Earlier this week, I met with two inspiring women who work at my undergraduate university- the University of Guelph. They came across my blog and bakery and were interested in hearing my story and telling me about a project they are currently working on. We chatted a lot about making the career transition after graduation and finding something you enjoy. If you have read my ‘A Year Can Change A Lot’ series, you know that the topic of career enjoyment is a huge passion of mine, so I was quite excited to share my ideas and hear what they had to say.
One of the issues we discussed is that so many graduates and students are unsure what career will make them happy. I used to be one of them. I remember struggling with what I wanted to do and I felt like if I made the wrong decision my entire life would be ruined. Thankfully, that was not true, although there were some difficult times.
I personally feel that the system did not work for me. I was just 18 when I started university and I really had no idea what I wanted to do, let alone what career would make me happy. I felt so much pressure not to screw it all up. I’m all for planning and aspiring to achieve great things, but sometimes I feel like these decisions are rushed and just thrown at us when we are young. Looking back I wished that I had taken a year in between my highschool and undergrad degrees to figure things out and give myself more time. But all my other friends were going to university too, and I didn’t want to be left behind.
Then comes graduation, which is a happy time, however it can also be a time of great unease. I was excited to get my Master’s degree, but no one told me about the loss of identity that came with it. My student identity that I carried with me for almost my entire life was now over, at least in the physical sense. After graduating, I was just supposed to magically have a successful career. This made me anxious.
I would always look at my friends and think they were so lucky because they seemed to be able to find the perfect job almost instantly. The truth is, many students and graduates do struggle, but not many people talk about it. I realize this now because I have received countless emails from readers who have shared their own stories with me. I was blown away by how many of you have struggled with the same things that I did.
The job market is tough. Competition is stiff. Student loans add to the stress and there seems to be an expectation to immediately find our Dream Job after graduation. I was so scared about not being able to find a job with an undergraduate degree in Psychology, I made it my mission to get into grad school. I worked my butt off to be sure that I would have a competitive application to the grad schools I wanted to go to. When I did get accepted into one of my schools of choice I was thrilled, but there was a tiny voice inside of me that said, ‘This might not be the right fit for you…’
I ignored the voice because I told myself I had no other option. While I wasn’t able to research the area that I was passionate about, I just figured I would learn to love it somehow.
During this time, I never really stopped to think about what I really wanted, only that I was now on my way to a bigger paycheck at the end. Lower down on my list was job satisfaction. I grew up with the idea that you never truly love your day job- you just pay the bills and put your time in and you try to enjoy your weekends. I also watched for many years as my parents struggled with finding happiness in their own careers. Even though my parents always, always, always encouraged me to do what made me happy, the thought of actually doing this was a foreign concept to me. I often swept these thoughts under the rug while taking graduate exams, working to pay the bills, and writing a thesis. Life was busy and I just went through the motions of what I thought I was supposed to do.
I never thought that I could do something entirely different than what I went to school for, but that is exactly what I ended up doing. What we do with our lives does not have to be decided when we are 17 or 19 or even when we are 50. Just because we have a degree in the sciences does not mean that one day we can’t open up our own art studio. We also shouldn’t have to stick with the same career our entire lives.
So you are now 48 and you want to go back to school and become a Registered Dietitian? I say all the power to you. I used to have a lady in one of my courses who was over 75 years old and she was such an inspiration to me because she knew that Life should be a life long learning experience.
I guess we shouldn’t lose our student identity after all.
I didn’t know what would make me happy until I tried it out. Often, what we learn from a textbook and what we learn in the real world are often completely different experiences.
I believe:
You are not a failure for not knowing what you want to do with your life.
You are not a failure for changing your mind. Once, or twice, or eighteen times.
You are not a failure for getting your PhD and deciding that this is not what you want in life (I get these emails all the time).
You are not a failure for not yet finding your ‘dream job’.
You are not a failure. Period.
Here are some success quotes that I enjoy:
I couldn’t wait for success, so I went ahead without it.
~Jonathan Winters
I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
~Bill Cosby
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
~George Burns
I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.
~Michael Jordan
I’d love your thoughts on some of these questions- Did you (or do you) struggle with choosing what to study in school? Do you feel pressure to figure out what it is you want to do for a career or finding a way to make it a reality? Did you grow up with parents who were happy with their careers? Have you ever made a career change?
