Hands down, one of the most asked questions I’ve received since I announced my pregnancy last March is whether we will raise our daughter a vegan. It’s something that Eric and I discussed long before getting pregnant, but we revisited the topic again when I did get pregnant. I’ve been clear in the past that our household is not a vegan household – Eric doesn’t follow a vegan diet, although a lot of his meals are vegan because he loves the food that I make (yup, tooting my own horn! hah). He now enjoys hundreds of foods he wouldn’t even touch when we first started dating and it’s been incredible to see his diet transform over the years from deep fried fast food to vibrant veggie-filled home-cooked meals. From eating a huge bowl of frosted flakes cereal to a huge green smoothie every morning, the change has been huge. So even though he’s become more conscious about selecting organic meat from local farms whenever possible and eschewing a large amount of dairy from his diet, he has no plans of going vegan. I support him completely; after all, he was never vegan before we met and he is happy and healthy which is what matters.
Many people have assumed that we would raise Adriana on a vegan diet, but we’ve actually decided not to label her diet in any shape or form. This is for a couple reasons. First, I want her to be able to try any food that she wants to, including the food her dad and family members eat in front of her. Second, I want her to decide for herself when she is older whether she will attach any sort of label to her diet. I have personally experienced benefits and drawbacks to labeling my own diet, and I don’t want to put my beliefs on her or assume that my diet is the best diet for her. That being said, we eat so many plant-based meals in this house I have no doubt that her diet will be filled with vegetables, fruit, legumes, beans, whole grains, nuts, seeds, and healthy fats! We are very grateful for the food we have access to and above all, I’d like to instill this sense of gratitude in her and also an excitement for healthy food, understanding its impact on our energy, etc. We are incredibly lucky that we even have the privilege of discussing this topic. But would we stop her from enjoying some of her dad’s chicken or a birthday cake at a friend’s party or a home-cooked meal at Mimi’s or Babcia’s house? No we won’t (assuming she doesn’t have an allergy down the road, of course).
I know that deciding what to feed one’s family is a very personal topic, but I want to be open about it as I have with my own dietary changes in the past. Obviously, there is no right or wrong answer to this question. Vegan households can work really well if that is the goal (and I know many friends who are currently rocking it!), but this is what we’ve decided is right for us.
I’d love to hear from you about this topic. Have you ever struggled with the decision as to whether to label your child’s diet? Do you live in a household with different diets or allergies? How do you find a balance?
PS – Adriana turned 6 months on Saturday! We celebrated by giving her her first solid food – avocado. I haven’t laughed so much in a long time. It was seriously awesome. I also re-read her birth story and cried a little. More on this feeding thing later.
xo
Comments are now closed – May 20/15
This is what makes you so appealing to people like myself who are not vegan, or vegetarian, for that matter. You have a sensible, non-fanatical approach to food choices and your recipes promote healthy eating, and they are, of course, delicious!!
The extreme fanatical food choice is to eat plants, not dead animal flesh?
Thank you for sharing this post. It makes me feel good to hear that a very successful vegan blogger has a husband who has no intention of going vegan. I’ve always felt like I was doing something wrong – not cooking well enough or being convincing enough to get my hubby to make the switch. It’s frustrating to see him and my son eat meat, but they do eat a million times healthier than most men and boys we know thanks to my cooking only vegan at home. Like you, I don’t want to put pressure on my son (he already has a peanut allergy that puts unwanted restrictions on him), but I’m hopeful that one day he and my husband will see the light. If not, it’s a balance that I will have to accept. Thanks again!
I for one am sick and tired of labels.
They cause nothing but trouble…
You get the meat eaters who think you’re weird for being veg/vegan
You get the hostile Veg/vegans for for not doing as they do… etc etc
Everyone should be left alone about their choices when it comes to their diet.
We may not all agree with each others choices, but we all should do what we feel is best for ourselves, no having to explain yourself as to why you will or won’t eat this or that.
I am glad you have an open mind when it comes to your families diet and that you and your husband respect each others individual choices,
That’s the way to be.
Just eat what feels right for you.
You don’t do as vegans do. You subscribe to a plant based diet and think that somehow makes you vegan. It is not a personal or individual choice to kill other living creatures or be responsible for their deaths.
A little late to the dance and I think it’s already been said but, “Vegan” is defined both as a dietary choice and a lifestyle. The person using the word is the one that defines it for themselves. Not you.
This was so refreshing to read! Thank you for sharing!!
