Hands down, one of the most asked questions I’ve received since I announced my pregnancy last March is whether we will raise our daughter a vegan. It’s something that Eric and I discussed long before getting pregnant, but we revisited the topic again when I did get pregnant. I’ve been clear in the past that our household is not a vegan household – Eric doesn’t follow a vegan diet, although a lot of his meals are vegan because he loves the food that I make (yup, tooting my own horn! hah). He now enjoys hundreds of foods he wouldn’t even touch when we first started dating and it’s been incredible to see his diet transform over the years from deep fried fast food to vibrant veggie-filled home-cooked meals. From eating a huge bowl of frosted flakes cereal to a huge green smoothie every morning, the change has been huge. So even though he’s become more conscious about selecting organic meat from local farms whenever possible and eschewing a large amount of dairy from his diet, he has no plans of going vegan. I support him completely; after all, he was never vegan before we met and he is happy and healthy which is what matters.
Many people have assumed that we would raise Adriana on a vegan diet, but we’ve actually decided not to label her diet in any shape or form. This is for a couple reasons. First, I want her to be able to try any food that she wants to, including the food her dad and family members eat in front of her. Second, I want her to decide for herself when she is older whether she will attach any sort of label to her diet. I have personally experienced benefits and drawbacks to labeling my own diet, and I don’t want to put my beliefs on her or assume that my diet is the best diet for her. That being said, we eat so many plant-based meals in this house I have no doubt that her diet will be filled with vegetables, fruit, legumes, beans, whole grains, nuts, seeds, and healthy fats! We are very grateful for the food we have access to and above all, I’d like to instill this sense of gratitude in her and also an excitement for healthy food, understanding its impact on our energy, etc. We are incredibly lucky that we even have the privilege of discussing this topic. But would we stop her from enjoying some of her dad’s chicken or a birthday cake at a friend’s party or a home-cooked meal at Mimi’s or Babcia’s house? No we won’t (assuming she doesn’t have an allergy down the road, of course).
I know that deciding what to feed one’s family is a very personal topic, but I want to be open about it as I have with my own dietary changes in the past. Obviously, there is no right or wrong answer to this question. Vegan households can work really well if that is the goal (and I know many friends who are currently rocking it!), but this is what we’ve decided is right for us.
I’d love to hear from you about this topic. Have you ever struggled with the decision as to whether to label your child’s diet? Do you live in a household with different diets or allergies? How do you find a balance?
PS – Adriana turned 6 months on Saturday! We celebrated by giving her her first solid food – avocado. I haven’t laughed so much in a long time. It was seriously awesome. I also re-read her birth story and cried a little. More on this feeding thing later.
xo
Comments are now closed – May 20/15
I think that is totally the right attitude, I feel EXACTLY the same way. Sometimes I think it would be easier if my husband had the same diet, but not fair of me to change who he is! The same goes for my children (they are 2 and 5). I cook 100% vegan food, but like you, at birthday parties and grandmas and grandpas etc. they eat what is served and I am okay with that and will also let them come to their own conclusion. Thank you for publishing my stance exactly and I really hope you dont get any flack from anyone, Also. I never call myself a vegan for the same reasons…. I just tell people I am plant-based as I continue to have local honey as I believe it helps with my severe seasonal allergies. You rock Angela, you inspired me to become plant based and to keep going at it with your wonderful cookbook and beautiful blog posts. I can NOT wait for OSG2 :)
Avocado wad my little guys first food too!
I think that that’s a great approach to take. I was raised in a vegetarian household, and was the product of a vegan pregnancy, but was always allowed to eat meat outside the house if I wanted to.
What do you know, that as soon as I got old enough to really know my own mind, I chose to become veggie, then vegan all by myself. I am really pleased that my mum let it be my own decision, as it feels like something that is mine and wasn’t fobbed off on me.
I think I’ll do the same when I have kids, too.
Thank you for posting this article, it has reaffirmed the decision I made for my children as well. I am the only Vegan in my household and I had at one point tried to get my daughters on the same, however, they started to complain and said that they really like meat and wanted it and cheese back in their diet. I have since come to the same conclusion as you did and I am not forcing my way of eating on them and I will allow them to decide when they are older, what works best for them. Don’t get me wrong, these little girls still get a healthy does of vegan cooking, but I do include what they enjoy as well.
I had the exact same approach in mind when my daughter was born. Had the same conversation with my omni hubby and we agreed to the exact same thing. Our daughter would eat what we all eat.
