On October 31, 2008, I was just a girl grasping for hope.
I was struggling with disordered eating that still lingered despite my best efforts to beat it. I felt like I had made a lot of progress, but there was still a missing piece to my puzzle.
Self-love.
I fought a daily battle of self-acceptance, depressive thoughts, and anxiety. Despite the smile on the outside, most days I felt like I was crumbling on the inside. I was simply going through the motions of life and the days were passing me by. Indeed, I was truly thankful for so many wonderful people in my life, but the one thing I couldn’t be thankful for was myself.
I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to get to that place of self-acceptance or happiness, but I decided the first step was going to be writing about it.
And so it all began with a simple Boo on Halloween day!
I have always loved writing because it comes to me easier than expressing my thoughts out loud. It is just me and a keyboard or piece of paper talking to someone out there and thinking things through. Writing is a way for my inner voice to be heard when often it is silenced by all the thoughts swirling through my mind. Writing gives each thought a chance, each thought a moment to be heard and I often clear my mind or work things out as I write.
I guess this is why I was never meant to be a researcher. While I did spend most of my time writing in grad school, my writing was very very formal, scientific, and sterile in many ways. I felt suffocated when I wrote a research paper and I always felt like I couldn’t express my true self. In a paper, there was little room for jokes, sarcasm, stories, or occasional curse words (trust me, I could have used them many times!). It was all too structured.
I wanted to set my thoughts free.
Starting this blog was a way for me to have a creative outlet at a time when my creativity felt stifled in many areas of my life. OSG was the one place where I felt like I could express myself fully. I would simply write about what I wanted to write about, just like in my Creative Writing class in high school that I loved so much. My teacher had us make Creative Writing journals in high school and we could write whatever we wanted to in them. Personal stories, clippings, drawings, poems, deep thoughts, jokes, and anything that we wanted to share. I absolutely loved this journal and I would talk about my struggles with disordered eating, my love for delicious healthy food, animals, exercise, running, the desire for happiness, and whatever else I wanted to talk about.
Over the past two years, I have found that missing piece of self-love. Even on the days when I can’t find it and I am having a bad day, I know that it isn’t far away and it will come back to me. I have met amazing people along the way and I have been touched by the support and kindness of others.
Today, I write because I am truly thankful for these past two years, for sharing my life with you, the ups and the downs, and the discussions, inspiring words, and support. My hope for the blog going forward is to give back as much gratitude, love, and inspiration as I get from writing each day.
Thank you for letting me come into your lives each day and also, for allowing me to come into yours.
As a small token of my appreciation, I am going to do some giveaways!
1) Draw for $25 Glo Bakery gift certificates to be given out to 5 random people
2) Draw for a homemade batch of cookies, Glo bars, or muffins (any from my recipes page!) shipped to your doorstep.
3) Grand prize draw for $100 Glo Bakery gift certificate to one random winner
If you’d like a chance to be entered in the giveaway, please leave a comment below telling me anything about your own passions, journey, or perhaps something you have grown to love about yourself. Contest closes Monday Nov 8th.
I’m off to the kitchen to shoot my video for Challenge #7! Hopefully there aren’t as many flops as last night. ;) Happy Halloween!
Thank you for the giveaway, Angela! I have grown to love my body as it has become stronger through yoga. Your blog has also been a great source of inspiration for this growing self-love. Thanks again!!
Happy birthday AND happy pay it forward day!
When my husband was considering leaving a job he hated, I had him read your posts. He decided to take your advice and follow his dreams…and that was one year ago!
I love you and everything your blog stands for. So cheers to another fabulous year ahead!
Happy blog birthday, dear! I just started reading your blog, and I am sad I didn’t discover it sooner. I’m in love!
