“With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I think about my struggles with anxiety, I realize that I live in the future too much. It’s crazy how much I worry about things that haven’t happened yet and probably never will happen. I’ve spent my entire life battling the anxiety monster and I’ve missed out on so many great opportunities due to debilitating fear.
Not knowing what will happen makes me anxious. I like predictability and when I’m in situations without it, I can feel it creeping in.
So what does my mind do with the unknown?
I predict what will happen. And anxiety dictates that it’s mostly negative. This creates more anxiety. It’s a vicious cycle.
Control is an illusion, anyway. I can’t ‘control’ what happens to me, but I can learn how to deal with anxiety in a positive manner. I studied psychology for 7 years in university and I’ve read countless studies about the effectiveness of therapy. I’m a believer in it, but I’ve never taken the time to really apply it to myself as much as I could. I can learn coping mechanisms, countering thoughts, breathing techniques, mantras, and visualizations to help. I can work with a Cognitive Behavioural psychologist to work on changing my thought processes. I can talk to people about it. I can write. I can be creative. I can run. I can do yoga. I can be honest about how I feel.
I can laugh about it with Eric when I tell him what I’m anxious about and the look on his face makes me burst into laughter, realizing how ridiculous my worries sound out loud.
Insanity can be defined as repeating the same behaviour over and over and expecting a different outcome. Well, lock me up and throw away the key! If we don’t change our behaviours, thoughts, and actions, we will never grow. If I keep doing what I’m doing now, my anxiety will never get better. However, when we’re struggling with something, we can always open other doors and explore other avenues…
That’s why my goal for July is simple:
To live in the present as much as possible.
I want to get out of my own head, fears, and negative stories on loop. I want to stop losing so much time to the future (and past) and be present in the moment. Of course, it’s good to think about the future and past sometimes- that’s part of the excitement of life- but I also think being present is something that I must work on.
As someone whose mind is always spinning constantly about the past and future, I’ve never had a clue how to go about living in the present. After some research, I’ve come up with an action plan. I’m going to print this list off and put it in a couple places where I will see it daily- my bathroom mirror and my desk.
How I will live in the present:
1) BREATHE
Breathing fully and deeply does not come natural to me. Well, I’m sure it did at one point, but somewhere along the line I became a shallow breather. The more wound up I get, the less I breathe. I’m trying to be mindful of my breath, especially in those moments when I need it the most. Before entering an anxiety provoking situation, I try to stop and take at least 3 deep breaths before proceeding. I used to do this when I gave many presentations in grad school and it really helped calm me before jumping in.
2) Be a Minimalist
Remove your unneeded possessions. We just did this last weekend and Eric and I both felt a huge sense of calmness when we parted with half of the things we own. Physical clutter turns into mind clutter and removing everything but the essentials restores a feeling of tranquility and reminds us what is truly important in life. It sure isn’t material things. Minimalism doesn’t just happen overnight, but the more I approach this lifestyle, the more mindful I am when I make every purchase. This also applies to grocery shopping. Lately, I’ve been more mindful not to bring in new food before the food in the house is used up!
3) Smile
Throughout my life, I’ve been known for being a smiling, happy girl. My teachers even used to write that on my report cards. However, when I let my anxieties weigh me down, my face turns into an anxiety monster. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about something and I notice that I have a huge frown on my face just due to a mere thought. Thoughts are very powerful, but they don’t define who we are and we shouldn’t allow them to change our mood so instantly. Acknowledge your thoughts whatever they may be and then smile. One of my favourite things to do is to smile at a complete stranger because you never know how it will impact their day.
4) Forgive the past
I’ve been through some crappy things in my life and no matter how long ago these past hurts occurred, I will catch myself thinking about it as if it is happening to me now. Sometimes memories are so vivid and real. By failing to forgive things that have happened in my past, I fail to move forward and to be present in the moment. Forgiveness is a personal choice, but when I chose to forgive the past, I feel more free.
5) Dream big, but work hard today.
There is no better moment to accomplish your goals than right now. Planning is motivating, but it’s important to focus on what we can do in the moment and not get too caught up in the future. As we know, things don’t always happen as we predict. All we have is this moment right now.
