On October 31, 2008, I was just a girl grasping for hope.
I was struggling with disordered eating that still lingered despite my best efforts to beat it. I felt like I had made a lot of progress, but there was still a missing piece to my puzzle.
Self-love.
I fought a daily battle of self-acceptance, depressive thoughts, and anxiety. Despite the smile on the outside, most days I felt like I was crumbling on the inside. I was simply going through the motions of life and the days were passing me by. Indeed, I was truly thankful for so many wonderful people in my life, but the one thing I couldn’t be thankful for was myself.
I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to get to that place of self-acceptance or happiness, but I decided the first step was going to be writing about it.
And so it all began with a simple Boo on Halloween day!
I have always loved writing because it comes to me easier than expressing my thoughts out loud. It is just me and a keyboard or piece of paper talking to someone out there and thinking things through. Writing is a way for my inner voice to be heard when often it is silenced by all the thoughts swirling through my mind. Writing gives each thought a chance, each thought a moment to be heard and I often clear my mind or work things out as I write.
I guess this is why I was never meant to be a researcher. While I did spend most of my time writing in grad school, my writing was very very formal, scientific, and sterile in many ways. I felt suffocated when I wrote a research paper and I always felt like I couldn’t express my true self. In a paper, there was little room for jokes, sarcasm, stories, or occasional curse words (trust me, I could have used them many times!). It was all too structured.
I wanted to set my thoughts free.
Starting this blog was a way for me to have a creative outlet at a time when my creativity felt stifled in many areas of my life. OSG was the one place where I felt like I could express myself fully. I would simply write about what I wanted to write about, just like in my Creative Writing class in high school that I loved so much. My teacher had us make Creative Writing journals in high school and we could write whatever we wanted to in them. Personal stories, clippings, drawings, poems, deep thoughts, jokes, and anything that we wanted to share. I absolutely loved this journal and I would talk about my struggles with disordered eating, my love for delicious healthy food, animals, exercise, running, the desire for happiness, and whatever else I wanted to talk about.
Over the past two years, I have found that missing piece of self-love. Even on the days when I can’t find it and I am having a bad day, I know that it isn’t far away and it will come back to me. I have met amazing people along the way and I have been touched by the support and kindness of others.
Today, I write because I am truly thankful for these past two years, for sharing my life with you, the ups and the downs, and the discussions, inspiring words, and support. My hope for the blog going forward is to give back as much gratitude, love, and inspiration as I get from writing each day.
Thank you for letting me come into your lives each day and also, for allowing me to come into yours.
As a small token of my appreciation, I am going to do some giveaways!
1) Draw for $25 Glo Bakery gift certificates to be given out to 5 random people
2) Draw for a homemade batch of cookies, Glo bars, or muffins (any from my recipes page!) shipped to your doorstep.
3) Grand prize draw for $100 Glo Bakery gift certificate to one random winner
If you’d like a chance to be entered in the giveaway, please leave a comment below telling me anything about your own passions, journey, or perhaps something you have grown to love about yourself. Contest closes Monday Nov 8th.
I’m off to the kitchen to shoot my video for Challenge #7! Hopefully there aren’t as many flops as last night. ;) Happy Halloween!
Happy Blog-birthday! Although a journey is never complete and am in a very happy place these days. I am married to my best friend, we just moved into a wonderful new house. My mom is considering moving to my town and we are about to start trying to get pregnant. Life is good!
Your blog helps so many more people than you; that’s the beauty of it.
Your writing has helped me begin to address my own unhealthy relationship with food and has given me the courage to start running.
I used to always think that I “couldn’t’ run, and your encouragement has helped me start. Now I am running for 3-5 k at least once or twice a week and I LOVE IT.
Thank you Angela!
I absolutely love reading your blog! You are such an inspiration! I have struggled with an eating disorder through college and three children. In the last year, I have started a raw diet that eventually turned vegan but I have used tons of your recipes! Just have to say that your blog brightens my day! Thank you!
I love that I am never afraid to stand up for what I believe in, even when my opinion is unpopular. I love my eyes and my fierce loyalty to my family and friends.
(p.s. I love your blog too).
I studied really hard and got a math and computer science undergraduate degree that I did manly because it was my family’s dream for me. Not that I’m out of school, I’m pursuing what I really love: baking, nutrition, photography and writing…in the form of my website: chocolateandcarrots.com. I’m loving every minute of it. Thank you for your inspiration and Happy Anniversary!