PS- For my ‘A Year Can Change A Lot’ series, see these posts: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10 (1 year later)
I’ve been in college for 3 1/2 years now and I’ve changed my major about four or five times. I’m currently a Marketing Management major, but I’m still unsure what I want to do. I think my dream job would be opening up my own vegan bakery. However, I live in Memphis, TN, so there is not a plethora of vegans or even vegetarians out here, to say the least. I am struggling with the decision of either having to move away from my family (which I don’t want to do) to find business, or have an online bakery. My mom is a teacher, which is what I wanted to do for years, but she convinced me that it’s way too much work for not enough pay. You’re definitely an inspiration for living your OWN dream though!
Thank you so, so much for this post. I’ve been wrestling lately with whether to make yet another career change or not. I finally decided to clear my schedule a bit to leave more time for the things I love and to give myself space to think. I’ve also been setting aside 10 minutes to meditate every day. When I was younger, I totally thought I’d have stuff figured out by 25, but um…yeah. In hindsight, that’s kind of hilarious! I try to appreciate the beauty of being open to change, but some days, I have to wonder what the hell I’m doing with my life, especially as I watch my boyfriend poring over his physicals and bio textbooks and prepping for med school. Then again, he started over at 30 and he doesn’t ever seem scared or prone to attacks of second-guessing!
Thanks so much for sharing these thoughts! It’s so funny because I definitely needed to read this post, and even though I’m still not sure where it leaves me, I do feel better just hearing these words.
I’m writing my dissertation right now in a field that I used to think was endlessly fascinating but no longer holds any real interest for me. The quotes in your post made me think, ‘Yes, I should just quit this work that is so devoid of meaning for me and pursue something I genuinely care about.’ And then after reading some of the comments (like the one who finished her PhD and is so proud that she did), I thought, ‘Yes, I should really just struggle through this and make one last push [despite the fact that I really do hate it] because it will be so satisfying to have completed something huge and accomplished what I set out to do.’
I waver between these two feelings all the time. I think I’m scared to quit because I worry that I will always regret it, like it will feel like a huge symbol of defeat or failure in my life, as though I gave up and didn’t have the persistence, courage, or ability to accomplish my goal. There’s also the confusing issue of whether or not my motivations for quitting are positive or negative. I once had a yoga teacher who said something like, ‘if you’re not happy single, being in a relationship won’t make you happy, and if you’re not happy in a relationship, being single won’t make you happy.’ The point was that our contentment in life should not be dependent upon external circumstances; we need to find it within and then it will follow us regardless of our circumstances. In some ways, I really believe this and would like to have the faithfulness and spiritual discipline to finish this work before moving on to something else.
On the other hand, I truly hope that if I do make the decision to stop dragging my feet with something I don’t care about and begin a new path without finishing this one, that I can find the graciousness within myself to leave behind all of that guilt and judgment–to be joyful and proud of my decision and go forward without looking back.
Even though I’m still standing between these two tensions, I really appreciated hearing the wisdom of others! It made me feel better just knowing that many people are working through this process too. Thanks again for sharing!
As a senior, I am WAY stressed out about where I want to go in life and what I want to do. So often, I feel like I may never be able to find “my place”, or where i’m supposed to be. Thank you for this Ang, it’s a huge pick me up for girls like us!:)
I felt the same way when I was a senior. I went away to a big school because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do. If I could do it over, I probably would’ve waited a year. Don’t do anything because everyone else is :)
I am in the midst of all of this now! I am 19 years old and going to school to be an teacher. I am SO invested into the program that sometimes I stress that one day, I will change my mind. (Do I want to be a teacher, a mom, a blogger, a yoga teacher?!) But then I remind myself:
You are in control of your own life!
Right now, at this moment, I know that I want to be a teacher. That could change. I could decide that I want to do something else.
But the good news is that the number one thing I want to be when I grow up is…..Happy! As long as I am doing what I need to do to be happy, then all is well. [And I am :D]
I am actually really struggling with the “What do I do with my life?” question right now. I am only in my second year of teaching special needs preschoolers. I have spent my entire life ‘knowing’ exactly what I wanted to do as my career. Yet, now, I feel as if I come home everyday mentally and physically exhausted. I am struggling with “taking home” all of the family issues of my students and/neglect issues. It is taking such a toll on me that I am doubting my want for children of my own (which has been my biggest dream ever since I was 6). I am not good with change, but know that this job is not helping me grow or be challenged in a healthy way. All of my family and friends think I love my job and that I was made for this job, so this adds more guilt to the picture. I am trying to trust that my life’s direction will come. I want to believe that I can make a difference, and still feel passionate and happy in whatever I choose to do. Some parts of me just want to get a ‘minds off’ cashier job somewhere in order to let my head clear. Thanks for reminding me that change can be a good thing. Change can be a powerful thing. One action can start a chain of reactions. Thanks for hope.
