Toot, toot!
All aboard, the Operation Beautiful Virtual Book Tour!
I am excited to be talking about a body image topic that is very near and dear to my heart this morning- Happy Weights!
But first, a delicious, healthy, and energizing breakfast!
YUM!!!!
Morning Glow Vegan Overnight Oats
Ingredients:
- Classic Vegan Overnight Oats (1/3 cup oats, 1.5 tbsp chia seeds, 1 cup Almond milk, 1 tbsp Amazing Grass chocolate Amazing Meal powder)
- 1/2 apple, chopped
- 1/4 cup blueberries
- 1 dried apricot, chopped
- 1/2 Raw Energy Cookie Bites
- 1 tbsp peanut butter
- Drizzle of maple syrup, optional
Directions: Mix classic vegan overnight oat ingredients and leave in fridge overnight or in fridge for 1-2 hours. When VOO is ready, stir in mix-ins (chopped apple, blueberries, apricot, 1/2 cookie bite, peanut butter. Serve and enjoy!
This was soooooo delicious.
Revved up and ready to roll!
Fun fact about the OB book- OSGMOM has the very first note in the entire book!
You can also find me on pages 25 (my OB note) and 129-131 (I talk about the Superwoman Syndrome). I am so honoured to be a part of this great book!
OK, let’s begin.
I went on a post-it spree in Wal-Mart in honour of this post!
Happy Weight: What It Means To Me
The term Happy Weight seems like an oxymoron, doesn’t it?
I mean, who is ever happy with their weight?
I define a Happy Weight as a weight that your body can maintain with relative ease where you feel healthy, energetic, and sane.
How many women do you know who have said to you, ‘I am at my happy weight?’ and then 2 months later they still say the same thing? And a year later they still say the same thing? It is usually along the lines of, ‘In 10 pounds I will be at my happy weight’ or ‘Just 5 more pounds to lose until I am happy with myself.’
At least for me it always was.
Part of the problem is that the weight we think will make us happy is often not the right weight for our body.
The weight that we desire and the weight that the media tells us we should be is often NOT the weight our own body is happy at. This happy weight will be different for every single one of us. My Happy Weight is not the same as yours and your Happy Weight is not the same as your sisters or your best friends. We are all unique.
It took me years to figure this out. In the process my weight went up and down and up and down.
Many women pick a specific number on the scale that they want to reach. We chose our goal and we do everything in our power to get there and stay there. Often in the process, we lose ourselves and forget that we have worth outside of this goal.
An ‘unhappy weight’ is a weight that we do not feel our best at energy wise, health wise, and hunger wise.
For years, I used to battle with myself, with food, and with the scale to maintain my weight. I fought the battle every single day to stay at that weight. Every morning when I opened my eyes, the first thought in my mind was about my weight. I vowed to eat less and to workout more. To stop bingeing. At night, I would often cry into my pillow, ashamed at myself for eating ‘too much’ food or for being weak and bingeing on junk food. The cycle of shame, guilt, and desperation went on for years.
I always told myself in 10 pounds, I would finally be happy. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and achieve ‘x’ weight and my life would fall into place. In 10 pounds, I could eat normally, binges would stop, and I could stop hating myself. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and my problems would be solved.
I would love myself in 10 pounds….but not yet.
Not yet.
For myself, and for many women, the number on the scale is sadly a barometer for our own self-love and self-worth.
If the scale tipped higher, I hated myself a bit more. If it tipped lower, I was a better person worthy of at least a small amount of love, but of course not fully until I achieved my goal weight.
Not yet. Some day though.
I promise.
Well, I finally did lose those 10 pounds and when I got there I realized that the number was actually not my happy weight. I couldn’t love myself yet because- wait for it- I actually had a new goal weight! I was mistaken before. I thought my happy weight was 10 pounds less, but I was wrong, it was actually in another 5 pounds.
I guess I was wrong.
I would love myself someday, but….
Not yet.
Not yet.
5 more pounds, and I promise that you can be happy again. You can eat more in 5 pounds. I can eat normally again. I will love myself. I will be able to concentrate on my school work. I won’t binge when I lose 5 pounds. I will be free of the monsters that tell me I am no good.
These thoughts are easily justified in the mind of someone suffering with disordered eating. You are never good enough. Life passes you by as you chase after happiness in a number.
The problem- and I didn’t figure this out for years- was that when I allowed the scale to be a barometer for my happiness, the number will never be good enough. I will never be happy living this way. Happiness is not derived from some extrinsic factor, it has to come from within to have a lasting impact.
So many women chase a specific number on the scale. When we approach it, it slips away from our grasp like a wet bar of soap. We try desperately to cling harder to it, and it shoots in the opposite direction. We trip and fall many times chasing it. The harder that I clung to my strict diet and exercise regime, the worse my binges got and the more the scale climbed and climbed which only perpetuated the negative thoughts and desire to restrict. It is an extremely hard cycle to get out of.
