Hands down, one of the most asked questions I’ve received since I announced my pregnancy last March is whether we will raise our daughter a vegan. It’s something that Eric and I discussed long before getting pregnant, but we revisited the topic again when I did get pregnant. I’ve been clear in the past that our household is not a vegan household – Eric doesn’t follow a vegan diet, although a lot of his meals are vegan because he loves the food that I make (yup, tooting my own horn! hah). He now enjoys hundreds of foods he wouldn’t even touch when we first started dating and it’s been incredible to see his diet transform over the years from deep fried fast food to vibrant veggie-filled home-cooked meals. From eating a huge bowl of frosted flakes cereal to a huge green smoothie every morning, the change has been huge. So even though he’s become more conscious about selecting organic meat from local farms whenever possible and eschewing a large amount of dairy from his diet, he has no plans of going vegan. I support him completely; after all, he was never vegan before we met and he is happy and healthy which is what matters.
Many people have assumed that we would raise Adriana on a vegan diet, but we’ve actually decided not to label her diet in any shape or form. This is for a couple reasons. First, I want her to be able to try any food that she wants to, including the food her dad and family members eat in front of her. Second, I want her to decide for herself when she is older whether she will attach any sort of label to her diet. I have personally experienced benefits and drawbacks to labeling my own diet, and I don’t want to put my beliefs on her or assume that my diet is the best diet for her. That being said, we eat so many plant-based meals in this house I have no doubt that her diet will be filled with vegetables, fruit, legumes, beans, whole grains, nuts, seeds, and healthy fats! We are very grateful for the food we have access to and above all, I’d like to instill this sense of gratitude in her and also an excitement for healthy food, understanding its impact on our energy, etc. We are incredibly lucky that we even have the privilege of discussing this topic. But would we stop her from enjoying some of her dad’s chicken or a birthday cake at a friend’s party or a home-cooked meal at Mimi’s or Babcia’s house? No we won’t (assuming she doesn’t have an allergy down the road, of course).
I know that deciding what to feed one’s family is a very personal topic, but I want to be open about it as I have with my own dietary changes in the past. Obviously, there is no right or wrong answer to this question. Vegan households can work really well if that is the goal (and I know many friends who are currently rocking it!), but this is what we’ve decided is right for us.
I’d love to hear from you about this topic. Have you ever struggled with the decision as to whether to label your child’s diet? Do you live in a household with different diets or allergies? How do you find a balance?
PS – Adriana turned 6 months on Saturday! We celebrated by giving her her first solid food – avocado. I haven’t laughed so much in a long time. It was seriously awesome. I also re-read her birth story and cried a little. More on this feeding thing later.
xo
Comments are now closed – May 20/15
I’m vegan. My wife eats eggs and cheese at home, and occasionally fish. All of our meals are vegan, save for the times she fries up an egg, brings home sushi, or eats a stick of string cheese. We’re raising our 17 month old vegan. If I let him have choice, he’d not only eat the egg on my wife’s plate, but he’d try to swallow the fork and throw the plate onto the floor. If he was up on the couch, and I gave him a choice of what he wanted to do, he’d dive head first over the arm onto the hardwood floor. We have to make choices for themf for their own protection until they have the ability and the means to make their own. Suppose I gave him animal products, because I let him “choose” when he’s a toddler…then if he decides to be vegan later on, I imagine he’d be upset that we allowed him to eat such things, when we knew he didn’t have to…and when we knew the violence involved. Better to err on the side of caution…and compassion. Also, I echo the “it’s not a personal choice” point.
I love your comment and wish I could have been so concise. This article made me a little crazy!
So agree with Sharon about your reply Lee! Right on!!
Yes. I wish I had been raised vegan. It really isn’t a personal choice.
I very much agree with your points here Lee, thank you for expressing them so well.
As parents, we make all sorts of decisions for our children. We don’t “let them make their own choices” about their bedtimes, their sugar intake, which church they’ll attend, whether it’s okay to hit their friends, what school they’ll go to or whether they’ll go at all, and on and on. It’s a parent’s job to guide and to teach. “Let them make their own choice” does not mean much when they are literally too young to comprehend the ramifications of such choices.
Anyway, thanks for this comment. Well said.