Then I started doing more research on the harmfulness of meat and dairy. Plus that I would have to cook it for her. And that during family gatherings I would have to feed it to her.
I immediately changed my mind. If I’m eating a healthy vegan diet, take so much care to avoid chemicas and the toxic products that are meat and dairy, then my daughter shall also.
We also learned early on that she was lactose intolerant (non vegan formula top up when my milk didn’t come in) so I wouldn’t want her to eat something she was allergic to just because she may have “grown” out of it, or just not showing obvious signs of allergy.
It wasn’t hard for us and my husband is supportive. We are working on family understanding, which takes time.
I think there can be something in-between: I am feeding my baby girl only vegan food and am asking others only to feed her vegan food (in daycare, at grandparents) as long as she is still a baby and is being fed by adults. When she starts asking about food and feeding herself and going to birthday parties and such, or sees what my relatives eat at big family gatherings, then she is allowed to try whatever she wants. Still doesn’t mean I as a parent am feeding her anything but vegan food. Maybe that is what Angela is trying to do as well? Maybe she means that her husband will let her daughter try his food too. Not that she is going to cook non-vegan things for her.
I’m vegan and my fiance is not. We both agreed that we let our future children choose the lifestyle they want. I, however, will educate them about where their food is coming from, how it is made, how it affects our bodies, the animals, and our planet. These information were not given to me growing up which I know would have helped me. I feel that I got deceived living the way I did before and would have made a compassionate choice earlier if I had known the truth.
Hey Angela!
My daughter turned 4 months old on Friday and it has been so much fun reading your posts on Adriana – it is like a sneak peek into what lies in the weeks to come! :)
My husband is vegetarian and I am not, and we have had very similar discussions about what our daughter’s diet should include. I cook mostly vegetarian food and often weeks go by when I have not cooked any meat in the house. However, on those occassions when I do cook meat, I want to have both the vegetarian and non-vegetarian options on the table and let her decide, with no pressure at all from mommy or daddy! Once she is old enough, we are going to explain our choices to her, and again, it will be up to her to decide what she wants in her diet!
On a side note, we had a hilarious episode on Christmas morning that involved your cookbook! It so turns out that my husband and I had the exact same idea – we gifted each other a copy of your cookbook – so now we have two copies on our bookshelf! Seriously, what were the chances of this happening?! We laughed a lot about it, but it made me feel good that we were so in sync! Keep up the good work and we cannot wait for your next cookbook! :)
Oh my goodness, she has a Babcia! How lucky, Babcia’s are the best! Mine always had the best cooking.. :) I’ll always remember her food. I think you have a wonderful, healthy perspective on this topic. Best wishes to you and your little one, Halina
Haha. I thought the same thing! I was like “Babcia”! My daughter is 7 months old and we are discussing her food as we have introduced her to solid foods (and I am considering staying vegan past my current 30-day challenge) but I was thinking of all the delicious Polish food I will miss out on like Kielbasa (especially since we are visiting Poland next year and my own Babcia)
My husband and I have the same take on the subject. I’m mostly vegan and my husband is pescetarian. Our daughter doesn’t eat meat but we don’t deny her little pleasures in life such as birthday cake or popcorn on occasion. We’re not naive and know as she grows older she will be curious when she goes to have sleepovers and her friends eat pepperoni pizza or burgers. She will try meat and she may like it and choose that diet. We constantly talk to her about what is healthy and what is not. She is always asking and honestly at 3 1/2 she has more knowledge about health food than many adults. She makes us so proud but we feel restricting her too much will only cause retaliation. We find balance is best.
No offense, but there’s no such thing as “mostly vegan.”
She means she mostly eats a vegan diet. What’s wrong with that? Would you prefer she be a carnivore?
She’s a vegetarian.
You can be a vegetarian and eat very little dairy/eggs, ie mostly vegan.
Of course there is :) Please dont be so narrow-minded.
What she means is the exact definition of being vegan, which has become very watered down recently with plant base diets growing in popularity. So yes technically speaking you can not be mostly vegan. It’s a belief system not a diet, which is to avoid any and all exploitation of animals through diet, entertainment and clothing. That has been the definition since the 1940’s. Just thought I would clarify, it is something that does kind of bug most strict vegans because it only hurts the cause unfortunately when people water down the meaning.
