Earlier this week, I met with two inspiring women who work at my undergraduate university- the University of Guelph. They came across my blog and bakery and were interested in hearing my story and telling me about a project they are currently working on. We chatted a lot about making the career transition after graduation and finding something you enjoy. If you have read my ‘A Year Can Change A Lot’ series, you know that the topic of career enjoyment is a huge passion of mine, so I was quite excited to share my ideas and hear what they had to say.
One of the issues we discussed is that so many graduates and students are unsure what career will make them happy. I used to be one of them. I remember struggling with what I wanted to do and I felt like if I made the wrong decision my entire life would be ruined. Thankfully, that was not true, although there were some difficult times.
I personally feel that the system did not work for me. I was just 18 when I started university and I really had no idea what I wanted to do, let alone what career would make me happy. I felt so much pressure not to screw it all up. I’m all for planning and aspiring to achieve great things, but sometimes I feel like these decisions are rushed and just thrown at us when we are young. Looking back I wished that I had taken a year in between my highschool and undergrad degrees to figure things out and give myself more time. But all my other friends were going to university too, and I didn’t want to be left behind.
Then comes graduation, which is a happy time, however it can also be a time of great unease. I was excited to get my Master’s degree, but no one told me about the loss of identity that came with it. My student identity that I carried with me for almost my entire life was now over, at least in the physical sense. After graduating, I was just supposed to magically have a successful career. This made me anxious.
I would always look at my friends and think they were so lucky because they seemed to be able to find the perfect job almost instantly. The truth is, many students and graduates do struggle, but not many people talk about it. I realize this now because I have received countless emails from readers who have shared their own stories with me. I was blown away by how many of you have struggled with the same things that I did.
The job market is tough. Competition is stiff. Student loans add to the stress and there seems to be an expectation to immediately find our Dream Job after graduation. I was so scared about not being able to find a job with an undergraduate degree in Psychology, I made it my mission to get into grad school. I worked my butt off to be sure that I would have a competitive application to the grad schools I wanted to go to. When I did get accepted into one of my schools of choice I was thrilled, but there was a tiny voice inside of me that said, ‘This might not be the right fit for you…’
I ignored the voice because I told myself I had no other option. While I wasn’t able to research the area that I was passionate about, I just figured I would learn to love it somehow.
During this time, I never really stopped to think about what I really wanted, only that I was now on my way to a bigger paycheck at the end. Lower down on my list was job satisfaction. I grew up with the idea that you never truly love your day job- you just pay the bills and put your time in and you try to enjoy your weekends. I also watched for many years as my parents struggled with finding happiness in their own careers. Even though my parents always, always, always encouraged me to do what made me happy, the thought of actually doing this was a foreign concept to me. I often swept these thoughts under the rug while taking graduate exams, working to pay the bills, and writing a thesis. Life was busy and I just went through the motions of what I thought I was supposed to do.
I never thought that I could do something entirely different than what I went to school for, but that is exactly what I ended up doing. What we do with our lives does not have to be decided when we are 17 or 19 or even when we are 50. Just because we have a degree in the sciences does not mean that one day we can’t open up our own art studio. We also shouldn’t have to stick with the same career our entire lives.
So you are now 48 and you want to go back to school and become a Registered Dietitian? I say all the power to you. I used to have a lady in one of my courses who was over 75 years old and she was such an inspiration to me because she knew that Life should be a life long learning experience.
I guess we shouldn’t lose our student identity after all.
I didn’t know what would make me happy until I tried it out. Often, what we learn from a textbook and what we learn in the real world are often completely different experiences.
I believe:
You are not a failure for not knowing what you want to do with your life.
You are not a failure for changing your mind. Once, or twice, or eighteen times.
You are not a failure for getting your PhD and deciding that this is not what you want in life (I get these emails all the time).
You are not a failure for not yet finding your ‘dream job’.
You are not a failure. Period.
Here are some success quotes that I enjoy:
I couldn’t wait for success, so I went ahead without it.
~Jonathan Winters
I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
~Bill Cosby
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
~George Burns
I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.
~Michael Jordan
I’d love your thoughts on some of these questions- Did you (or do you) struggle with choosing what to study in school? Do you feel pressure to figure out what it is you want to do for a career or finding a way to make it a reality? Did you grow up with parents who were happy with their careers? Have you ever made a career change?
PS- For my ‘A Year Can Change A Lot’ series, see these posts: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10 (1 year later)
I really wish people talked about this more. It took me nine months after graduating just to find a job that wasn’t working at a coffeeshop, and I questioned EVERYTHING about my life. I have a degree in journalism, but I realized 2 months before graduation that I loved writing, but hated journalism. I’m currently working as a technical writer…we’ll see where life takes me.
