“With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I think about my struggles with anxiety, I realize that I live in the future too much. It’s crazy how much I worry about things that haven’t happened yet and probably never will happen. I’ve spent my entire life battling the anxiety monster and I’ve missed out on so many great opportunities due to debilitating fear.
Not knowing what will happen makes me anxious. I like predictability and when I’m in situations without it, I can feel it creeping in.
So what does my mind do with the unknown?
I predict what will happen. And anxiety dictates that it’s mostly negative. This creates more anxiety. It’s a vicious cycle.
Control is an illusion, anyway. I can’t ‘control’ what happens to me, but I can learn how to deal with anxiety in a positive manner. I studied psychology for 7 years in university and I’ve read countless studies about the effectiveness of therapy. I’m a believer in it, but I’ve never taken the time to really apply it to myself as much as I could. I can learn coping mechanisms, countering thoughts, breathing techniques, mantras, and visualizations to help. I can work with a Cognitive Behavioural psychologist to work on changing my thought processes. I can talk to people about it. I can write. I can be creative. I can run. I can do yoga. I can be honest about how I feel.
I can laugh about it with Eric when I tell him what I’m anxious about and the look on his face makes me burst into laughter, realizing how ridiculous my worries sound out loud.
Insanity can be defined as repeating the same behaviour over and over and expecting a different outcome. Well, lock me up and throw away the key! If we don’t change our behaviours, thoughts, and actions, we will never grow. If I keep doing what I’m doing now, my anxiety will never get better. However, when we’re struggling with something, we can always open other doors and explore other avenues…
That’s why my goal for July is simple:
To live in the present as much as possible.
I want to get out of my own head, fears, and negative stories on loop. I want to stop losing so much time to the future (and past) and be present in the moment. Of course, it’s good to think about the future and past sometimes- that’s part of the excitement of life- but I also think being present is something that I must work on.
As someone whose mind is always spinning constantly about the past and future, I’ve never had a clue how to go about living in the present. After some research, I’ve come up with an action plan. I’m going to print this list off and put it in a couple places where I will see it daily- my bathroom mirror and my desk.
How I will live in the present:
1) BREATHE
Breathing fully and deeply does not come natural to me. Well, I’m sure it did at one point, but somewhere along the line I became a shallow breather. The more wound up I get, the less I breathe. I’m trying to be mindful of my breath, especially in those moments when I need it the most. Before entering an anxiety provoking situation, I try to stop and take at least 3 deep breaths before proceeding. I used to do this when I gave many presentations in grad school and it really helped calm me before jumping in.
2) Be a Minimalist
Remove your unneeded possessions. We just did this last weekend and Eric and I both felt a huge sense of calmness when we parted with half of the things we own. Physical clutter turns into mind clutter and removing everything but the essentials restores a feeling of tranquility and reminds us what is truly important in life. It sure isn’t material things. Minimalism doesn’t just happen overnight, but the more I approach this lifestyle, the more mindful I am when I make every purchase. This also applies to grocery shopping. Lately, I’ve been more mindful not to bring in new food before the food in the house is used up!
3) Smile
Throughout my life, I’ve been known for being a smiling, happy girl. My teachers even used to write that on my report cards. However, when I let my anxieties weigh me down, my face turns into an anxiety monster. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about something and I notice that I have a huge frown on my face just due to a mere thought. Thoughts are very powerful, but they don’t define who we are and we shouldn’t allow them to change our mood so instantly. Acknowledge your thoughts whatever they may be and then smile. One of my favourite things to do is to smile at a complete stranger because you never know how it will impact their day.
4) Forgive the past
I’ve been through some crappy things in my life and no matter how long ago these past hurts occurred, I will catch myself thinking about it as if it is happening to me now. Sometimes memories are so vivid and real. By failing to forgive things that have happened in my past, I fail to move forward and to be present in the moment. Forgiveness is a personal choice, but when I chose to forgive the past, I feel more free.
5) Dream big, but work hard today.
There is no better moment to accomplish your goals than right now. Planning is motivating, but it’s important to focus on what we can do in the moment and not get too caught up in the future. As we know, things don’t always happen as we predict. All we have is this moment right now.
6) Do one thing at a time.
I’m a chronic multi-tasker like many women. Sure, I make to-do lists occasionally, but that doesn’t stop me from tackling 8 things at once. Due to multi-tasking, I feel like my attention is never 100% where it should be. I may decide to work on a writing project for a certain amount of time, but I’m often composing emails, responding to comments, editing photos, shipping orders, and writing a blog post at the same time. I don’t think that all multi-tasking is negative, but I need to focus on being in the moment for the task at hand. If I tried to do one thing at a time, I think my goal for mindfulness would be easier and I would feel less frazzled.
7) Do less.