Yep Mariana I agree. Why label yourself half vegan or 3/4 vegan? Is there something you feel isn’t good enough about being vegetarian? Then go vegan.
I understand the point being made here for those who define themselves as vegan. When you say “I’m vegan” you are expressing a whole belief system, just as I do when I say “I am a Christian.” It’s about more than going to church, it’s how we believe and behave in all we do. It really matters to us. However, I think it’s fine for someone to say they eat a vegan or mostly vegan diet, as my family does. I always explain what that means to anyone who asks and clarify what a vegan lifestyle actually means, too. For us, I am 95% plant-based at home and my family is 85-90% plant-based. My husband and girls drink organic milk and eat organic cheese and eggs. Occasionally they have deli meat that is nitrite and nitrate free. But when it comes to my cooking, it’s vegan, with the only exception being wild caught fish, maybe shrimp. I know that I am not a vegan in terms of my belief system. However, I do see the tremendous value in eating a mostly-plant based diet…and if you told me you weren’t Christian but wouldn’t mind coming to church with me sometime, I would welcome you and be thrilled you were there:) There’s room in this world for all of us and our beliefs as long as we’re respectful and tolerant of each other, and our children have the right to make decisions for themselves as they wish to. My girls understand the importance of healthy, whole foods over processed and refined foods and that those things are for the very rare indulgence. My oldest daughter loves meat, is a self- professed carnivore who is healthy and vibrant and plans to be a veterinarian! Figure that one out!!;)
it all about a label or not. I eat mostly vegan but eat fish on occasion. There is obviously a difference in being a vegetarian or eating mostly vegan. I don’t eat meat, eggs or dairy and when I need to register somewhere I sure as heck am going to say ‘vegan’ and not, no meat, eggs, dairy, etc. that’s way too cumbersome. Im sorry to say but it’s that attitude that turns people away from the vegan lifestyle. Would you rather people say screw the animals, this is too militant to me or show some openness towards different styles of eating? If the time is right for me to stop eating fish I will call myself vegan until that time I will be a ‘mostly vegan’.
Couldn’t have said it better myself. I used to be an aspiring vegan. I can get behind the lifestyle/belief system associated with that and I’ve come a long way in achieving a cruelty free diet and lifestyle but the people can be embarrassing. And with an all or nothing attitude and propaganda I see from so many vegan resources, I’d rather not be associated with them. I don’t call myself vegan so much anymore, I just let my choices and food I share do the talking and hope that it will start a dialogue.
No need to bash vegans.
Hello not trying to rock the boat here (honestly)-I think that identifying as a vegan means recognising entirely putting one lifestyle behind you and moving on to another (ie wholly vegan) especially if the veganism is for ethical reasons. It also gives some recognition to the personal sacrifices you’ve made (cheese is wrong but giving it up was harder than expected!) So I think that’s why a lot of vegans get angry at the term ‘mostly vegan,’ because they see it as kind of undermining their own identity, as well as obviously going against their ethical beliefs. I know it’s pernickety but even saying ‘eating mostly vegan’ as opposed to ‘mostly vegan’ has much less impetus to insult-‘mostly vegan’ can quickly be read as ‘I believe in cruelty free living and am against the oppression of animals-however chickens are obviously exempt from this because they are tasty.’ I just want to say that there are 2 sides of the coin-for every militant propaganda toting vegan there is a more symapthetic vegan (or 2 or 3-we definetly outnumber the extremists who are apparently giving us a bad rep) who is so happy that you’re eating mostly vegan and just want to support and encourage you to turn full vegan. Sorry if you’ve had a bad experience, but as in all representative groups the extremists tend to be the minority so please don’t generalise and assume that because someone is annoyed by your term ‘mostly vegan’ that they are all people hating angry vegans about to go and stab steaks in the local Sainsbury’s. I’m sure you could easily sympathise with the anger some feel at the term you are defending-when it comes to morals and ethics I think everyone has the right to be passionate. Another point I have to make is that a lot of vegans are CONSTANTLY fighting criticism over their diet-mostly by their friends who seem to take dietary choice as a direct challenge/insult (sigh) so I think a bit of anger/bitterness against people they associate with eating non-vegan products can probably be explained by that as well.