I’m currently in graduate school, and still not sure that’s where I should be. But for the moment, I’ve thrown myself into my running, and into my relationship with my boyfriend, and into enjoying life as much as possible, until I figure it out. Glo bars would help, though ;)
Right now I’m in the middle of the difficult journey known as graduate school (going for my PhD in Biochemistry). While it truly has been the most trying and difficult thing I have done thus far, it has taught me a lot about myself and what I do/do not want to do. I’m working on trying to use my time more efficiently to get the most that I can accomplished. Luckily I’m good at organizing and time management :)
Thank you so, so much for sharing yourself and your story with all of us. A year ago, I was waging a battle against my disordered eating and thinking, and fighting for my health. In the last year, I have grown so much stronger, so much more confident, and so much more proud of myself and my strong, beautiful body. All of your inspiring words about self-love and self-acceptance have really encouraged me on my journey towards health. Thank you for all of your beautiful thoughts–I can’t wait to continue reading!
Your story is definitely inspirational and a happy ending! I would love to try a Glo Bar too! See you this weekend in SF! Gosh over 700 comments already!
I’m working on changing my views from being competitive as a cyclist to just having fun on my bike. I’ve raced for several years and I want to switch things up to riding for fun and growing the sport among women. I’m challenged to learn to love myself enough to do this.
Many congrats on coming so far in your journey towards self-appreciation. What an inspiring story- and thank you so much for sharing such intimate details with all of us strangers.
I’m still working on the self-love piece, and now that I have a daughter, I’m feeling like I really need to get it down to set a good example for her as she grows. It’s a journey!
Congatulations on the 2 year anniversary! I think the most important thing in my journal is coming to terms with food. I used to be afraid of it because of the power it held over me. Now with a lot of work and acceptance I find it’s okay to love food! And I am sommuh healthier and happier for it. I really appreciate you sharing your journey with us.
What a great blog entry for the first day of a new month! A while back, I had emailed you my story (Good Lord, I hope I didn’t sound too much like a crazy person lol) which I’m proud to say is work-in-progress because for a long time there was no progress. And the purpose of that was to thank you for sharing your inspiration and delicious recipes. I have learned over the past year + that one of the best expressions of Self-Love and Self-Kindness is to feed oneself well with food that is delicious and full of energy not empty calories (or self-destruction).
Happy Blogoersary,
You’re blog has been an amazing inspiration as I am working though my own journey and trying to love and accept myself. It’s hard to be patient and not beat myself up about not being able to easily love and accept myself but I do notice small changes in my life and reading your success story gives me hope for myself.
Thank You
Happy birthday to OSG! What a wonderful giveaway!
I continue to struggle with my issues with food and I love reading your blog and seeing someone who has overcome it so well. You are an inspiration! I love your recipes.
I’ve found a passion in yoga and I’m taking a teacher training right now. It really gets you to dig deep and it is amazing. I still don’t know if I actually want to teach yoga, but I’m loving learning more about it all.
I’ve come to embrace the fact that I’m not perfect, and I never will be. All I can do is try my best, and that really is good enough. Congrats on 2 years!
Oh yeah – and WOW you have over 700 comments – look at what an incredible thing you have created in just 2 years. Bravo! Your blog is incredible and it is the sharing of your soul that connects people to your blog and I think it is great. I’ve only been reading for less than a year (even though I read all of the post), but when I tell people about your blog I always call you my friend because that is the way you make me feel. Happy Birthday OSG!
Congrats on your 2nd year!!
A few months ago I emailed you my story on my disordered eating. I am still working on it everyday, but reading your blog gives me the positive light I need on some of my darkest days. Even this morning. Your blog is an inspiration to keep getting better and not too feel guilty about enjoying healthy foods and not to worry about weight.
I have thrown myself full force into my passions of art and writing and couldn’t be happier with them. I’m still growing, still learning and know that with your blog, I’ll keep doing so and finding more to love about myself.
Thank you!
P.S. Go San Francisco Giants!!! Our city is brimming with excitement! :)
Happy anniversary, Angela! I gotta know you through a food blog that I have been following for many years. When I clicked the advert for Project Food Blog, I saw your winning desert and found myself addicted to reading your blog almost everyday. Well, your questions is a difficult one to answer honestly as -like you used to be- I am one of those perfectionalist and self-critical person. Back in primary and high school years, all I wanted to do was to go to the university in a big city where I will change myself to a social animal adored and loved by everyone. Less weight, no big glasses, smart but not a nerd, sportive, beautiful, in sum everything that I wanted to be. I did different range of activities: photography, drama, dance..To bring human aspect to my studies (political science), I started doing many internships and voluntary jobs. I found passion in human being, protection and promotion of their rights. In helping them. Despite all unemployment struggle and my family’s negative reaction, I finally did what I dreamed for long years: working in a post-conflict country where I can help people. It has been almost three years in the field, some days sunny some days grey and negative but still I am here. Lack of self-confidence, self-criticism and sometimes even hate affect me on daily basis. As a result, my weight goes up and down with eating disorder. Though some days I find it very difficult to hang on the edge of life, I try motivating myself to do my job best and help to other people. I guess this is what makes me going on. If I can build up enough courage, I will seek a job in Africa and live/work there for a while. Until the gaps within my happiness fill in. Hopefully!