Toot, toot!
All aboard, the Operation Beautiful Virtual Book Tour!
I am excited to be talking about a body image topic that is very near and dear to my heart this morning- Happy Weights!
But first, a delicious, healthy, and energizing breakfast!
YUM!!!!
Morning Glow Vegan Overnight Oats
Ingredients:
- Classic Vegan Overnight Oats (1/3 cup oats, 1.5 tbsp chia seeds, 1 cup Almond milk, 1 tbsp Amazing Grass chocolate Amazing Meal powder)
- 1/2 apple, chopped
- 1/4 cup blueberries
- 1 dried apricot, chopped
- 1/2 Raw Energy Cookie Bites
- 1 tbsp peanut butter
- Drizzle of maple syrup, optional
Directions: Mix classic vegan overnight oat ingredients and leave in fridge overnight or in fridge for 1-2 hours. When VOO is ready, stir in mix-ins (chopped apple, blueberries, apricot, 1/2 cookie bite, peanut butter. Serve and enjoy!
This was soooooo delicious.
Revved up and ready to roll!
Fun fact about the OB book- OSGMOM has the very first note in the entire book!
You can also find me on pages 25 (my OB note) and 129-131 (I talk about the Superwoman Syndrome). I am so honoured to be a part of this great book!
OK, let’s begin.
I went on a post-it spree in Wal-Mart in honour of this post!
Happy Weight: What It Means To Me
The term Happy Weight seems like an oxymoron, doesn’t it?
I mean, who is ever happy with their weight?
I define a Happy Weight as a weight that your body can maintain with relative ease where you feel healthy, energetic, and sane.
How many women do you know who have said to you, ‘I am at my happy weight?’ and then 2 months later they still say the same thing? And a year later they still say the same thing? It is usually along the lines of, ‘In 10 pounds I will be at my happy weight’ or ‘Just 5 more pounds to lose until I am happy with myself.’
At least for me it always was.
Part of the problem is that the weight we think will make us happy is often not the right weight for our body.
The weight that we desire and the weight that the media tells us we should be is often NOT the weight our own body is happy at. This happy weight will be different for every single one of us. My Happy Weight is not the same as yours and your Happy Weight is not the same as your sisters or your best friends. We are all unique.
It took me years to figure this out. In the process my weight went up and down and up and down.
Many women pick a specific number on the scale that they want to reach. We chose our goal and we do everything in our power to get there and stay there. Often in the process, we lose ourselves and forget that we have worth outside of this goal.
An ‘unhappy weight’ is a weight that we do not feel our best at energy wise, health wise, and hunger wise.
For years, I used to battle with myself, with food, and with the scale to maintain my weight. I fought the battle every single day to stay at that weight. Every morning when I opened my eyes, the first thought in my mind was about my weight. I vowed to eat less and to workout more. To stop bingeing. At night, I would often cry into my pillow, ashamed at myself for eating ‘too much’ food or for being weak and bingeing on junk food. The cycle of shame, guilt, and desperation went on for years.
I always told myself in 10 pounds, I would finally be happy. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and achieve ‘x’ weight and my life would fall into place. In 10 pounds, I could eat normally, binges would stop, and I could stop hating myself. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and my problems would be solved.
I would love myself in 10 pounds….but not yet.
Not yet.
For myself, and for many women, the number on the scale is sadly a barometer for our own self-love and self-worth.
If the scale tipped higher, I hated myself a bit more. If it tipped lower, I was a better person worthy of at least a small amount of love, but of course not fully until I achieved my goal weight.
Not yet. Some day though.
I promise.
Well, I finally did lose those 10 pounds and when I got there I realized that the number was actually not my happy weight. I couldn’t love myself yet because- wait for it- I actually had a new goal weight! I was mistaken before. I thought my happy weight was 10 pounds less, but I was wrong, it was actually in another 5 pounds.
I guess I was wrong.
I would love myself someday, but….
Not yet.
Not yet.
5 more pounds, and I promise that you can be happy again. You can eat more in 5 pounds. I can eat normally again. I will love myself. I will be able to concentrate on my school work. I won’t binge when I lose 5 pounds. I will be free of the monsters that tell me I am no good.
These thoughts are easily justified in the mind of someone suffering with disordered eating. You are never good enough. Life passes you by as you chase after happiness in a number.
