Toot, toot!
All aboard, the Operation Beautiful Virtual Book Tour!
I am excited to be talking about a body image topic that is very near and dear to my heart this morning- Happy Weights!
But first, a delicious, healthy, and energizing breakfast!
YUM!!!!
Morning Glow Vegan Overnight Oats
Ingredients:
- Classic Vegan Overnight Oats (1/3 cup oats, 1.5 tbsp chia seeds, 1 cup Almond milk, 1 tbsp Amazing Grass chocolate Amazing Meal powder)
- 1/2 apple, chopped
- 1/4 cup blueberries
- 1 dried apricot, chopped
- 1/2 Raw Energy Cookie Bites
- 1 tbsp peanut butter
- Drizzle of maple syrup, optional
Directions: Mix classic vegan overnight oat ingredients and leave in fridge overnight or in fridge for 1-2 hours. When VOO is ready, stir in mix-ins (chopped apple, blueberries, apricot, 1/2 cookie bite, peanut butter. Serve and enjoy!
This was soooooo delicious.
Revved up and ready to roll!
Fun fact about the OB book- OSGMOM has the very first note in the entire book!
You can also find me on pages 25 (my OB note) and 129-131 (I talk about the Superwoman Syndrome). I am so honoured to be a part of this great book!
OK, let’s begin.
I went on a post-it spree in Wal-Mart in honour of this post!
Happy Weight: What It Means To Me
The term Happy Weight seems like an oxymoron, doesn’t it?
I mean, who is ever happy with their weight?
I define a Happy Weight as a weight that your body can maintain with relative ease where you feel healthy, energetic, and sane.
How many women do you know who have said to you, ‘I am at my happy weight?’ and then 2 months later they still say the same thing? And a year later they still say the same thing? It is usually along the lines of, ‘In 10 pounds I will be at my happy weight’ or ‘Just 5 more pounds to lose until I am happy with myself.’
At least for me it always was.
Part of the problem is that the weight we think will make us happy is often not the right weight for our body.
The weight that we desire and the weight that the media tells us we should be is often NOT the weight our own body is happy at. This happy weight will be different for every single one of us. My Happy Weight is not the same as yours and your Happy Weight is not the same as your sisters or your best friends. We are all unique.
It took me years to figure this out. In the process my weight went up and down and up and down.
Many women pick a specific number on the scale that they want to reach. We chose our goal and we do everything in our power to get there and stay there. Often in the process, we lose ourselves and forget that we have worth outside of this goal.
An ‘unhappy weight’ is a weight that we do not feel our best at energy wise, health wise, and hunger wise.
For years, I used to battle with myself, with food, and with the scale to maintain my weight. I fought the battle every single day to stay at that weight. Every morning when I opened my eyes, the first thought in my mind was about my weight. I vowed to eat less and to workout more. To stop bingeing. At night, I would often cry into my pillow, ashamed at myself for eating ‘too much’ food or for being weak and bingeing on junk food. The cycle of shame, guilt, and desperation went on for years.
I always told myself in 10 pounds, I would finally be happy. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and achieve ‘x’ weight and my life would fall into place. In 10 pounds, I could eat normally, binges would stop, and I could stop hating myself. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and my problems would be solved.
I would love myself in 10 pounds….but not yet.
Not yet.
For myself, and for many women, the number on the scale is sadly a barometer for our own self-love and self-worth.
If the scale tipped higher, I hated myself a bit more. If it tipped lower, I was a better person worthy of at least a small amount of love, but of course not fully until I achieved my goal weight.
Not yet. Some day though.
I promise.
Well, I finally did lose those 10 pounds and when I got there I realized that the number was actually not my happy weight. I couldn’t love myself yet because- wait for it- I actually had a new goal weight! I was mistaken before. I thought my happy weight was 10 pounds less, but I was wrong, it was actually in another 5 pounds.
I guess I was wrong.
I would love myself someday, but….
Not yet.
Not yet.
5 more pounds, and I promise that you can be happy again. You can eat more in 5 pounds. I can eat normally again. I will love myself. I will be able to concentrate on my school work. I won’t binge when I lose 5 pounds. I will be free of the monsters that tell me I am no good.
These thoughts are easily justified in the mind of someone suffering with disordered eating. You are never good enough. Life passes you by as you chase after happiness in a number.
The problem- and I didn’t figure this out for years- was that when I allowed the scale to be a barometer for my happiness, the number will never be good enough. I will never be happy living this way. Happiness is not derived from some extrinsic factor, it has to come from within to have a lasting impact.
So many women chase a specific number on the scale. When we approach it, it slips away from our grasp like a wet bar of soap. We try desperately to cling harder to it, and it shoots in the opposite direction. We trip and fall many times chasing it. The harder that I clung to my strict diet and exercise regime, the worse my binges got and the more the scale climbed and climbed which only perpetuated the negative thoughts and desire to restrict. It is an extremely hard cycle to get out of.