It seems like society is always encouraging is to do more, and more, and more. To fill our days to the absolute brim. Where does it get us in the end? Feeling frazzled with half-assed accomplishments? Doing less could mean that you accomplish goals with better concentration and better quality. Rushing things rarely leads to mindfulness. Sometimes, I like to start a writing blog post (like this one) and chip away at it over the course of 2-3 days. When I take it slow, ideas will often come to me over time. Had I hit publish on my first draft, I never would have fully developed my ideas.
8.) Add space
Along the same lines of ‘do less’, add space between your tasks. Don’t schedule things super close together for 12 hours straight. Give yourself a little wiggle room to breathe. If you write a to-do list, leave a few blanks so you can fill them in as things pop up during your day. Things ALWAYS pop up!
9) Cleaning as meditation
I tend to look at cleaning tasks as one dreaded chore after another. There never seems to be enough time for cleaning and when we tackle the list, it’s always a mad rush to bust through it. Cleaning can be a form of mindfulness though and rituals are often calming. Next time you clean, put your full attention into each task, concentrate, and do them slowly. Look at cleaning (and exercise!) as a stress relief in your day rather than a chore.
10) Spread the love
Do something nice for someone everyday. Smile at strangers. Hold the door open. Buy someone a coffee. Give to the needy. Call a loved one. Give someone your seat on the train. Compliment someone. Say ‘I appreciate you’. It just feels so damn good.
[For my research, I used one of my all-time favourite blogs Zen Habits. If you aren’t already reading this blog, you must check it out!]
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After I wrote my ‘We Are Never Alone’ post and talked about going back into therapy, I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. And then I read your beautiful comments and emails, and I was overcome with gratitude. I will never second guess posting something that is so much a part of who I am. Once we remove the shame from how we feel, true healing can begin.
And I must say, while writing this post I was really living in the moment. Writing is a great release!
“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” -Unknown
Living in the present is the most peaceful and fulfilling way to live. I learned a lot from The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Staying present is something I constantly need to remind myself of and I completely agree with you that writing is a great release. Warm wishes!
Thank you so much for this post! I actually needed this. I’ve always been branded the happy yogini or the happy veg-head just because I have a smile that I could not seem to wipe off my face. Now, I seem to be losing my sparkle! This post is a wakeup for me to quickly do some soul-searching and to start snapping out of this rut!
Love your post! It made me think of my favorite quote “worry is the advanced price we pay for things that may never come”.
great quote!
On the topic of Eric’s reaction to your worries, I would be interested in a post about identifying with and comforting those suffering from anxiety. Recently, my boyfriend was diagnosed with several anxiety-related disorders, and since he began taking an antidepressant, his disposition has changed radically. He used to be fully engaged in the world and the present moment; he always made keen observations and shrewd comments, and was (at least outwardly) confident and contented. Now he constantly obsesses over his negative thought patterns and has adopted a blasé attitude towards everything else. He was so occupied with overanalyzing his mental processes that he barely appreciated your high protein quinoa almond berry salad and strawberry oat squares when we picnicked in Millennium Park this afternoon… hmph.
When he initially told me about his anxiety and accompanying feelings of inadequacy and despair, I experienced an unexpected and total powerlessness. Our relationship has stagnated, and although I attempt to be his “calm ocean breeze” by redirecting his thoughts with my positivity and insight, my words and actions seem to have no impact on his condition. Effectively supporting those struggling with anxiety without absorbing their negativity is perhaps as challenging as dealing with one’s own anxiety.
For us, we’ve always talked things through and Eric has helped me disprove many of my anxieties. However, it’s not easy for someone to do that and I don’t think that he should have to either, which is why I ultimately decided to go back into therapy. I think when anxiety reaches a certain point, a professional is usually needed to make progress. This alleviates stress and burden on the partner too. Has your boyfriend thought about therapy? Usually antidepressants are most effective when therapy is used in conjunction.
I was on a couple different antidepressants/anxiety meds in university for a short period of time and I actually felt worse on the meds, even with therapy. They weren’t for me, but everyone will be different of course.
He has been seeing a psychiatrist for cognitive-behavioral therapy, but as in your case, even with therapy, the antidepressant seems to be curbing recovery instead of ameliorating the symptoms. I think the best course of action for me is to simply be patient and supportive, allowing him to work out his issues on his own and with a professional. Thanks so much for your advice and inspiration, and best of luck with your return to therapy.
What a great post with great advice! Do less– I need to incorporate this into my daily life for sure!
Just scrolling through this post as well as a few others, I noticed that a quite amazing number of people listed you as an inspiration. I would agree wholeheartedly–you are. I’m sure you know this, but I found one comment you made in the last post to be quite interesting. If I remember correctly, you mentioned being somewhat worried to talk about your anxiety you were “supposed to be past that, supposed to be an inspiration,” which is, by all means, a natural fear.
