Hands down, one of the most asked questions I’ve received since I announced my pregnancy last March is whether we will raise our daughter a vegan. It’s something that Eric and I discussed long before getting pregnant, but we revisited the topic again when I did get pregnant. I’ve been clear in the past that our household is not a vegan household – Eric doesn’t follow a vegan diet, although a lot of his meals are vegan because he loves the food that I make (yup, tooting my own horn! hah). He now enjoys hundreds of foods he wouldn’t even touch when we first started dating and it’s been incredible to see his diet transform over the years from deep fried fast food to vibrant veggie-filled home-cooked meals. From eating a huge bowl of frosted flakes cereal to a huge green smoothie every morning, the change has been huge. So even though he’s become more conscious about selecting organic meat from local farms whenever possible and eschewing a large amount of dairy from his diet, he has no plans of going vegan. I support him completely; after all, he was never vegan before we met and he is happy and healthy which is what matters.
Many people have assumed that we would raise Adriana on a vegan diet, but we’ve actually decided not to label her diet in any shape or form. This is for a couple reasons. First, I want her to be able to try any food that she wants to, including the food her dad and family members eat in front of her. Second, I want her to decide for herself when she is older whether she will attach any sort of label to her diet. I have personally experienced benefits and drawbacks to labeling my own diet, and I don’t want to put my beliefs on her or assume that my diet is the best diet for her. That being said, we eat so many plant-based meals in this house I have no doubt that her diet will be filled with vegetables, fruit, legumes, beans, whole grains, nuts, seeds, and healthy fats! We are very grateful for the food we have access to and above all, I’d like to instill this sense of gratitude in her and also an excitement for healthy food, understanding its impact on our energy, etc. We are incredibly lucky that we even have the privilege of discussing this topic. But would we stop her from enjoying some of her dad’s chicken or a birthday cake at a friend’s party or a home-cooked meal at Mimi’s or Babcia’s house? No we won’t (assuming she doesn’t have an allergy down the road, of course).
I know that deciding what to feed one’s family is a very personal topic, but I want to be open about it as I have with my own dietary changes in the past. Obviously, there is no right or wrong answer to this question. Vegan households can work really well if that is the goal (and I know many friends who are currently rocking it!), but this is what we’ve decided is right for us.
I’d love to hear from you about this topic. Have you ever struggled with the decision as to whether to label your child’s diet? Do you live in a household with different diets or allergies? How do you find a balance?
PS – Adriana turned 6 months on Saturday! We celebrated by giving her her first solid food – avocado. I haven’t laughed so much in a long time. It was seriously awesome. I also re-read her birth story and cried a little. More on this feeding thing later.
xo
Comments are now closed – May 20/15
Thanks for your post, I feel like I can totally relate. My two little boys (6 &3) began their lives as vegans and over the past year we have transitioned to what I call a “plant-based diet” or “veganish” or “we’re vegan at home” or technically, I guess, vegetarian. We will likely never eat meat or buy dairy products to cook with at home but we do eat dairy on special occasions and when we go visit family and friends. The reason being is that, like you, I do not want them to miss out on eating cake at a birthday party, or enjoying my mom’s freaking amazing potato salad, or walking down the street to the local ice cream shack once or twice a year. I regret that I used the label “vegan” to begin with. Many people are quick to point out accusingly, “well that’s not vegan”. It bugs me. I can’t really explain why I feel like it is perfectly fine for my kids to have cheese once in a while but that the thought of them downing a glass of cow’s milk horrifies me. It’s just what I think and feel and how I want them to be fed. Right now I can mostly control what they eat, someday they will choose for themselves. I certainly talk about why we don’t eat meat, but it’s never a lecture. I hope that one day they choose to continue to eat the way we do now but I would never want them to feel guilt or shame over it—they won’t ever get that from me. How we eat does not have to be a black or white decision. We need balance. For my family—eating dairy now and then keeps us on track to eat vegan most of the time.
Babcia’s??? I was so surprised seeing this word
Angela – you have made me sick to my stomach – you of all people should know better – should know the pain and suffering you are causing to so many animals – the damage to this planet.
you have disappointed me – I will no longer support you or you blog for endorsing cruelty
Replace being vegan with being against racism……
I am not racist because being racist is wrong – but i will teach my daughter to be racist and I will let her enjoy racist activities when she is with her family – I will continue to not be racist but teaching her not to be racist would just be wrong
I believe in gay marriage but my husband does not – I will teach my daughter to be homophobic
Think about what you are doing and saying Angela…. The truth hurts because you know its wrong to abuse animals….
Trish, comparing veganism to racism or homophobia is a moot point. Being a racist or homophobic is socially inacceptable in today’s society. On the other hand, being an omnivore is socially and widely acceptable, that is for the time being anyhow.
Same goes for comparing an omnivore to an abuser, rapist or murderer. People committing those acts of violent will be sentenced to jail. Omnivores will not end up in prison if they eat a piece of chicken.
