Earlier this week, I met with two inspiring women who work at my undergraduate university- the University of Guelph. They came across my blog and bakery and were interested in hearing my story and telling me about a project they are currently working on. We chatted a lot about making the career transition after graduation and finding something you enjoy. If you have read my ‘A Year Can Change A Lot’ series, you know that the topic of career enjoyment is a huge passion of mine, so I was quite excited to share my ideas and hear what they had to say.
One of the issues we discussed is that so many graduates and students are unsure what career will make them happy. I used to be one of them. I remember struggling with what I wanted to do and I felt like if I made the wrong decision my entire life would be ruined. Thankfully, that was not true, although there were some difficult times.
I personally feel that the system did not work for me. I was just 18 when I started university and I really had no idea what I wanted to do, let alone what career would make me happy. I felt so much pressure not to screw it all up. I’m all for planning and aspiring to achieve great things, but sometimes I feel like these decisions are rushed and just thrown at us when we are young. Looking back I wished that I had taken a year in between my highschool and undergrad degrees to figure things out and give myself more time. But all my other friends were going to university too, and I didn’t want to be left behind.
Then comes graduation, which is a happy time, however it can also be a time of great unease. I was excited to get my Master’s degree, but no one told me about the loss of identity that came with it. My student identity that I carried with me for almost my entire life was now over, at least in the physical sense. After graduating, I was just supposed to magically have a successful career. This made me anxious.
I would always look at my friends and think they were so lucky because they seemed to be able to find the perfect job almost instantly. The truth is, many students and graduates do struggle, but not many people talk about it. I realize this now because I have received countless emails from readers who have shared their own stories with me. I was blown away by how many of you have struggled with the same things that I did.
The job market is tough. Competition is stiff. Student loans add to the stress and there seems to be an expectation to immediately find our Dream Job after graduation. I was so scared about not being able to find a job with an undergraduate degree in Psychology, I made it my mission to get into grad school. I worked my butt off to be sure that I would have a competitive application to the grad schools I wanted to go to. When I did get accepted into one of my schools of choice I was thrilled, but there was a tiny voice inside of me that said, ‘This might not be the right fit for you…’
I ignored the voice because I told myself I had no other option. While I wasn’t able to research the area that I was passionate about, I just figured I would learn to love it somehow.
During this time, I never really stopped to think about what I really wanted, only that I was now on my way to a bigger paycheck at the end. Lower down on my list was job satisfaction. I grew up with the idea that you never truly love your day job- you just pay the bills and put your time in and you try to enjoy your weekends. I also watched for many years as my parents struggled with finding happiness in their own careers. Even though my parents always, always, always encouraged me to do what made me happy, the thought of actually doing this was a foreign concept to me. I often swept these thoughts under the rug while taking graduate exams, working to pay the bills, and writing a thesis. Life was busy and I just went through the motions of what I thought I was supposed to do.
I never thought that I could do something entirely different than what I went to school for, but that is exactly what I ended up doing. What we do with our lives does not have to be decided when we are 17 or 19 or even when we are 50. Just because we have a degree in the sciences does not mean that one day we can’t open up our own art studio. We also shouldn’t have to stick with the same career our entire lives.
So you are now 48 and you want to go back to school and become a Registered Dietitian? I say all the power to you. I used to have a lady in one of my courses who was over 75 years old and she was such an inspiration to me because she knew that Life should be a life long learning experience.
I guess we shouldn’t lose our student identity after all.
I didn’t know what would make me happy until I tried it out. Often, what we learn from a textbook and what we learn in the real world are often completely different experiences.
I believe:
You are not a failure for not knowing what you want to do with your life.
You are not a failure for changing your mind. Once, or twice, or eighteen times.
You are not a failure for getting your PhD and deciding that this is not what you want in life (I get these emails all the time).
You are not a failure for not yet finding your ‘dream job’.
You are not a failure. Period.
Here are some success quotes that I enjoy:
I couldn’t wait for success, so I went ahead without it.
~Jonathan Winters
I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
~Bill Cosby
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
~George Burns
I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.
