Toot, toot!
All aboard, the Operation Beautiful Virtual Book Tour!
I am excited to be talking about a body image topic that is very near and dear to my heart this morning- Happy Weights!
But first, a delicious, healthy, and energizing breakfast!
YUM!!!!
Morning Glow Vegan Overnight Oats
Ingredients:
- Classic Vegan Overnight Oats (1/3 cup oats, 1.5 tbsp chia seeds, 1 cup Almond milk, 1 tbsp Amazing Grass chocolate Amazing Meal powder)
- 1/2 apple, chopped
- 1/4 cup blueberries
- 1 dried apricot, chopped
- 1/2 Raw Energy Cookie Bites
- 1 tbsp peanut butter
- Drizzle of maple syrup, optional
Directions: Mix classic vegan overnight oat ingredients and leave in fridge overnight or in fridge for 1-2 hours. When VOO is ready, stir in mix-ins (chopped apple, blueberries, apricot, 1/2 cookie bite, peanut butter. Serve and enjoy!
This was soooooo delicious.
Revved up and ready to roll!
Fun fact about the OB book- OSGMOM has the very first note in the entire book!
You can also find me on pages 25 (my OB note) and 129-131 (I talk about the Superwoman Syndrome). I am so honoured to be a part of this great book!
OK, let’s begin.
I went on a post-it spree in Wal-Mart in honour of this post!
Happy Weight: What It Means To Me
The term Happy Weight seems like an oxymoron, doesn’t it?
I mean, who is ever happy with their weight?
I define a Happy Weight as a weight that your body can maintain with relative ease where you feel healthy, energetic, and sane.
How many women do you know who have said to you, ‘I am at my happy weight?’ and then 2 months later they still say the same thing? And a year later they still say the same thing? It is usually along the lines of, ‘In 10 pounds I will be at my happy weight’ or ‘Just 5 more pounds to lose until I am happy with myself.’
At least for me it always was.
Part of the problem is that the weight we think will make us happy is often not the right weight for our body.
The weight that we desire and the weight that the media tells us we should be is often NOT the weight our own body is happy at. This happy weight will be different for every single one of us. My Happy Weight is not the same as yours and your Happy Weight is not the same as your sisters or your best friends. We are all unique.
It took me years to figure this out. In the process my weight went up and down and up and down.
Many women pick a specific number on the scale that they want to reach. We chose our goal and we do everything in our power to get there and stay there. Often in the process, we lose ourselves and forget that we have worth outside of this goal.
An ‘unhappy weight’ is a weight that we do not feel our best at energy wise, health wise, and hunger wise.
For years, I used to battle with myself, with food, and with the scale to maintain my weight. I fought the battle every single day to stay at that weight. Every morning when I opened my eyes, the first thought in my mind was about my weight. I vowed to eat less and to workout more. To stop bingeing. At night, I would often cry into my pillow, ashamed at myself for eating ‘too much’ food or for being weak and bingeing on junk food. The cycle of shame, guilt, and desperation went on for years.
I always told myself in 10 pounds, I would finally be happy. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and achieve ‘x’ weight and my life would fall into place. In 10 pounds, I could eat normally, binges would stop, and I could stop hating myself. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and my problems would be solved.
I would love myself in 10 pounds….but not yet.
Not yet.
For myself, and for many women, the number on the scale is sadly a barometer for our own self-love and self-worth.
If the scale tipped higher, I hated myself a bit more. If it tipped lower, I was a better person worthy of at least a small amount of love, but of course not fully until I achieved my goal weight.
Not yet. Some day though.
I promise.
Well, I finally did lose those 10 pounds and when I got there I realized that the number was actually not my happy weight. I couldn’t love myself yet because- wait for it- I actually had a new goal weight! I was mistaken before. I thought my happy weight was 10 pounds less, but I was wrong, it was actually in another 5 pounds.
I guess I was wrong.
I would love myself someday, but….
