Earlier this week, I met with two inspiring women who work at my undergraduate university- the University of Guelph. They came across my blog and bakery and were interested in hearing my story and telling me about a project they are currently working on. We chatted a lot about making the career transition after graduation and finding something you enjoy. If you have read my ‘A Year Can Change A Lot’ series, you know that the topic of career enjoyment is a huge passion of mine, so I was quite excited to share my ideas and hear what they had to say.
One of the issues we discussed is that so many graduates and students are unsure what career will make them happy. I used to be one of them. I remember struggling with what I wanted to do and I felt like if I made the wrong decision my entire life would be ruined. Thankfully, that was not true, although there were some difficult times.
I personally feel that the system did not work for me. I was just 18 when I started university and I really had no idea what I wanted to do, let alone what career would make me happy. I felt so much pressure not to screw it all up. I’m all for planning and aspiring to achieve great things, but sometimes I feel like these decisions are rushed and just thrown at us when we are young. Looking back I wished that I had taken a year in between my highschool and undergrad degrees to figure things out and give myself more time. But all my other friends were going to university too, and I didn’t want to be left behind.
Then comes graduation, which is a happy time, however it can also be a time of great unease. I was excited to get my Master’s degree, but no one told me about the loss of identity that came with it. My student identity that I carried with me for almost my entire life was now over, at least in the physical sense. After graduating, I was just supposed to magically have a successful career. This made me anxious.
I would always look at my friends and think they were so lucky because they seemed to be able to find the perfect job almost instantly. The truth is, many students and graduates do struggle, but not many people talk about it. I realize this now because I have received countless emails from readers who have shared their own stories with me. I was blown away by how many of you have struggled with the same things that I did.
The job market is tough. Competition is stiff. Student loans add to the stress and there seems to be an expectation to immediately find our Dream Job after graduation. I was so scared about not being able to find a job with an undergraduate degree in Psychology, I made it my mission to get into grad school. I worked my butt off to be sure that I would have a competitive application to the grad schools I wanted to go to. When I did get accepted into one of my schools of choice I was thrilled, but there was a tiny voice inside of me that said, ‘This might not be the right fit for you…’
I ignored the voice because I told myself I had no other option. While I wasn’t able to research the area that I was passionate about, I just figured I would learn to love it somehow.
During this time, I never really stopped to think about what I really wanted, only that I was now on my way to a bigger paycheck at the end. Lower down on my list was job satisfaction. I grew up with the idea that you never truly love your day job- you just pay the bills and put your time in and you try to enjoy your weekends. I also watched for many years as my parents struggled with finding happiness in their own careers. Even though my parents always, always, always encouraged me to do what made me happy, the thought of actually doing this was a foreign concept to me. I often swept these thoughts under the rug while taking graduate exams, working to pay the bills, and writing a thesis. Life was busy and I just went through the motions of what I thought I was supposed to do.
I never thought that I could do something entirely different than what I went to school for, but that is exactly what I ended up doing. What we do with our lives does not have to be decided when we are 17 or 19 or even when we are 50. Just because we have a degree in the sciences does not mean that one day we can’t open up our own art studio. We also shouldn’t have to stick with the same career our entire lives.
So you are now 48 and you want to go back to school and become a Registered Dietitian? I say all the power to you. I used to have a lady in one of my courses who was over 75 years old and she was such an inspiration to me because she knew that Life should be a life long learning experience.
I guess we shouldn’t lose our student identity after all.
I didn’t know what would make me happy until I tried it out. Often, what we learn from a textbook and what we learn in the real world are often completely different experiences.
I believe:
You are not a failure for not knowing what you want to do with your life.
You are not a failure for changing your mind. Once, or twice, or eighteen times.
You are not a failure for getting your PhD and deciding that this is not what you want in life (I get these emails all the time).
You are not a failure for not yet finding your ‘dream job’.
You are not a failure. Period.
Here are some success quotes that I enjoy:
I couldn’t wait for success, so I went ahead without it.
~Jonathan Winters
I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
~Bill Cosby
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
~George Burns
I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.
~Michael Jordan
I’d love your thoughts on some of these questions- Did you (or do you) struggle with choosing what to study in school? Do you feel pressure to figure out what it is you want to do for a career or finding a way to make it a reality? Did you grow up with parents who were happy with their careers? Have you ever made a career change?
PS- For my ‘A Year Can Change A Lot’ series, see these posts: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10 (1 year later)
Straight-forward education-career route? Ha! Not for me, though at 17 I assumed I knew what I would do for a career.