~Michael Jordan
I’d love your thoughts on some of these questions- Did you (or do you) struggle with choosing what to study in school? Do you feel pressure to figure out what it is you want to do for a career or finding a way to make it a reality? Did you grow up with parents who were happy with their careers? Have you ever made a career change?
PS- For my ‘A Year Can Change A Lot’ series, see these posts: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10 (1 year later)
I have been struggling for as long as I can remember with the question of ‘what am I going to do about my job’? Literally, this question is in my head day in day out and has been for probably 13 years now. It’s exhausting. I feel terrified I’ll never find what I want and i’ll just be torturing myself with this never answered question for the rest of my life. However I do agree with you; it’s OK to change your mind, it’s ok and not unusual to be unsure of what you want, life isn’t a success or failure depending on what you are doing in your career. What matters most, I believe anyway, is finding happiness and often it can be frustrating whan that happiness seems so far away, out of reach. I’m sure i’m not the only one who finds this scary and hard to deal with at times. I take heart in the fact that I am not alone, that sometimes the most interesting lives are those that involve change, change and more change, and that it takes guts to keep searching, rather than settle for the obvious and ignore those ‘i’m not really that happy’ gut feelings. I feel there is a lot of pressure to be seen to be successful – to have ‘The Job’, The House, and all the trimmings. I am trying to focus my attention less on finding The Job and more on experiencing life and trying new things – and maybe, MAYBE I then might find where I belong. I try to encourage anyone I know, young or older, to focus on doing fun, happy things, rather than what they feel they ‘should’ be doing. Being passionate about something can be such a fulfilling experience, in ways that a big pay salary never could.
After reading so many of these comments following up on your post, Angela, I realized that all these words, personal accounts, and inspirational encounters couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I’m facing graduation in May for my undergrad education and naturally I’m thinking about my future, what job I’ll have, what my career will be, what life in general holds in store. What I’ve found truly comforting during this time is simply placing my trust in God. I firmly believe He created me to have a relationship with me, so I’m putting my faith in Him and praying that He gives me the strength to use the gifts He has given me. I know only through Him can I succeed, which gives me courage and heart. Sure, I may not know what lies around the corner, but I trust in Him. One of my favorite quotes is simply, “Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.”
Thanks for this series, Angela!
Hi Angela
Great post and amazing response from so many people. As parents we want to do the right thing or our children. Each generation seems to want their children to have more than they had or to achieve greater heights, so we tend to push our children as much as we can. We tend to forget that we were once in the very same spot, been there and done that and made our own decisions.
My oldest son went to university but in his second year decided that he was wasting his time and our (his parents) money and decided to quit school. He felt he really wasn’t learning the things he wanted to learn, and felt even if he did finish his degree, then he would still have to take courses and workshops to get the certification for what he did want to do. Fortunately for him, he knew what he wanted to do for work and set about starting his own company and taking the individual courses he needed to achieve his goal.
I will say, it was much to his fathers disappointment that he quit school. My son has not looked back a day since he made that decision and has been the happiest he has every been since he quit his university course.
Like a number of your responses, he also wanted to take a year to travel prior to going to university. His dad decided that was not an option – if he stayed in school we would foot the bill for his education, but if he quit – he would be on his own to fend for himself. Talk about putting pressure on your child. I feel if our son had stayed at school, then he would have finished his university degree. However, he might not be in the job he now has and loves with a passion, but could be stuck in a job that he doesn’t like. In saying that, I do however think he should have taken his year off school and done some travelling.
He was not a happy person and was not happy with his life when he finished high school and started university. He is now a very happy person with a wife and two beautiful children and working in a job he enjoys. I had to battle his dad and give him a lot of support when he did quit school, but some mom’s do that for their sons and daughters and try to give them as much support as possible. University is not for everybody and I felt at the time if he was meant to finish his degree, then he would figure it out and go back to school… so far, that hasn’t happened.
For the people who are out there taking degrees and not knowing what to do… I always wondered what somebody would do with a degree in history or geography and where would that get them in the business world – Like most of your readers parents, I came from a generation where you had to work to pay the bills. When questioning this at one time (a lot of years ago) someone told me, “It is not the subject that you decide to study in university that is so important – it is learning how to study and master a degree. If you can master one area, then you can learn anything else you put your mind to.