So how did I find my happy weight?
It took me years and a lot of hard work to find my happy weight, but I can now confidently say that I am there. I attribute this to several choices that I made along my journey. These are my own personal choices and I do not assume that they are necessary for others. It is simply my own experience and what worked for me.
1) I claimed responsibility for my happiness
- For so long, I felt powerless about my own happiness with myself and my body-image. I felt like I couldn’t change myself, my thoughts, or my actions. One day it occurred to me that I had to finally accept responsibility for my happiness. If I didn’t, who would?
2) I ditched the scale
- While I don’t think scales can make us unhappy (ultimately, we have the power to decide that!), I do think the scale was negative for me. To this day I do not weigh myself. The scale can be a useful tool for many people, but it was poison in my life and I chose to stop weighing myself. I have never been happier since ditching the scale.
3) I got professional help
- Having suffered from an eating disorder since the age of 12, I strongly believe the only way I could beat the negativity and find my happy weight was to seek out the help of an experienced professional. I tried and failed many times on my own, but things started to fall into place when I had the counsel of a loving professional. You have to want the help first though. My commitment and determination + a loving professional = the right tools for progress. There is no shame in talking to someone!
4) I stopped counting calories
- Just like scales, calorie counting can be a useful tool for weight loss. However, in the hands of the wrong individual (like myself) calorie counting turned into an obsession. I couldn’t stop even when I tried and it took over my life. I had to get rid of calorie counting and I instead chose to listen to my body’s hunger signals. It took me years to be able to do this successfully. For so long I had denied my hunger that I found it was almost impossible to listen once I tried. The worst part was that I continued to binge even when I stopped counting calories because my body didn’t trust me. However, overtime my body trusted me again and I became in-tune with my body’s needs. This does not happen over night…patience is a virtue.
5) I exercise for FUN and for a healthy personal challenge (not just to burn calories!)
- I never focus on how many calories I burn during workouts anymore. I focus on how I feel and I do things that I enjoy like racing. Find what you enjoy and stick with it. Set goals. See what your body is capable of! Make it an adventure.
Today, I can’t tell you how much I weigh (because I don’t know), but I can tell you that I am at my Happy Weight. I know this because I eat healthy foods when I am hungry and I exercise in a moderate amount. Some days I overeat or indulge in too many sweets, but other times I pass up on dessert. It is all about finding a balance. I don’t starve myself anymore and my body feels no need to binge. My body is happy because it stays about the same size and my clothes fit how they should. If my pants get a bit tight, I know to pass up on a few desserts or extra servings here and there. Nothing extreme anymore.
For the first time in my life, I don’t care how much I weigh because I know that I am healthy and happy. As long as I have this, no number will ever be able to dictate how I feel about myself again.
I decided that all scales should come with a disclaimer when you open up the package…
Half way through writing this disclaimer, I was overcome with emotion and I broke down into tears. I wasn’t expecting to feel those intense emotions after all this time. I guess my heart still remembers the pain I went through for many years.
The fight was worth it.
I am worth the fight.
And so are you.
If you would like to be entered in a random draw to win a copy of the Operation Beautiful book, please leave a response below.
What would your ‘Scale Disclaimer’ read? What does a happy weight mean to YOU?
Angela, you really inspire me! Thank you for this post, and this blog!
I would add to the scale disclaimer: Measures pounds not worth! What is “a pound” anyways? Ultimately, not a very important thing! You may want to replace this “pounds” scale with more time with people who love you and know just how great and beautiful you are and will tell you so! That’s what you really want to know isn’t it? Not how many “pounds” you weigh!
Angela, I love this post. I know how you feel in some respects as I have suffered from an eating disorder and am now in the recovery process. your post brought tears to my eyes.
“When you remember your wedding day memories of enormous love will fill your mind and heart… not how skinny you looked in your dress.”
Omigosh, mine would read exactly as yours. I used to freak out about the fluctuations in the scale. I would also not feel very worthy to live if I went back to my high school weight.
Angela, what a great post! You have come sooooo far. You are so beautiful, inside and out!!!!
You are the way you feel so embrace your life and love it! Stop thinking about the obstacles and enjoy the triumphs of the journey!
What a well written and great post. I struggle with the numbers all the time. I lost 100lbs on Weight Watchers a few years ago and struggle to get my last 30 off to get to my “happy weight.” Part of knows this weight is too low for me to be happy and maintain it but to be that number equals happiness. At that number all my problems go away! This post hit home with me. I do want to lose more but I do want to focus more on how my body feels and worry less about the scale and counting calories. I’ve been counting points on Weight Watchers for five years so it’s hard to not go crazy every once in a while.
My scale disclaimer: This does NOT make you a failure.
Sigh.
