Earlier this week, I met with two inspiring women who work at my undergraduate university- the University of Guelph. They came across my blog and bakery and were interested in hearing my story and telling me about a project they are currently working on. We chatted a lot about making the career transition after graduation and finding something you enjoy. If you have read my ‘A Year Can Change A Lot’ series, you know that the topic of career enjoyment is a huge passion of mine, so I was quite excited to share my ideas and hear what they had to say.
One of the issues we discussed is that so many graduates and students are unsure what career will make them happy. I used to be one of them. I remember struggling with what I wanted to do and I felt like if I made the wrong decision my entire life would be ruined. Thankfully, that was not true, although there were some difficult times.
I personally feel that the system did not work for me. I was just 18 when I started university and I really had no idea what I wanted to do, let alone what career would make me happy. I felt so much pressure not to screw it all up. I’m all for planning and aspiring to achieve great things, but sometimes I feel like these decisions are rushed and just thrown at us when we are young. Looking back I wished that I had taken a year in between my highschool and undergrad degrees to figure things out and give myself more time. But all my other friends were going to university too, and I didn’t want to be left behind.
Then comes graduation, which is a happy time, however it can also be a time of great unease. I was excited to get my Master’s degree, but no one told me about the loss of identity that came with it. My student identity that I carried with me for almost my entire life was now over, at least in the physical sense. After graduating, I was just supposed to magically have a successful career. This made me anxious.
I would always look at my friends and think they were so lucky because they seemed to be able to find the perfect job almost instantly. The truth is, many students and graduates do struggle, but not many people talk about it. I realize this now because I have received countless emails from readers who have shared their own stories with me. I was blown away by how many of you have struggled with the same things that I did.
The job market is tough. Competition is stiff. Student loans add to the stress and there seems to be an expectation to immediately find our Dream Job after graduation. I was so scared about not being able to find a job with an undergraduate degree in Psychology, I made it my mission to get into grad school. I worked my butt off to be sure that I would have a competitive application to the grad schools I wanted to go to. When I did get accepted into one of my schools of choice I was thrilled, but there was a tiny voice inside of me that said, ‘This might not be the right fit for you…’
I ignored the voice because I told myself I had no other option. While I wasn’t able to research the area that I was passionate about, I just figured I would learn to love it somehow.
During this time, I never really stopped to think about what I really wanted, only that I was now on my way to a bigger paycheck at the end. Lower down on my list was job satisfaction. I grew up with the idea that you never truly love your day job- you just pay the bills and put your time in and you try to enjoy your weekends. I also watched for many years as my parents struggled with finding happiness in their own careers. Even though my parents always, always, always encouraged me to do what made me happy, the thought of actually doing this was a foreign concept to me. I often swept these thoughts under the rug while taking graduate exams, working to pay the bills, and writing a thesis. Life was busy and I just went through the motions of what I thought I was supposed to do.
I never thought that I could do something entirely different than what I went to school for, but that is exactly what I ended up doing. What we do with our lives does not have to be decided when we are 17 or 19 or even when we are 50. Just because we have a degree in the sciences does not mean that one day we can’t open up our own art studio. We also shouldn’t have to stick with the same career our entire lives.
So you are now 48 and you want to go back to school and become a Registered Dietitian? I say all the power to you. I used to have a lady in one of my courses who was over 75 years old and she was such an inspiration to me because she knew that Life should be a life long learning experience.
I guess we shouldn’t lose our student identity after all.
I didn’t know what would make me happy until I tried it out. Often, what we learn from a textbook and what we learn in the real world are often completely different experiences.
I believe:
You are not a failure for not knowing what you want to do with your life.
You are not a failure for changing your mind. Once, or twice, or eighteen times.
You are not a failure for getting your PhD and deciding that this is not what you want in life (I get these emails all the time).
You are not a failure for not yet finding your ‘dream job’.
You are not a failure. Period.
Here are some success quotes that I enjoy:
I couldn’t wait for success, so I went ahead without it.