Veganism is NOT a diet, it’s a moral stance. Calling yourself vegan means you will not eat, wear, or exploit animals. Choosing to say you’re vegan because you follow a plant based diet is incorrect and confusing to the public. T.Colin Campbell, PhD, the author of The China Study and professor emeritus from Cornell University, sticks to saying he follows a whole foods plant based diet (WFPB). He has been very clear about not calling himself vegan. I respect him for that.
I think Angela’s recipes are wonderful, but the title of this blog should be about raising her daughter to be plant based, not vegan.
The vegan label is one that I wear proudly. I wish I had figured this out 30 years ago so that I could have raised my children vegan. Dr. Richard Oppenlander has raised his three children as vegan, and they are all strong and healthy adults. He has written a compelling book “Comfortably Unaware” that teaches us about the environmental impact our food choices are having on the planet. A must read.
Judith, right on! Absolutely love Dr. Oppenlander. He is an amazing, intelligent and compassionate human.
Hi, I am a vegan who has raised her children with the label vegan. I have friends who are vegan who had an approach more like yourself. I sometimes wondered if I should do the same for various reasons. As time has passed I have decided that I made the right choice for my family simply because he grew up NOT having to think about it when he eats. He doesn’t have to think ‘am I doing the right thing?’, I really want this cake but it has dairy and I know about the calves should I eat it?’ etc. I have seen that being hard sometimes for my friends daughter and her sometimes having a dilemma, yielding to ‘temptation’ and then feeling bad. He is 12 now, has been at school and had the choice whether to stay vegan for a number of years and carries it and checks whether he can eat foods himself. I always sent vegan alternatives to parties and managed the environment so he didn’t feel left out and it wasn’t so hard for me. We all want to make sure our kids don’t get fixated on food but sometimes what is simplest for your kids depends on many factors – his father was vegan, I had supportive omnivore friends and family, we didn’t do daycare, kinder etc Anyway just another perspective here.
Great perspective Miri. Kids shouldn’t have to weigh temptations and possibly suffer from guilt.
My kids are grown, but I deeply regret not raising them as vegans. When my oldest was three and in pre-school, the peer pressure to eat cake, ice cream, cheese pizza, cookies etc. was relentless. It was hard to say “no” to him when he was offered birthday cake at a friend’s birthday party. That was the start of a very dairy-laden phase of life. I found myself buying and preparing foods that made me sad–dairy and eggs. Both my kids are lifelong vegetarians, but very dairy-centered vegetarians.
Wow. You are such a great person.
I have always thought “absolutely my children will be vegan,” even though I know my husband will not be. You are so much more reasonable. Very inspiring to see your attitude towards it. Makes me want to be a better person haha.
I’m really sad and disappointed to read about your decision. I’m in a mixed marriage as well: I’m vegan and my husband is a veg-friendly omnivore. Our compromise was to raise our children as vegetarians until they were old enough to make an informed decision. For them, this was around the age of 9 or 10, and at that time, they both went vegan (they have literally never tried any animal flesh in their whole lives). They are now nearly 11 (almost a year as a vegan) and 13 (four years as a vegan), and they are two of the happiest, healthiest kids around. I admire their resolve, and am so proud of their commitment to not harm animals. They would no sooner eat a cow than they would a dog. It’s not always easy, but then again, following your heart and ethical beliefs isn’t necessarily a simple choice. It is, however, very worth pursuing. My omnivore husband is supportive. It’s not able labels, it’s about reducing suffering of living beings and pursuing an environmentally-friendly diet.
I am trying to write something meaningful here but I really just want to scream! There is no middle ground if you are a vegan. Either you are exploiting other species or you are not.
Veganism is not a diet. In fact, one can choose to be a junk food vegan. I LOVE vegan cupcakes!
What makes me a vegan is that I do my best not to contribute in anyway to the suffering of other animals no matter what time of day it is. It is not okay for an animal to die for my palate pleasure just because I only dine on his flesh after 6:00 or at family gatherings.
I do not consume dairy because, cows are not miracle workers. Cows only can produce milk when they have babies, just like you and me. What do you think happens to those babies so that people can take their mommies’ milk? What happens to those mommies when they can no longer produce milk? (Yes, even humanely raised, organic….)