I agree with what you’re saying (and the other Amanda). I will always believe that any positive change deserves recognition. I definitely agree that people that are fanatical about ‘the rules of being a vegan’ are what scare people away. Telling someone they’re not doing good enough will just make them give up not motivate them. We need more positive steps (even if they are baby steps) from as many people as possible, not just the few ‘elite’. I feel like vegan has become kind of a dangerous word. If you say it to any strong minded vegans they’ll scrutinize you and if you say it to an omnivore they’ll cringe because they’re waiting for you to go into a rant about how evil they are. I like to stay out of the danger zone and use the words plant-focused (when I was still eating fish) and plant-based. For some reason those words seem more acceptable to everyone. lol
That might technically be the definition but I disagree it hurts the cause to water down the meaning. I think many people run away screaming at the prospect of being a “vegan” on these terms. So they don’t even try. If more people tried to be vegan the world would be a better place for all. I have nothing but respect for you sticking so closely to your principles it is impressive but just not inclusive enough.
Honestly, I was thinking about going vegan, but the idea and pressure of having to adhere to such a strict philosophy with such scrutiny and little flexibility is a little daunting.
I think a lot of omnivores feel just the same way you do Tracy which is unfortunate. I have heard so many people say I couldn’t ever be vegan because….it is one food or another they couldn’t live without. So they don’t even try and meat and milk multiple times a day. If they could be vegan except when they eat what ever it is they cannot live without they would be a lot healthier and and animals would be a lot better off. If everyone observed meatless Monday for example it would have a much larger impact than and one person becoming 100% vegan all of the time. When people realize how wonderful a plant based diet can be maybe many of them would be plant based more often.
Exactly, you eat a variety of foods, mostly plants but not always? Then you’re an omnivore. Done. Simple as that. Stop giving yourself an unearned title to sound like your doing more than just eating mostly plants but not always. It’s really very, very simple.
Well said. It’s not complicated at all.
I am a strict vegan and I think it is absolutely disgraceful to shame someone about being “mostly vegan”. Good for them! I am thankful people are taking notice of the change that needs to be made in the world! Who am I to judge someone who is trying to better themselves, and in turn, make a difference? Perhaps vegans who are “offended” by this should try encouraging those who are almost there instead of knocking them down. How dare you put such an ugly face to the vegan diet? Those of you who are taking this nasty approach to other aspiring vegans aren’t the true vegans. This lifestyle is not something you adopt in order to shame others and put yourself on a high horse. You are not better than anyone else. Perhaps you should try to adopt a more loving, understanding and peaceful mindset before tying to pass on your poisonous one to others.
Well said Esther.
I believe there is no such thing as mostly vegan or mostly vegetarian. If you eat mainly a plant based diet but you include meat you are still an omnivore. It’s good that your eating less meat, but it doesn’t mean you are a vegetarian or vegan.
Well said Esther! I think it is so pretentious to come down on someone for saying ‘mostly vegan’ I mean please, people need to get over themselves. Who gives a shit about ‘vegan’ or ‘vegetarian’ or any of that, labels are bullshit, plain and simple. Let’s just be happy that people are choosing to eat less meat and animal products. geez.
Brilliantly put Esther, no need for shaming at all.
So being vegan is an earned title now…huh good to know.
Umm, yes, there is. Or you could say predominantly vegan. How about 80% vegan?
I’m learning to say “I eat a plant-based diet” to avoid all that goes along with the true vegan lifestyle. I eat honey, I would wear silk clothing if I had it, and I do wear shoes made from leather. But I don’t eat meat, fish, dairy, eggs or cheese. I used to tell people I’m vegan, but I realized that’s not entirely true when someone commented about the leather and honey issue. Since then I’ve tried to remember to tell people, “I am plant-based.”
Hurrah!
As always Angela, you are balanced and reasonable. The guys at Green Kitchen Stories have a similar take – though they are both vegetarians I remember reading about them letting their kids eat things like fish and whatnot when they’re at daycare, with their grandparents etc.
On an oddly related note: I was raised by a very atheist mother and very Catholic father. I asked my mother once why she bowed down to her kids having first communion and being confirmed (especially me, having always raged against the church unlike my brothers). Living in Ireland, there were at the time of my elementary education no options but Catholic schools open to us. Mam said that she thinks it’s tough on kids to make them stand out at such a young age. I would have been removed from my classmates multiple times a week. And, indeed, I remember the occasional kids who weren’t involved in the rituals really missing a lot of bonding time and adventure.
I think there’s a lot to be said for letting kids blend in unless they choose not to (I went veggie at 7 and did not give a single fuck what the other kids and their parents had to say, but it was very much my choice!)
