I always felt like I couldn’t express my true self. In a paper, there was little room for jokes, sarcasm, stories, or occasional curse words (trust me, I could have used them many times!). It was all too structured.
I wanted to set my thoughts free.
Starting this blog was a way for me to have a creative outlet at a time when my creativity felt stifled in many areas of my life. OSG was the one place where I felt like I could express myself fully. I would simply write about what I wanted to write about, just like in my Creative Writing class in high school that I loved so much. My teacher had us make Creative Writing journals in high school and we could write whatever we wanted to in them. Personal stories, clippings, drawings, poems, deep thoughts, jokes, and anything that we wanted to share. I absolutely loved this journal and I would talk about my struggles with disordered eating, my love for delicious healthy food, animals, exercise, running, the desire for happiness, and whatever else I wanted to talk about.
Over the past two years, I have found that missing piece of self-love. Even on the days when I can’t find it and I am having a bad day, I know that it isn’t far away and it will come back to me. I have met amazing people along the way and I have been touched by the support and kindness of others.
Today, I write because I am truly thankful for these past two years, for sharing my life with you, the ups and the downs, and the discussions, inspiring words, and support. My hope for the blog going forward is to give back as much gratitude, love, and inspiration as I get from writing each day.
Thank you for letting me come into your lives each day and also, for allowing me to come into yours.
As a small token of my appreciation, I am going to do some giveaways!
1) Draw for $25 Glo Bakery gift certificates to be given out to 5 random people
2) Draw for a homemade batch of cookies, Glo bars, or muffins (any from my recipes page!) shipped to your doorstep.
3) Grand prize draw for $100 Glo Bakery gift certificate to one random winner
If you’d like a chance to be entered in the giveaway, please leave a comment below telling me anything about your own passions, journey, or perhaps something you have grown to love about yourself. Contest closes Monday Nov 8th.
I’m off to the kitchen to shoot my video for Challenge #7! Hopefully there aren’t as many flops as last night. ;) Happy Halloween!
Congrats & happy two years! Your blog has personally helped me remember to love myself, to not nitpick myself :)
Happy 2nd Birthday, OSG! Very exciting!
Lately, I’ve been very much into cooking new recipes and baking for friends and family. It’s so nice to be able to see the smiles of the ones you care about most from your freshly homebaked goodies.
Your story is really inspiring. It encourages us all to follow are dreams and have a job that we truly enjoy. I hope to one day be able to do what I am really passionate about and explore the culinary arts.
I struggle with my eating habits every single day. My thoughts consume my mind and it’s exhausting. I am average weight, a runner, and eat considerably healthy, but it never feels like enough. I love my job, my friends and family, and I have a wonderful husband. Like you said, I feel very blessed and thankful for so many things in my life, but so often I feel as though I can’t accept myself. I wish I could just wholey love myself, inside and out. I need to find some darn confidence! I hope I can someday find peace with myself as you did.
My greatest accomplishment thus far has been losing 200lbs and maintaining the weight loss. It has been such a crazy, fun, and beautiful journey and the blog world has helped me dramatically.
My daughter (7yrs old) and I LOVE green monsters!!! We drink them several days a week.
My daughter was diagnosed with food allergies in June 2009. She is allergic to all animal products and biproducts, berries, melons, tomatoes and pineapple. Luckily, I had been a vegetarian for about 10 years so transitioning her into a vegan lifestyle was easier. We are constantly on the lookout for new vegan recipes that are tasty so she doesn’t feel like she’s missing out.
Thanks for introducing us to the green monster! I’m going to test out some other recipes from your website soon!
I love your blog Angela. I love your story- its very inspiring.
Recently I have realized that the small things in life are what truly makes it great. If I take the time to stop and take is the sights, smells, and tastes, I can have an extraordinary day. Also, I try to do new things every week- even if its just spending the day in a bookstore or trying a new recipe.
A few years ago, I was lost. I was trying to do what I thought that I was supposed to do- get an impressive degree and a high paying job. I even bought a fancy, new car. I was trying to fix my unhappiness with these things. During this time, I started reading healthy living blogs and cooking. I really feel like reading and cooking brought me back to life. I no longer have a fancy job or a fancy car, but I feel more happy than I ever have before. Now I want to pursue things in my life that I am excited about. I would love to start my own business someday. And I am going to take steps to do that.
