Toot, toot!
All aboard, the Operation Beautiful Virtual Book Tour!
I am excited to be talking about a body image topic that is very near and dear to my heart this morning- Happy Weights!
But first, a delicious, healthy, and energizing breakfast!
YUM!!!!
Morning Glow Vegan Overnight Oats
Ingredients:
- Classic Vegan Overnight Oats (1/3 cup oats, 1.5 tbsp chia seeds, 1 cup Almond milk, 1 tbsp Amazing Grass chocolate Amazing Meal powder)
- 1/2 apple, chopped
- 1/4 cup blueberries
- 1 dried apricot, chopped
- 1/2 Raw Energy Cookie Bites
- 1 tbsp peanut butter
- Drizzle of maple syrup, optional
Directions: Mix classic vegan overnight oat ingredients and leave in fridge overnight or in fridge for 1-2 hours. When VOO is ready, stir in mix-ins (chopped apple, blueberries, apricot, 1/2 cookie bite, peanut butter. Serve and enjoy!
This was soooooo delicious.
Revved up and ready to roll!
Fun fact about the OB book- OSGMOM has the very first note in the entire book!
You can also find me on pages 25 (my OB note) and 129-131 (I talk about the Superwoman Syndrome). I am so honoured to be a part of this great book!
OK, let’s begin.
I went on a post-it spree in Wal-Mart in honour of this post!
Happy Weight: What It Means To Me
The term Happy Weight seems like an oxymoron, doesn’t it?
I mean, who is ever happy with their weight?
I define a Happy Weight as a weight that your body can maintain with relative ease where you feel healthy, energetic, and sane.
How many women do you know who have said to you, ‘I am at my happy weight?’ and then 2 months later they still say the same thing? And a year later they still say the same thing? It is usually along the lines of, ‘In 10 pounds I will be at my happy weight’ or ‘Just 5 more pounds to lose until I am happy with myself.’
At least for me it always was.
Part of the problem is that the weight we think will make us happy is often not the right weight for our body.
The weight that we desire and the weight that the media tells us we should be is often NOT the weight our own body is happy at. This happy weight will be different for every single one of us. My Happy Weight is not the same as yours and your Happy Weight is not the same as your sisters or your best friends. We are all unique.
It took me years to figure this out. In the process my weight went up and down and up and down.
Many women pick a specific number on the scale that they want to reach. We chose our goal and we do everything in our power to get there and stay there. Often in the process, we lose ourselves and forget that we have worth outside of this goal.
An ‘unhappy weight’ is a weight that we do not feel our best at energy wise, health wise, and hunger wise.
For years, I used to battle with myself, with food, and with the scale to maintain my weight. I fought the battle every single day to stay at that weight. Every morning when I opened my eyes, the first thought in my mind was about my weight. I vowed to eat less and to workout more. To stop bingeing. At night, I would often cry into my pillow, ashamed at myself for eating ‘too much’ food or for being weak and bingeing on junk food. The cycle of shame, guilt, and desperation went on for years.
I always told myself in 10 pounds, I would finally be happy. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and achieve ‘x’ weight and my life would fall into place. In 10 pounds, I could eat normally, binges would stop, and I could stop hating myself. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and my problems would be solved.
I would love myself in 10 pounds….but not yet.
Not yet.
For myself, and for many women, the number on the scale is sadly a barometer for our own self-love and self-worth.
If the scale tipped higher, I hated myself a bit more. If it tipped lower, I was a better person worthy of at least a small amount of love, but of course not fully until I achieved my goal weight.
Not yet. Some day though.
I promise.
Well, I finally did lose those 10 pounds and when I got there I realized that the number was actually not my happy weight. I couldn’t love myself yet because- wait for it- I actually had a new goal weight! I was mistaken before. I thought my happy weight was 10 pounds less, but I was wrong, it was actually in another 5 pounds.
I guess I was wrong.
I would love myself someday, but….
Not yet.
Not yet.
5 more pounds, and I promise that you can be happy again. You can eat more in 5 pounds. I can eat normally again. I will love myself. I will be able to concentrate on my school work. I won’t binge when I lose 5 pounds. I will be free of the monsters that tell me I am no good.
These thoughts are easily justified in the mind of someone suffering with disordered eating. You are never good enough. Life passes you by as you chase after happiness in a number.
The problem- and I didn’t figure this out for years- was that when I allowed the scale to be a barometer for my happiness, the number will never be good enough. I will never be happy living this way. Happiness is not derived from some extrinsic factor, it has to come from within to have a lasting impact.
