Earlier this week, I met with two inspiring women who work at my undergraduate university- the University of Guelph. They came across my blog and bakery and were interested in hearing my story and telling me about a project they are currently working on. We chatted a lot about making the career transition after graduation and finding something you enjoy. If you have read my ‘A Year Can Change A Lot’ series, you know that the topic of career enjoyment is a huge passion of mine, so I was quite excited to share my ideas and hear what they had to say.
One of the issues we discussed is that so many graduates and students are unsure what career will make them happy. I used to be one of them. I remember struggling with what I wanted to do and I felt like if I made the wrong decision my entire life would be ruined. Thankfully, that was not true, although there were some difficult times.
I personally feel that the system did not work for me. I was just 18 when I started university and I really had no idea what I wanted to do, let alone what career would make me happy. I felt so much pressure not to screw it all up. I’m all for planning and aspiring to achieve great things, but sometimes I feel like these decisions are rushed and just thrown at us when we are young. Looking back I wished that I had taken a year in between my highschool and undergrad degrees to figure things out and give myself more time. But all my other friends were going to university too, and I didn’t want to be left behind.
Then comes graduation, which is a happy time, however it can also be a time of great unease. I was excited to get my Master’s degree, but no one told me about the loss of identity that came with it. My student identity that I carried with me for almost my entire life was now over, at least in the physical sense. After graduating, I was just supposed to magically have a successful career. This made me anxious.
I would always look at my friends and think they were so lucky because they seemed to be able to find the perfect job almost instantly. The truth is, many students and graduates do struggle, but not many people talk about it. I realize this now because I have received countless emails from readers who have shared their own stories with me. I was blown away by how many of you have struggled with the same things that I did.
The job market is tough. Competition is stiff. Student loans add to the stress and there seems to be an expectation to immediately find our Dream Job after graduation. I was so scared about not being able to find a job with an undergraduate degree in Psychology, I made it my mission to get into grad school. I worked my butt off to be sure that I would have a competitive application to the grad schools I wanted to go to. When I did get accepted into one of my schools of choice I was thrilled, but there was a tiny voice inside of me that said, ‘This might not be the right fit for you…’
I ignored the voice because I told myself I had no other option. While I wasn’t able to research the area that I was passionate about, I just figured I would learn to love it somehow.
During this time, I never really stopped to think about what I really wanted, only that I was now on my way to a bigger paycheck at the end. Lower down on my list was job satisfaction. I grew up with the idea that you never truly love your day job- you just pay the bills and put your time in and you try to enjoy your weekends. I also watched for many years as my parents struggled with finding happiness in their own careers. Even though my parents always, always, always encouraged me to do what made me happy, the thought of actually doing this was a foreign concept to me. I often swept these thoughts under the rug while taking graduate exams, working to pay the bills, and writing a thesis. Life was busy and I just went through the motions of what I thought I was supposed to do.
I never thought that I could do something entirely different than what I went to school for, but that is exactly what I ended up doing. What we do with our lives does not have to be decided when we are 17 or 19 or even when we are 50. Just because we have a degree in the sciences does not mean that one day we can’t open up our own art studio. We also shouldn’t have to stick with the same career our entire lives.
So you are now 48 and you want to go back to school and become a Registered Dietitian? I say all the power to you. I used to have a lady in one of my courses who was over 75 years old and she was such an inspiration to me because she knew that Life should be a life long learning experience.
I guess we shouldn’t lose our student identity after all.
I didn’t know what would make me happy until I tried it out. Often, what we learn from a textbook and what we learn in the real world are often completely different experiences.
I believe:
You are not a failure for not knowing what you want to do with your life.
You are not a failure for changing your mind. Once, or twice, or eighteen times.
You are not a failure for getting your PhD and deciding that this is not what you want in life (I get these emails all the time).
You are not a failure for not yet finding your ‘dream job’.
You are not a failure. Period.
Here are some success quotes that I enjoy:
I couldn’t wait for success, so I went ahead without it.
~Jonathan Winters
I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
~Bill Cosby
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
~George Burns
I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.
~Michael Jordan
I’d love your thoughts on some of these questions- Did you (or do you) struggle with choosing what to study in school? Do you feel pressure to figure out what it is you want to do for a career or finding a way to make it a reality? Did you grow up with parents who were happy with their careers? Have you ever made a career change?
PS- For my ‘A Year Can Change A Lot’ series, see these posts: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10 (1 year later)
I started off doing ASL Interpreting (which I LOVED) and then due to some life upsets I stopped school and have struggled getting back in the swing of everything. I have a great job with a software company so I’m thinking of doing Computer Science but am not sure that I would enjoy a ‘stare at the computer all day job’ because your eyes start to melt. I’m 22 without a degree and I am feeling the pressure! The question I attempt to dodge at ALL costs is “so what are you doing now?”…because I have NO IDEA. ASL or Computer Science?! OR Exercise Science…hmmm and the thing is, you’ve got to know these things somewhat in advance because of finaid and applying to the school ahead of time. BAHFRIKINHUMBUG! watching videos like http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2AIHlDTzxM make me want to go back into ASL lol Love Deaf Culture! :) Okay I’m done with my essay now. sorry for the length but this post came at the perfect time!