My husband and I were vegan for years before having children. We thought for sure we would raise our children vegan. Then when our son was about to turn 2 reality hit that it wasn’t going to work for us. No one else in our extended family is vegan so when grandparents came to visit for a week they wanted to eat non-vegan things in our house and our son didn’t understand why he couldn’t have what they were eating. Then we went to a birthday party where the menu was hot dogs, Mac n cheese and cupcakes…literally nothing was vegan. How do you tell a 2 year old he can’t eat what other 2 year olds are? Then we talked about our childhoods and doing things like trick or treating, getting ice cream after baseball games, etc. and how that was something special that we wanted him to also experience. So we made the choice to at least incorporate dairy into his diet. It was a choice we went back and forth on that ultimately made the most sense to us. I want my children to be able to make their own choices on food when they are old enough to understand. But we still try not to go dairy crazy and cook mostly vegan in our house but it’s nice to not be so restrictive.
Hearing your story has really validated our decision and made me feel relieved that someone I admire so much has the same feelings my family does. Sometimes the vegan community who is supposed to be compassionate can judge people so harshly on decisions like this.
Hi!
If animals could communicate their feelings, would you still be okay with your daughter making her own choice about the animal holocaust that is totally accepted. We, as parents, must teach what is right and what is wrong. If we don’t, then who will? Does anybody acknowledge the fairness, sensitivity and best interest of animals?
:-)
My kids LOVE being vegan and feel like they are lucky to be ALLOWED to be vegan, compared to so many of their friends that wish their parents were vegan and would let them be too. It isn’t always easy but if we didn’t teach them the reasons behind why we are vegan, I doubt they would have this perspective. I know it isn’t always possible for parents to raise their kids as strict vegans when both parents don’t agree, but even when my husband was an omnivore, he always supported my desire and our choice to raise our kids vegan. I’m so thankful for his support and so proud of my kids for the compassionate, loving choices they make everyday with their food.
Good job, Melinda! Nice to see someone raising compassionate kids instead of selling out just to fit it.
Susan, I find it pretty harsh to judge someones intentions of “fitting in” (I assume that’s what you meant to write?). I think people make choices for what is right for them and their own family and it is not anyone’s place to make assumptions as to why they make the choices they do.
I also believe that people can exercise compassion regardless of their diet choices. I find it ironic for you to praise compassion in the midst of a response that, in my opinion, lacks it.
Animals undergo intense suffering so people can have animal products. Animal products are unnecessary for a healthy diet, and are, for the most part, unhealthy. Therefore, the animals suffer and are murdered for the sole purpose of satisfying taste buds. What about that is compassionate? If someone was a rapist, would you want me to ‘accept’ their lifestyle because they can choose how to live their lives? Yet, cows are raped daily as part of the regular process in the dairy industry. Would you like me to accept someone who is sexist because it’s their choice? Yet, treating animals like they are inferior and don’t deserve as much of a life of freedom like anyone else is not only ok with you but you think that’s compassionate? I’m sorry the truth offends you, but I absolutely must disagree that people can exercise compassion regardless of food choices. There is nothing compassionate about what we do to animals. Nothing.
Me and my wife have both been vegan for about a year now and raise our three kids,
Two boys and a newborn girl a mostly vegan diet. They eat some meat outside the house. I think that way of thinking is fine and appropriate. I would only comment on the idea of “putting your beliefs on her” to me at least didn’t make sense. a parent who eats meat is doing the same thing with their children. It’s our job as parents to show or children the right and healthy and thanks to you tasty way to eat in this changing environment. If we instill a healthy diet in out children at an early age then that’s what they will feel comfortable with when they are older and then if they want can choose to try other food if they want, but I think instilling compassion and kindness at an early stage couldn’t possibly be bad for the next generation. Just my point of view but again I think your choice is fine and good just want crazy about the wording. :)
We feel the same way here too! My daughter is 9 months and we follow a mostly vegan diet but do not label ourselves either. This is right for us.
Further I have read a lot about allergies and am introducing foods that are likely allergenic before a year. She has had peanut butter, tofu, whole wheat bread, eggs, and dairy. Its better for your child to be exposed to all foods early to help prevent allergies/ sensitivities in the future.
Thanks for sharing! My family is dealing with this issue as well. I’m vegan, my husband is omni. With our first two kids, we decided they would not be raised vegan and could make up their own minds. Turns out my son is so intolerant of dairy that he cannot have any. And my oldest daughter is fairly lactose intolerant as well. With my youngest (she’s about 18 months), so far, she’s vegan and it’s sparked a number of arguments with my husband. We agreed she’d be dairy free due to all the lactose intolerance, but not as to other animal foods. She actually loves plant-based foods like tofu and veggies. So far, she’s vegan by default but at a certain point, we’ll have to figure it out. My older two are old enough to know where animal-based foods come from and we never sugar coat anything about where meat comes from. They have actually told me that when they are older, they will become vegan.
I just want to say that you handled this topic with such grace! I asked you on Instagram if you would be pissed off if she wasn’t a vegan and you said not at all, which surprised me. I am not a vegan and neither am I a vegetarian, but I enjoy cooking and consuming both types of recipes. Great post and good luck! She’ll be crawling and then running soon :)
well I can’t wait for the (inevitable, I hope) OSG Baby/Toddler cookbook chock full of kid approved vegetable based recipes!