I really feel bad for my husband. All his life he’s planned to go to law school. But when an entire year went by after graduation and he still hadn’t applied, he finally confessed that the thought of law school made him want to throw up. And he was only going to apply because he felt like he had to, since he didn’t know what in the world he’d do with his degree in government. I don’t know what he’s going to do, but I told him he absolutely should not do something that inspired such DREAD. And seriously – he was the first person in his family ever to get a college degree. And instead of being proud of his accomplishments, he was mad at himself for not achieving even more.
I think there’s a huge disconnect with our generation. We’re told we can do anything, to follow our dreams, that we’re awesome. But then we graduate, and a lot of times, following our dreams doesn’t put food on the table. Then you’re stuck doing data entry, 9-5, wondering, “is this it?” And since you’ve always been told that you can do anything you put your mind to, obviously you just didn’t push yourself hard enough, and you suck. Cue depression!
I wish there was an easy solution! I think maybe being a bit more realistic with college and high school students about the job market would be a good start!
I couldn’t agree more! Well said. :)
I am trying to figure out what I want to do right now. After high school I went into ems, because my mom mentioned it and I felt pressure to do something right away. I did my EMR and then my EMT-A. I worked for an ambulance service for about a year and hated it. I dreaded going to work and hearing the tones go off. I was very unhappy. I ended up moving and decided to do something else. I wanted to go to school, but the person I was with at the time didn’t think our relationship would last if I did. I should have realized right then and there that it wasn’t the right relationship for me, but I didn’t until over 3 years later and the last two we were engaged. Anyway I ended up doing my physical therapy assistant diploma through distance and working at the same time. It took me almost 4 years to complete, but I did it. I left my fiance in June and finished my diploma in December last year. I enjoy my job most of the time, but I don’t feel like it’s something I want to do for the rest of my life. I am not passionate about it. I was going to go to university to get my masters in physiotherapy, which would take six more years of school. I realized though I was doing this for the wrong reasons. I was doing it to make more money, but in the long run I don’t think that’s goingt o make me happy. I have decided to travel abroad for a year instead. It’s the perfect time in my life to do this. I am single, have no kids, no mortgage. I just need to pay off my car loan and save up. I have set a date to make this happen and am researching places I could go.
Wow, Angela – I think somehow, you just wrote my life story nearly up until now! I too, just kept going through school because it was “what I was supposed to do”. I was supposed to know what I wanted. I was supposed to know what kind of job to get afterwards. I was supposed to get good grades. I was supposed to know if I wanted to go to FOUR more years of law school or graduate school. Right?
I entered graduate school, went into a deep depression, didn’t leave bed for 4 days and ended up working on a thesis that I hated. I found a job and left graduate school behind. I didn’t un-enroll. I just walked out. The following years were tumultous to say the least. I sat for hours, checking data in my new work, sometimes going two days without speaking to a co-worker. Not being able to pay attention, I sought help to figure out if I had ADD or not. They medicated me, I was also on anti-anxiety drugs and I still wasn’t happy. Being new in the job, it took me longer to ‘get’ things and I got chastized for wasting company money. After making a couple mistakes (I don’t exaggerate here), I felt so horrible about myself I decided to give my notice. The day I planned to give notice, I was called into my boss’ office and laid off…2 hours before I was going to hand it in.
A sign? Definitely. The last 5 years since then have been so difficult, but I’ve finally discovered what I love – nutrition, health, healing and fitness. My fiance is so supportive of what *I* want to do…not what the building school loans dictate, not what my parents determine, b ut what makes ME happy.
You really did strike a chord with me today and I thank you for that Angela. Thanks for your honesty, your truth, your dedication to happiness and your smile. Thank you for sharing it with us day after day.
Beautiful story Sarah Anne :) I can relate to many things you wrote!
This is so great. Young women everywhere are so lucky to have you tell your story and encourage them to follow their dreams and don’t settle for anything less than happy. My father has never done what he studied in school, and I can tell every day he’s not doing what he is passionate about, he is disappointed with himself. My mom took a nearly 20-year break from fashion, went back and couldn’t be happier. It taught me no matter what, do what makes me happy because that is what makes a satisfying life. I moved 700 miles away from my comfort zone to a new country, and started something completely new from anything I had ever known… it was scary, but I couldn’t be happier I made the jump. Sometimes you just have to go for it!
