On October 31, 2008, I was just a girl grasping for hope.
I was struggling with disordered eating that still lingered despite my best efforts to beat it. I felt like I had made a lot of progress, but there was still a missing piece to my puzzle.
Self-love.
I fought a daily battle of self-acceptance, depressive thoughts, and anxiety. Despite the smile on the outside, most days I felt like I was crumbling on the inside. I was simply going through the motions of life and the days were passing me by. Indeed, I was truly thankful for so many wonderful people in my life, but the one thing I couldn’t be thankful for was myself.
I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to get to that place of self-acceptance or happiness, but I decided the first step was going to be writing about it.
And so it all began with a simple Boo on Halloween day!
I have always loved writing because it comes to me easier than expressing my thoughts out loud. It is just me and a keyboard or piece of paper talking to someone out there and thinking things through. Writing is a way for my inner voice to be heard when often it is silenced by all the thoughts swirling through my mind. Writing gives each thought a chance, each thought a moment to be heard and I often clear my mind or work things out as I write.
I guess this is why I was never meant to be a researcher. While I did spend most of my time writing in grad school, my writing was very very formal, scientific, and sterile in many ways. I felt suffocated when I wrote a research paper and I always felt like I couldn’t express my true self. In a paper, there was little room for jokes, sarcasm, stories, or occasional curse words (trust me, I could have used them many times!). It was all too structured.
I wanted to set my thoughts free.
Starting this blog was a way for me to have a creative outlet at a time when my creativity felt stifled in many areas of my life. OSG was the one place where I felt like I could express myself fully. I would simply write about what I wanted to write about, just like in my Creative Writing class in high school that I loved so much. My teacher had us make Creative Writing journals in high school and we could write whatever we wanted to in them. Personal stories, clippings, drawings, poems, deep thoughts, jokes, and anything that we wanted to share. I absolutely loved this journal and I would talk about my struggles with disordered eating, my love for delicious healthy food, animals, exercise, running, the desire for happiness, and whatever else I wanted to talk about.
Over the past two years, I have found that missing piece of self-love. Even on the days when I can’t find it and I am having a bad day, I know that it isn’t far away and it will come back to me. I have met amazing people along the way and I have been touched by the support and kindness of others.
Today, I write because I am truly thankful for these past two years, for sharing my life with you, the ups and the downs, and the discussions, inspiring words, and support. My hope for the blog going forward is to give back as much gratitude, love, and inspiration as I get from writing each day.
Thank you for letting me come into your lives each day and also, for allowing me to come into yours.
As a small token of my appreciation, I am going to do some giveaways!
1) Draw for $25 Glo Bakery gift certificates to be given out to 5 random people
2) Draw for a homemade batch of cookies, Glo bars, or muffins (any from my recipes page!) shipped to your doorstep.
3) Grand prize draw for $100 Glo Bakery gift certificate to one random winner
If you’d like a chance to be entered in the giveaway, please leave a comment below telling me anything about your own passions, journey, or perhaps something you have grown to love about yourself. Contest closes Monday Nov 8th.
I’m off to the kitchen to shoot my video for Challenge #7! Hopefully there aren’t as many flops as last night. ;) Happy Halloween!
Happy 2nd Blogiversary!
My passions are weightlifting and yoga.
Happy Birthday to your blog!
My passion is my garden. I feel the most happy when I’m out in it. Plucking, weeding, trimming and well – I take pictures of my garden like people take pictures of their kids. I just finished plucking the last bit of goodness out of it last weekend. I have no idea what I’m going to do with myself until next May.
I grew up as an “ugly duckling.” I had little to no friends until high school, I had big teeth and felt very alone. I had a beautiful older sister who everyone loved, and I felt horribly insecure.
Through junior high and high school I tried so hard to be liked. I wore the clothes I thought looked cool, I talked about the things I thought would make me friends, and I even drank (even though I didn’t love getting drunk).
My insecurities/depression got so bad that I went to a therapist. It took me a couple tries until I found someone who I liked and felt took me seriously… this one lady therapist really understood me and was kind. Instead of overloading me with reading material and huge exercises to do like the other therapists had done, she asked me to simply start keeping a journal and to write each day about something I notice about myself. She told me that there was no way I could mess this up. She said it doesn’t matter what I notice, just to write it down. When I went to see her the first time I had said that I felt like I was pretending to be someone else for so long that I had completely no idea who the real me was anymore.
My first couple entries in that journal were things like this:
– “I noticed today that my favorite season is fall”
– “I noticed today that I don’t like when my older sister makes fun of me”
– “I noticed today that I like the color green”
Slowly, before I even realized it, I started figuring out things about myself. I can say that without a doubt, this exercise changed my life. It got me in touch with myself. The simplest statements gave me hope, I started to know who I was again.
Today I am still learning about myself, and for the first time in a long time I believe I am truly beautiful. I used to be so embarrased of my teeth, and now I think my smile is one of the prettiest things about me. Whenever I start feeling depressed or get in an insecure-funk in my life, I start this exercise again and it really helps.