Great post. I can really relate to the feelings of “this decision is forever…and will forever alter the course of my life.” I feel like that about most things and often end up frozen, afraid to move, or pick something just to make a decision and have it done with!
Two years ago I changed careers and received a second degree as a BSN. 100,000 USD in school loans later, and two years of practice leave me with the feeling that I might have made a mistake. I don’t love it. Actually, I don’t really like it at all. I’ve spent a lot of nights crying about this recently. I am slowly realizing that it’s ok, that I can continue to pursue other interests, and if nursing doesn’t work out for me, I will find something that does.
I try to constantly remind myself and my female friends that we are smart, driven, capable women. We are the kind of women that will never be “stuck” because we will never stop trying…even if it means changing your mind and having people look at you like you’re crazy.
I try to remember that life is transitory…everything changes, including goals, dreams, and feelings…and that’s ok. You just need to go with the current instead of fighting it.
My new dream is to begin an organic garden/bakery and possibly become a lifestyle/health/nutrition coach. So I’m reading everything I can about the subjects in my free time, logging numerous hours in the kitchen, and attempting to enjoy my day job for what it is…a day job…for now!
Amazing post! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings :-) It is great that you are finally doing what you truly love.
I am 16 years old and have always dreamed of becoming a veterinarian ever since I was 4 years old! I have such a passion for animals and would never dream of being anything else. I’m Swiss so I plan on going to college in Switzerland. The universities there are so cheap because they are mainly paid for by the government (as in around $3,000 !) The vet/pre-med programs are also only 5 years, compared to 8 in the USA. After I finish college I plan on staying a year in Australia in an internship. I am a big planner and although I know things may not always go as planned, I just love thinking about my future opportunities! I am very driven and love planning long-term goals.
Wow. This is EXACTLY what I needed to read this morning. I am in the 5th year of an engineering PhD program which I absolutely hate. Everyone I work with tries to make me feel like a failure, but over the few months I’ve started to find the strength to ignore these people and follow my other interests in life. You are truly an inspiration, Angela!
Thanks for your post :)
Thanks Angela! That was very inspiring!
I struggle with what I am meant to do for work all the time (I have a Bsc. in Natural Resource Management and work in the area of contaminated site clean-up) . Which sounds great but it might not be the right fit for me!
On book that I absolutely love about following your dreams is Thomas Moore’s “Life at Work” it really inspired me!
All I can do is follow my heart and keep learning. I am currently taking night classes in counselling psychology (a personal interest if mine) and also pursuing my personal training certification. I would love to be able to feel that I am really helping people increase the quality of their lives…which is something you certainly do through your blog!
Keep up the great work!
This post is me right now.
I’m a sophomore in college. Before school, my parents told me that I had to major in a science or math- to ensure job security, so I did, even though it wasn’t what I wanted to do. (Their philosophy is get a degree, then maybe you can mess around and find something else, but always have that degree to fall back on.) Basically, I’ve been panicking lately about where my life is headed. This post is so inspirational! Thank you.
I sometimes struggle with choosing what to study, but I just remember what my passion is — Nutrition. I know that I want to do something in the area of Nutrition. PERIOD. Therefore, I choose classes that will give me options. Like I going to do Chemistry, as it gives me more options than Biology. I have gone through many career choices, but I know my passion is Health and Nutrition, and if I stick with that, I will be happy. It won’t seem like work — it will seem like play — I will enjoy it.
A really great dicussion.
I think there is so much pressure to know what we are suppose to do with our lives like we are all robots!
I rebelled what can I say! I love my job and life and being a trainer and healthy foods chef is the best job. :)
I definitely struggle with this. I’m an English Honors student right now, and I love my subject area. However, I don’t want to go into communications (like most English majors do) after I graduate – I’m taking English because I want to write. Obviously, no one I know supports this as a ‘career choice’, or even encourages me to carve out a large space for writing while working in another capacity. The idea that I might be happiest working very part-time (just enough to live on) in a bakery or greenhouse, while using most of my time to write, is shocking to most people. Slightly less shocking, but still not encouraged, is my hope to enter a creative writing program, work with writers I admire, and apply for artistic grants to live on while I write full-time.