I have absolutely been struggling with this, pretty much on a constant basis. I am a second semester senior in Advertising with a minor in Italian, but I don’t think I want to work in the Advertising industry. My parents both have been at their jobs since they graduated college and love them. My brother already knows he wants to go straight for his Phd in a field of Engineering and I don’t really know. Actually, I do know, but I sometimes have a hard time admitting it because it’s so far off from what I studied in college. I want to teach English abroad next year. I want adventure and something “off the beaten path”, but then my mind starts wandering to what I will do once that is done though because I can probably only afford a year or two of that. When I think of other future careers, somedays I want to be an event planner, other days I want to be a study abroad advisor and still other times I want to go back to school to be a Registered Dietician. Your post calmed me so much and I even sent it to some of my friends I know who are struggling with these decisions right now too. Thanks for always having a positive blog post & especially for this specific post!
I wish I had this to read when I was in college. It’s so easy to spend 4 years trying to do what you’re supposed to, forgetting that it is also important to find and follow your passion! But that’s what your late 20s/early 30s are for… right!? :)
Wow! 111 comments already. Talk about a hot topic. I am in the last few months of my MA in International and Intercultural Communication. This follows a BA in English and post-grad certificates in Publishing and Writing for Publication. School definitely feels like part of my identity. I already have a full-time job in communication, but it doesn’t really challenge, stimulate, or fulfill me. I can certainly relate to feeling like I have to “put in my time” at jobs I don’t love to get to some mysterious “dream job” down the road. But, I don’t think I’ll know what this dream job is until I find it. What this leads to is a lot of living for tomorrow and a constant feeling of being in transition. It isn’t healthy. But, a mortgage and student loans require a paycheque. Trying to find a balance, between today and tomorrow, that makes me happy is a process; one that I’m constantly working at. What I’m learning is that making myself a priority and taking care of myself–both mentally and physically–is critical in this process. There is certainly some comfort in knowing that I’m not the only one struggling to find balance. Thanks, Angela.
Angela, thank you for this post. Obviously it hits home with a lot of people, myself included. I am in the same position. I paid a TON of $ in loans to go to the best social work grad school, and am now stuck doing something I thought I would love, but actually really don’t, all so i can pay off my student loans. My job is ok, and I am grateful to have it, i just thought I would be more passionate about it. Turns out growing up and getting married changes those passions a lot.
I think our parents generation was all about working hard to get what you want when you want it. Our generation seems to be more about following your dreams. At least that is what I have seen. Thank you for this post. I know I will come back to it when I need encouragement.
I can’t even tell you how good the timing was for this post! My younger sister and I were just talking about this stuff last night. She is struggling with finding a way to make herself happy and part of that is finding the right job. I’m going to call her right now and tell her to read this post. It’s perfect ;-)
I really loved this post. Thank you!
I am knee deep in making a huge life change right now. I have a degree in English – Creative Writing, but for the last 3 years have been working as a Trademark Analyst for an online brand protection company. I took the job because I needed SOMETHING after graduation to pay the bills and make me feel like my degree had amounted to something successful. Thankfully, it turned out to be a decent fit – I guess you could say it was what I needed at the time. I always hoped though, to do something different – something more exciting than toiling away in my little cubicle all day! (Not that there’s anything wrong with that…..it’s just not for me!:) I felt trapped, limited by my skill set, and biggest of all……..AFRAID. Well, to cut to the chase, my husband and I decided this last year to walk straight into the fear and do something we’ve always dreamed of doing. We are moving to Maui. He is already there and I will join him in 5 weeks. I quit my job. Everybody keeps asking me what I am going to do when I get over there and I tell them all the same thing: I don’t know!! Truth is, I am going to do whatever I find that fulfills this dream of mine. Volunteer with the Pacific Whale Foundation, learn to garden in a tropical climate, maybe open my own gluten-free deli/bakery – and if I have to work at a coffee shop or a retail job in the meantime, then so be it. All of it is worth it because the dream is coming true. I am at a place in my life where everything on the outside (career, income, etc) looks unsure and risky. But on the inside, I have never been more sure. And it’s the weirdest thing – in two weeks I will no longer have a job. And yet, I feel really……successful. And I’ve never been happier.
Sorry for the long comment. But I just had to pipe in. I really loved this post and obviously felt like I could relate! :)
This really found me at the right time. I’m completing my last semester as an undergrad English Creative Writing major. All of my undergrad/high school years I proclaimed that I would be going to grad school. I didn’t know why or even particularly want to, but I always thought this was the key to success. I had so many mentors and friends suggest it. When it finally came down to applying, I went into a panic and decided not to apply…at least right away. I want to have time to figure out what I want out of it and if it’s really worth it.
I still have no idea what I want to do. Everyone always assumes I plan on teaching but it’s not my passion. Thanks for saying that it’s okay to not have it all figured out!
Wow. Thank you so much for this post. I’m pretty sure this is exactly what I needed to hear. I’m graduating in May (!!) and up until last semester planned on attending Physical Therapy grad school… but after countless observation hours and trying to convince myself it would make me happy, I realized I was just lying to myself. So now here I am a few months from graduation and my entire life plan is up in the air. It’s SO nerve wracking but I’m a firm believer in fate and deep down know I’ll find a job that makes me happy–it just might take me a while to get there.