Humans eat female chickens and eggs that come from hens. What do you think happens to baby boy chickens? What do you think happens to hens after they stop laying? (Even Free Range Organic/ Yes, even pasture raised)
Do humans need to eat animals or what they produce to be healthy? Is our goal to raise our children so that they don’t stand out but so they fit in? Is our goal to teach our children that when they are away from home that it is okay to contribute to the suffering of others because it is just a little bit and it makes everyone around them so happy when they stuff their little faces with flesh and secretions from other sentient beings?
If you are not 100% cruelty free you are not a vegan. Your diet may be similar to what a vegan eats. You may have a whole food plant based diet.
And…. Finally, please, stop using the label because it doesn’t belong to you. In 45 years I have never liked any label other than VEGAN. Those of us that are vegans are proud of it because we know how valuable it is.
I am the mother of two kind, sensitive, happy, funny, well adjusted vegan boys. I really only wish that I had the answers to the questions I asked above before they were born. They became vegans with me when they were four and eight and we learned together where our food and all of the products in our life came from. I wish I had never fed them flesh, dairy, or eggs and I hope that some of you moms that are considering it will reconsider.
Where does my husband stand on all of this? He was a meat eater and became a vegetarian (wanna be vegan) after watching “Earthlings”. Do I respect his choice to eat eggs and some cheese here and there? NO! I think it sucks. But… I LOVE him very much and he is 100% supportive of raising our children vegan.
I agree with what you said about “veganism is not a diet”. I think the key for one to truly commit to veganism is to sincerely and wholeheartedly understand all sentient beings deserve to live freely, happily and not being a slave/ commodity to anyone. Life challenges all of us because we all have desires, selfish wishes, and we always have the urge to fill up our endless cravings, whether these cravings are power, money, beauty, or foods, etc. Only when we truly understand why animals existence aren’t here for us alone, then we can start to appreciate how precious each of their lives is and that we shall not harm any of them for any reason. We can all pull out our philosophical hats to write a book to back us up of our choices for consuming animals products and feel good about it – It’s not difficult! The road to compassion, love, understanding and selflessness isn’t an easy one.
First: I wouldn’t even date a non-vegan person.
Second: My son will be vegan, because that’s our nature.
So you wanna let her try any food she wants to? really? like refined sugar?
But when Angela got married, she and her husband were BOTH omnivores. What should she have done when she became vegan — gotten divorced? Our dietary choices and personal ethics evolve as we ourselves evolve and grow; does that mean that the people who were in our lives before that evolution should be cut out after it?
I see what you mean.
I mean: we are all vegan, but we think we can define our fisical constitution by what we choose to eat. We can’t! We are made to drink OUR mother’s milk until is enough, like any other mammals. And we can’t run to kill our prey and eat their raw flesh. So, we’re all vegan.
About the rest, they can do whatever they want with their lives and relationship. But I say that when you deeply understand the veganism, there’s no place for gray areas o negotiations about it. When I became a vegan I told my girlfriend: “this is the way and we’ll do it all the way, or there is no more relationship.” Since I can no longer love someone who doesn’t get it. She really got it, because she’s a very sensible person. Our sons will have the freedom to choose what they want to eat: if they want meat, they’ll go and hunt it with their own hand made weapons. But I know they won’t, by the time they can start designing wepaons they’ll be already committed to preserve the lives of all sentient beings.
thank you so much. It was like I was reading my own story with myself and my husband. Although we have no children yet this is a topic that we have talked about many times, we both have strong (emotional) feelings about food and it is hard not to get emotional when talking about the topic. My husband will eat anything I cook and when he cooks he cooks for both of us, which results in it being a vegan meal, however as many have stated here he eats meats and dairy products when a meal is just for him. I internally hope that my child chooses to be vegan, but at the very least I will try my best to instill good values and negate the desensitivity that happens so often with children who are not aware of where their food comes from and that the family dog is not that different than the cows in the fields. Thank you again for approaching this topic, it helped put me at ease that it will all be ok!
My daughter is just a few weeks younger than yours and we, too, have given this a lot of thought. My husband (also named Eric, by the way) has always been a pretty big meat-eater. He always enjoyed my vegan meals, but I never thought he would become a vegan. Not long after our daughter was born, one day, he told me that he wanted to go vegetarian because of the environmental impact of the meat industry – he hates what it’s doing to our planet and wants to live a healthy planet behind for our daughter.