6) Do one thing at a time.
I’m a chronic multi-tasker like many women. Sure, I make to-do lists occasionally, but that doesn’t stop me from tackling 8 things at once. Due to multi-tasking, I feel like my attention is never 100% where it should be. I may decide to work on a writing project for a certain amount of time, but I’m often composing emails, responding to comments, editing photos, shipping orders, and writing a blog post at the same time. I don’t think that all multi-tasking is negative, but I need to focus on being in the moment for the task at hand. If I tried to do one thing at a time, I think my goal for mindfulness would be easier and I would feel less frazzled.
7) Do less.
It seems like society is always encouraging is to do more, and more, and more. To fill our days to the absolute brim. Where does it get us in the end? Feeling frazzled with half-assed accomplishments? Doing less could mean that you accomplish goals with better concentration and better quality. Rushing things rarely leads to mindfulness. Sometimes, I like to start a writing blog post (like this one) and chip away at it over the course of 2-3 days. When I take it slow, ideas will often come to me over time. Had I hit publish on my first draft, I never would have fully developed my ideas.
8.) Add space
Along the same lines of ‘do less’, add space between your tasks. Don’t schedule things super close together for 12 hours straight. Give yourself a little wiggle room to breathe. If you write a to-do list, leave a few blanks so you can fill them in as things pop up during your day. Things ALWAYS pop up!
9) Cleaning as meditation
I tend to look at cleaning tasks as one dreaded chore after another. There never seems to be enough time for cleaning and when we tackle the list, it’s always a mad rush to bust through it. Cleaning can be a form of mindfulness though and rituals are often calming. Next time you clean, put your full attention into each task, concentrate, and do them slowly. Look at cleaning (and exercise!) as a stress relief in your day rather than a chore.
10) Spread the love
Do something nice for someone everyday. Smile at strangers. Hold the door open. Buy someone a coffee. Give to the needy. Call a loved one. Give someone your seat on the train. Compliment someone. Say ‘I appreciate you’. It just feels so damn good.
[For my research, I used one of my all-time favourite blogs Zen Habits. If you aren’t already reading this blog, you must check it out!]
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After I wrote my ‘We Are Never Alone’ post and talked about going back into therapy, I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. And then I read your beautiful comments and emails, and I was overcome with gratitude. I will never second guess posting something that is so much a part of who I am. Once we remove the shame from how we feel, true healing can begin.
And I must say, while writing this post I was really living in the moment. Writing is a great release!
“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” -Unknown
As a fellow anxiety-sufferer, I am right there with you about living-in-the-moment. These are wonderful ways of overcoming anxiety– especially the cleaning and decluttering. I’m getting ready to move soon, and that is always a good time to get rid of stuff.
I think I’m going to print this out as well– I’ve had a rough couple of days, and this was a really uplifting post :) Thank you!
I hope your weekend is better Ashley!
Thanks! Have a good weekend also:) I’m heading off to go shopping at farmer’s markets!
I love your July goal! I also think it is incredibly brave to talk about your anxiety in such a public manner, but, as I am sure you know, there are so many other people out there feeling the same way. I don’t think that I necessarily suffer from anxiety but I often fall into patterns of control and perfectionism which turn into feelings of being overwhelmed and negative thoughts about myself.
Angela, this is a great post and a great goal. I feel like I can totally relate to you. I also suffer from anxiety and am constantly worrying. I am taking your advice and going to use it to my advantage. I wish you the best with your goal. I’m sure you will acheive it! <3
Another stellar post, anglea. I found myself nodding as I read each tip. Thank you for sharing your own thoughts and situation – I can sooo relate, and it really helps to know someone else feels like I feel, often. We shall keep growing and striving!
My goal for july is to relax – for me, that includes living in the moment. This is the best time of year – we should enjoy it fully!
Hugs to you and thanks again for your heartfelt words.
I agree…Summer is the perfect time to relax and live in the moment!
These are great reminder. I especially need to work on #6 – I’m terrible about multi-tasking and not putting my whole-self into things as a result.