So many women chase a specific number on the scale. When we approach it, it slips away from our grasp like a wet bar of soap. We try desperately to cling harder to it, and it shoots in the opposite direction. We trip and fall many times chasing it. The harder that I clung to my strict diet and exercise regime, the worse my binges got and the more the scale climbed and climbed which only perpetuated the negative thoughts and desire to restrict. It is an extremely hard cycle to get out of.
So how did I find my happy weight?
It took me years and a lot of hard work to find my happy weight, but I can now confidently say that I am there. I attribute this to several choices that I made along my journey. These are my own personal choices and I do not assume that they are necessary for others. It is simply my own experience and what worked for me.
1) I claimed responsibility for my happiness
- For so long, I felt powerless about my own happiness with myself and my body-image. I felt like I couldn’t change myself, my thoughts, or my actions. One day it occurred to me that I had to finally accept responsibility for my happiness. If I didn’t, who would?
2) I ditched the scale
- While I don’t think scales can make us unhappy (ultimately, we have the power to decide that!), I do think the scale was negative for me. To this day I do not weigh myself. The scale can be a useful tool for many people, but it was poison in my life and I chose to stop weighing myself. I have never been happier since ditching the scale.
3) I got professional help
- Having suffered from an eating disorder since the age of 12, I strongly believe the only way I could beat the negativity and find my happy weight was to seek out the help of an experienced professional. I tried and failed many times on my own, but things started to fall into place when I had the counsel of a loving professional. You have to want the help first though. My commitment and determination + a loving professional = the right tools for progress. There is no shame in talking to someone!
4) I stopped counting calories
- Just like scales, calorie counting can be a useful tool for weight loss. However, in the hands of the wrong individual (like myself) calorie counting turned into an obsession. I couldn’t stop even when I tried and it took over my life. I had to get rid of calorie counting and I instead chose to listen to my body’s hunger signals. It took me years to be able to do this successfully. For so long I had denied my hunger that I found it was almost impossible to listen once I tried. The worst part was that I continued to binge even when I stopped counting calories because my body didn’t trust me. However, overtime my body trusted me again and I became in-tune with my body’s needs. This does not happen over night…patience is a virtue.
5) I exercise for FUN and for a healthy personal challenge (not just to burn calories!)
- I never focus on how many calories I burn during workouts anymore. I focus on how I feel and I do things that I enjoy like racing. Find what you enjoy and stick with it. Set goals. See what your body is capable of! Make it an adventure.
Today, I can’t tell you how much I weigh (because I don’t know), but I can tell you that I am at my Happy Weight. I know this because I eat healthy foods when I am hungry and I exercise in a moderate amount. Some days I overeat or indulge in too many sweets, but other times I pass up on dessert. It is all about finding a balance. I don’t starve myself anymore and my body feels no need to binge. My body is happy because it stays about the same size and my clothes fit how they should. If my pants get a bit tight, I know to pass up on a few desserts or extra servings here and there. Nothing extreme anymore.
For the first time in my life, I don’t care how much I weigh because I know that I am healthy and happy. As long as I have this, no number will ever be able to dictate how I feel about myself again.
I decided that all scales should come with a disclaimer when you open up the package…
Half way through writing this disclaimer, I was overcome with emotion and I broke down into tears. I wasn’t expecting to feel those intense emotions after all this time. I guess my heart still remembers the pain I went through for many years.
The fight was worth it.
I am worth the fight.
And so are you.
If you would like to be entered in a random draw to win a copy of the Operation Beautiful book, please leave a response below.
What would your ‘Scale Disclaimer’ read? What does a happy weight mean to YOU?
Happy weight to me means that I LISTEN to what my body is telling me. That I eat foods that make me feel great and that I find forms of exercise that challenge and strengthen and make me feel great. It means that I stop letting circumstance dictate how I feel about me and I start taking charge and putting myself as a priority. I am EXTREMELY knew to this journey, but I am proud!