This post touches home with me right now, having just graduated with a B.S. in Biomedical Engineering in December. I’ve been struggling with finding a job and becoming overwhelmed with this period of transition. Earlier in the fall I was being pressured by my peers, family and professors to pursue graduate school immediately after graduation, but I just had this feeling that it wasn’t right, at least not right away. I felt horrible guilty most of my last semester because I had decided “NO! I’m not going to apply for graduate school, I do not want to go right now” (which, for some reason, seemed like a horrible thing to say to my engineering peers). Part of me wondered if I was just being lazy – but that’s just silly talk, i’ve spent the past four years in college being anything BUT lazy! It’s also scary because in these long months of job searching I seem to find jobs that I an either over qualified and really want to do – or jobs that i need a M.S. or PhD. Then the cycle just starts all over again with me wondering what the hell i’m doing and if i should have pursued graduate school!
I also have had those moments where i freak out wondering if I am going in the right direction. Although I majored in biomedical engineering and truly am interested in the medical sciences and technology, I have a big creative/artistic side and adore drawing, painting and baking. I’m scared that I wont be able to find an engineering job that is creative enough to keep me engaged and interested.
It’s scary being jobless and nearly broke, but i’m trying to keep holding my threads of sanity! At least I know there are others out there in the same position.
I am definitely in the same boat- I decided not to go to graduate school because I wanted to live life before diving into more schooling. But now I’m in a job I absolutely hate and it’s hard to find jobs that I’m qualified for AND that sound interesting.
But most of all, I absolutely relate to your moments of freaking out and wondering if I’m going in the right direction. I majored in economics, which I enjoyed in a theoretical sense, but now that I’m actually working as an economist, I really HATE it. I also have a huge creative side, so I’m worried that any job I’m “qualified” for won’t be creative enough to keep me engaged. And I don’t really have enough time/energy (or money!) after working 40+ hours a week to do these creative things on the side… It’s an extremely confusing time to say the least!
I love this post- it echoes so many of my sentiments about this topic. At first, I went away to a University 6 hours away to study International Development, in French. I was miserable the entire 2 years I spent away. I was in the grips of a horrible eating disorder and so far away from my family that I just threw myself into schoolwork without ever really thinking “Is this making me happy?”. It definitely wasn’t. When I reached a breaking point, came home, spent 8 months in treatment and re-evaluated my whole life, I came to realize that I need to be close to home, surrounded by people I love and doing something that makes me happy. So I transferred (to the U of G!) and changed into Sociology, and started reengaging with my creative side, writing for the school paper, singing and dancing again. And life is soooo much better! I no longer worry half as much about my grades, but I’m actually doing better at school because I don’t have “all my eggs in that basket” so to speak. I haven’t 100% decided what comes next, but that doesn’t really bother me- I have faith that something will present itself if I keep my eyes, mind, heart and options open. Thanks again for the wonderful post, I think people need to know that nothing is ever as final as it sometimes seems :) You’re terrific.
This is exactly, *exactly* what I’m going through right now. I’m in my final semester of college and will graduate with a studio art degree, but I realized about a year ago that I don’t want to be an artist…at all. In my head, dropping out was *not* an option, so I decided to keep going so I would at least have a degree. What I really want to do is become a pastry chef and own a bakery, and luckily, my friends and family have been supportive, or at least accepting of my decision. The difficult part is being surrounded by other students and professors who are passionate about art and know exactly what they want to do. I feel like I’m pretending…all day every day. It’s exhausting and I just can’t wait to be done!
Hopefully everything works out, and I’ll be in pastry school in the fall. I’m feeling pretty optimistic after reading this! Thanks for all the encouragement! I absolutely love your blog :)
Oh god, thank you. Thank you. I’ve just started a PhD and I’m fairly certain, deep down, that it’s making me unhappy, and yet all my life I’ve been an academic overachiever and I honestly don’t know what else to do with my life. I can’t say that I’m about to up and quit tomorrow, but maybe I’ll stop being so hard on myself and keep an eye out for another opportunity, while trying to get something of my heart into the research at the same time…
I am a perfectionist and over-achiever, as well. I went into pre-pharmacy my freshman year of college because that is what I thought I was “supposed” to do. Liberal Arts was looked down upon at a university famous for its science programs. It took me four years, including taking one semester off (a very humbling experience for me, as a perfectionist) to change my major to Communication Studies and stick with it. Now I get to do what I love, write, and I even landed an internship as an Editorial Intern for a company that promotes health and wellness. Follow your heart. You won’t regret it :).