So how did I find my happy weight?
It took me years and a lot of hard work to find my happy weight, but I can now confidently say that I am there. I attribute this to several choices that I made along my journey. These are my own personal choices and I do not assume that they are necessary for others. It is simply my own experience and what worked for me.
1) I claimed responsibility for my happiness
- For so long, I felt powerless about my own happiness with myself and my body-image. I felt like I couldn’t change myself, my thoughts, or my actions. One day it occurred to me that I had to finally accept responsibility for my happiness. If I didn’t, who would?
2) I ditched the scale
- While I don’t think scales can make us unhappy (ultimately, we have the power to decide that!), I do think the scale was negative for me. To this day I do not weigh myself. The scale can be a useful tool for many people, but it was poison in my life and I chose to stop weighing myself. I have never been happier since ditching the scale.
3) I got professional help
- Having suffered from an eating disorder since the age of 12, I strongly believe the only way I could beat the negativity and find my happy weight was to seek out the help of an experienced professional. I tried and failed many times on my own, but things started to fall into place when I had the counsel of a loving professional. You have to want the help first though. My commitment and determination + a loving professional = the right tools for progress. There is no shame in talking to someone!
4) I stopped counting calories
- Just like scales, calorie counting can be a useful tool for weight loss. However, in the hands of the wrong individual (like myself) calorie counting turned into an obsession. I couldn’t stop even when I tried and it took over my life. I had to get rid of calorie counting and I instead chose to listen to my body’s hunger signals. It took me years to be able to do this successfully. For so long I had denied my hunger that I found it was almost impossible to listen once I tried. The worst part was that I continued to binge even when I stopped counting calories because my body didn’t trust me. However, overtime my body trusted me again and I became in-tune with my body’s needs. This does not happen over night…patience is a virtue.
5) I exercise for FUN and for a healthy personal challenge (not just to burn calories!)
- I never focus on how many calories I burn during workouts anymore. I focus on how I feel and I do things that I enjoy like racing. Find what you enjoy and stick with it. Set goals. See what your body is capable of! Make it an adventure.
Today, I can’t tell you how much I weigh (because I don’t know), but I can tell you that I am at my Happy Weight. I know this because I eat healthy foods when I am hungry and I exercise in a moderate amount. Some days I overeat or indulge in too many sweets, but other times I pass up on dessert. It is all about finding a balance. I don’t starve myself anymore and my body feels no need to binge. My body is happy because it stays about the same size and my clothes fit how they should. If my pants get a bit tight, I know to pass up on a few desserts or extra servings here and there. Nothing extreme anymore.
For the first time in my life, I don’t care how much I weigh because I know that I am healthy and happy. As long as I have this, no number will ever be able to dictate how I feel about myself again.
I decided that all scales should come with a disclaimer when you open up the package…
Half way through writing this disclaimer, I was overcome with emotion and I broke down into tears. I wasn’t expecting to feel those intense emotions after all this time. I guess my heart still remembers the pain I went through for many years.
The fight was worth it.
I am worth the fight.
And so are you.
If you would like to be entered in a random draw to win a copy of the Operation Beautiful book, please leave a response below.
What would your ‘Scale Disclaimer’ read? What does a happy weight mean to YOU?
Thank you so much for writing this post. I struggle with many of the things/thoughts you used to struggle with. I hope to be able to get to the place that you are currently. I dont know yet what my disclaimer would say. When I actually think about the way I treat myself I feel angry. I am going to work on letting go of the self expectations and work more on just being happy being me.
Your posts continue to touch my life, along with others I am sure! My scale disclaimer would say, Don’t look at me for happiness, look in the mirror until you see what every one else sees. Now, if I can just get myself to tell myself this every day and believe it. That’s the really though part…small.baby.steps….
Have a great day and Happy Friday! Thanks again for your inspiration :)
Wow, I loved this post. I have been reading your blog for awhile now and enjoy reading about all your transitions with a healthy lifestyle. It is very inspiring to say the least. A happy weight to me is when you don’t think negatively about what your eating. When your not feeling badly about your cravings and go through the day with a high sense of energy and well-being. When it isn’t constantly crossing your mind that’s where you want to be ;)
Thanks for the inspiration.
Wow — great post! I too have had to recently ditch calorie counting and daily weighing because it was making me neurotic. Sure, the scale was inching lower and lower, but at what cost? I was working out close to two hours a day, bailing on plans with friends and family, skipping all desserts and eating — for what, to weight a measly two pounds lighter??? So not worth it!!!
My scale disclaimer would have to say something like: “This number only tells you how much you weigh — not how strong you are, how healthy you are, and how awesome you are!” heehee
A happy weight to me is being strong, healthy and most importantly happy! Doesnt matter what the number says, as long as you feel good, in good shape/health, then live your life day to day, like it were your last. You never know when your day is up, so Live, Love & Laugh every day!