Not yet.
Not yet.
5 more pounds, and I promise that you can be happy again. You can eat more in 5 pounds. I can eat normally again. I will love myself. I will be able to concentrate on my school work. I won’t binge when I lose 5 pounds. I will be free of the monsters that tell me I am no good.
These thoughts are easily justified in the mind of someone suffering with disordered eating. You are never good enough. Life passes you by as you chase after happiness in a number.
The problem- and I didn’t figure this out for years- was that when I allowed the scale to be a barometer for my happiness, the number will never be good enough. I will never be happy living this way. Happiness is not derived from some extrinsic factor, it has to come from within to have a lasting impact.
So many women chase a specific number on the scale. When we approach it, it slips away from our grasp like a wet bar of soap. We try desperately to cling harder to it, and it shoots in the opposite direction. We trip and fall many times chasing it. The harder that I clung to my strict diet and exercise regime, the worse my binges got and the more the scale climbed and climbed which only perpetuated the negative thoughts and desire to restrict. It is an extremely hard cycle to get out of.
So how did I find my happy weight?
It took me years and a lot of hard work to find my happy weight, but I can now confidently say that I am there. I attribute this to several choices that I made along my journey. These are my own personal choices and I do not assume that they are necessary for others. It is simply my own experience and what worked for me.
1) I claimed responsibility for my happiness
- For so long, I felt powerless about my own happiness with myself and my body-image. I felt like I couldn’t change myself, my thoughts, or my actions. One day it occurred to me that I had to finally accept responsibility for my happiness. If I didn’t, who would?
2) I ditched the scale
- While I don’t think scales can make us unhappy (ultimately, we have the power to decide that!), I do think the scale was negative for me. To this day I do not weigh myself. The scale can be a useful tool for many people, but it was poison in my life and I chose to stop weighing myself. I have never been happier since ditching the scale.
3) I got professional help
- Having suffered from an eating disorder since the age of 12, I strongly believe the only way I could beat the negativity and find my happy weight was to seek out the help of an experienced professional. I tried and failed many times on my own, but things started to fall into place when I had the counsel of a loving professional. You have to want the help first though. My commitment and determination + a loving professional = the right tools for progress. There is no shame in talking to someone!
4) I stopped counting calories
- Just like scales, calorie counting can be a useful tool for weight loss. However, in the hands of the wrong individual (like myself) calorie counting turned into an obsession. I couldn’t stop even when I tried and it took over my life. I had to get rid of calorie counting and I instead chose to listen to my body’s hunger signals. It took me years to be able to do this successfully. For so long I had denied my hunger that I found it was almost impossible to listen once I tried. The worst part was that I continued to binge even when I stopped counting calories because my body didn’t trust me. However, overtime my body trusted me again and I became in-tune with my body’s needs. This does not happen over night…patience is a virtue.
5) I exercise for FUN and for a healthy personal challenge (not just to burn calories!)
- I never focus on how many calories I burn during workouts anymore. I focus on how I feel and I do things that I enjoy like racing. Find what you enjoy and stick with it. Set goals. See what your body is capable of! Make it an adventure.
Today, I can’t tell you how much I weigh (because I don’t know), but I can tell you that I am at my Happy Weight. I know this because I eat healthy foods when I am hungry and I exercise in a moderate amount. Some days I overeat or indulge in too many sweets, but other times I pass up on dessert. It is all about finding a balance. I don’t starve myself anymore and my body feels no need to binge. My body is happy because it stays about the same size and my clothes fit how they should. If my pants get a bit tight, I know to pass up on a few desserts or extra servings here and there. Nothing extreme anymore.
For the first time in my life, I don’t care how much I weigh because I know that I am healthy and happy. As long as I have this, no number will ever be able to dictate how I feel about myself again.
I decided that all scales should come with a disclaimer when you open up the package…
Half way through writing this disclaimer, I was overcome with emotion and I broke down into tears. I wasn’t expecting to feel those intense emotions after all this time. I guess my heart still remembers the pain I went through for many years.