I am in week one of training for a hiking challenge that takes place in November. It will be quite a challenge but I am excited – and I LOVE to hike. =)
Great post! It’s so interesting, because years ago in my 20’s I was a certain weight, then it crept up 10 pounds. I was so depressed about that and I was always trying to get the weight back down, but in the process I ended up gaining another 40 pounds into my 30’s. I felt miserable and hated the way I looked. I ended up losing 40 pounds and felt much better, but always was striving for that last 10 pounds with that same thought “I’d be so much happier if I lost that 10 pounds”. When I did lose another 8 pounds, I realized that sure I was thinner, but I wasn’t happy, I was always hungry, and my body wasn’t happy. Just because I”m a certain weight doesn’t make my life all of a sudden perfect. Since then, I’ve gained that 8 pounds back, and I know that my body is really happy at that weight. No, I don’t look like a model, but that’s ok with me, my body is happy, I’m not starving. I’ve come to accept who I am, what I look like, and you know what, I now like myself (actually love myself). It turned out not to be a number on the scale, but what it was that I was eating (healthy whole foods, no processed) and doing(getting out and doing things whether it’s yoga, running, or just walking around with my husband and dogs, but not sitting in front of the tv all day hating myself).
There’s a recent tv commercial for Weight Watchers with Jennifer Hudson. She says something about how she’s lost weight and how she loves herself that much more for it. Everytime I hear that, I cringe. I remember what I’ve learned over the years, and what I’ve read on blogs, especially yours, and how that just perpetuates this negativeness (is that a word) that’s so rampant in society today about the way we look. I HATE that commercial!
beautifully written angela! i am so inspired by you :)
i have given up weighing myself. my younger (20 year old) sister doesn’t and she is honestly my role model when it comes to body image and food. she doesn’t care if her pants are tight – she buys new ones! she doesn’t care if she’s lost weight – she’s still eating what she loves and incorporating healthy foods as often as possible and exercising 2-6 times per week depending on the week! she doesn’t value herself and her qualities based on a number that is simply a scientific measure! all these qualities i hope to regain :)
My scale note would say “i am a silly machine that is insensitive. i do not care if you eat healthfully, workout, or enjoy time with friends and family. i just want to measure you. do you really want to be my friend?”
this blog post just made my day. seriously. thank you. thank you. thank you. :)
I can relate to so much in this post! Still struggling to accept my happy weight as 10lbs more than I want to be (and more than I was 7 years ago), but am trying to focus more on food as enjoyment and energy, and less as calories. Dying to try VOO but nervous because I won’t know the calorie count – ridiculous!! Also trying to focus on exercise to feel stronger and more confident. All in all, trying to change the way I see myself but it’s a long uphill slog! I’m looking forward to the day when I can throw away my scales and not mentally run through the calorie count of everything I eat and have eaten – as always you’re blog is so inspirational!
My healthy, ideal weight is the weight that puts me out of the “overweight” category. It is the weight that I remember feeling the most alive – the most energy, happiness, fit, and ease of living. It is the weight I remember being my healthiest, before I dropped the bomb and gained so much weight. For me that number is 150lb, but for others it could be higher or lower. There is no set ideal number on the scale that is universal. Scales are only a guide that can help us with our goal, not direct it.
A happy weight to me is the point where I walk into a room feeling confident about my body. When I go to the gym because I WANT to be there and not feel as though I NEED to be. A happy weight is the point where I trust my body and the connection that my mind has with it to control what I eat and drink but not obsess about it. I don’t know that I am quite there yet, but I am definitely working toward that point.
This post really has me thinking. I weigh myself every morning, and each morning, whatever the number is determines my happiness. This is not right. I am about 20 pounds over what I consider to be a healthy weight for me. My scale should read: “Nobody but you cares what this number is.” My husband doesn’t care. My kids don’t care. But I can’t stop obsessing over the number and my belly that looks like I am 4 months pregnant when I am not, and beating myself up whenever I eat too much or eat junk. I need to get off this vicious cycle, ditch the scale, and just take care of my body.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
My scale would read: Don’t step on me until you are comfortable in your body and how you look and feel. That is more important than some silly number! When you are comfortable with yourself inside and out, you probably won’t even want to step on me. Go enjoy your life and don’t worry about me!”
I love this.
1. I cannot count calories either. I obsess and worry about how many I’ve eaten, how many I ‘have left,’ etc ALL DAY when I do.