I, too, find comfort in writing, and I, too, couldn’t express my real thoughts or let much of my personality shine through as a daily newspaper reporter. I’m still looking for my niche. I’m working part time right now and hoping the gods shine down soon. I’m passionate about writing and communicating with others. I’m passionate about living a healthy, balanced life. I’m passionate about baking and cooking. I hope they can all combine into something meaningful soon. I’m cooking, running and blogging to scratch the itch in the meantime. :)
Happy 2nd Birthday OSG!! I discovered your blog on New Years Eve/day 2010. It was exactly what I needed at the time as I was really struggling through my final year of college. Throughout this year as I graduated, went off to India for 5 weeks (to volunteer only to find when I got there that it was a scam!) and now have been job hunting with no success… I look forward to reading your blog everyday because there is always something I find in your posts which gives me that boost that I need to either get out the door and go for a run, or go experiment in the kitchen (which makes me sublimely happy) or whatever else it may be.
During this year, I have really made a change in how I view my relationship with food. I’ve always loved eating healthy, but in the past couple years I started getting addicted to various “diet plans”. Which was giving me tunnel vision. When I happened upon your blog it helped me to see that food is not the enemy and that restricting calories and certain foods only does more bad than good. So I am happy to say that this year, despite all the struggles with life, the one major success (other than finally graduating) was having that “ah-ha” moment and deciding to make a lifestyle change with both exercise and food. I now enjoy my runs and workouts and I enjoy making meals and trying new things out.
My main issue now is not being able to find a job!! If you have any magical powers for that by all means send them my way! Lol (only joking)
So thank you so much Angela!! I wish there was a way to repay you!
I used to hate my legs because they are naturally very muscular. I always felt like I had man legs or that they just werent feminine. I went through a phase where I refused to do anything physically (other than walking) that might make them bigger. Now I love my legs, muscle and all, they are strong and no more will I worry that they arent feminine, because they are me.
I’ve kind of struggled with my passions the last few years, as my boyfriend would love to fish and hunt, I never really had anything I was interested in. Then I have found I love running, I used to play lacrosse which I absoutely LOVED, but there is not much opportunity to play out of high school. But running was a part of that and I enjoy it. Gives me something to research, read about and enjoy taking my puppy for runs and appreciate the progress when it comes.
You are my inspiration. I too struggled with disordered eating, in particular bulimia. I wrestled with that demon for over a year and a half, and one day came to realize how I no longer enjoyed life, my body was always achy, and quite frankly I was a bitch because I was hungry and cranky. I came across your blog through www.fitsugar.com. And everything started to change. I was motivated by your own story, and how you looked awesome, but still ATE REAL FOOD AND REAL QUANTITIES. Then through your blog I stumbled across other healthy living blogs and realized that we ALL struggle, it’s just a matter though of finding perspective and others to support you, even if they don’t know you. And learning what we see on TV, movies, magazines isn’t REAL. And quite frankly who wants to live a life where you’re SCARED OF FOOD??? How ridiculous is that really? It makes me laugh now. anyway, more than anything I’ve been meaning to say write a ‘thank you’ to you, and on the anniversary of OSG, it seems like a proper time to do so. So THANK YOU!!! xo
happy OSG anniversary to you!
the past two years have been the most confusing of my life– the two years right after undergrad and have been working in a cafe as a barista for lack of a better idea of where the next step is. i’ve come to realize that everything we do in life is part of the journey and none of it is all bad because we always learn through everything. this is all just another step of the story of our lives. and that’s all i’ve come up with so far!
i just started reading this blog this past august and have thoroughly enjoyed it and looked forward to reading your new entry every morning. you’ve inspired me to become way more of a healthy-food freak than i was before and also have inspired me to go out and buy wheatgrass, chia seeds, and make my first green monsters. thanks for your creativity and dedication!
Wow! Two years blogging!
in the last 2-3 years (since starting university) i’ve grown so much, through all ups and downs. i’ve been through living in korea for three months at the age of 19, being old enough to know all the secrets of family drama that i never really wanted to know, to being severely depressed, to having an extremely restrictive eating disorder/exercise regimen, to being diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome and having a very sensitive digestive system, to not knowing what to eat at all beacuse food caused stomach pains, to having my first ever relationship, to my first breakup, to experimenting with the raw vegan diet to tremendous success, to accomplishing straight-a’s all throughout it all, to being too adamant about “healthy” fasting and cleansing, to going slightly cuckoo from diet-induced euphoria, to having severe anxiety attacks, to having to quit school and being diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
i really needed to come across the word “self-love” today. thank you.