[…] comparing *eating animal products* to racism or homophobia […]
Right, homophobia and racism are the same as being an omnivore. How ridiculous does that sound?
Not at all ridiculous.
I am a reader of this blog (have been even more so since my little daughter was born, just one day younger than yours, Angela :) and I love reading the posts that Angela so lovingly shares with us, and have often commented in my head, but this is my first time jumping on.
Angela this was very open minded of you to approve this comment even though if someone was commenting this way about me, I would find it a personal attack and would just delete and forget about it.
Angela, thank you for sharing your views and your family’s views.
In my humble opinion, not ALL of the meat and dairy industry is cruel. Small farms, hand slaughtered meat (rather than machine production) and a growing industry of responsible farming is helping people to make a choice.
I’m missing out on my daughter’s playtime so I”m going to sign off. Angela, I respect you so much and I really admire how personably and articulately you write on your blog and I can see from the comments you have helped a lot of people with their diet and body image. Thank you <3
I’m so sorry that you’ve encountered a lot of negativity on your post. I haven’t read the entire thread, but a few things jump out. So let’s start with the Vegan Society’s definition of vegan, posted by someone else but I couldn’t find it again so here it is:
Veganism is a way of living that seeks to exclude, as far as possible and practicable, all forms of exploitation of, and cruelty to, animals for food, clothing and any other purpose.
Then let’s consider that a few posters equated the idea of veganism as a belief system akin to Christianity, and I can certainly the parallels.
And finally, let’s please remember that Angela is not the only person involved in this decision, and Eric is not a vegan. This doesn’t make her less of a vegan, in my view. It makes her a real person in a real relationship who’s navigating the tough choices of parenting the best way she can. And she’s being incredibly honest about it.
Or put another way, let’s say a Catholic woman marries an atheist. Is the Catholic mom not a Catholic anymore if she doesn’t baptize her child immediately? My guess is no, she’s still a Catholic, but the priest will certainly talk to her about bringing the child to church. Now I get that some people *would* believe that (You’re not Catholic unless…) but if the Church itself excluded everyone who was a near-miss on the doctrines they’d be preaching to no one. The same may well be true of veganism — including people who are on the continuum or are still learning or struggling with certain issues can only help the cause over the long term.
I’m not saying that people who are not vegan should call themselves that (confusing, at the least), but I’m not sure you can say that Angela is not a vegan just because her daughter isn’t. Yet.
Hi Angela,
Here’s the word that comes to mind that describes your attitude to food, your family and your daughter: HEALTHY
If we want a healthier planet and for animals to be well treated we have to give each other agency, respect and heart felt teaching. Personally I think you’ve aced it!
Yowza, people can get very serious about definitions and labels. Unfortunately, many lack tact and end up coming across as bullies. Not a good combination.
Regarding balancing different diets in the same household, we’ve got a similar situation as you. I have celiac disease, but my husband does not.
I do most of the cooking so most of the time he eats gluten free by default, but he still enjoys gluten as much as he wants and I absolutely don’t try to stop him! The only thing he’s careful about is cross-contamination of the peanut butter and stuff like that.
We do what works for us, and you do what works for you. Preach.
Hi Angela,
I just wanted to write to you after getting your email today about how people were really negative towards you and I wanted to say how much I appreciate and love your blog, philosophy about life, and of course the recipes! Thank you so much for being who you are and sharing your life journey with all of us, even though we will probably never meet. It takes a lot of courage to open up about what you and your family decide to do and I honor and recognize that courage, something that most people would be too afraid to do.
Thank you for listening to your heart, you inspire me (and I imagine everyone else who reads your blog!) to do the same.
Laetitia
Angela….good on you for shrugging off the hateful replies. Not easy I am sure. Follow your heart and your body wisdom, and thank you for your beautiful blog.
I MADE THE SAME CHOICE THAN YOU ANGELA FOR MY BABY BOY, I totally support your decision! I am vegan like you, my husband is omnivore and my son will be raised omnivore too. My decision to eliminate all sorts of animals products in my alimentation results from a long reflexion, like a spiritual path, it took several years & I did it when it made sense for me, like a revelation. It’s a decision I made conscientiously. I don’t want him to be vegan “because mum eats like that”, by this (wrong for me) way it will just be a list of prohibited and delicious looked-like foods…. no way! If one day he decides not to eat animal products I will encourage and help him, but it will be his own choice! Vegan or vegetarian or omnivore, the most important is to be in accord with your soul. SPREAD LOVE… <3
Thank you for sharing and being so honest with your readers. I’ve been a vegetarian for about 25 years, but my husband is an omnivore. I don’t ever prepare meat. I also don’t cook with eggs or cow’s milk products at home. So, I eat vegan 90% of the time and vegetarian 100%. My kids will sometimes try meat that my husband prepares, or order it in a restaurant. They have changed their attitudes over the years. My 9 year old loves pigs, so will turn down any pepperoni pizza offered at parties. My 12 year old goes back and forth. But their diets are mostly vegetarian. The most important thing is that we love each other and I support each family member’s choices, just as they support mine.