Even before his shift to vegetarian, we had agreed that our children would be vegan in the home and whenever possible outside of the home, but vegetarian, non-dairy milk drinkers when out world without us. We don’t think it’s fair to put the pressure of tough dietary guidelines – that are hard enough for adults to follow – on little kids. Additionally, you just can’t expect other adults who are unfamiliar with vegan dietary guidelines to understand what your child’s requirements are. However, if you say, “she’s vegetarian and only drinks non-dairy milk,” they will likely get it.
We also don’t want our kids to be needlessly excluded from social events. We don’t want her to be left out of birthday parties because the parents don’t want to invite that vegan kid that doesn’t eat pizza or left out of Halloween because she can’t eat most of the candy she was given.
Every parent has the right to make these decisions for their own family. Just like breastmilk versus formula and sleep training techniques, everyone’s scenario is different and choices should be respected. We are doing way better by the planet and the animals in comparison to omnivores by eating a vegan diet at all, but other commenters here don’t seem to see that. I feel like we should be able to expect more understanding and compassion from vegans in regards to respecting our right to chose what diet is right for our family because vegans are constantly having to fight omnivores for that same respect. It’s disappointing to see how judgmental some people can be. It really makes vegans look bad.
First, don’t call yourself a vegan because obviously you have not understood the real meaning of being vegan. You can call yourself a plant-based person.
Second, parents or not, we teach children good manners and values. We teach them to treat others well irrespective of their gender or race. We teach them not to kick, slap, or beat others. Should we let them do all these things and let them decide and pick a choice? No! There is no other choice.
Murdering an animal for food or clothing is WRONG! And this is something fundamental that every child needs to embrace if he or she has to grow up kind, loving, and compassionate.
Third, it amazes me how can a person live 24 hours with another person who doesn’t share ones values, unless those values are not important at all.
I laboriously read through 6+ pages of content.
I haven’t read any comments from long-time vegans with now-grown, adult children…
I’m interested in your perspectives and your “results”…
I raised three kids as vegans for probably almost every reason you’ve listed…
For ethics, compassion, the animals, consequences of factory farming, freedom from cruelty, their health, the environment, my own sanity….
I modeled balanced choices and cooked completely awesome food…but their Dad ate meat.
He never argued or discredited my point of view, he was always supportive of how we were raising the kids (the few years he was around).
Never a complaint, never an issue (I thought) as kids and pre-teens, but when they were old enough to “make their own choices”, ALL THREE OF THEM opted to eat meat like their Dad does ….and 15 – 20 years later they still do.
They are respectful of my choices and never bring animal products into my kitchen, but in the end, they all three admit they would have preferred to have been “allowed” to explore their own options from a much younger age – they all remember being “singled out”, being “different”, having to “explain” to friends way too often… I still stand by my beliefs, but it also sorta kills me that it affected them more than they let on…
Would I do it differently now? Yes, probably so.
My children come home and eagerly demand that I cook favorite childhood (vegan) recipes for them. They cook a lot of vegan things in their own homes and for friends. They can talk ethics and compassion endlessly and accurately.
But ultimately they still chose a non-vegan lifestyle. And I don’t feel guilty, unhappy or like a “failed parent” because of their choices. I know many people who do, or are setting themselves up to feel this way in a few short years if their children do not continue in their parents’ footsteps.
Take it from someone old enough to be most of you posters Grandma…
Life is too short to spend it trying to conform our child to everything we wish they would believe and support.
Do what you can, do it well, but don’t get bent out of shape if someone else does it, models it, preaches it or parents it differently. No matter HOW much you love, nurture, teach and shape your children, they are GOING to make their own choices in the end.
Angela is making the choice that works for her family. Bravo!
A thousand times BRAVO!!
I don’t think ANY of us can say what is best for someone else, and I’m shocked and amazed by the LACK of “compassion” shown here from people who think they DO know what is best for another.
One of the few sane voices here. Thank you Tofu Mom! :) Yet another reason why we need to be listening more often to those with many years of life experience!
Hi Tofu Mom, Thank you for sharing your story. Just because veg kids may opt to eat meat as an adult is no reason to feed them meat as children, in my opinion. It’s also never been easier to raise veg kids than it is today. Vegetarianism and veganism are more acceptable in mainstream society, and appropriate foods are available almost anywhere. I don’t understand why more veg parents aren’t raising their children with that diet & lifestyle!