The fight was worth it.
I am worth the fight.
And so are you.
If you would like to be entered in a random draw to win a copy of the Operation Beautiful book, please leave a response below.
What would your ‘Scale Disclaimer’ read? What does a happy weight mean to YOU?
my scale disclaimer would say: this scale can’t weigh happiness, self-love, or self-confidence, and it doesn’t dictate how much your friends and family love you. I struggled with my weight my whole life, until my mid teens when I got in amazing shape and found a healthy weight. But because I didn’t look like the women in fitness magazines (who really don’t usually look very strong or fit), it was never good enough. I kept losing more and more weight until I was so thin I couldn’t do anything more than a 30 min workout. I’m on the other end of it now, but I still struggle with guilt and anxiety about eating and working out. So for me, a happy weight couldn’t be measured on the scale, but in how strong and happy I feel.
Angela- what a beautiful post! You almost made me cry. It has been a long hard journey for me to come to love and accept myself, but I am finally at a happy place. If I had to put a disclaimer on a scale, it would say, “The number on this screen is not nearly as important as the number of friends you have, the number of smiles you’ve given away, or the number of hugs you’ve received.”
Such an amazing post. I feel like I could’ve written (maybe not as eloquently) as you many of those exact same words. It’s amazing being in this community and realizing that MANY women go through the same things as you.
I recently wrote a post about those last 5-10 lbs. A question was posed–if you were stranded on a desert island and would never be seeing anyone again, would you want to lose weight?
My answer was no. I realized that I AM happy with myself as is, but once I start comparing myself to other women–be it friends, celebrities, whatever is when I find myself needing to be MORE and therefore the “need” to lose weight.
It was amazing figuring out what was behind my wanting to lose weight, because I absolutely do not need to.
So, my disclaimer would say…
You are you and the number on this scale does not make you any better or less of a person. What makes you a beautiful person is your heart, your mind, and your kindness towards others.
My happy weight is where I feel lean and strong and sleek. Interesting post today, and I am going to enjoy the book, too. Thanks!
Your breakfast looks A-MAH-ZING!
I also love the Post-Its. I’ve been struggling with an ED since I was 13 (almost 6 years to the day) and the scale is just one thing that I cannot give up. Maybe one day I’ll get there.
Thank you for this post, Angela. It made me tear up reading it. I remember reading once that you wanted to help people in some way after you left your desk job, and you have certainly accomplished that.
Alison
Angela, that is a beautiful post that left me in tears. I have strugged with an eating disorder since I was 16 and am doing my best to overcome it and start living my life. Your post was exactly everything that I struggle with. Seeing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel by someone who experienced the same thing gives me a hope that I can make a change. God bless you.
To me, my happy weight is when I am running, but also eating dessert, multiple times a week. At this weight I don’t feel the need to over or under eat, and I have the energy to pound out a 6k.
Amazing post. Thank you for being so honest and wording it all so gracefully.
This is such a great post. I wrote a post on happy weight recently, but your says everything I wanted to say, but couldn’t. Maybe it’s because I still get caught up in the cycle. It is a hard one to break. My disclaimer would say: The number on the scale will not change the person you are. Someone who is kind, loving, strong and beautiful. Most importantly, someone who is deserving of love and happiness. A number will never change that. You are beautiful inside and out.
love the scale disclaimer. what a great idea!
Love this! My scale would come with a disclaimer that read: This number does not define you. It shouldn’t make your day better or worse. It is one aspect in a million different component things that make you who you are. It was also tell me to let it go when the number went up.
As someone who is still struggling to loose those last 10 pounds, I don’t know what my happy weight is. I do know that i’ve been happier in general focusing on health and running rather then obsessing about weight and food. I find my life more pleasant if i’m stretching to run those last 10 miles rather then shed those last 10 pounds. They’ll come eventually and maybe I can come back and talk about my healthy weight. :)
A-MEN!! Love your post!