Thank you for this post! Lately I have been finding myself so pre-occupied with insignificant stuff like what I’m having to dinner, what time I have to leave the house to get somewhere etc. that I have become an air-headed baffoon.
I love your tips, in particular doing less and doing one thing at a time. I used to be really good at doing those things, but somehow I’ve lost the habit and I seem like I’m always rushing.
I love this post and it’s just what I needed today so thank you! :)
I love your honesty with these posts! Why is it so hard to live in the moment? Such a great thing to strive for though. I work on that one daily.
I’m so glad that getting it off your chest helped you. It ALWAYS helps me to do so too. And I couldn’t agree more about the importance of writing in the healing process. It’s such a wonderful release.
I hope you continue to live in the moment and employ all those things that help you most – remember that we’re always hear to listen and help wherever we can!! :)
Another wonderful post – thank you. :) I suffer from anxiety too, and will definitely be using your tips. Thanks again, Angela.
This is an amazing post. I am a very anxious person so I need to make sure to try out some of these tips
I totally feel like I could have written the first part of this post! The way you described the anxiety monster is spot on with what I deal with on a daily basis. I really want to not have this affect so much of my life, so I’m checking out Zen Habits and I think I’m going to read your 10 tips again so that I can fully digest them and take them to heart.
I too suffer from anxiety and these tips are very helpful. Thank you so much for sharing this personal journey with us.
Good for you Angela! I like the minimalist goal…it makes living in the moment so rewarding to find value in the simple things. Good luck :)
one day at a time, one hour at a time, one moment at a time. Being present. Great tips Angela. Anxiety can be the minds worst enemy and this advice can totally help overcome and conquer it!
Very nicely written. I think we all get caught up in the future, not wanting to be unprepared or unaware. However, after losing both my parents when they were fairly young, I realized that we have no idea what our future will look like, or how long our future might be. I still get caught in the multitasking trap you spoke of, which diminishes from the simply beauty of what you are doing at the moment and can disrespect the people you may be with at the time. My mantra now, which I learned clinging to the side of a mountain is “Fully Present”. You might enjoy my post on this discovery. Have a great, fully present, weekend!
http://eathikesleeprepeat.blogspot.com/2011/05/fully-present-lessons-from-mountain.html
What a beautiful post, Angela. I appreciate your honesty about discussing your anxiety. I also have a lot of anxiety, especially when I start worrying about and trying to plan for the future. Just this week, a friend asked about what I plan on doing in a year after my boyfriend finishes his Master’s at NYU (I’m out here living with him and working while I figure out my life), and that question alone sent me into a week of worry, stress, and even slipping back into bad habits of poor body image and disordered eating. Just today I am feeling more positive about the whole situation, and this post coincidentally came at a perfect time for me. I too need to work on living in the present and not worrying so much about what may or may not happen in the future. You are a true inspiration. Best of luck working on these goals. Even though I do not know you, just thinking that you are out there working through similar anxiety issues as me makes me encouraged to work that much harder to stay in the present. Have a fabulous weekend!
First of all, thank you so much Angela for this wonderful post. I’ve been needing these reminders a lot lately. Also Laura, thank you for sharing some of your story, it really reminds me of mine. I just finished my first year of college and decided that it wasn’t the right place for me, nor the right time to be in college. I decided to take some time off and I’m happy with that choice, but lately my days are filled with anxiety about the future. I don’t know where I’m going to apply to college when and if I go back. There is so much unknown in my life. But, as you said Angela, the key is to spend as much time as possible in the present, and then just take small steps to move forward in taking the next big step.
Like you said, Laura, knowing that others out their are struggling with the same things is very comforting. We can all find strength in the fact that we are never alone. I wish you both the absolute best!
Thanks for sharing your own experience Laura. I can relate to the post-school anxiety issues…it can be a big transition period, but also, a new and exciting chapter in your life to begin. Goodluck!
These posts are so uplifting and calming. I am always excited to read them and apply them to my life :) thanks!!
This post was exactly what I needed this morning- thank you!
Thank you for this post. I needed this just at this very moment.