Change happens because people stand up for what they believe, and there are more reasons than ever to consider a vegetarian or vegan diet. I hope that my kids, raised vegetarian and now vegan (ages nearly 11 & 13), are a voice of compassion for the next generation. Just because most people aren’t there yet, isn’t a good reason for us to give up or give in.
Thanks, Tofu Mom, for sharing your personal experience. I understand that what you’re saying is *not* that doing it over again, you’d feed your children meat/animal products, but rather that if you did it over again, you wouldn’t restrict them from choosing to eat meat/animal products. Your perspective (based on experience!) is so valuable.
That’s how I read what Angela wrote as well. I don’t know if it’s fair to construe Angela’s post as a statement that she will be preparing meat and animal products for her daughter and feeding them to her. I understood she was saying that she’d let her daughter choose when the time comes. I recognize that allowing a young child this “choice” is deplorable to some of her readers, however, it seems others have misunderstood her post to represent something it’s not. I’d be grateful for some clarification from Angela.
In closing, I struggle with how a community that values compassion and love above all else can spit this vitriol at someone whose work has inspired so many to (at least) reduce their animal/animal product consumption. It’s sad and seems short-sighted.
I’m super disappointed to hear this. I’m a big fan of your recipes, so vibrant, delicious and healthy. I suppose, now I know that your choice to eat “vegan” — or plant-based — is only for health, not for the animals? Each to his own, I guess. It seems like a huge missed opportunity for advocacy for the billions of animals that get slaughtered in the US alone, and a chance to inspire a new generation via your daughter. I hope you’ve seen Ruby Roth’s stuff?
Oh and why are ALL the comments supportive of your decision? Are these comments moderated and filtered?
Many, many of the comments on this post are in the same vein as yours, actually.
Fortunately, my boyfriend is vegan (so am I) so our biological and/or adopted children will be raised so. Our debate stands in raising them as non-believers or believers. haha
Good luck to you!
And all the people who use Angela’s recipes and reduced their consumption of meat have reduced suffering of animals. I don’t care if people eat a vegan diet (yes, I am going to call it a vegan diet because the term has meaning) because they think it makes their eyebrows thicker. In the end the result is that less animals are suffering. If people want less suffering for animals I don’t see why they aren’t supportive of people who help reduce that suffering.
I’m with Sayward Rebhal on this one: kids develop a taste for the kinds of foods they had as small children. Even when some of my children stopped eating vegetarian, their comfort foods were still bean burritos and black bean enchiladas….they don’t even know that meat is “supposed” to go in enchiladas. Why am I a vegetarian rather than a vegan?….cheese….like so many others…cheese. Had I not developed such a taste for it as a small child, it would have been easier to make the switch by now.
If I had to do it all over again (five kids, ages 13-22) I would cook and serve only vegan foods at home, order vegan foods at restaurants, tell my kids to avoid the obvious meat and dairy foods, and not frkn sweat it if there is an egg in Grammy’s birthday cake.
As it stands now, we cook only vegetarian in the house and have not bought eggs or milk in quite a while, We still struggle with cheese. :( I did have my children watch Earthlings, and we do discuss where food comes from. They will have to take it from here.
A baby can’t really make a decision, so if I ever have one I will teach my baby the truth about the meat industry. I will show love and compassion for animals. And my 4 siblings don’t eat meat, so family gatherings, not that big of a problem. If my baby decides to participate in the meat when he/she is older, that’s on them. However , it’s my job as a parent to show my baby the positive way. A lot of times racism is a result of being encouraged or allowed at a young age.