This is such a sweet post. I’m so happy to see you so successful with Project Food Blog. You deserve it beyond measure! My own journey, although still a roller coaster, has led me to using creativity in the kitchen as a place for serenity, contemplation, meditation, and joy. I’ve also grown to appreciate my body for its strength and capability, not for its potential to be wafer-thin. Thanks for the daily inspiration Angela!
Congratulations on your milestone! I think you’re an inspiration to so many people!
As for what I love about myself? I have to say that I love the way that my body is strong enough to create, deliver and nurture my son! It gives me the strength to chase after a curious 2 year old! If I thought I was strong before, I have to tell you, I had no idea until I was a mother!
Your outlook on life is just inspiring!
I am working on figuring out my career passion. My job is okay but I know there must be something out there that would be a better fit for my desires and strengths.
I am 50 lb. closer to my weight loss goal of 90 lb! Working on learning to like myself still, ha!
Happy birthday, OSG!! Loveee your blog so much. Your story is so awesome to hear and relate to.
I’ve grown to love my shortness and small boobs. I won’t ever look like a VS model, but I’ll look like me and I’m okay with that! Overall, I’ve grown to love myself. I’ve transformed so much from my younger self. In high school, I remember eating too much processed foods and skimping on food as lunch because society says you have to be “skinny.” I remember having stomach aches because I didn’t eat breakfast, and my lunch was a bunch of junk. Even though I was tiny, I never realized until now that I wasn’t HEALTHY. Since then, I’ve learned how to fuel my body, and I couldn’t be more happier!
CONGRATULATIONS ANGELA!!! KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHAT–THERE’S SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO LOVES YOU UNCONDITIONALLY!
Out of my numerous passions, some of the ones that stand out are, baking to make others smile, being active everyday and encouraging others to be active (like walking up the stairs even! :P), and volunteering for people/children who are in need of love, truth, and support.
Happy birthday! Congratulations on your great blog, I read it every day and it has inspered me many many times…Thank you for all the time you put into it, you are really making a difference! :-)
You are such an inspiration! I am glad you have found so much hope and decided to write. Happy 2nd Birthday OSG :]
As a teenager who has suffered with much disordered eating and body image thoughts, your blog has supplied an immense amount of hope, wisdom, and advice. The journey is not easy, but I see that it gets easier. Food=fuel. I have fallen in love with fresh foods and running. Also, eating fresh, good for me foods supplies my body with many nutrients. These, inturn, make me strong and beautiful. I have always loved to sing and it has been my self expression outlet, while yours is your writing. I look forward to seeing new posts everyday and seeing what you have to say and try out new recipes. Thank you for writing and being an encouragment to everyone!
Looking forward to many more posts to come.
Keep glowing :]
I just came across your blog and your story seems all too familiar. Some days are harder than others still, but the best thing I did for myself was to pass on a medical school wait-list and move from Michigan to Florida for my MPH earlier this year. I’ve never been happier than I am right now and have learned so many things along the way. The best lesson I’ve learned: do what makes you happy, not what others want you to do, not what you think you should do (which for me was ‘what would make everyone happy’)…just do what it is that makes you happy. In the end, your happiness is all that matters and all that can get you through the day/week/month.
Congrats on the 2 year blog birthday, I’m planning on following it now! And congrats on FoodBuzz Reader’s Choice — that’s how I found this :)
Congrats on your huge success over the past 2 years. It is really incredible and I am glad to hear how positive blogging has been in your life.
Recently I have decided to pursue a career in something other than my major. Considering I will not graduate until December and even then the odds are stacked against me, it is a pretty big jump. But I know that it is what is right for me, so I am going after it.
I would love to be entered for the giveaway.
Good luck with the video for challenge #7! I can’t wait to see it!