~Jonathan Winters
I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
~Bill Cosby
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
~George Burns
I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.
~Michael Jordan
I’d love your thoughts on some of these questions- Did you (or do you) struggle with choosing what to study in school? Do you feel pressure to figure out what it is you want to do for a career or finding a way to make it a reality? Did you grow up with parents who were happy with their careers? Have you ever made a career change?
PS- For my ‘A Year Can Change A Lot’ series, see these posts: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10 (1 year later)
I’m 18.. and ending my senior year of high school. Almost everyone i encounter asks me what i am going to study in college.. like you said, HOW do we know this, when we/I are 18!!?!?! that’s crazy!!
I can’t decide.. i can’t even narrow it down to 5 subject areas. I believe that when the time is right to figure it out, i will. My parents pressure me to figure it out, but i have no idea. Of course, they both knew their perfect profession by a very young age.
All i can do now is hope to figure out what i want to do, finish high school, and make TONS of vegan food :)
Oh man. This is something that troubles me daily. I graduated in 2007 with a BA in English. I still have not used this degree, and I honestly don’t think I ever will. I definitely feel like a failure a lot of the time. Especially right now, being unemployed, it’s tough. I’m lucky now that I have a husband who completely supports any decision I make, but it is still hard.
You are not a failure Sara…the fact that you were able to get your degree is a huge achievement in itself. :)
Also, I bet you are ‘using’ your English degree every day. ;) The right thing will come along for you.
Absolutely. It’s all about positive thinking, right? :) Right now I’m using that positive thinking to grow a little bun in my oven and the career worries have been put on hold anyway. Luckily, like I said, my husband is awesome and we have been talking about opening our own business in a few years when he gets out of the military.
Don’t let your parents pressure you to figure it out….you will eventually
This post is what I needed right now. I’m about 2 years from graduating, and I’m already freaking out about the job market!! You always have the words I need to read for whatever I’m dealing with. Thank you for being such an inspiration!!
YES I’m struggling with this at the moment! I don’t know whether I should follow what I really love and my passions or be sensible and get a job with more financial and job security! Argh so hard! :(
But those quotes are amazing and so inspirational! Thanks for this post- just what I needed :)
I am in a situation like this right now. I am a junior (technically a senior credit wise) musical theatre major at my university. Since I started blogging in October, I realized that my passion does not lie with theatre like it used to. I have such a passion for healthy living, running, exercise, and food. I know in my heart that I am meant to do something else. So I plan to go get my Master’s in Public Health with a specialization in Nutrition/ Dietetics so that I can become an RD and be an advocate for healthy initiative programs in schools and businesses. It is a huge switch for me, and I would switch undergraduate majors, but I am only 13 credits shy from my bachelor’s. So I am taking the necessary pre-reqs I need for grad school on top of the credits I am taking for my music degree. I will never regret my music degree, but I know that other things lie ahead of me in the future, and I can not wait! :D
Hey Angela,
Great post! I have to chose what I want to study in a year, and I really have no idea! There are some studies that I like, but I haven’t found any that I really love. At first I was thinking of phisics, but now I don’t think I’m smart enough for that. And I scared that if I do chose it, I have to stop because it’s too hard for me.
But yeah I think a lot of people have this kind of struggles.
Thanks for your great posts everytime! One thing though, I subscribed with my email, but I only got one mail. And now there are 2 new posts but I haven’t got an email yet.
xxxxx
Hmm that is weird about the email…maybe it is delayed? Drop me a line if you don’t get any in another day and I will look into it. :)
I got them today! So yeah it probably was delayed, hopefully the next emails will come sooner =)
ok great thanks for following up!
I am getting my PhD in Biology right now. I have just a few more months. I have wavered between being 100% sure this is what I want and 100% sure this isn’t what I want. What has kept me going is the realization that when I finish I will have accomplished something HUGE, and that even if I never use it, that doesn’t take away from that accomplishment. And that if I kept going, I’d at least have that option. I’m all about options and not backing myself into a corner. Just getting a degree doesn’t limit you. It opens doors.