I have been living the vegan lifestyle for over 2.5 years. I eat a vegan diet purely because I love all animals and will never again willingly and knowingly take part in any sort of animal cruelty. I am currently 15 weeks pregnant and I creating a vegan pregnancy vlog to share our journey with others but also in hopes of inspiring others. (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdPP2BuCXcTJVYF5mte2yjA) My husband is vegan as well and our furry daughters (we are all thriving). It is not difficult for me to choose to raise my child vegan but I am aware that difficulties will arise along the way – nothing I am not ready and willing to face. We decided that our child will eat vegan and live a vegan lifestyle. We also are aware that there will come a point where our child will want to try what other kids are having, or eat things at large family gathering which are not vegan (cakes, cookies etc…). We will face those times when they come. I believe that we will give our child a choice to eat things as long as they can communicate and understand what they are taking part in. At such a young age it comes down to doing what is best for your child- because they really do not know better. So I will not allow my toddler to smoke a cigarette or drink alcohol just as I will not allow them to take part in animal cruelty. I wish I was raised 100% vegan. I want to give that opportunity to our child, at least until they can make their own mature and knowledgeable decisions. I will make sure I always have vegan alternative treats on hand. No one said it would be easy, but I know in my heart it will be worth it. I love Oh She Glows because she makes vegan recipes easy, appealing, tasty and available for the world and that is something I will always be grateful for. Rant is done :P Please check out my vegan youtube channel that I posted above and leave a comment under a video to let me know that you found me here — I look forward to connecting!
For me Veganism isn’t just a diet, it is also a moral obligation. I don’t think I will be forcing my beliefs on my future kids (I am not a mom yet) if I let them eat compassionate, because if I would feed them animals and their secretions, I feel like I would be feeding them violence. Going to watch the little lambs with them in the spring, let them pet a rabbit, teaching them to be kind and respectful toward the animals we come across and having these animals killed, and feed them to my child at the same time, feels like lying and even a form of abuse. I realized only a couple of years ago that my mom and I would save a baby blackbird that fell from the tree and how happy we where when it was save again. After that we would eat mom’s chicken soup with eggs in it! In our carnistic society you won’t notice the contradiction that one life matters, and the other simply doesn’t. And if anyone is forcing diets on our kids it is society! I don’t always agree with the values of our society, therefore I will not copy them on my kids. I guess if my kid goes to a birthday party of non vegans, I will bake a vegan cake for him or her, and if I get the recipe of your page, I am sure they will not complain! ( < :
just an FYI that Amazon will take her book back if you would like to return it. several people on a vegan FB bored I frequent got in touch with him yesterday and verified that to be so
I definitely think this topic is a “to each his/her own” kind of thing. I became vegetarian before becoming pregnant with my first daughter and even though my husband and I pretty much knew where we stood, I looked everywhere for guidance on this topic. I pretty much never found it because like you, our household isn’t all vegetarian; my husband eats meat.
Finally, we decided we’d raise our kids vegetarian and if they ever want to eat meat, we won’t stop them. So far, my oldest (who is in kindergarten) hasn’t and I rarely get much weirdness about it from teachers, etc. I had one medical student try to lecture me once but then our pediatrician came in and stuck up for me saying I knew what I was doing.
Anyway, I want to go back and read all these comments now!
xx
I wanted to add that my kindergartener did come home from school once saying she wanted to eat meat because all of her friends say “she has to!” but we didn’t think that was a mature, solid reason to do so. We want her to make her own decisions, not let peers decide for her… it was a tricky situation but we feel good about how we handled it.
Wow.. these comments. I am not vegan although I consider my reason for being vegetarian both for animals and my health (it started purely for animals). I believe those of us who want to stand up for animals ought to do so and support others when they want to, but not condemn those who make an educated decision not to. If a person like Angela chooses not to call her daughter vegan, so what? There are way bigger battles to fight, especially when it comes to animal cruelty and children. Her decision does not mean anyone has to follow suit, nor does it take away from the amazing resource her cookbooks and website are for vegetarians and vegans.
I believe we should all practice compassion, not only to animals, but to fellow humans. We should also teach that compassion to our children, of course. However, in the grand scheme, any person who eats a plant based diet, along with an occasional serving of meat is still doing way more for animals than most.
Keep being you, Angela! xx
Agree completely Nicole, especially with the compassi
on! Thanks to Angela, I’ve made such healthy changes in my own diet and that of my family over the past year, and I’m truly grateful for her inspiration. (And as a direct result of that inspiration that many fewer animals were consumed in my little corner of the world.)
One thing I did not see in all these posts is what eating animals is doing to our environment. If Adriana would like a planet to live on, I suggest her mother ( and anyone reading this) watch http://www.cowspiracy.com/ and make some drastic changes.
Thanks Linda, for mentioning Cowspiracy! It is one of the best and most important Documentaries I have seen so far. I think everybody who cares for this planet and the future of their children should watch it for a wake up call before it’s too late.