The problem- and I didn’t figure this out for years- was that when I allowed the scale to be a barometer for my happiness, the number will never be good enough. I will never be happy living this way. Happiness is not derived from some extrinsic factor, it has to come from within to have a lasting impact.
So many women chase a specific number on the scale. When we approach it, it slips away from our grasp like a wet bar of soap. We try desperately to cling harder to it, and it shoots in the opposite direction. We trip and fall many times chasing it. The harder that I clung to my strict diet and exercise regime, the worse my binges got and the more the scale climbed and climbed which only perpetuated the negative thoughts and desire to restrict. It is an extremely hard cycle to get out of.
So how did I find my happy weight?
It took me years and a lot of hard work to find my happy weight, but I can now confidently say that I am there. I attribute this to several choices that I made along my journey. These are my own personal choices and I do not assume that they are necessary for others. It is simply my own experience and what worked for me.
1) I claimed responsibility for my happiness
- For so long, I felt powerless about my own happiness with myself and my body-image. I felt like I couldn’t change myself, my thoughts, or my actions. One day it occurred to me that I had to finally accept responsibility for my happiness. If I didn’t, who would?
2) I ditched the scale
- While I don’t think scales can make us unhappy (ultimately, we have the power to decide that!), I do think the scale was negative for me. To this day I do not weigh myself. The scale can be a useful tool for many people, but it was poison in my life and I chose to stop weighing myself. I have never been happier since ditching the scale.
3) I got professional help
- Having suffered from an eating disorder since the age of 12, I strongly believe the only way I could beat the negativity and find my happy weight was to seek out the help of an experienced professional. I tried and failed many times on my own, but things started to fall into place when I had the counsel of a loving professional. You have to want the help first though. My commitment and determination + a loving professional = the right tools for progress. There is no shame in talking to someone!
4) I stopped counting calories
- Just like scales, calorie counting can be a useful tool for weight loss. However, in the hands of the wrong individual (like myself) calorie counting turned into an obsession. I couldn’t stop even when I tried and it took over my life. I had to get rid of calorie counting and I instead chose to listen to my body’s hunger signals. It took me years to be able to do this successfully. For so long I had denied my hunger that I found it was almost impossible to listen once I tried. The worst part was that I continued to binge even when I stopped counting calories because my body didn’t trust me. However, overtime my body trusted me again and I became in-tune with my body’s needs. This does not happen over night…patience is a virtue.
5) I exercise for FUN and for a healthy personal challenge (not just to burn calories!)
- I never focus on how many calories I burn during workouts anymore. I focus on how I feel and I do things that I enjoy like racing. Find what you enjoy and stick with it. Set goals. See what your body is capable of! Make it an adventure.
Today, I can’t tell you how much I weigh (because I don’t know), but I can tell you that I am at my Happy Weight. I know this because I eat healthy foods when I am hungry and I exercise in a moderate amount. Some days I overeat or indulge in too many sweets, but other times I pass up on dessert. It is all about finding a balance. I don’t starve myself anymore and my body feels no need to binge. My body is happy because it stays about the same size and my clothes fit how they should. If my pants get a bit tight, I know to pass up on a few desserts or extra servings here and there. Nothing extreme anymore.
For the first time in my life, I don’t care how much I weigh because I know that I am healthy and happy. As long as I have this, no number will ever be able to dictate how I feel about myself again.
I decided that all scales should come with a disclaimer when you open up the package…
Half way through writing this disclaimer, I was overcome with emotion and I broke down into tears. I wasn’t expecting to feel those intense emotions after all this time. I guess my heart still remembers the pain I went through for many years.
The fight was worth it.
I am worth the fight.
And so are you.
If you would like to be entered in a random draw to win a copy of the Operation Beautiful book, please leave a response below.
What would your ‘Scale Disclaimer’ read? What does a happy weight mean to YOU?
Thanks for sharing this, Angela. I’ve never been through weighting obsession, probably simply because we never had a functioning scales at home, but I do know what you mean when you talk about a Happy Weight. I was underweight as a teenager and while many of my girlfriends at the time might have felt jealous, I was so unhappy with myself: I felt I was small and weak and very boyish looking, no feminine curves whatsoever! It took me a couple of years and a loving partner to accept my body shape, from its boyishness when I was younger to a more feminine silhouette now! Even though there’s always something I’d like to improve, I try not to obsess about it and just try to have a more healthy, balanced approach towards my body.