I’m passionate about becoming the best me I can be. I know that perfection doesn’t exsist. I want to be the best version of me and that includes accepting me as I am & celebrating every little or big milestone.
Reflecting on what I just wrote, made me realize just how far I’ve come.
I’m definitly a work in progress (we all are) but I can now say that I truly love the real me. The real version of me is far better then any fake version ever was! :)
Angela you are such an inspiration
I have learned to believe in myself. I was so, so hard on myself and was so afraid to really enjoy my passions and to take risks. I’m applying to school this year to enter my dream career of a naturopathic doctor. So excited!!
Happy anniversary!!
Congratulations Ange! I am getting back into my passion of working out.. trying some running too. I use to run cross country in high school and loved it. I let it go to the way side but I’m working on getting back to that place.
Congrats again, I love your blog and you are such an inspiration with your honest posts!
Happy birthday, Ange & Oh She Glows! :) All of the blog world loves you and your mouthwatering recipes! <3 I can't imagine life without a green monster, a banana soft serve parfaits, and other OSG originals anymore. Hehe.
How generous for your to have a giveaway on your own BLOGiversary ! I'd be totally grateful to win anything to come out of your kitchen!
You've helped me realize through OSG that HEALTH is so much more important than a SIZE or NUMBER on a scale…It's about glowing from the inside out…You taught me that it IS possible to enjoy food and that it doesn't have to be a "fear". My journey has been a series of ups and downs, but thanks to the blog world, it's finally STAYING up. <3 I've re-visited old passions and found new ones as well! IT's so cool to see other lives transform into healthful ones!
Happy birthday to your blog! I love reading it for inspiration…my passion has always been dancing but now I’m a full time cubicle cutie I haven’t been able to keep it up. I’m starting to cultivate a passion for baking though!
I have grown to love my laugh, and my smile….even though I snort when I laugh, and smile so hard my cheeks hurt!!
I love all my muscles!!! :)
Thank you for this reminder of your inspiring story! I love your blog, Angela. I’ve struggled with disordered eating, severe low self esteem and depression for a long time, but I can honestly say that in the past year or so, I’ve really started to appreciate myself for who I am and what I can do. My amazing supportive husband and I had a wonderful vacation to Hawaii last Christmas, and I decided beforehand that I wasn’t going to let my eating issues spoil that trip (like they sadly did on parts of our honeymoon in 2007, but I’m not going to continue to dwell on that — I did for YEARS), and then in May, I ran my first marathon. I’m learning to honor myself and be appreciatiave of my health, and while I still struggle sometimes, I really focus on no longer dwelling so much on appearance. Thanks for reminding me of that this morning!
Thanks for all the inspiration on waht healthy looks like and feels like. I so appreciate your blog and your self love!
Happy Anniversary! My passion is cooking and baking, and I am looking into culinary schools now to start in either the spring or fall of 2011. I can’t wait to make such a big change in my life. Thanks for being so inspirational, Angela!
Congrats on your growing readership, and one of the best blogs I’ve read in a while. What I enjoy most is your entries are backed up with research, which there is no disputing. Its something I do in my spare time too.
One of my greatest passions is keeping my family happy and healthy. That includes cooking grain and veggie based meals, and taking family walks through the week. Then that gives my husband a free pass on the weekends to have wings and beer. He never thought he’d be a part time vegan when we first met!
Happy blogoversary! Thanks for all of your inspiring words and for reminding us all to love ourselves :) I love how independent I have become over the years. Growing up I was very reserved – my own family described me as “painfully shy.” But I’ve gotten (read: forced) myself to take small steps outside of my comfort zone, and have slowly become a confident woman who knows what she is looking for in life. One of my greatest accomplishments was running my first half marathon two weeks ago :)
One of my greatest passions is photography. I’d love to be able to have my own business with it one day.
I love this post. I have also been struggling with disordered eating my whole life and have not been able to get back into healthy eating and exercise since my first child was born 2.5 years ago. I am now the mother of 2 daughters and need to make some changes before my attitude about myself wears off on them.
I’ve started mountain biking this year, and I love it! Through it, I’ve found a ton of women who are more interested in being strong and healthy than skinny and model-like.
Hey Lady,
I have gained a lot of weight in the past few years, but then got healthier and became more active (serious thanks to your blogs and your ilk!)
I am not the size I used to be, though I am definitely healthier. That is what I’m appreciative for.
Healthy doesn’t mean skinny. And I am not skinny, but I am healthy. Hmmm…what would make me healthier? I do believe a few Glo bars would suffice!
:)
Congrats on your blog!
Hi Angela! Thanks for a great post! As I’ve gotten older, fallen down, gotten back up, learned, grown, embraced, and enjoyed these past twenty-three years, what I’ve come to cultivate in myself and love about my ability to do this is being kind to myself. Reminding myself that the only thing stopping me is ME, and if I’m not going to be nice to me, then who will?
From one Toronto runner to another happy anniversary!
I always find a post here that makes my heart smile.
PS……trail running (and glo bars) make my mouth smile.
Enjoy your day!