2. Due to a change in medications + hypothyroidism + stress + etc, I am currently above my ideal weight. I had been worrying about the number on the scale and the fact that my old jeans don’t fit, but realized the other day that this wasn’t healthy. Now, I am focusing on being PROUD of the fact that I am strong enough to bike 120+ hilly miles in a week, being proud of my progress with weight lifting, and being happy with my new career path. It is so much worthwhile to focus on these things, and if I am happy and fit and keep eating healthy, the weight will eventually come off if it is meant to. And in the meantime, I’ll buy a new pair of jeans. ;)
I am currently on my happiness weight journey….finally starting to feel like I’m getting it right and feeling a sense of relaxation about my weight. I think the scale disclaimer for me would read “This is just a number – don’t let it impact the way you feel about yourself for a second. No part of this number should dictate whether or not you can smile and be proud of who you are!” A happy weight for me is the weight I can feel my best logging long miles on the road, and the weight that allows me to still indulge in my monster sweet tooth!
Thanks for sharing Angela. Somehow, your blog has healed many of my destructive emotions. I would’ve never guessed that words could be so powerful in this way, it must have something to do with your amazing energy! Infectious – across thousands of miles, and different cultures – we are all catching a piece of the positive energy you have thrown into the universe.
To me happy weight means healthy weight that comes from eating right, staying active, and thinking positive. I believe that whatever weight one is supposed to be, if you do those three things, your body will naturally adjust to it’s “happy weight”
My scale disclaimer would read: “Darling? You look fabulous. Stop wasting time standing still and obsessing; go read something inspiring, kiss your future husband and barefoot in the grass. Life’s too short. Love you.”
Thank you Angela. Your posts, especially ones like these, remind me what is important, and inspire me to respect my body.
Unfortunately, I train in a weightclass based sport, and especially at high levels, success often rests on being the strongest in the weightclass. This means that during the tournament season, I must diet down to a weight that’s actually below my happy/healthy weight. However, in my recovery from disordered eating, I have realized that while the diet and weightloss are a necessary evil, and are temporary. I am now happy, rather than depressed, when I return to a healthy weight and bodyfat percentage during the off season.
For this reason, my disclaimer would be a bit different:
This scale will be out of order during the summer months. Sorry for the inconvenience. In the meantime, feel free to trust your body to lead you to health.
I can identify with your struggle so much. I too went through the same body/weight issues from the ages of 14 to 25. I also don’t ever step on the scale (I even close my eyes at the doctor’s office). I feel like a whole new confident and healthy person now but I fear that weighing myself could open a can of worms and I don’t wanna go there :) My disclaimer would say “No matter what the number is, it doesn’t change who you are for better or worse.”
Lovely post Angela, though I wouldn’t have expected anything but. To be honest, right now I am struggling with the idea of a happy weight, though I agree with how you stated it. Being in a business where your appearance matters a LOT (ballet) makes it really hard to maintain a positive self image for right now if you aren’t the ideal they want. How you look affects what roles you get and how much the directors like you (oh how I wish this wasn’t true!). Anyways, thanks for this post to remind us all that that’s not how it has to be. :)
-K
Wonderful post.. I cried then I lept into action. I posted the disclaimer on my scale (I’m sure my husband will laugh and enjoy it too!) After a week with Angela’s disclaimer my new disclaimer will be: The only numbers that matter today: “How many times willl/did I smile? How many times wiil/did I make my husband smile? How many times wiil/did I make my teammates at work feel better about themselves and their work?”
Have a wonderful day everyone. Smile and share these disclaimers with your friends.
What an honest, straight from the heart post, Angela! My disclaimer would read: that number does not define you. It does not mean you can’t have a glass of wine or a cookie when you want it. It doesn’t mean you need to run an extra few miles. Know that you are amazing because you strive to be and you treat your body well. And occasionally take a break from it all, no matter what this number reads. You deserve it.
I just love Operation Beautiful. I nearly cried while watching Caitlin’s clip yesterday. She did such an amazing job and I think that it is so important to remind ourselves and other people that we are perfect just the way we are today. Not in ten pounds or five or 50. Just the way we are today.
My scale disclaimer would be “a scale can’t tell you how strong you are, no matter what the number says. You are stronger than you know!” One of my favorites will always be “scales measure weight, not worth.”
Thanks for being such an inspiration Angela!!!
I would like to be entered in the drawing. This was written beautifully! I was anorexic for a few years and identified with your words. I still cannot feel hunger. And I still devour food when it is in front of me as if it is the last food I will ever get to eat… it has been 6 years since i stopped the food madness but it has left it’s mark on me. BTW I look better now than I ever have :) My motivation for exercising is just to look at myself in the mirror… I like the muscle tone. I wish the media would stop photo-shopping and airbrushing models, so we can see that all women look like us and we are beautiful. As a mother to a lovely daughter this concerns me even more as i wish her to grow up not comparing herself to impossible images.