I so needed to hear this right now, Katie. I’m in a similar boat, and I have to constantly remind myself, as you say, that just finishing the PhD is a huge accomplishment in and of itself — and I think if I stopped now, I’d always regret not finishing, even if I never use it, ya know?
I needed that, too. I am about a year away from being finished with a Ph.D. and unsure whether I really want a job in academia when I’m done. I’m trying to remember exactly what you said that finishing is in and of itself an accomplishment. I’ve given myself permission to do pursue whatever career I want — which might mean an academic job, or it might mean something totally unrelated to my degree — but only if I finish my Ph.D. first. That has been *much* better motivation to work on my dissertation than wavering back and forth about academia.
My favorite quote, an old Chinese proverb, applies to this well: “The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is now.” It is never to late to get exactly what you want out of life!
Gosh I love that quote!
Angela this post is amazing!
I have tons of education and credentials: undergrad and grad work in psychology.
I am a certified yoga instructor at the highest recognized level, RYT 500 thru Yoga Alliance
I have my real estate license
I am a certified lactation educator
i am a mother (and yes, this is the greatest teacher of all!)
Blogger
I model and the jobs I work in do not really “use” my education per se. But life is not about JUST getting a degree and then using just that.
Life is a journey. There is learning everywhere. I struggle with having all this education and sometimes feel like im not using it. But i dont want to use it :) I like my life now. And til I don’t like it, I will just keep on rolling with life’s crazy ebbs and flows!
I spent most of college convinced I was going to be a doctor or an epidemiologist. Then, during a public health internship in Uganda, I realized I would be happiest as a teacher. So I came home, got my teaching credential, and now absolutely LOVE my job teaching 8th grade science and PE. I honestly cannot imagine doing anything else. It’s a challenge and I adore my students.
I just spent the last two years of my life in graduate school and my little voice said the same thing: you are pretending to like this degree. I was. I was going through the emotions, when secretly, I was rolling my eyes in my class discussions and not taking my internships seriously. I finally realized one day that my internships were the key: I hated getting up every morning and going to them. I was a school counselor. Shouldn’t I love this type of work? I wanted to help people, right? Well, I should have helped myself first. When my internships ended I was relieved. And then I knew it wasn’t the career for me. That moment of clarity was the best feeling of all, admitting to myself that while I didn’t know what I wanted, I definitely knew what I didn’t want.
Thanks again for the amazing post Angela. While I was going to through those deciding times, I was reading your blog, especially A Year Can Change A Lot Series, and it gave me the motivation to finally make a decision.
Wow I had so many lightbulb moments reading your comment! Very insightful. Thanks for sharing. :) I love this, ‘That moment of clarity was the best feeling of all, admitting to myself that while I didn’t know what I wanted, I definitely knew what I didn’t want. ‘ Brilliant.
Even writing my comment gave me the chills as I reflected back on my prior decisions. So glad to be happy and confident in my decision making now :)
What did you end up doing instead? And did you find it difficult to pay off loans with making a change?
I’m now an Office Manager for an estate management company. I plan all kinds of parties and events, do some IT work and coordinate meetings. I’m in the process of transferring to an HR position, where I’ll do hiring, benefit administration, and conflict resolution. My degree will actually be used after all, but in a different way that makes me much happier.
Awesome post! I transferred schools and switched majors last year after being halfway through nursing school. It was a big change, and I had a lot of people tell me to just finish my nursing degree, then do what I want. I was scared at first, but I am so glad that I made the change, and I’m still going to be able to graduate on time.
This hits right at home for me. I’m graduating in six weeks and am having to field questions about my plans every single day. And I don’t have an answer! I’m okay with that, but I’m in an environment where people put a lot of pressure on themselves and have very high expectations about what the right path after college is. I have to ignore the looks or snide remarks when I don’t give them an answer they’re impressed with.