First I was accepted in Fashion Design, but realized that I am not “commerical/business/marketing-minded enough” and that a career in that field may indeed kill my creativity. Then I decided to do a Bachelor of Applied Arts, which became a BA with History Honours. The “easy route” seemed to be getting my Masters and PhD in this area, which did not work out. I thought due to my marks and others’ opinions that I needed to do something academic for a career, although teaching the subject was what I really wanted to do. I then went into teaching, which I love (though supplying is not something I love), and am waiting to hear back about whether I have been accepted into a Masters of Education program in Counselling Psychology (fingers are crossed!). A fabulous counsellor once said to me, “Don’t SHOULD all over yourself,” and I LIVE by that. Do what feels right, and listen to those quiet voices of bravey.
I, too, started college just after turning 18. I began at a large state university in Pharmacy (I felt that people look down upon the arts, so I chose science), I quickly changed my major to Mass Communication so I could follow my passion of writing, got extremely homesick and transferred to a small private college for my sophomore year, became confused about what I wanted to major in (some of my classmates discouraged my love of writing, and I listened..), took the first semester of my junior year off, transferred yet again, this time to a large university in the city where I could commute from home, with my family, changed my major to Education, took three semesters of Education classes and an internship, and then finally decided to follow my heart. This year, as a “fifth year” senior, I changed back to Communication, landed an editorial internship that I love , and will graduate in May. I’m still nervous about finding a job upon graduation, but right now I talk about these worries in my blog, and I just pray and hope for the best! Sorry for the novel…I’m just so glad that other people can relate!
This post really hits home for me. I’m a recent college grad with a well-paying job in corporate America. I like my job, and I get to work with fashion, but I don’t LOVE it. I think about changing careers to a more health and wellness field, but I am totally intimidated by the cost and risk. I would also feel like a failure and a little silly for leaving such a great job.
However I also need to give it a chance. I might not like my entry level position, but maybe I’ll love the next step. But can I really live my life thinking “maybe”?
I think it is totally fair to give something a chance until you know for sure. I’ve heard of people giving ‘dates’ for guidelines in their careers, such as ‘If I still want something else by April 2012, then I will make a change’
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for this post, from the bottom of my heart! i graduated from college in december, and i am struggling to find a job. more than that, though, i am struggling to decide what kind of job i actually want!
thanks for pointing out that it’s not always a perfect transition from college to the real world.
Thank you so much for this post! Once I finished reading it a felt like a weight had been lifted off of my chest. Thoughts like these are constantly going through my head. I graduate at the end of this year and the thoughts just keep getting worse. Reading this has made me feel much better :)
Did you (or do you) struggle with choosing what to study in school? Do you feel pressure to figure out what it is you want to do for a career or finding a way to make it a reality? Did you grow up with parents who were happy with their careers? Have you ever made a career change?
Yes, when I came to university, I felt the pressure to stick to a certain “thing” I’d been told growing up, similar to yours– you didn’t enjoy your job. You just did it. I was, at that time, an education major, and after my first year of terrible anxiety and eating/sleeping problems– I realized that I needed to go for what I really wanted– which was to write, study journalism. I’ve always been really stubborn– so once I was going for it, I went all the way! I changed my major after the first journalism class session I had, and didn’t look back. Then I graduated from university last year, in May. I felt the identity crisis– I was forced to leave my two student jobs, return home for the summer, and when I came back for fall semester (my boyfriend was still in school) I left two different jobs, simply searching for what felt right. I agree, life is a constant learning experience.
But I was also raised with the belief of working hard– and I was set to pursue my happiness. I found, by chance, a job that I am now in love with– and honestly, it has to do with writing! I knew I went the right way, back when I felt so lost and confused.
Go for your dreams– that’s what I say. I love your inspirational quotes– they are so wonderful!
Sorry for the copy/pasting of your questions, haha. I’m going on three hours of sleep, so wanted to make sure I kept on track! :)
I trained from 16 yo onwards to be an Accountant.
Then at 32 I quit my own consulting business because I hated it, was so ill from stress and run down etc (kids were 2 and 5 then). Started going to church for the first time ever and discovered a true and vibrant Christian faith (unexpectedly) and now at 37 I am hoping to train to be an Anglican Minister/Priest. I decided that I could not let a 15 year old child decide my future anymore … I was only 15 when I decided to be an Accountant.
Who knows what tomorrow holds? I don’t … just trying to live each day as it comes, make plans but hold them loosely.
Early in Dec I was diagnosed with melanoma … had it cut out and some extra tests to see if it had spread. On 31st Dec it was confirmed that it was ALL CUT OUT successfully … which is great and it made me realise that there are no guarantees over how our lives will be … so I want to take inspiration from you to find ‘my glo’.
Thanks all the way from New Zealand.
I’m happy to hear that your health is doing well after your Melanoma. :) Thanks for sharing your story!