Keep on being your awesome mama bird self!
I am completely behind you 100%! What you’re doing is amazing and your daughter is super lucky to have you guys as parents! Xo
I hate diet labels too! I feel diet evolves as we do. I am gluten free and what I guess could be called vegan but my husband is omnivorous. Our 13 month old enjoys a high plant based diet but also loves a few animal proteins. We let him choose what he wants. I feel I cannot tell him to eat one thing when my husband and I have different diets. I believe giving choices is important, at least for our family.
Well put! I have been veggie for over 20 years and vegan for 3 months. I, too, have a meat eating husband and we have raised two daughters with a healthy mix of both. Some days I have to do a lot more cooking than most but allowing my family to make their own food choices has worked for us. Plus it’s kind of cool to know they have the knowledge to make and enjoy healthy choices! :)
Thank you for posting Angela. I am currently 36.5 weeks pregnant, Vegetarian and my husband is a meat eater. We had a lengthy conversation about this very topic last night! I’d love to raise my children as Vegetarian, but I know its going to be challenging especially as I live in a world where meat is eaten. Eaten in our house, and also by my family and friends. I think we’ll try to stick to plant based meals with our new son as much as possible, but once he asks to try something his Dad is eating, then we’ll let him try.
We decided something similar. We won’t stop our son if he decides to eat any meat or dairy when he’s out or if it’s available. However, we won’t cook any of it at home, so at home he will have to adhere to our diet.
Hi Angela!
As a mother of a 3-year-old, I can tell you it isn’t easy to live in a world with so many diet labels.
My husband and I were faced with this decision when my son started solids and around that same time, our transition to a plant-based diet was becoming more and more apparent.
Today, we don’t call ourselves vegetarians (we still eat eggs, little fish and the weekly meal at each of our parents’ house does sometime include meat).
I would say however that we do eat meat-free 85% of the time, which is huge in today’s society.
Like you, we believe in letting our son try everything there is out there and let him decide, once he’s older. But he looooooves his veggies so we’re not worried that he’ll have a healthy, whole foods diet which will include lots and lots of fruits and veggies (and probably the occasional meat if that’s what he wishes).
I don’t think being a vegetarian or a vegan is about being perfect. It’s about being aware of where our food comes from and making decisions based on what we believe.
Thanks for this post…..I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately.
Can I also say THANK YOU for your cookbook. I absolutely love every recipe I have tried so far and each week, when I plan my meals, your book is the first I reach out for. Can’t wait for #2!
We have the same beliefs. I eat a plant-based diet but my husband does not. I try not to put labels on my own diet because people often have an expectation that if I eat a “vegan” diet, then I’m vegan and should be raising my children the same.
Growing up, my parents forced their beliefs on me and I really had a hard time with that. I want our girls to make their own decisions about what they eat so that they have a healthy relationship with food and get to try out a variety of foods. When we eat meals as a family they are vegan and my husband will prepare them and devour them. My kids enjoy them too. When they are out, they can each choose what they want to eat.
I haven’t eaten meat in almost 10 years and for many of those years I was vegan. My daughter has just turned 6 months old as well and friends and family are constantly asking me the same question.
The last couple of years I’ve fallen off the wagon a bit health wise. Since becoming pregnant I’ve been trying to get back on track.
I was litterally just searching your page (this morning) to see what you planned on feeding your little lady!
Your blog has helped me SO MUCH (for many years). Finding your recipes and reading about your lifestyle has been quite inspiring. I’m so happy I happened to have a baby around he same time to follow your progress and learn from your practices.
THANK YOU!
Such a wonderful post! I love how open and honest you are. Your approach to raising her is so thoughtful and reasonable, I love it!
Sounds like a very sensible way to raise your daughter, and I’m sure she’ll be thankful for it in the long run. But your recipes are so delicious that she won’t be wanting for delicious, nutritious food. :-)
I’m in a mixed household too: husband is an omni, my daughter and I are veggies. I too would not prohibit my baby from trying all the foods available to her. But since my decision to be veggie is primarily out of compassion for other sentient beings, then I would continue to buy only enough animal based food for one person like I currently do. That way I can still have my 200 animals spared per year. There are always ways to minimize the amount of animal based foods too and I think that’s what I’d turn to if she decided to go that route as she got older.
I love love love your recipes! And I so appreciate what you do!