I love this post, Angela- and it really struck a chord with me! I am a junior in college, and graduation is a year away. I am pretty terrified! I am definitely still figuring out what I want to do and how I want to go about doing it. And honestly, I have no idea. I came to school planning on doing journalism or law, but I really want to explore other things and not limit myself (especially since I feel like so many people go to law school for the wrong reasons). Luckily, my parents are very supportive so I don’t feel tooo much pressure to get a job right away financially- if anything wanting a career is something for me, to feel like I have succeeded. A great majority of my friends are on the pre-med, MCAT, med school track too- so it is hard when they have such specific goals and I feel like I am just coasting.
Oh God, I *think* I know what I want to do after I graduate from my university… It is kind of terrifying to think about. But thank you for reminding us to step back and look at what is truly right for the person we are. I REALLY admire your honesty (with yourself AND us).
This post could not have come at a better moment for me. I am struggling a lot right now with continuing on to a graduate program that I have been working towards for YEARS now, but have recently realized is not something I am passionate about. My true passion in life is in something I gave up on a few years ago for many reason (fear of failure being the biggest). I am desperate to go back to it but have been resistant because I feel like I would be letting everyone down. This post gave me a lot to think about. THANK YOU
Thank you so much for this post! I worked so hard all through school and University and have been kicking myself ever since I graduated, because I’ve been finding it hard to find a career that’s the right fit for me. Thank you for reassuring me that I’m not a failure! Guilt is such a waste of time and energy. Its such a shame so many of us are so prone to it.
I agree that guilt is a waste of time and energy.
Also on an unrelated note, I LOVE the name of your blog!
I believe that people are amazingly flexible — this enables us to do many different jobs, and perform many different roles — thank goodness! Unfortunately, this same trait enables us to continue for extended periods of time that are fundamentally not suited to our abilities and personality. Eventually, many of us will end us worn out, and frustrated. You can dig a tunnel with a spoon for awhile, but eventually the spoon wears down, because it is not truly designed for the task of digging.
What I happen to find rather peculiar is this notion of “quitting” and “failure” that so many of you reference. Since when was switching careers a sign of weakness? Frankly, to be able to successfully switch careers is a mark of resilience and tenancity. It took me *2.5 years* to make a career switch, through networking and discussion, graduate work, and then even more networking and discussion — and even then, the field I eventually landed in (aviation) was something of a risk for me (as a job in my originally planned field of public diplomacy didn’t turn up when I needed to start earning $$). It was a very difficult 2-3 years, and there many moments of frustration and anxiety along the way — including incredible stress the first 6 months of my time in my new field. Switching careers is NOT easy, particularly when you are fairly far along and respected in your original location (read: 3 promotions in 4 years). So, changing fields once, twice, or more, if you actually have it in you to do it, is a sign of *strength* precisely because of the effort required to forge ahead.
For those who are uncertain of where to start, there should be *no* fear — just give whatever you find worthwhile at the moment a try. You *can* change later, if needed, provided you are thoughtful and up to the challenge. There’s nothing wrong with not knowing you shouldn’t dig a tunnel with a spoon, but it’s lunacy to continue doing so once you have discerned that the tool is unsuited to the task.
I agree that our sense of “failure” is misguided. Making any big change in your life requires strength, courage, and patience. For me, the sense of failure when I decided to quit my first career stemmed from not following “the rules.” I was the golden child on the golden path, neatly checking off all the major life goals in the “appropriate” order. Though everyone in my life ended up being supportive of the decisions I made, it certainly surprised them at first. It surprised me most of all.
I think the sense of failure is related to jumping off the expected path, especially for people who always followed the expected path. But you’re exactly right in saying we need to reframe our view of that. The decision to quit my job was scary, but it was also freeing and honest, and it created a positive ripple effect in my life.
I definitely think I am the “senior” commenter at 53 but I really enjoyed reading everyone’s posts on such an interesting topic. I was the typical stay-at-home mom until about 15 years ago when the husband left me to raise 3 sons by myself–no financial support. Since I didn’t even know how to turn on a computer (!), I went to school on the “Welfare-to-Work” program which was helpful but limited my education. I had to make a quick choice. I decided that a secretarial job would pay the bills while I finished education on my own. I got my AA and a Secretarial Certificate in 18 months! Then I quickly realized that if my sons were not going to become single parent statistics, I had better concentrate on making home life stable and extra nurturing. The youngest is 18 and I’m happy to say they are all doing great and working on their own life journeys. Since being a secretary at a medical university on the academic side, I have met many incredible professional faculty members and absolutely wonderful students. I have always made it a point to ask faculty if they love what they do and was it a good fit, and how did they know what they wanted to do. Nine times out of ten, the faculty did not know that they would end up where they were. It seemed to fall into place by very unexpected events and people who inspired them or pointed them in a direction they could not see for themselves. I see some of our students excel and exhibit natural skill and talent and then I see others desperately unhappy and take hit after hit to their self esteem. Sometimes I feel that even though I am not in my “dream job”, I am in the right place at the right time to offer some careful counsel. I have been able to convince some students to go a different direction and take the time to find what will make them happy and sometimes to encourage the tired ones who just need some extra support to finish. I try to be a happy face, a place they can come vent or get a snack and talk. I’m happy to be in a supportive role, kind of a professional mom I guess. I still would like to go back to school so thanks to all who posted “it’s never too late” encouragement. I guess I have tried to make lemonade out of lemons and be happy at my work, not necessarily happy with my work. I work with people who hate their jobs and it shows and makes my working life harder they are so grumpy and difficult. I think for those of us who are “stuck” at the moment (things can always change) we just have to look beyond ourselves and at the big picture. Be a positive force for good and I have faith that good things will come. I have had amazing blessings along the way that can’t be measured in money or recorded on a piece of paper. Enough said….except Angela that you have an amazing blog. Your gift for inspiration, insight and great recipes has been a wonderful addition to my resources and I have recommended it to several students who I know would benefit in one way or another. Thank you and keep up the good work!