Very inspiring post! I decided to take off my final semester of my undergraduate career to continue my recovery from an eating disorder, but it is also more than just the ED that I am recovering from. It is allowing various people in my life to control who and what I would be and when I would be it. It’s difficult to allow myself to be my own person; to realize that I’m 22 and even though when I was in the third grade I would have told you the exact university I wanted my undergrad and where I would go to get my MBA, yes, in the third grade, it is ok that I do not know who and what I will be. Hopefully now that I am seeing much more clearly than I was in the past, I will be able to love, accept, and adore myself for the woman and I am, and even more so, follow my heart wherever it may lead me.
I love your first two statements. I ignored the little voice that said that “this might not be right for me.” I ended up spending 5 years of my life pursueing a degree I had no interest in, ended up quitting before I graduated and then spent the next 5 years figuring things out. I finally went back to school at 27 and started all over again, but this time with so much more focus and studying something I loved. I finally have landed in the job I love at 38. I used to teach high school and I used to tell the kids all the time that it was OK to explore and try different things. I graduated at 17 and was making huge decisions about my future at 16–it’s crazy. And they still do it to kids–they stream them at 13 and that’s it. I really believe it’s OK to not know and then to change your mind. I’m a prime example!
Great story!
Wow Angela what a great post! So insightful. I think the minute we STOP wanting to learn new things, academically or not, then we’ve lost something important. I hope I DO want to randomly change career one day – it’d be fun!
This post gives me the shivers because it’s spot on. I run a business with my husband and we’re good at it but we don’t love it. We love working together but the business we have chosen is draining us. We are driven by the fact we need to pay our bills but I often struggle to get up in the morning for another day in the office. We have an employee now so we have an over-riding feeling of responsibility that we can’t just ‘shut up shop’. Our business takes up so much of our time, I don’t even know what I want to do or perhaps I’m too frightened to let myself think about it because I know deep down, it’s not this.
I’m sure we’ll figure it out :-/
Thank you for writing this post. I’m currently working, contemplating grad school and struggling with the “what do you want to do with your life questions”. I think this post really reflects what a lot of people are feeling…
Angela, I just had to comment, if I were to choose my favourite blog to read (and I receive quite a few on my reader), it would (without competition) be yours, probably its because it comes “directly from your heart” more than anything else, and the lovely lovely recipes… :). I guess we never know how much we all have in common (in struggles and interests) until we start sharing… thank you for sharing your “glow”, it is a true inspiration!
Thanks Ruba :)
Hi! I read your blog (a lot) but never comment. But I love this post!
I am 18 and started in med school in September. I worked myself to the bone for two years to get there and was convinced that this was my calling (at this point I conveniently ignored IBS related illness and an increasingly challenging fight with disordered eating.) Then in October I left. What I was most worried about was not whether I would regret leaving medicine (I definitely would not) but rather what everyone would think of me. I couldn’t explain that part of the reason was my low point in my ED or simply that I just didn’t love medicine like I thought I would. As the top student in my secondary school, why was I of all people dropping out?!
Cut to 4 months later and I am training for my singing teaching diploma whilst waiting out the months before I can go back and do my teaching training for music and french. My year off is allowing me the opportunity to teach literacy, tutor music and most importantly, kick this ED once and for all. I thoroughly believe now that your own happiness is the most important thing.
Thank you for being so inspiring with your blog! It truly is amazing :) *crazy fangirl speech over*
hwat a wonderful discussion your story has generated, ang! thanks — yet another time!! — for sharing so honestly.
i totally relate. i wen through five years of uni to graduate as a french teacher; taught for three years and it was just not “me.” getting out was the best thing i ever did.
i’ve worked at a running store now for almost 6 years and it IS me. i can tell my parents still “shake their heads” over this…but i’ve learned that this is MY life!!
i’m now 41…and some days DO think about going back to school. i so agree – it’s never to late to take a new path down life’s roads!!
thanks again for your wonderful post.
This post is really great! I have too struggled with this. For the longest time, I felt like I “had” to attend graduate school and it was the thing to do. After 3 weeks into my graduate school program, I made on of the biggest decisions of my life (thus far). I decided to stop attending and take a leap of faith. As I stopped going to school, I also lost my job (it was a grant funded job and I was only able to work if I was a grad student). This was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make.
But now, 5 months later. I am happier than ever. I found a job that I love, and career that makes me happy. What really made the difference was taking a little time to really think about what made me happy, and making the right choices start living not what I thought I had to do, but what I really wanted to do.