This post really hit home for me. I have yet to figure out my happy weight, and it is something I have struggled with since I was 12 years old. When I do reach goals, I decide that they aren’t enough and I continue to struggle with this concept until finally I gain everything back and then some. Slowly I am trying to find new ways to accept myself and believe in the fact that people do love me regardless of my dress size or a number on the scale. And while I understand those things, it is still hard for me to feel that way about myself. One day I will find a way to achieve the body I want without beating myself up in the process, but I hope that my overall happiness in life will be independent of the weight that I lose.
I love the post its! It reminds me of this one time when I was having a bad day, I found a post-it around campus that said “You are beautiful and loved.” Just the one positive thought really cheered me up.
And the scale disclaimer made me smile. Thank you for that. : )
Great post!
What would your ‘Scale Disclaimer’ read? What does a happy weight mean to YOU?
Good morning Angela!
Such an inspirational & tearful post that many men & women can relate to. My scale disclaimer would read “WARNING: Use of scale may cause obsessive and repulsive thoughts and behaviors of self-worth!” because surely, the scale has had me on a cycle for years, and I PANICKED when it broke. But, instead of going out and purchasing a new one, I left the broken one in its place reminding me that I don’t need it because it does not make me happy. Happy weight means being able to live comfortably in your own skin and knowing what your body is capable of doing because your body is strong, unique and beautiful.
Thank You for this post!…and I’m enjoying GM every morning :)
I loved this post mainly because I am trying to listen to my body more than I used to. I discovered that I am unhappy and feel bad about my body when I am treating it wrong and not giving it what it needs (exercise, healthy food)… yet when I listen to it, my self-esteem magically lifts! Great advice for so many women.
Very inspirational, Angela! As someone who is still in a power struggle between bingeing/starving and trusting my own body, I just had to tell you that you are such a great role model…and that this post made me well up! I’m about to pass this post on to about 1,000 of my friends…it is something that every woman who has ever struggled should read. Thanks again!
Wonderful post as usual, Angela!
After having a friend stay with me for a week I to skip several workouts and indulged in restaurant food much more than usual. I wasn’t really able to count calories and felt completely out of control. She is my best friend and lives 2200 miles away, yet I was stressed and cranky most of her visit because I couldn’t stop thinking about my weight.. It made me realize that this has become an unhealthy obsession with being healthy! I AM at a healthy weight, and yet just because this number is not QUITE as low as I want it to be, I was not allowing myself to be happy.
My disclaimer would read:
“This number is a measure of gravitational force, and says nothing about your femininity, or beauty, let alone what an amazing person you are.”
I loved this post. Many wise words. I have been trying to listen to my body more than I used to. It is difficult! Yet when I choose to listen, I always feel better with my body and myself.
Wow, awesome post! I’d enter the draw, but I think what you wrote on your scale disclaimer couldn’t be worded better! Actually, the way you describe “happy weight” is pretty spot on too! You deliver a powerful message, Miss Glow!
Thank you so much for this. I am currently in the midst of that fight. I am recovering from quite severe anorexia, and am finding it very difficult to know when I am hungry or when I have had enough to eat. Sometimes this is hard for me, because I fear that before I can really read the signals of my body I will gain an unnecessarily large amount of weight. But when these thoughts enter my head, I try to remember what my nutritionist has said: “You cannot live your life in constant fear, that is no way to live. As long as you cannot relax in your eating, as long as you keep restricting, your weight will go up. So relax, let go, listen to your body.”
I would like to enter the competition. I think that your scale disclaimer is perfect, but what would have helped me is: “The number that you are trying to reach on this scale will not bring you happiness. Reaching your goal weight will not magically transform your life for the better, or help you achieve what you want out of life. Happiness comes first, and only afterwards will your body settle to the size it is supposed to be.”