I wish all the young girls out there who struggle with their body image could read your post! xxx
I am slowly coming down from being as obsessed with the scale as I used to be. I would have to post on my scale: “The number this displays is just a number, it is not a factor in your self worth.”
I got teary-eyed when I read this blog as it really resonated with me. I’m going to have to link to it in my post today because I really think everyone should read it!
I can’t tell you how emotional this post made me – our stories sound almost exactly the same, I’m just still working on finding it. I actually JUST posted about my decision to stop counting calories!
I stopped weighing myself because the number dictated my entire DAY. My disclaimer would read: “It’s just a number. You don’t describe yourself as smart, beautiful, and XXX pounds! Don’t let it take away your happiness – it’s not a measure of your worth.”
Honestly, I’m still figuring out what my happy weight is, but to me, it is a place where I feel perfectly comfortable in my skin. I think I’m getting there. It was SO relieving to me to read about your struggle and know that it took time – I feel sometimes like I will never get there. Thank you!
Oh, I’m not sure if I’ve commented before, but I just LOVE your blog & follow it and I completely admire your job – I ‘m actually going to culinary school to be a baker after I graduate with my bachelor’s, and hope I’m half as successful as you!!
Scales..ugh, I have definitely had my struggles with the scale.
My disclaimer would read, the number on this scale will not measure how far you’ve come – only the body that brought you to here.
This week has inspired me and you inspire me. I’m going to make some positive changes and would love a copy of the book to help.
There should be a disclaimer on scales that say:
Use with discretion; for a more accurate measure, look inside.
Love this post, simply wonderful.
My disclaimer would read: This number is NOT in direct relation to your value. Now get off and go find something better to do!
GREAT post! I have gone through a very similar journey of binging and restriction, and am happy to say I finally feel like I’m settling into a good place with my body image! I think cutting out calorie-counting was key for me, too! (even though it was hard to stop!)
Happy weight to me means that I feel confident in my body, and don’t stress about my looks or diet on a daily basis. I’m not TOTALLY there yet… but I am proud of myself for how fare I’ve come, and I’ve started appreciating myself NOW, instead of waiting for those last 10 lbs!
Wow. This is an inspiring post, mostly because I can (unfortunately) relate to many of the things that you said. I understand how it feels to wake up everyday and think about weight, the meals you’ll eat, and how those will cause the negative thoughts. It’s an awful way to live! I’ve been struggling to get over the same problems for about 6 months — I finally just had had enough of the negative thoughts and the way it made me feel about myself! It surely is a struggle everyday, but everyday you get a little stronger and compared to the past I’m leaps and bounds from that point in my life. I can honestly say that the world of food blogs has helped SO much in this process because I don’t feel alone! There are people all over that provide the inspiration to keep trucking through and I want to thank you because you are one of them that helps me realize that someday I can be free of those thoughts too!
what a wonderful post! I immediately bookmarked it cause I know I will enjoy going back to read it many times in the future. You are a great inspiration :)
A happy weight to me is when I feel comfy in my clothes, and when I feel fit and in shape. I go through phases of weighing myself daily/writing down all my food to putting the scale in the closet and focusing on eating healthy foods when my body tells me it is hungry. I do see that option 2 makes me much happier overall and it is the way I try to be. It doesn’t come overnight, but I think after reading this post, I am that much closer to the way you think.
To me, being active, athletic, in shape and healthy is a million times more important than a number on a scale. I have lots of friends who look up to me and envy me for how much I run and how dedicated I am. To me that makes me feel way better than any number on a scale ever could
Hi Angela, I am a pretty new reader, and actually not a blogger. I absolutely loved this post. After attending my first yin yoga class last week I explored a website to learn more about it. There was a quote that really stuck with me: “You do not use your body to get into the poses, you use the poses to get into your body”.
In my mind this relates a lot to this post, and what a healthy weight means. When you are exercising and eating healthy you are loving your body, and your body in turn, will love you back. When you do what is right for your body, it will do what is right for you, which will look different from person to person.
Thank you for being an inspiration!
