On October 31, 2008, I was just a girl grasping for hope.
I was struggling with disordered eating that still lingered despite my best efforts to beat it. I felt like I had made a lot of progress, but there was still a missing piece to my puzzle.
Self-love.
I fought a daily battle of self-acceptance, depressive thoughts, and anxiety. Despite the smile on the outside, most days I felt like I was crumbling on the inside. I was simply going through the motions of life and the days were passing me by. Indeed, I was truly thankful for so many wonderful people in my life, but the one thing I couldn’t be thankful for was myself.
I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to get to that place of self-acceptance or happiness, but I decided the first step was going to be writing about it.
And so it all began with a simple Boo on Halloween day!
I have always loved writing because it comes to me easier than expressing my thoughts out loud. It is just me and a keyboard or piece of paper talking to someone out there and thinking things through. Writing is a way for my inner voice to be heard when often it is silenced by all the thoughts swirling through my mind. Writing gives each thought a chance, each thought a moment to be heard and I often clear my mind or work things out as I write.
I guess this is why I was never meant to be a researcher. While I did spend most of my time writing in grad school, my writing was very very formal, scientific, and sterile in many ways. I felt suffocated when I wrote a research paper and I always felt like I couldn’t express my true self. In a paper, there was little room for jokes, sarcasm, stories, or occasional curse words (trust me, I could have used them many times!). It was all too structured.
I wanted to set my thoughts free.
Starting this blog was a way for me to have a creative outlet at a time when my creativity felt stifled in many areas of my life. OSG was the one place where I felt like I could express myself fully. I would simply write about what I wanted to write about, just like in my Creative Writing class in high school that I loved so much. My teacher had us make Creative Writing journals in high school and we could write whatever we wanted to in them. Personal stories, clippings, drawings, poems, deep thoughts, jokes, and anything that we wanted to share. I absolutely loved this journal and I would talk about my struggles with disordered eating, my love for delicious healthy food, animals, exercise, running, the desire for happiness, and whatever else I wanted to talk about.
Over the past two years, I have found that missing piece of self-love. Even on the days when I can’t find it and I am having a bad day, I know that it isn’t far away and it will come back to me. I have met amazing people along the way and I have been touched by the support and kindness of others.
Today, I write because I am truly thankful for these past two years, for sharing my life with you, the ups and the downs, and the discussions, inspiring words, and support. My hope for the blog going forward is to give back as much gratitude, love, and inspiration as I get from writing each day.
Thank you for letting me come into your lives each day and also, for allowing me to come into yours.
As a small token of my appreciation, I am going to do some giveaways!
1) Draw for $25 Glo Bakery gift certificates to be given out to 5 random people
2) Draw for a homemade batch of cookies, Glo bars, or muffins (any from my recipes page!) shipped to your doorstep.
3) Grand prize draw for $100 Glo Bakery gift certificate to one random winner
If you’d like a chance to be entered in the giveaway, please leave a comment below telling me anything about your own passions, journey, or perhaps something you have grown to love about yourself. Contest closes Monday Nov 8th.
I’m off to the kitchen to shoot my video for Challenge #7! Hopefully there aren’t as many flops as last night. ;) Happy Halloween!
I have found that I am not defined by what I eat. That is a hard lesson to learn or relearn on bad days (like today). Instead I should learn from my mistakes and do better.
I love my blog too! it helps me tell everyone about the books I love!
Angela..
I don’t have a website.. but I began reading your blog when I was at school in Florida (making the surprising discovery that you are from my hometown in Ontario!). I always come here when I need a positive boost for health, and I’ve recently decided to start reading your blog daily as an inspiration to stick to my goals. Thank you so much for your dedication!
Meaghen
Hello Angela! I discovered your blog about 6 months ago when I was researching green smoothies. I had a 7 month old baby, had just stopped breast feeding and had stopped losing my baby weight. You are so uplifting and really such an inspiration (plus you offer such awesome recipes!) Thank you for all that you do and for sharing your life and experiences with us (the great cyber beyond!)
hello! thank you for your beautiful blog. i discovered it a few weeks ago when someone forwarded me your thanksgiving dinner party challenge. i became a vegan a year ago and ever since then cooking and food has become a passion for me. i spend more and more time reading food blogs, and thinking and reading about veganism. my “day job” is not as satisfying and i am trying to find a way to lead a more meaningful life. your blog and the comments today have made me realize i am not alone! my husband has encouraged me to take classes at the local culinary school and now i think it might be a good idea : )
Hi Angela,
Congrats on your success! I too suffer from disordered eating and a lot of negative self-talk. Despite my outer image as a successful and fit “mompreneur”, I have a lot of self-doubt and anxiety under the surface. Reading your blog has helped me to begin my journey towards better mental health. You’re a wonderful inspiration, and it gives me hope that I can reach that place of self-acceptance one day.