Thank you so much, Emily. I’m so envious of your internship opportunity! Nothing like that exists in Australia, as internships simply aren’t part of our academic culture/society. Fingers crossed for great things for you… and maybe I should start emalling publishing companies I admire and begging them to let me work for free! :P
It might sound silly, but do it :). I got one of my internships only because I emailed the editor, set up a date to meet him so he could look at my writing samples, and agreed to work for free. He had already chosen interns for the semester, so I basically just brought my laptop in and worked at the end of someone else’s desk. I know I’m very fortunate that he actually agreed to my idea, but sometimes you’ve just gotta go for it!
This makes me think of the quote ‘You miss 100% of the shots you never take’ by Wayne Gretzky
Hey Angela,
I grew up in a family of four – mom, dad, my younger brother and myself. My mom and brother dropped out of high school and my dad dropped out to work in a mill, but he eventually got his grade 12 by going to night school. I was the “smart one” in the family so they had high hopes for me.
In final exam week of my first year of college, my dad suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. It was terrible and I really didn’t know what to do. At the time I was working as a pharmacy technician but I knew I didn’t want to do that forever. I wasn’t passionate about it and I wanted a change.
I moved out of my hometown about a year later and went to a different school (University of Victoria) where I am now in the process of completing a BSc. in biology. I feel a lot of pressure to get that dream job, especially from my mom. She has no idea what university life is like or the huge student loan I have accumulated. I want to believe I am doing the right thing, but it is so difficult to know when all I’m doing is racking up my debt. I have a backup plan that I will go back to school to become an LPN to hopefully repay my loan faster. It costs less than one year of tuition at UVIC, and I can complete it in the same area where I live. So it is more of an investment. But is it the right choice? I struggle with that question everyday.
But I do know that if I try my best and smile every now and then that things will work out. No matter what the hardships I’ve endured, things can only go up from here.
Part of why I love reading your blog is because I too went to undergrad for psychology, but I started working in research and put off going to graduate school (which I pretty much felt was a given), on the advice of some grad students (among others), telling myself every single following year that I was going to apply still. Well now I’m 6 years out, loving the jobs I’ve had in research, and realizing I don’t necessarily need to go back to have a fulfilling career. Apparently that professor career I’d had planned for so long wasn’t necessarily what I really wanted or even what I had imagined, despite my best attempts to convince myself it was the only option. My dad is a professor, and he loves it, so he’s always wanted me to get my PhD also, and there’s always this unspoken feeling that you’re wasting some sort of talent if you don’t pursue it fully. I have come to realize that I need to live my life for me, for what makes me happy, and for what will fulfill me at the end of the day, not what others are possibly going to be disappointed in. So long as I’m successful and happy, my dad is proud of me, and if I do go to grad school one day, it’ll be for the right reasons.
Hey Angela!
I had an experience similar to this last year. I graduated from Dalhousie with a degree in Marine Biology in 2009 and I was applying for all these jobs with the government that were the next logical step. I was working retail full time while I was applying for jobs and I felt like a complete failure. I was constantly embarrassed by my job. I had an undergraduate degree but I was working in a job where I felt horrible. It was a dead end job for me and I hated it. I left to take a summer job at an environmental non-profit organization doing river restoration. I really enjoyed the work and the people and I felt better about myself by doing it. Meanwhile I was applying for jobs that I found I wasn’t really excited about. I wasn’t even that upset when I didn’t hear from any of them.
At the end of the summer I decided to go back to school to upgrade so I could eventually get my masters. Why? Because that was what the next logical step was. Was that what I wanted at all? Not at all. When I went to my first day of classes I knew that this wasn’t where I wanted to be at all. I almost wanted to get up and leave right after the first 5 minutes of class. I went right from there to the career counseller and made an appointment. Around this time my best friend introduced me to the world of healthy living blogs. I had always been interested in food and nutrition, but this was a whole new world to me. I started reading a few blogs, including yours, and I loved them. I loved learning about new foods and getting ideas about what to make. I’d only ever had instant oatmeal and I rarely ate breakfast. Green monsters and banana oatmeal soon became my breakfasts of choice. While I was talking to my career counseller I took a career placement test and dietitian was one of my top matches. I looked into the career and local schools and decided to jump in headfirst. In January of 2010 I applied to Mt. St. Vincent University and I am currently in third semester of a nutrition degree that will take me another year. I am hoping to work as an RD in a hospital or community setting. I love helping and education people about being healthy and learning about it myself.