My passions change as my life changes. What I was passionate about when I was single vs when I became married vs when I became a mother are very different, but equally fulfilling. You need to be willing to accept those changes and let go of what worked in the past when it stops working and find what works now.
My life journey lessons include always having a goal to strive for – otherwise you stagnate.
I learned the hard way, YOU are responsible for making yourself happy – no one can do it for you and it’s not fair to put that burden on someone else – not your husband, not your kids. You are your own entity – own it – love it – take responsibility for it
Congrats on reaching the 2 year mark! I love reading your blog so thanks for the dedication to it :)
I’ve come to learn that one of my passions is cooking delicious foods, and that I can still meet my cravings without eating fast food or other processed junk! For a long time I felt like there was healthy OR good, and that the 2 worlds didn’t intersect like they do, but now I’ve found my happy place!
Hi Angela,
I’d like to say for me, personally, the journey has been less of finding the right home/career/side projects/etc but more about focusing on what I have, right in front of me.
That was one of the biggest draws for me when I happily discovered your blog because it was proof in action that valuing the things and people in our lives right now is what makes a life worth living. I am blessed with an amazing family and boyfriend, a beautiful home, health, love and support. Whenever I start to strive to become superwoman, taking on the world and accomplishing everything I can in the quickest time possible, I realize that those moments become a blur.
Just finding someone who stops to deem their 2-legged carrots the Carrot Showgirls or a cutout of Frank at Thanksgiving dinner reinforces my journey, to stop, look around and live in each moment (with kindness and humor and love) that I am blessed to have!
Akiko
i have really focused on stopping to apologize for my opinions. like in conversations with my friends i’d say, “sorry i feel think way, but…” and i wasn’t sorry i felt that way. it was MY OPINION. i just didn’t want people to be unhappy or disagree with me, but now i’m embracing how i really feel and am standing up for what i believe and feel.
Happy Birthday OSG!!
You’re blog has truly changed the way I view food – healthy food can be delicious too!! I constantly struggle with my eating habits. I want to eat ALL the chocolate, not just one piece! But through your blog I have discovered a whole new approach to eating well. Who would have thought brusesel sprouts would be my fav veggie! I am 27 and finally learning how to take care of my body and nourish it with the ‘good stuff’! So a big THANK YOU to you – for sharing your passions with us all and making a difference in my life!
Happy Birthday OSG!!
I am all of 5’2″ – okay maybe 5′ 1.5″. I used to hate the fact growing up that I was so short. Now, as I am am growing up or getting older (maturing), I revel that I am petite. It took me a while to embrace this. While there are times when I wouldn’t give anything for a few more inches, I realize that being short does have certain advantages. :-)
In the last year I have really had a solo journey for myself. It was the first time in my life I’ve been single (since middle school) so this whole year has been a roller coaster. I found my passion for blogging, cooking, photography, doing triathlons, boxing, and really just fitness and food in general. In the past few months I’ve grown to look at and notice all the positives in my life and within myself. While it’ll continue to be a journey, this past year has given me a wonderful newfound confidence and real happiness. :)
Happy 2nd birthday !
This year I did my first ever triathlon, and I began to truly appreciate how strong I was, and how much I could do. It was awesome!
Happy Birthday OSG!!!
I’ve been reading for a little over a year now, and I’m addicted! I’m always excited to see all the recipes you come up with- and I love trying them out. My husband and I are currently addicted to your Spelt Pancake for One….
Anyways- for the last two years I’ve learned that I’m am stronger than I ever thought I could be! My husband and I have worked very hard at being healthy and active- along the way I’ve managed to lose 60 pounds and still going!
Congrats on 2 years–your blog is so beautifully written. I love your honesty! My journey is to find myself and allow myself to be ME! I hope to start my own blog, as you did, and begin expressing myself creatively.
I love how my daughter and husband push me to be a better person. It would be so easy to sit around just watching the world go by. With my husband and my daughter I get to be a part of something bigger than myself. That makes me want to be a better person, a better wife, a better mother, a better friend.
I’ve grown to love my curvy body, flaws and all, and my round face that I see both my dad and mom in. :)
Love your blog, Angela, its always a pleasure to read!
Congratulations on your second anniversary!!! Your blog is great, and will only keep growing and inspiring people! I’m finding a new passion in making healthy food which is helping me lose weight. I am also passionate about learning to take better photos!