My happy weight revolves around how I look in my clothes – if I look good, I am happy – doesn’t matter what the scale says. I do weigh myself about once a week just to make sure things stay about the same. My weight fluctuates within the same 5 pounds, and always has … if it started to change more dramatically than that, it would be a sign that something is wrong.
Thank you for setting such a great example for us! Beauty comes from confidence and pride in who you truly are, not what you think you could or should be. Everyone is different so we should stop trying to compare ourselves to everyone else, espcially when it comes to the number on the scale.
Wow, this may have been my favorite post—ever. I’m struggling with many of the things you discussed and couldn’t help but smile at the end of your post.
Thank you, Angela :)
To me, my happy weight is achieved when I’m not constantly thinking about eating. I attribute being hungry to this, which also means I’m probably not givng my body what it needs. When I go through my day without huge dips in energy, I am happy. :)
Great post Angela!
This is such a fantastic post – thank you for sharing your story!
For me, Happy Weight is pretty much what you said – a weight that your body can maintain easily and *sanely*. (Sane is the huge part of that for me.) I know that I eat healthfully and when I’m hungry and that my body is in a really good, healthy place. I happen to be lighter and leaner than I’ve been in YEARS, but sometimes a voice in my head pops up saying, “But just 5 more pounds gone would be better!” It’s a challenge to quiet it, but I just keep doing what I now know is good for my body – moving regularly and eating well. I, too, have given up on counting calories, because I know that it just makes me crazy.
If I were to write a scale disclaimer, it would say, “You are so much more than just a number. Don’t live your life based on what this item says, because it can’t tell you what you can and cannot do.” It’s a huge thing for me to remember that, because I just have a heavier build. No matter what I do, I’ll always be 10-15 pounds heavier than a lot of other women my size, and I’m OK with that. I know that my body is strong and capable of doing amazing things, which is what it’s all about.
What an awesome post! I can relate to this all too well. My disclaimer would read: “This scale cannot tell you how strong you are, how much your family loves you, or what you can accomplish with the beautiful body God gave you. Honor Him by honoring you.”
Wow. So I’m a blog lurker, subscribed to many many blogs, read and go about my day but this post was so great I had to comment. LOVE your scale disclaimer…I couldn’t help but get emotional myself. Thank you for this :) Have a great day!
Wow – this post made me cry! I can’t believe how much I related to everything you said…I actually just threw out the batteries for my scale yesterday. I am so stuck in this cycle right now…I need to learn to love myself right now, not after I lose weight! You are so right…why didn’t I see this before? Anyway, after much thought, I suppose my disclaimer would say:
Warning: This scale does not measure the size of your heart. This scale does not show you how many people care about you. The numbers shown on this scale do not make you a better (or worse!) person. This scale will not make you love yourself.
In fact- I think I am going to make a sticky note that says this and put it on my dead scale. =)
You should add “in fact, it’ll make you hate yourself” because that’s what scales make us do – hate ourselves, judge ourselves, be critical of ourselves, which is not want we all need. I like your idea of putting your sticky on your scale, that’s a good incentive to not step on it!
Thank you so much for this post, Angela! It was definitely something I needed to hear today. My scale disclaimer would read: “A lower weight does not equal an increase in happiness. The number on this scale will not win your family’s approval. It does not define you. It will not give you happiness or make the pain go away. It does not measure your beauty, or your smile, or the way you care about others.”
I LOVE this disclaimer – it’s perfect!
I haven’t weighed myself lately either. I realized that whether the number went up or down I had the same reaction.
My scale disclaimer would read:
This scale will not tell you how you feel. The number will not reveal your energy levels, your spunk, or your happiness. It is merely a number indicative of many things. Do not focus on it.
Oops! I meant:
It is merely a number, indicative of nothing!
Beautiful post, Ange! Thank you so much for always being so open and honest in your posts. I’ve learned SO much from your experiences and advice! :)
I never had a specific number in mind when I struggled with disordered eating, but I just wanted to keep on losing and losing and losing! And the more that number on the scale went down, the happier I was, but the sicker I got. It was so twisted! I’m so glad I’ve finally accepted that skinny does not equal healthy!
What a great post! I really enjoyed reading it and connected with all your thoughts, Angela – I think so many women will. I go back and forth, to be honest, about ditching the scale and seem to use it as a regulator but my husband helps me take a break from it if it’s starting to control me more (he can tell!)…maybe it’s time to take a permanent break. My scale disclaimer would be: “Don’t let this number make or break your day, but rather go and live in the freedom of who you are: a valuable and loved woman who is strong, capable, and healthy regardless of the number. This number does not define you; you are defined by God as his beloved child with whom he is well-pleased.”
“Happy weight” means living at a weight my body can maintain and sustain through regular exercise and healthy living in the most natural senses of the words, not in an obsessive sense. Eating for health and moving for health, not for weight.
Thanks again for this post…think I might reread it again. :)