Oh, I wanted to add that we did decide to wait until the kids were old enough to understand what exactly their food was before introducing any kind of animal products. I remember feeling horrified as a child when I learned where a hamburger came from. I was so sad and wished someone had warned me before I ate it. So, we waited until they were around 3 and we’re sure to let them know that daddy was eating a chicken, just like the kid on the farm. So, they could make a more informed choice.
I’m vegetarian, and although we eat completely vegetarian at home, my husband still eats meat every so often when we go out. We talk all the time about what we’d do if we have kids, and although I feel strongly that I’ll probably always be vegetarian that’s not something I would want to push on my children. Of course, I’ll expose them to a large array of healthy vegetarian food but ultimately I think it’s their decision, their body, their choice. I think it’s critical to education kids about nutrition, but like you said, there’s no such thing as a one diet fits all. What is good for one body could be detrimental to another. You sound like a great mother and great call on the avocado, I couldn’t imagine a better first food!
I am a vegetarian moving toward vegan, mostly for ethical reasons. Having said that though, like you, my husband eats meat and animal products – and so does my son. We made this decision for many of the same reasons as you. When he is old enough, I am sure I will explain why I eat the way I do, and I will be leaving it up to him to decide what he would like to do also. Thanks you for being transparent and letting us peak into your life and lifestyle!
As a vegan physician, I can tell you that I consider giving children meat on par with letting them smoke cigarettes or other behaviors that jeopardize their health and their lives.
If it were just a matter of “choice” it would be just dandy (except for the animals- you might want to ask them).
But the risk of colon cancer is much higher in meat eaters than vegans. The risk of pancreatic cancer is much higher. Not to mention the virtual absence of heart disease among vegans compared to the fact that heart disease is the #1 killer of people who do eat meat.
I could go on.. alzheimers disease, bone loss, obesity.
I have seen 2 of my patients watch their young adult children suffer and die of colon cancer in the last year. Heartbreaking.
So I do not support giving children a choice. We as educated adults are responsible for demonstrating healthy habits and, while we do have control over what our children do, not offering them food or other substances that potentially harm them.
Deborah Wilson MD
I noted that you did not post my comment. Can you tell me why?
Hi Deborah,
Due to our spam filters, whenever someone comments for the first time it goes into moderation. It is posted now.
Bonjour Angela !!
You are pretty smart not labeling your daughter . My children ate meat , and one day they decided on their own, that they wanted to be vegetarians, 7-8 years later they taught me the benefits of better eating ! And I found your cookbook and gave it to my eldest to enjoy !!
I think as parents we show them what we know and as they grow older they like to show us what they have learned. I am soo glad that I did not label them tht they had to be “meat eaters”.
With love from Québec, Montréal Canada
BRIGITTE ESTELLE
I am probably older than most of your readers. I have 8 children and have survived cancer. I changed my way of eating before my cancer diagnosis 3 years ago to a plant based, whole food, whole grain way. My family (3 still at home and 1 in college) have learned from me why I eat what I eat and their habits have been evolving. My husband, as well. They do however eat meat and some pastries, etc.
I do not want to be labeled by my “diet”. I have chosen a healthy lifestyle and it has benefitted me greatly and my family has benefitted from it as well. I believe it was to the credit of my way of eating that my body was able to heal as it did after cancer treatment.
When I came across your recipes, I was overjoyed! I almost exclusively use your cookbooks and blog for my recipes. You have an amazing story and your love for others is evident by what you do. Thank you!
Blessings!
You are a wonderful mama, Angela :) Adriana is a very lucky lady to have landed in your arms and I feel you’ve made a wonderful decision in raising her that will lead to a very healthy and respectful attitude towards food and her body. Thank you for all that you do!
This post reminds me how lucky I am that my husband transitioned to veganism at the same time I did. What if he hadn’t watched Forks Over Knives, or Gary Yourofsky’s ADAPTT lecture? I’ve been vegan for almost a year and a half, and it brings me peace to know that my home is a peaceful place where we don’t eat things that caused harm to animals. It’s easier to deal with the fact that extended family hasn’t made the same choices we have. It’d be heart-breaking if my spouse was in the same category. To look at someone I love that deeply and know they’ve faced the facts and are willing to make animals suffer at the cost of their health and the environment because of convenience and tradition would be incredibly hard. Especially since I am willing to do all the work to research and cook healthy, delicious, (Oh She Glows!) vegan meals. I am so grateful that my husband watched the same documentaries that I did with an open mind, and has embraced the change. It enables us to raise our children with healthy, peaceful food – and no awkward conversations about why Dad made a different choice.