In truth, however, I think it is this very weakness–or rather the ability to admit and address it–that makes you an inspiration. Hearing someone such as yourself talk about a feeling with which every, single person has wrest and grappled is liberating. It reminds us that someone has felt or is feeling that which ails us. It reminds us to take a deep breath, look life straight in the eye, and step forward without looking back.
Thank you Lexi, that is what I realized when I posted it. It’s never a bad thing to be vulnerable, but necessary to heal.
Wow, this is so thoughtful. I don’t have anxiety, but I can imagine how hard it must be. I can use these tips for other things though. Thanks!
Great post Angela! I’m actually doing sort of the same thing. Getting my life simpler, trying to be in the present and be still, and not constantly thinking about EVERYTHING!!!!!! I’m also looking deeper into myself to change a lot of my old habits. They’re not getting me anywhere, they’re producing stress and anxiety, and quite frankly, I’m sick and tired of it! Life is too precious to waste it on such crap! It’s time to move forward and stop fretting so much! Thanks!
This was such an inspiring post. Printing it out and working towards ‘Living in the present’ this week :)
It’s amazing isnt it getting rid of all those things in your house that clutter it up. Im one of those who thinks well I might need it one day..but yet after getting rid of it I don’t even miss it. I see too much into a future and have big goals but they cant come true because I dont see what is right now. I recently buckled down on myself to focus on the now, it’s a bit labour intensive because for example I dream of a new house but none of my present actions reflected this future vision so now Im organising my finances etc or I dream of being an author..stupid me forgot I need to actually finish my novel, so now Im taking that as a serious job now.
But yes its so easy to lose yourself and yes my biggest challange is that I miss oppertunities due to fear.
I totally needed this!! Especially #2: Be a minimalist
We are in the process of moving into a smaller rental house and I feel so overwhelmed by all of the stuff we have accumulated! And all of the stuff I ‘Don’t want to throw away/donate, but I don’t really need’. Having too much ‘junk’ can lead to stress and a ‘cluttered mind’. Thanks for reminding me that all of these worldly possessions aren’t whats most important in life.
And we definitely need to use up the groceries we have before shopping again!! I’m starting to think I’m a food hoarder! ha ha!
Good luck on your journey.
beautiful and inspiring, I can relate with the viscious cycle and the decluttering towards minimalism!
I came on your sight today.. I wanted to look at the
recipe for your baked beans….The crock pot is ready :-)
However this post was front and center so I decided to read.
I watched a video last night shared with me from a friend
and as I read your post I thought I will share the video with
Angela.
So here you go Angela
Peace and joy within
JoAnn
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYYXq1Ox4sk&feature=player_embedded
Loved this post! You resonated on so many levels with the minimalism, therapy, space creation, and breathing!
I’ve started to tell everyone that I make NO plans for Sundays so that one day of the week can be absolutely free for whatever impulse I decide to follow in the moment.
Best of luck with everything & hope my email proves helpful in some way!
Angela you should really try the class INTENSATI – I am currently going through the six month certification for the program and it is amazing. The class combines spoken affirmations with physical movements and it is all about self-awareness, being present, and changing negative patterns into positive behavior. Look it up on the web: www.intensati.com
Thanks I’ll check it out :)
What a wonderful reminder to live in the present. Why is it such a difficult thing? I have been focusing on being more mindful as well. As a new mom I have come to realize the most important thing is to enjoy my son and not worry about all the things I think I should be doing. At the same time when he is napping I struggle with not rushing and trying to do a million things and then get nothing accomplished. I am trying to focus on one task at a time, doing less and breathing. My hubby and I are minimalists and it truly has made both of us so much happier…less stuff also means less stuff to clean:)!! Have a wonderful day and also thank you for introducing Zen Habits!!
I loved reading your post…so inspirational. Being in the present moment is also one of my goals! I recently started my career in occupational therapy and while I luv OT, I am not fulfilled by my current position and it is actually one I never saw myself doing…a little disappointing. I find myself constantly looking to the future and trying to figure out how to make my career work for me…how to take the next step…also, trying to figure out how i can incorporate my passion for food & fitness…my mind spins sometimes. While I think it is perfectly normal to plan for the future, I know it is equally important to be happy and thankful and present in the moment! To finding the balance!
Thank you so much for inspirational tips…I am also going to incorporate these into my routine!
Happy Weekend!:)
great post! xoxo
I can really relate to this post. I am a worrier. I worry about what the future will hold. It makes me want the future to be here so fast, so that I’ll have “all the answers”, that I really do miss out on a lot that is going on in the present.
I think about the quote, “The days are long, but the years are short.” I don’t want to spend my life in the future, and miss out on all the beauty and precious moments that are going on now. Thank you for reminding me of this today!
This is a wonderful post. <3 I always struggle with living in the future to much. I worry to the point of making myself sick. I will give these tips a try. Thanks !