I did not go to university, I went to vocational school (in Ireland – in Canada this would be community college), after high school and learned typing and bookkeeping and became a secretary/bookkeeper. In at time when women were’t paid with equality, I was fortunate to have a boss who felt “if you can do a man’s job, then you should be paid the same salary” and I went on to become a general manager of an automotive company, before I quit work to have children. In my early 40’s when the youngest of my three children started school, I went back to school and became an Interior Designer. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I had forgotten that that was one of the things I wanted to do when I came to Canada, but I had to take a job in an office and continue the work I knew, in order to pay my rent and put food on the table. I couldn’t afford to go to school at that time as I was now out in the world “on my own”. I have to say, I have loved this career with a passion. I read somewhere the other day… its not work if you love what you are doing… so true.
So, don’t give up on any of the dreams you have. If they don’t happen today, then there is still tomorrow, next week, or next year to start working on those dreams again. Hang in there all of you who are struggling. Life WILL get better.
A MOM WHO KNOWS….
I actually found your blog because of your career change. I am lucky that I knew my passions and stuck with them. I have a degree in Exercise Science, but after I graduated from undergrad, I couldn’t find a full time job. When I finally found a job I loved, it was part time, and when I was moved to full time status, it only lasted 6 months due to the economy. I decided that I would go BACK to school and get another degree in Physical Education since I loved working with kids and could still pursue my passion for exercise and health. It took me another 6 months after I graduated with my 2nd degree to finally find a full time job that I love, even though I am only an assistant and get paid hourly.
What really struck a chord with me in your post is that fact that the majority of my friends found jobs right after graduation and are happy with them. I feel like I am just as highly qualified for the jobs I am searching for, but just can’t seem to land that dream job – and I’ve been out of undergrad for 4 years now! That’s a long time to not have a “real” full time job. It’s frustrating, but I try to find the positives in all the jobs I’ve had – experience, meeting many new people, and finding other passions during my times of unemployment and parttime jobs!
Thank you for your passions! You are always so inspiring and your blog has really helped me through my times of unemployment and career change. I can’t thank you enough for your positivity, and of course, the delicious healthy recipes! (BTW, I made the chocolate pecan nut butter today… to.die.for!)
I definitely experienced the overwhelm of not knowing what I wanted to “be” when I “grew up”. I have a Bachelor’s degree in Recreation Administration and graduated from college thinking that I would enter the working world as someone who traveled and hiked and enjoyed being active in the outdoors…for a living. I soon came to the harsh realization that I had no idea what to do next and that I needed to make some money to survive as a “grown up”.
I ended up cubicle-bound and working in corporate information technology jobs for 12 years before quitting to be home with my kids in 2009. Now, while spending my days with my boys, I also do some work with a business that does bootcamps and triathlon training for women in Northern California and I write a healthy living blog (getnatured.com). I feel like I’m finally free to listen to my heart and follow its lead to finding work that is tremendously fulfilling. The coolest part is that what I do now is equal parts skills and passion- the skills I have gained through the past work that I have done and the passion just comes naturally if you listen closely enough to your heart. :-)
Angela, this post really spoke to me. I am in my last semester of law school and I don’t have a job waiting for me. Honestly, some days I question even wanting to be a lawyer. It is a super confusing time for me, which causes me lots of stress, especially when I see my peers, one by one, getting decent jobs.
It is frustrating and hard when my future ‘career’ is so unknown.
I think that part of the problem with post-high school stress lies with the universities. Universities USE to be about learning and knowledge not about careers. Nowadays they are far more career focused. In many undergrad courses are taught to allow you to pass the exams, rather than for the sake of the knowledge itself. But I think in many ways we can combat that by loving learning for learnings sake.
I don’t think any degree is a waste. You always, always, always gain invaluable skills and knowledge that allow you to better yourself and further yourself in whatever career you decided to pursue.
I’m 30. I’ve done two degrees (BA in Philosophy (Hons) and a JD (Law) – which I finish in 4 mths). I took time off between school and university and between the degrees and travelled and just lived. I still am unsure of what I want to do. It use to cause me great anxiety (and if I’m honest, still does on occasion), but now I just look at it as a learning process. I’m eliminating the things I’m not interested in and refining the things I am interested in.