I’ve always been terrified of choosing the wrong thing for my life, so I’ve never been satisfied to settle if I dislike where I’m going. I went to a high school that specialized in performing arts and I was a star pupil – I was basically poised to become a professional opera singer. When I got to college and began studying music on a college level, I realized I hated the whole thing. I’d chosen a college for its music program, I was miserable and incredibly depressed, but mostly terrified of letting everyone down – my teachers, my parents, my peers, myself. After all, wasn’t it my dream to be an opera singer? I gave up on the program, declaring English lit as my major instead. I was much happier in an intellectual field and eventually discovered a second major studying Middle Eastern affairs, but when it came time for me to graduate, I had no idea what I would do with my life, so I kind of fell into that slump again. Over the past year or so I’ve been slowly rediscovering passions in my life. I’m halfway towards being a fully certified Pilates instructor, I’m teaching part time, and on Tuesday I start school all over again. I’m going back to get a Bachelor of Science in Nutrition and Exercise, after which I am either going to get my Master’s in nutrition, or pursue a PT cert. Dunno which yet…It just feels like the right track this time, something I can really see myself being satisfied with. Today on the phone, my mother told me she really respects how I’ve never been afraid of starting over.
I love your story :) Thanks for sharing
Angela, thank you so much for this post. I think one of the main reasons why I love you blog (aside from the incredible recipes and awesome photography) is that I relate to your career path so much. I am in a psychology graduate program, too (counseling psych) and there are day that I feel like I really rushed into this program way too fast. I graduate in the middle of the U.S.’s stock market crisis and there was no other option for a psych undergrad really than to keep on getting your degree (or so I thought). I am half-way done my three year program and the course work is getting emotionally heavy and I feel challenged not only to decide what I want to do with the degree but also to discover every bit about who I am and to get through all of my emotional struggles to be a perfect counselor. In my family, my parents and brother are all in working-class jobs that did not require a college degree. They have always been extremely proud of me but never pushed me to do anything I didn’t want to, I am definitely the person who has put expectations on myself. My parents are content with their careers and lives but I’m not sure if their work is their true passion in life. I think they have each found ways to make sure that they do what they love with the means provided to them from their job. I believe I will finish my degree program but I think that I will take some time to do some soul-searching after to see how I will make this degree work for what I want to do in my life. I think that there was some big reason for why I chose to do this work but I don’t know if it’s a “perfect straight and narrow” path.
I can relate to what you said a lot…especially ‘I am definitely the person who has put expectations on myself.’ I was always the one who put the expectations on myself too. It was only when I started questioning those expectations and how I defined success did I realize that many of the expectations I placed on myself were unfounded.
I also think you can use your degree in many unconventional ways too. I never say my psych degrees are a waste. I feel like I am able to help others doing what I am doing now, even if it is not in the traditional format of counselor-patient or researcher role.
I graduated in May with a journalism degree but haven’t really pursued finding work in my area of study. A number of factors seem to hold me back, namely fear. Lately I’ve been wrestling with the notion that I’m “settling” and have come to realize that I am lacking joy in my current job situation. This post was so encouraging to me. I desperately needed a reminder that I am not a failure for not knowing what to do with my life and not finding my dream job yet. Thank you!
Loved the post. I’m finishing up a 2-year career change process (teaching math to accounting) and it’s been a huge struggle financially and emotionally. It’s difficult to give up your ‘young professional’ identity for a ‘student and pt sandwich shop worker’ identity, especially when you see old coworkers, parents, students on a regular basis. But I’ve realized I should be proud to have had the strength to make a change when I knew I wasn’t happy, and almost everyone – well, everyone who cares about me, anyway! ;) – has understood and supported me. Glad you were able to find something that makes you happy too!
You have no idea how timely this post is. I’m graduating from grad school in May, and I literally have no idea what I want to do. I feel like people are disappointed when I say I don’t know what I want to do or where I want to live and that’s really disheartening.
I’m trying hard to remember that having a Master’s degree doesn’t mean I have to work in that field. Education can only help, not hurt.
Thanks for this post!