Our households sound very similar! I chose to follow a vegan diet seven years ago and did it because I personally felt convicted to make the change. My husband eats mostly vegan because I do the cooking and he made the choice on his own to become pescatarian three years ago. He’s healthier than he’s ever been and much more conscious of his choices, but doesn’t have the desire to cut out all dairy or the occasional fish. Our son is 2.5 and we are raising him vegan because he’s eating the food that I make. However, we’ve agreed that when he starts making his own food choices we won’t limit him to only vegan food. I think it comes down to trust and practicality. I’ll share my views and I trust that my child will make choices that are right for him. But frankly I’m not going to police what my child eats when I’m not around. That’s just not reality.
This was so helpful! My husband and I will meet our first child in early June and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with my being plant based and Curtis being a consumer of all foods. What you’ve written is a great way to honor both parent and child autonomy and to respect all people and their food choices in the child’s life.
Great great post!!
It’s good to hear your story. I had my first babies (twins) just before Adriana was born and while I also mainly follow a vegan diet, my partner also eats meat occasionally and dairy when I don’t cook the meals. We also decided to be flexible with food, as I feel that we have a duty to offer our children choices to make for themselves. That said, until they are able to make those choices and understand the different options and benefits/drawbacks, we have decided to feed them a vegetarian diet.
But hearing your story was reaffirming and I applaud you for not feeling boxed into some one-size fits all! Because I am “mostly vegan” I sometimes feel a bit of pressure to either not identify as vegan, or feel bad because I’m not 100% vegan. So I like to hear others support a more open-minded approach to food!
I love this post! I really struggled with this when I first started feeding my now 17 month old solids. When it was time to head back to work, our son had been fed 100% vegetarian (not vegan) foods. I gave him egg yolk and whites early because I wanted to see if he had allergies. When we were lucky enough to find an amazing childcare spot, I was faced with the option to pack meat alternatives for his meals. I decided that I didn’t want him to feel different during those first days of eating socially with his baby peers. He now eats whatever is on the daycare menu, and is vegetarian at home with the rare exception of some fatty fish. The only thing I try to consciously limit is sugar which is only a real challenge with yogurt. I also find it funny that he LOVES milk.
Beautiful! I completely agree with your view 100%. I think letting Adriana experience what she chooses and to let her decide what is best for her down the line is wonderful. And if I decide to have children someday, while I will most likely be raising them in a veg household, I will absolutely not deny them a piece of birthday cake at a friend’s party. I can’t imagine how heartbreaking that would that be for them to be left out. ): How you raise your children, veg or not, is a very personal topic and choice, and there is no right or wrong answer. I think everyone has to do what is right for them. It is so brave for you to post this, and I thank you for it.
Well, I have been vegetarian/vegan my entire life (due to health issues) – I chose to allow my son to choose though. My ex was a deep fried white meat and potatoes guy when I met him and over the 20 yrs we were married, he added tones of healthy foods to his diet because of the food we cooked at home.
My son – eats fairly healthy for a 17 yr old boy. The junk food he has – typically is ‘raman’ and ‘nachos’. He loves soups with lots of veggies in it. He loves eating beans, edamame, avocado, onions, carrots, etc.
I think he is healthier for living in a house that has lots of variety and has offered him lots of options as he’s grown up. I can see him becoming more and more veggie as he grows older – mainly because he’s starting to notice the killing of animals, which is interesting as I have not really pushed that aspect of being vegan.
I think it is great that you aren’t putting any labels on Adriana’s diet. I don’t have children yet but as vegetarians, my husband and I both have decided it would be up to them to choose. Like you said, what matters most is that they are healthy. The best we can do is educate them on what’s happening in the food industry and hope they make the right decisions down the road (like sourcing humanely raised meat and dairy, if they choose to eat it).
Very rational and wise. Everyone comes to their own place in their own time. I am a veggie, my husband is not, my daughter is veggie and my sons would live on bacon if they could. No one likes a zealot and leading by example is the best for long term success. Lasting change comes from the inside.
I’m am so grateful for your openness here! My husband is very similar to yours, it sounds (although possible a little less healthy – Cheezits and Coke Zero are regular items in our shopping cart, but it’s all about baby steps, right?). For us, we try to cook a new item once per week and each week we rotate between something non-vegan (with vegan-friendly sides, usually) and something hearty & vegan (your blog has been a goldmine there!). And even though we don’t have kids, I get this question a lot. I’m on the exact same page as you here – I want my kids (someday) to be exposed to everything, educated about the many factors that go into the food on our plates, grateful for what we have, and empowered to choose for themselves.
Another question I get all the time is whether I’ll stay vegan through pregnancy if / when I have kids. I’d love to hear your answer here. I always say that my goal would be to stay vegan and consistent with my beliefs and lifestyle through pregnancy, but only if I could do so and maintain my health and the baby’s. Any thoughts on this loaded question?