I’m really excited (and a little bit scared) about my life. I think this is a good thing.
I always say a little bit of fear is a good thing…means that you are pushing yourself and your limits, right? :) Goodluck with everything!
Angela, this is such a great post that so many people need to hear, including myself. People have always scoffed at me when I’ve said I want a variety in my career: psychologist, photographer, hiking tour guide, etc. The one-track path seems way too strict and I hope in the future it will change, so that people will not feel so apprehensive about what they are “supposed” to do in their lives.
You are truly inspiring, as per usual, and I couldn’t agree more!
After 3 years of going to school for business, I transfered to culinary school. I always thought I had to get a “legit degree” in order to be successful and save my passions and interests for my after-work hobbies. Life is simply too short.
I totally needed this post today. I just finished my Master’s degree and have no job offer yet :( I am completely sad about this because I AM passionate about my field! I just got my Master’s in EXercise Science : Health Promotion. I can’t wait to share my passion of health and fitness and good nutrition with others and it is extremely nerve-wracking to not know where we’re going to move, WHICH job I will be working, and WHEN!!!? I am having faith that everything will work out- but I totally appreciated this post tonight. Thanks a ton (it is oddly good to hear that I am not alone!!!)
Great topic! I went to university straight out of high school not knowing what I really wanted to do. I ended up taking a year off after my first year, which turned into 4 because I met my future hubby that year and ended up following him for his work. During that time I did a number of things including a diploma in Resort and Hotel Admin, worked for a grocery store and a bank, and took an entrepreneurship training course where I learned to develop a business plan. Entrepreneurship runs in my family, and I really caught the bug at that time but felt I should finish university.
I eventually got a degree in International Relations focusing on mediation and conflict resolution. I always hoped to work abroad, but by that time I was married and it would have been very difficult for my husband to follow in his line of work (he’s a cabinetmaker). I considered grad school, but wasn’t ready to commit and took a job running an interntional education and research program at the University of Calgary. It was a great job, but I really hated the bureaucracy of working for a large institution. I was also the only paid employee of a program that relied on a volunteer board of directors, which proved to be a huge obstacle to getting anything accomplished. It was extremely frustrating.
After a few years, I was looking for a way out and yearned for a baby so maternity leave seemed the perfect solution. When my older one was 10 months old, we had the opportunity to buy the cabinet company my husband had been working for, and I jumped at the chance to fulfill my entrepreneurial dreams. It was a departure from my formal education, but my business courses and project management experience were the perfect compliment to my husband’s hands-on skills. It was a major leap of faith and has been extremely challenging at times (I was back at work when my 2nd son was 10 days old, and brought him to the office with me for the first 7 months). However, it’s been way more rewarding than working for someone else in a job I didn’t love.
It’s been almost 5 years and we absolutely love working for ourselves! I’m definitely a born entrepreneur and couldn’t see myself working for anyone else ever again. I’m so glad we had the courage to follow our dreams and we haven’t looked back.
Thank you so much for this Angela! I’m a first year University student and even though I took a couple of years off between high school and college I still feel lost a lot of the time. I struggle with what classes I should be taking, if I should pursue a Master’s, how I’ll pay off my student loans when I’m done. Reading your blog and hearing your personal story makes me hopeful for my future.
OMG, what an amazing post. I went to university at 26, graduated at 30, and have YET to feel it was worthwhile. I just didn’t get the career I expected. That said, I’m not sorry I did it, it’s now paid off, but I’m still looking at “what I want to do when I grow up”. Thank you for your comment “you are not a failure for not knowing what I want to do”. I really need to remember that sometimes. As always, thanks for your wonderful (and today very thought provoking and reassuring) posts. Have a great weekend.