Oh man I hear you on this Karla! i’m a second semester senior too. I can’t wait to graduate and at the same time everything is so unknown for me right now. There are so many different things out there and I want to experience everything–how will I choose one thing and be okay with it?
Also the questioning that you get from adults on an almost daily basis (yesterday it was my piano teacher!) is really draining and frustrating.
Checking out your blog girl, glad to know we are all in this together!
Thanks for such a strong post Angela, I love the quotes!
Wow, Angela, this really hit home for me. I am 23 years old and just started Graduate School this month (I graduated from undergrad in December) and I am going through the doubting motions where I think that this is not where I should be because it’s too hard or I’m not good enough compared to the other people in my classes. In reality, it’s not hard (well, it’s challenging but doable with effort) and I got there the same way these people did so why shouldn’t I be as good as them? I’m not worried that this isn’t where I should be… I changed my major a bunch of times in undergrad which is why it took me from Fall 2005-Fall 2010 to get my B.S. (elementary education, BTW), it’s just hard sometimes when those self-doubt and negativity demons come creeping up making you think you’re a failure. Thank you so much for writing your beliefs and those quotes… I read your blog every day, but this was definitely a right post, right place, right time kind of situation for me :)
In psychology we called that the ‘imposter syndrome’- feeling like you secretly should not be there with your peers and that one day, others will figure out you arent as smart. Myself and some of my friends went through this in grad school and it was really tough. But just be comforted in knowing that most people feel that way too. :)
This really hits home for me, too. I have realized from talking to lots of other people that almost every graduate student goes through “imposter syndrome” at some point in their education (and sometimes all throughout it). Something that’s really been helpful is talking about it to other people, because it’s made me realize that even people who seem like they have everything together often feel like “imposters.”
It also strikes me that this is why I really love blogs (like OSG!) where people talk about their failures along with their successes, because it makes me realize that even the most prolific, poised, and put-together blogger has her bad days, too.
I go through this feeling at least once a week in my program! Totally feeling the “impostor syndrome”.
I completely agree with you!
My mom was a stay-at-home mom until I was about 11 when she decided to go back to school. She was in her late thirties getting her bachelor of education degree and she mentioned to me that some students commented on her age. I’m so proud of her I think her choices were really inspiring and I know she loves her career.
I’m in university right now and I love seeing other older students and second career students!
wow kudos to your mom!
I am bawling right now. God – to have that passion and to have found what you want to do…I hate my job; but I have 2 degrees and student loans that amount to over $100k…what choice do I have?
I’m scared to death…scared to death because everyday, everyday, I feel like quitting, I can’t take it – I feel so “outside” of who I am and what I want to do, it’s killing me. Literally, the stress, the fatigue, the fighting with what I have to do and what I want to do…
But it’s not a matter of choice for me. I can’t quit and do something else – just like that. And this has been going on for 3 years now at least. I’m only 30, but feel like I’m 50. My life is just a series of wishes and dreams.
I feel ridiculous, ridiculous and selfish for even saying any of these things. I am grateful for what I have, but still struggle just to pay my bills – with no end in sight.
Sometimes, I wonder if all this – if this is all there is? And if so, is it worth it…
I could have wrote this, every word of it.
Oh…it’s suffocating isn’t it…I just don’t…well, there really are no words to describe it anymore – I’ve vented and complained. But I try! I do…it’s not like I expect something to fall into my lap – God no! But things don’t just happen. Reality exists and the reality is that I have to pay huge bills every month. So I suck it up and do it and desperately search for some sort of peace in my future – because I truly don’t know if I can do this much longer…
I know what you mean. I think everyday is this all that life has to offer? This is what they ingrain for us to do from when we are little. This is awful. I don’t expect anything to fall into my lap either. It’s also scary for me because I don’t have any hidden talents or whatever: I can’t cook, bake, blog, craft or write. I’m not waiting to be discovered because there is nothing to discover about me. I suck it up everyday and try to smile and be grateful that i have a job because well, that’s what the tell me to do………………