This comment literally made tears spring to my eyes. Barbara, I commend you so much for your positivity. Life has thrown you some unforseen situations and you have stepped way, way up. You sound like the sweetest lady! Thank you for sharing your perspective–your students are very lucky to have you in their lives.
I am definitely feeling some serious fears about losing my “student identity” this coming May! I’ll be graduating from law school, and although I’ve really loved my courses and think I’ll enjoy being a lawyer if I can find the right job, it’s a little scary not knowing where I’ll be next year at this time. Up until this point in my life, I’ve always known what the “next step” would be, and now I have no clue. I’m trying to view this as incredibly exciting, rather than completely terrifying…the possibilities are endless :) Thank you for a great post–it’s always nice to know you’re not alone when it comes to the things that sometimes keep you up at night feeling a little freaked out!
I am in the same exact boat. Graduating law school in May, no clue what my future looks like after that. Scary!
Oh man….I know. But we’ll be OK…right? :) Good luck to you!
I am right smack in the middle of this. At the end of December, I quit a job I had been doing for the past two years. I know how all of you feel. I felt like I was stuck. I felt like my energy was drained. So I finally quit. I’ve been at home for just over a month. I had some savings, and I’m still living at home with my parents, so thankfully no rent expenses, but I’m still paying for monthly car costs and other expenses.
I am focusing on me and getting stronger from inside. Over the past weeks, I’ve read so many books, shows, and blogs on self-improvement and the like. I really appreciate hearing all the inspiring stories. I’ve though I might want to become a massage therapist, but shot that down. Today I have another idea, something that has been tugging at me for quite some time. I think I may be finally brave enough to research it and see if I can make another career change. I’m 27 and I truly feel like we have to find our passion and make life worth living. Why should we be stuck in some 9-5 that feels useless.
This post rings so true to my heart. I used to work at a job that I hated; it was behind a desk and I was entirely miserable. Although I got paid well and what started as an internship would turn into a no-can-fire military job, I knew I couldn’t do it. When I got an offer from a friend for the job of my dreams being out in the wild with birds and gators I took it up without a heart beat, and everyone thought I was crazy because I was taking a HUGE pay cut.
But I told them that they aren’t working my job. I want to be able to wake up in the morning no matter how many hours/days I work and love that I’m going out to do what I love. As long as I have a roof over my head and food on my plate, I’m good! I don’t need all that extra stuff! Besides, if you choose to do something you love for work, you never end up “working” a day your life… :)
Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this… After 4 years of undergrad, and one year of fully sponsored graduate work, I was so unhappy with my choices that I up and left and was in total career no-man’s-land – Still am! I know exactly what I want to do – be a registered dietitian! – but after years and years of school and hard work in a field that doesn’t interest me, it’s incredibly difficult to face the reality that I may have to go back to school once again (along with all the debt and uncertainty that follows it) to pursue something entirely different. It’s so nice to know that I’m not alone!
I’ve been a regular reader for months now because your story resonates with me on multiple levels, including the overachieving in school/being miserable in your job/starting over to save your sanity part. I, too, went to graduate school for psychology, but after 8 months working as a therapist, I knew I had to quit. It felt insane to walk away from the hard-earned start of a career, but I have never had an inkling of regret.
After taking several months off, I’m back in school now studying something that has always been a part of me–English. The biggest lesson I’ve learned (and the point I think you’re making as well), though, is that if 10 years down the road I don’t want to teach English anymore, that’s okay. If at that point I’m a stay-at-home mom or running a yoga studio, that’s okay. And if I’m ever unhappy with my career again, I can confront the problem without feeling like a failure.
Thanks for sharing so much of yourself with others! Your open discussion of overcoming disordered eating has helped many people on the long journey to recovery, including myself. Your authenticity keeps me coming back to your blog even though I’m no longer a vegan.