Thank you,
Erin Gionet (Calgary)
I suppose I have a passion for fashion. Although I’ve developed the bad habit of “saving” all my most fabulous items for unknown special occasions. Darn it, I’m going to bust out the leopard stilettos at the office tomorrow!
Cheers
My new journey starts Mon, Nov 8th! I am starting a brand new job with a completely different position and industry!! I am excited and nervous, but change is evolution and if
you show up, you go up!
That’s such a cool story! I’m glad you “got your glow” :)
My husband and I have been married for 10 years and we are now trying to expand our family. This has become a passion for both of us. It’s not something that will come naturally for us so going through all of this together has really been amazing and we have become closer and stronger than I ever imagined.
My 30th year has by far been the best one yet as I finally realised my personal strength and began recovery from my ED. Something I absolutely never would have thought possible a year ago. We are so much stronger than we think!!
Angela, I only recently found your blog and can honestly say that I’ve never been so inspired. I read your story about how you changed your life in a year, and it nearly gave me goosebumps. I related to you and your story so much, I’m seriously considering making some drastic changes in my life so that I can do the one thing that makes me so happy (baking) and leaving the job that gives me stress and anxiety… I can’t thank you enough for the inspiration that you have provided me with!
I started my blog a little over a month ago and it is already helping me work through my eating issues, become closer to friends and family, and find a fun way to express myself.
You are an inspiration!!
my passion is learning. this sounds dorky but i get really excited to learn new things. i go crazy at barnes and nobel. so many books on so many interesting topics!!!! where do i start?!?! i also learning about people. what makes them tick? what makes them who they are? i could talk to people all day long in quest to figure this stuff out.
In the past few months, with the help of healthy living blogs (like yours!) I have begun to educate myself about what exactly is in my food and where that “what” came from. I have been making a genuine effort to buy more local, organic, less processed foods. I have also decided to become a vegetarian, and am loving it! I love the challenges of finding new recipes, learning new cooking techniques, and feeling how great my body feels fueled on lots of veggies! My husband has also been really enjoying all the variety in our meals.
Something I love about myself is that I’m not afraid to try something new. This might be surprising if you know me because I am NOT a spontaneous person. However, I make it work because I’m willing to learn, research, and teach things to myself. Although I hate to fail, if something doesn’t go right I tell myself it must not be the end yet. I don’t give up and keep trying until I succeed.
Happy Birthday to OSG! My journey has led me to be close to my family and to myself! It is definitely the irreplaceable things in life we have to hold on to when possible!
Happy Birthday OSG.
I just love your blogs and all your recipes. I think one of the reasons that I enjoy your blog so much is that you remind me of our oldest daughter. She does a different type of blog, but the things you say so often I know I could hear coming out of her mouth.
My husband and I actually have eight children and they are my true passion (along with the two grandchildren). Only on of them still remains at home, but my thoughts are busied with each of them, all day long.
My second passion is cooking. I love to try new recipes. I would make something new every day if I could. That is one of the reasons that I enjoy OSG’s so much. Your recipes are all so unique and fun to try. Funny thing is though that I am far from Vegan as my husband and I are avid hunters, but still I love trying your recipes anyway.
Thanks for all the time you spending bring us such a great blog.
Happy birthday, OSG! I see a lot of similarities between the two of us and am so grateful for the transparency with which you share your journey with your readers. One of my greatest passions over the last 6 years plus has been yoga. I came to it at the right time in my life and it has been such an amazing gift. It really pulled me out of my shyness and introversion and added an extra layer of wellness to my life.
My passion is fashion…..I love clothes ,but all my life I have struggled with disordered eating and an unhealthy view of myself. I am getting read to turn the AHEM big 40 next April and I decided I am literally exhausted from trying to fit a certain size, weight,etc. I had let that suck the life out of me. I came across your site about a year ago and you are such an inspiration and I decided to go the adventure of becoming vegan. I decided to let go and trust my wonderfully created body do just what its designed to do if I treat it with respect and take care of it. I’m on an adventure in becoming vegan and its so exciting. I have put my disordered eating self on this gut wrenching test and I now know I can trust my body and love me again. My passion is still fashion but I have added to that health and I now have a new found love for running. If you knew me at all in high school you would chuckle out loud at that claim.:) I am seizing the day and celebrating life!
I love OSG and am continually inspired when I read your writing!
Something I’ve grown to love about myself is my own personality. I always thought I had to ‘be’ a certain way, but realizing that I don’t have to is liberating!