Angela,
What a great post! While my comments do not apply to YOU, nor do I assume them to be true about your readers, I unfortunately feel like a lot of people I know rest on the idea of “waiting for the right job”, “not being sure”, etc. instead of trying to find SOMETHING in today’s job market. I just graduated college a few years ago and although the economy is VERY hard (my dad was let go, my mom forced to pick up a ton of extra hours, etc) you CAN find something right now, even if it’s NOT the dream job. I think it’s very important to keep in mind what your end goal is, what your amazingly perfect dream job is, but I don’t think it’s worth sacrificing for in today’s day and age. Like you said, you can change your mind at ANY age so who says your current dream will be the same as tomorrows? I think finding balance is key — having a solid educational foundation to support you is key, as is having a solid and stable base of dependable income. If those are in place then I think people have the freedom to pursue something that may be a total life switch for them, but I think that a lot of younger kids (my peers, even me!) need to learn to suck it up from time to time (like our parents did…and do!) and make ends meet no matter what. I don’t know if any of what I’m writing makes sense, but I think the aim of it is that i think balance is key — education is never a bad decision — and one should be financially dependable enough to fund one’s own goal! Great topic <3
You make some very great points K. I also felt like I had to ‘put in my time’ with the less desirable jobs to pay my bills and figure out what really made me happy. I think as long as someone keeps in mind that they will not abandon their dreams, it is sometimes necessary to take on jobs that may not fulfill us. Almost like a stepping stone. I think so many people get stuck at this point though. I remember saying to myself that I was going to work in my research career until retirement…even if I didn’t enjoy it…I just figured I would stay there for the stability. I do think the research jobs I had in grad school and after graduation helped me realize what I liked and what I did not. I always say you have to try it to see!
Hi Angela… Love your blogs (as always). Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences.
I am really struggling at this point with direction, and what “career path” to take that will help bring me happiness, as well as help and inspire others. I have a B.A. in Art/Graphic Design, but have found through a few flopped unsatisfying jobs in the last few years after graduation that I really DON’T want to do graphic design as a lifetime career. I love art, love design, love writing, love people, love kids, love healthy-eating, love fitness (recently! I lost 43 lbs in the past 8 months and have completely changed my lifestyle), but I find absolutely no satisfaction in working in advertising, marketing, or production. I’m completely lost now with this degree, and a market without many options. I don’t have the “experience” necessary to change my field, and don’t have the money to go BACK to school at this point and pursue something else.
I’ve quit a job I didn’t like, been laid-off from a job I thought had promise, and now settled with a job that pays the bills. I’m hoping that eventually, when the market improves slightly, I’ll be able to redirect my career and find some other means of happiness with what I DO each day, and still earn enough to pay off all my loans and live. :)
Thanks for being such an inspiration to me and so many others! You’re incredible!
I am feeling a lot of pressure right now from my college professors. I worked so hard at my undergraduate university to do well and impress them. They all wrote great recommendations letters for my graduate applications and now after spending all the time (and money!) applying I’m not sure if I will accept any offers I recieve. The ENTIRE time I was applying it didn’t feel right and I worry that whoever reads my personal statements will see right through me. I thought that grad school would be a way for me to explore my field more but I’ve have 1.5 years off from school so have been working full time in my field… and I’m miserable!! I hate writing reports all day being stuck at a desk and not interacting with anyone, I’ve been completely unproductive and not working to my full potential. And even after grad school my job would be the same I would just have more responsibilities. So now I have to block out what my professors want me to do or think I will be good at and pursue what I know I’m good and what I know will make me happy. I am already in the process of studying to become a certified fitness trainer, and I am planning on starting to take my pre-req courses this summer to become a registered dietician. I would love to open a health and fitness center with my husband (he trains in mixed martial arts) and use part of the profits to reach out the less fortunate in our community by offering free fitness classes and nutritional assessments. I just exploded with creativity and ideas when I thought about becoming an RD and it feels RIGHT. I was really depressed this last half year because I strugled with the “what do I want to do with my life” and I did feel like a failure because I wasn’t working to my potential but once I decided to change fields and follow my heart (and not my brain) a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I truely got my “glow” back. I have only just started this change but already it has done amazing things for how I view life everyday and makes me appreciate everything so much more.
A huge help in this transition was reading Po Brandson’s “What should I do with my life” it’s over 50 stories of people struggling with these same issues, it’s a great read I highly recommend it to everyone. It showed me that there are other people like me, with the same concerns, and that I could very well face this same dillema in another 10, 20, 30 years, and that’s ok!! As long as we are doing what we love at that moment! It is possible!
I don’t think any one really knows what they should do career wise at such a young age. I think that it’s based on trial and error. When I first started university at 18, I had no idea which career path to choose. It gave me a lot of anxiety. I changed my major twice that year, then I met my husband and moved overseas to Europe, so I didn’t have to worry about it anymore. The only program that was available in English was International Business, so I didn’t have any other choice. To make a long story short, we moved back stateside, and I still didn’t know what I wanted to do, not until I just blindly chose something. Like I said earlier, most people don’t really know what they want until they get a taste of what they like to do. I also think that in this economy, people are lucky to find any job. And in that case, I believe that it is beneficial to find something outside of your career that gives you personal fulfillment. Your job/career doesn’t have to be everything. Work to live, instead of live to work… that sort of thing.