I don’t often comment but I just had to on this. Wow, thank you for this post. I’m currently in my 4th year of graduate school going for my PhD in Biochemistry in upstate NY and I really struggle with this kind of stuff every day. The more and more time I spend here, the more I realize I don’t want to do research for the rest of my life. But, I don’t think my school does a good job of training us for anything other than staying in academia and becoming professors–which is something I 100% know I do not want to do. So I’ve been trying to do some research on my own to figure out what I want to do with my life after my PhD…so far, I’m not too sure. I routinely play with the idea of not doing anything science related for a little while at least since I’m kind of burnt out from research. This post really spoke to me and I just wanted to thank you for putting your thoughts into words on this…I’m going to save this so I can read it over when I’m having “one of those days” :)
Thanks so much for writing this Angela – I can relate to many of the same emotions for my current job though I did not go to grad school. All these comments above have made me realized that I am not alone in my struggles and have inspired me to write about it too. I really don’t even care if anyone reads what I write, but I’ve found that writing is a wonderful outlet to express oneself. I think it’s amazing that you’ve been able to turn something you love into your own business/career, but your posts have also taught me that landing something you truly love is not always quick or easy.. there can be a struggle at first, but it is possible to find/do something one loves. It just may be a journey :)
THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH FOR THIS POST!!!!!!!!! I just graduated out of college with a degree in Economics and I have nooo idea what I want to do with my life. I realized in my senior year in college that the field of work for economics is not for me and have been trying to figure out what I want. I was feeling so desperate and lost lately, like a total failure. Everybody around me seems to be so focused and ambitious. Then I read this and it assured me that I don’t have to be like that, it is more important to find the thing that really makes you happy, that inspires you. Again thank you very much, you made me realize that I’m not the only one struggling and put a smile on my face.
ps: I love your blog!! I recently became vegeterian and I’m from Turkey and it’s kind of difficult to be vegeterian here. Blogs like yours really help :)
I’m struggling with this now so thanks for writing this post!!!
I chose my university because they had a wide range of degree options and I did not want to transfer if I changed my major. I ended up keeping my double option in choral music education and piano performance but there were a few semesters that I almost dropped one of my options. As I am finishing up my student teaching this semester I am glad I kept both options. I feel like they have made me a more well rounded individual. I don’t know where I will end up but for now I am fairly confidant that I will be teaching music someplace. I just don’t know if it will be in a public or private school or teaching private piano lessons again. I also have looked into teaching English in Korea for a year or finding a church music internship if I can’t find a teaching job or I decide I need a break. I am a little worried about finding a job but for now I am focusing on ending strong and realizing that I have many different options that I can use if something doesn’t turn out.Thank you so much for sharing your story!
Thanks for the post… and the discussion is amazing.
I used to be an academic overachiever and I felt like I needed to be at the top of my class doing impressive things all the time. I went into engineering and had several amazing research experiences… including one where I was away from home and working by myself in an empty lab every day. I just couldn’t make myself do it again.
I’ve branched out from science and research to more people oriented things. I’ve experimented with business, entrepreneurship, and nutrition. I’m really not sure where things will end up.
When I graduate in May, I’m moving to join my boyfriend as we’ve been doing the long distance thing since August… and after that… I don’t know. I just want to take the time to relax and really think about what I want. At the same time, I am really afraid that I will get complacent or fall behind and never really figure out something that I enjoy and make enough money to live off of.
We’ll see… it will be an adventure!
I was in a similiar situation. My dad was a fish biologist for the DNR and I always thought that would be the greatest job. He loved it, I loved him and wanted to be just like him. So when I went to college I studied biology and environmental science, graduated with a degree in that only to find out that I hate mosquitos and bugs that come with working in nature, I don’t like being hot and sweaty unless it’s on a beach with a tropical drink. I took a job out of college that I thought would be great and, well, it was awful. I cried myself to sleep every night and the best day of my life was when I had my daughter b/c that was the last day I worked at that awful, mind numbing job. Fast forward through 5 years of being a stay at home mom with a BS in Biology and I fell into the best job I never even knew about. While staying home, I worked retail on the weekends to get out of the house and have some adult interaction. A job posted in our store for a loss prevention associate and I thought what the heck, might as well try for it. I got the job and I catch shoplifters for a living. It is the most awesome job I’ve ever had, I don’t use my biology degree, ever, at all but I couldn’t be happier. I’ll never do anything else. Never in a million years did I see myself doing a job like this, but it was a matter of going outside my comfort zone and taking a chance. I couldn’t hate it anymore than I did my first job! It’s the best decision I ever made!