I know this is such a long winded comment but I really credit all of the blogs out there including yours for changing my life direction. It made me realize a passion for something I didn’t know I had. My best friend and I still read your blog daily and she’s dealing with a post degree crisis right now as well. She told me that she was almost in tears after reading your post, and I was the same. So thank you for sharing your story Angela, it’s a hard journey, but in the end it’s worth it to be happy and you’ve proved that :)
Kate, what a beautiful story. :) I’m really inspired by the changes that you made and so excited to hear about your pursuit to be a RD. I think it was a great idea to see a career counselor to help you determine your passions. I wish I would have done the same when I first entered school. I wonder what it would tell me now? lol.
I always say that blogging + reading other blogs helped me discover my passions too. Isn’t that funny how it can do that? I have always had an interest in health since I was young, but I guess I never knew how to translate that into anything.
Did you find the transition difficult though Angela? In many ways, you are the “exception” to the rule – there are thousands of blogs out there! But you’ve really done wonders with yours (from hard work of course!) – but still…
Do you mind if I asked if you had student loans to pay back from your degrees and if you were able to manage that with making a change?
Yes I took out about $21,000 in student loans during my time in school. I also worked 25 hours a week at a job during my entire time in university.
The transition was difficult, but definitely doable with a strong spirit and a plan!
I love this and needed to hear it!! I have a bachelors and masters degree (which I am still paying for) and still am not sure I have found what I REALLY want to do yet?? I think I have lots of soul searching to do still..
Hi Angela!
I’ve been faithfully reading your blog for about 4-5 months now and have never commented. I love Oh She Glows!
I really related to this entry. I needed to read this, and I’m glad you posted it. I’m in my 4th year right now and have been feeling all of those things lately.
Thanks for sharing and giving me a positive and reassuring boost :)
I am in this position right now! Talked with my husband about it over dinner. The trigger; a friend mentioned her daughter is student teaching in London. I immediately said if I had to do it over and then I wanted to cry. Cry because I’m 26 and I feel trapped and I shouldn’t. 26 is young but yet I feel my time has passed to explore.
I’ve worked for a company for 6 years when it was supposed to only be 3 years. I worked there to pay for college and then I got complacent. It’s been just the past 6 months that I decided to change my life completely and open my own photography business. Perhaps its your blog and others that have inspired me to know I can do anything, but most importantly I HAVE TO TRY!
I”m at the point where I want to give up my cubical and take odds and ends jobs to pay the bills if it means freedom from my current J.O.B. Honestly, the thought of making less pay working at a coffee shop, or a bakery, or a bookstore sounds APPEALING to me! It is all to get my business off the ground.
Thanks for everything you do! I’ve never met you but you seem wonderful! ;)
Ohh this is AWESOME!! I’ve just recently decided teaching is NOT for me (after getting a teaching degree and subbing for 2.5 yrs) and am pursuing personal training certification. It is something that I’ve always wanted to do but didn’t feel like it was something I could make a living off of. I consider myself lucky that I’m in a position were I can not work for a few months and concentrate on my certification. Nonetheless I am beyond excited that I am finally pursuing my dreams!
Wow… thank you SO much for this post. This is exactly what I’m going through right now. I’m a freshman in college and don’t know what I want to do. I thought I wanted to be a nutrition major for so long… then I took my first biology course and chickened out and changed my major to “undecided”. I figured I could be an accounting major… make decent money but have a boring job. At least I could have fun on the weekends and continue working as a personal trainer part-time. But I know that being an accountant will suck! I’m going to try the nutrition thing again and push through it, because I know it’s what I want to do. I won’t be happy with anything else. Thank you so much for this.
Oh, yes! Career change? Definitely! I think the most dangerous thing a person can do is stay in a career that they are absolutely bored to tears with because they don’t want to put themselves “out there”. I stumbled into a career as a corporate recruiter after college. I really tried to get into it, but I grew so tired of feeling like I was coming into touch with 100s of people every week and just passing them onto the next place. There were no relationships! I needed to do something rewarding!
I left that position to jump head-first into something completely different! I am now a consultant and supervisor at my current company and love that I make an impact on other businesses every day. My workplace nurtures its talent and I am doing things I never would have imagined I would be doing! Oh, the paths life takes us on! The only interviewing I do these days is just to add people to my team.
Bottom line, if you are hungry for more, go find it! There is nothing more exciting than following your gut, navigating new roads, and opening doors for yourself!
This is just what I needed to read right now!! I’m finishing my Ph.D. and definitely don’t want to stay in academia, but I’m still unsure what I want to do. And I think it’s OK for me to take some time to figure it out. It’s so encouraging to hear from others who have found their dream jobs, and it gives me hope that mine it out there somewhere!! :-)