LOVE this post Ange! I know we’ve had discussions about finding the right career etc but I always love talking about it. I had the benefit of my university’s co-op program so I had a chance to try out various roles within my field of study and decide it it was really what I wanted to do. Right now, I’m happy with my choice and really like my situation. Having said that, I think we always wish for bigger and better things, and I’d love to increase the role of health and fitness (and blogging of course) in my professional life. Not sure how to do it yet, but it’s always on my mind!
I know I’m in the right place, or heading there. I have doubts here and there, but mostly I think it’s not being int he wrong program, it’s being in school that’s suffocating. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I finish. I mostly know I’m sick to death of school and ready to get out there and work and see what works for me. I may not be happy right now, but I’m hopeful. I KNOW without a doubt I’ll be in a job/career I love. I don’t know just when or how, but I know I will.
Thank you for sharing all this. I am 21 (started college at 17) and am about to graduate in a couple months. I started crying while reading your post (I guess I am even more stressed than I thought I was). I needed to hear someone say all this.
Thank you.
Awww *hugs* It will all work out :)
Thanks for posting this Angela. I feel tied to my job because of the time and money I’ve sunk into it (I’m a lawyer) but I JUST HATE IT. I fantasize every day about the many things I’d perhaps rather be doing (personal chef, teaching yoga, clinical psychology) and every day the “perhaps”, combined with my foolish calculations of return on investment, keep me from doing anything about it. 2011 is the year for me to take steps (even if baby ones) toward doing things that fulfill me and taking steps away from things that drain all of my time and energy (i.e., my job . . . where I sit, currently). I am confident that it is possible to call my goals foolish and ungrateful. But I’m going to prospectively choose not to call them those things.
Angela, I’m a longtime reader but I don’t believe I’ve ever commented. However, I need to tell you that when reading this post, tears were streaming down my face. One year ago, this was ME. I was so unhappy and unfulfilled. I was 23 and felt like I had already failed at life, and it was just day after day of misery until retirement. Literally, that’s what I was looking forward to, at 23!! Thanks to hard work and some divine intervention, I’m finally at a place where I’m not completely happy, but I know I’m well on my way to getting there. And that’s made all the difference. Thank you so much for sharing this story with us. I have it bookmarked in G-Reader to come back to every so often.
Beautifully written post Angela! I can completely relate to everything you said, especially because I am currently making a career change! I quit my job in communications earlier this month to go back to school full-time to become a holistic nutritionist. It’s been three weeks, and I couldn’t be happier (Sidenote: there are ladies in my class who are in their 40s and 50s – stay-at-home moms and women who’ve been working in another field for 20+ years).
Like you, I was 18 when I started university (I went to Wilfrid Laurier) and after my first semester, I was already changing my major from economics to arts. When I graduated with a degree in communications, I had no clue what I wanted to do with it (and was pretty sure no one would hire me) so I decided to do a post-grad in public relations. I barely knew what it was before I was applying. All I knew was that it involved writing, which I loved. I liked the program, but after a year or so in my first job, I knew it wasn’t really making me happy. But I didn’t know what else would, until I found blogging, cooking and running. Now my life seems to just make sense. I love that no matter where we are in life or what we’ve done, we can always make a choice to do something different. :)
This was sub an amazing post, thank you! I feel like I had such similar experiences when it came to figuring out my career. I graduated with a degree in psychology and immediately went to work in research. I hated what I was doing. I would fantasize about getting into car accidents on the way to work just so I wouldn’t have to go in. It was awful, and yet I applied for PhDs because I couldn’t see where else I’d go. I went to all the interviews, was accepted and when it came down to making my choice, I couldn’t decide. I realized I didn’t want to go to any of the schools I was accepted to; I didn’t want to do a PhD at all. It was terrifying, but I turned them all down, and made a list of what I really wanted from my life and career. 2 years later, and I am in graduate school for Physical Therapy. And I love it and am happy every day!
To anyone who is considering a career change and is unhappy, all I can say is it’s soooo much better on this side! You could not pay me to go back to that career path, and being happy in your career is the best thing you can do for your health, your eating, your self esteem, your relationship, your friendships, etc etc. I just wish everyone who is thinking about it luck and encouragement, and Angela thanks for the amazing and inspirational posts!! You have been a massive inspiration in my life for the past year.
Great post! I have changed my career path many times over the year and last year I left the fitness world to study PR. Now I am looking for ways to combine my love for health and use my communications skills. You are right: it is a tough market out there. I have been job searching for a while and it gets frustrating, but I am trying to stay positive and keep moving :)