-Melissa
What a great post! I used to be a slave to the scale, and I had different goal weights for each time of the day. I even brought my scale on vacations! After three years of ED therapy and ditching the scale, I am now in recovery and at my happy weight, whatever that number is. To me, my happy weight is more of a feeling–I feel strong and confident in my body now!
I heard about operation beautiful on cosmo radio yesterday, which lead me to healthy tipping point and then to this bolg. I feel like I’ve just had my healthy tipping point and am inspired so much by strong ladies like you. Thanks for sharing and inspiring me!
Angela. Thank you. This post resonated so much with me. I have never been a scale person. I’ve always just gone with how my clothes fit and how I feel but that’s not to say I don’t often wish I was 10 or 15 lbs lighter. Thank you for being so inspiring and for such a wonderful post.
On a completely different not I just had cacao nibs (for the first time ever) in my oats this morning. OMG! Words cannot describe. So delicious.
As someone currently in the never ending struggle to accept my body, embrace my love for health, and banish negative self-talk this post really speaks to me. I am 21 years old but I’ve felt like I’ve spent nearly the last 10 years in a civil war between my body and soul. It’s hard but I think this website and others have greatly helped me overcome the need to obsess about calories in and calories out. Thus being said, I would love love LOVE to win a copy of this book. My disclaimer for a scale would say, “This number doesn’t summarize nor represent me and my passion for life, therefore it cannot constrain me.”
I’m not going to lie, I never weigh myself. Never have never will – only at the doctor once a year. I just don’t care what I weigh!!
But I guess mine would read: “Warning: Stepping on this scale will not bring you the happiness you deserve.”
Hi Angela,
I love your site! I loved this post even more!
I am 23 years old and have had an ED since the age of 10. When all of the other girls were still skinny I was chubby and started developing sooner. Ever since than a day does not go by where I do not think about food, my weight and how othre must think I look horrible. Everyday is a struggle, and even though I will have 2-3 days go by here and there where I believe I can actually start to be happy with eating right and exercising and not caring what the scale says, the same thing happens over and over again, my self worth flies out the window and I am back to my old habits. I am trying SO hard and reading your blog has been showing me how strong and healthy I can be and is so encouraging that I want to try my hardest to live a healthy life! I believe someday I will be happy and I will be able to love myself, for now I am working on it though. I would LOVE to win this book because I think it would help my self esteem and help me keep going on the right path. Thanks Angela! You truly are an inspiration to all of us that are probably feeling the exact same way about ourselves. I am also inspired to write some notes and leave them!
I know I’m not alone.
That post made me all weepy.
‘
You’re full of awesome and Angela and so are we :D
p.s. it makes me mad at myself sometimes that I allow those little numbers to make my day or ruin it.
This was a fantastic post. Just uplifting and positive and moving.
my scale disclaimer would read: The number displayed here is in no way related to your worth. Beauty cannot be measured in pounds. You cannot measure kindness and compassion in ounces. You cannot measure happiness with a number. The number displayed here has no power.
I completely agree with your definition of Happy Weight and for the first time ever I feel like I am at my Happy Weight. It is my “goal” weight. No. And that’s okay. I am free from the scale and I am free from calorie counting. They are no longer holding me down or holding me back. I am happy to be me as I am. I love myself as a person and I love my body for all that it does and can do. My goals are no longer weight-related, they are fitness-related and I am excited to see what happens next.
Reading this post made me extremely happy inside! It’s so nice to hear that you are happy with your body and have found balance in your life..YOU ARE IN CONTROL! For many years I struggled as well. The starving then binging, tears on my pillow diet. It was a vicious cycle and took the passing of a very close friend of the family that helped me snap out of it. A healthy weight to me before was eating as little as I could survive on some days and looking supermodel thin. Now it’s eating healthy and allowing those healthy treats too, as well as staying active. The body that is formed from doing these things I KNOW is what I am meant to look like. I feel great and am in control now! :)
Thank you so much for your honest post!
Thank you for the beautiful, emotional, heartfelt post–I absolutely loved it, related to it, and felt so happy for you when reading it! My scale disclaimer would read: “This number does NOT define you or imply that you are healthy, happy, or beautiful. You are all of those things without the scale!” For me, my happy weight is where I am now–a place where I am not constantly battling with my body and beating it into a state of submission. Thank you for your post!