Thank you. Thank you for writing this post. You hit so many points that resonated with me and I felt a sense of relief that I am not alone.
Beautiful.
Thank you so much Angela for posting this and for all the wonderful, motivational, and really touching things you’ve written on this website. I’ve just recently started becoming a huge fan of your blog, recipes, etc. and have truly been motivated by your lifestyle and positive outlook on life :) I’ve struggled with an eating disorder since I was thirteen and its an ongoing battle. Although I’ve recovered and am much more healthier than I used to be, I still struggle every time I stand on a scale at the doctors or decided to do a check in every couple months. In the process of my recovery I decided to do the most difficult thing I’ve had to do for myself( I know it’s kind of sad that not weighing myself was so difficult for me) which was to not compulsively weight myself after each meal I ate. I decided that I couldn’t keep living and dictating my life by a silly number which would affect my mood, the way I treated my family and loved ones, and ultimately my self esteem. I’ve realized though that the number no matter how low or high it was never seemed just right or enough for me.
My scale disclaimer:
To the new owner of this silly number thing,
1. The number which appears on this scale cannot define the beautiful, compassionate, kind person that we all know you are.
2. The number which appears on this scale cannot show all the strength and courage your mind and heart have had during the struggles and challenges you’ve faced in life.
3. The number which appears on this scale isn’t a representation or indicator about how miles you’ve ran or the training you’ve given your body for the half-marathon you’ve been training for.
4. And lastly, the number which appears on this scale is simply just a three digit combination. Although it may show that you’ve lost or gained some weight, it will never be able to show the changes you’ve made as a person. It will never show the growth in knowledge or love that you have over your lifetime and won’t ever show the strength of your determination and courage.
My happy weight is the weight that simply makes me healthy, grateful, and never makes me feel guilty about whatever I put in my mouth. My happy weight keeps me from being injury prone and helps my body recover after long runs and spin classes. Although I may not be as skinny or muscular as my fitness teachers, runners, or other woman I see, I am starting to love and appreciate all I’ve put my body through and try my best to start loving and taking care of it right for life.
My scale disclaimer would say “No matter what this number is, you are perfect just the way you are! {and if someone else doesn’t think so, they aren’t perfect for YOU}”
I was overweight through high school and then once I entered college I gained 40+ pounds in the first two years. I was not binge drinking on weekends, I was simply making poor food choices and choosing movies and naps over the gym. I did not realize what I was doing to my body. Going back to high school I struggled with living in a small town with girls that were all much smaller and in better shape then I. I ate minimal calories and went to the gym continuously without any success. It was deflating to always be bigger and nothing I did seemed to help. I started binging and purging at this time. It only lasted a few months before I realized the damage I was doing to my body. I have since graduated college and currently have lost 26 pounds. I have 20-30 more pounds to lose before I enter into a healthy BMI weight-range and I will get there slowly at my own pace. I am doing this, and making this change for myself and for no one else. I want to be healthy and live a long and fruitful life with children (in the near future hopefully…). I am doing this my way, and for once I feel that I am beautiful and worthy of the life I have.
You inspire me. Thank you for that. I have been a vegetarian for about a year now and I love al the recipe ideas that you post. Thanks!
What an amazing post, after years of struggling with eating disorders I finally came to the realization that it was not worth all this and my happy weight is where I felt great and no one could tell me different!
I felt like I was reading my own story. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing and writing from your heart.
I don’t know if my relationship with the scale and my weight right now is some sort of neurosis or is something rational. I’ve been on Weight Watchers since October and I’ve successfully lost 40 lbs. My goal is 138.8 (the weight I was when I came to college, four years ago this month) but I’ve been fidgeting around 139-143 for the past few months (I even got down to 139.2 before binging big time on cobbler, Dr Pepper, and ice cream. Not because I was hungry, but because it was there. Seriously?!?!). A big part of it is that I’m tired of eating so little, so I’ve not been as strict, and I’ve binged on average of once every week, which negates all the good I did in previous days. I am happy with myself and happy with my body. I’ve worked hard to get this far and I’ve definitely made huge strides in my health and my eating and exercise habits. I’ve encouraged my parents (both overweight/obsese) to make changes and I’m definitely not wanting to revert back to old ways (junk food and no satiety? hardly any vegetables or fruit!? What was I thinking?!), but it’s something in my nature that’s telling me if I don’t get to goal that I’ve not finished the job, or I’m giving up before I have a chance to reach the finish line. It’s a small thing, probably a neurotic thing, and it’s what’s keeping me from cancelling my account with Weight Watchers month after month, even though I only use it because I like to see my weight loss success charted on there from beginning to end, and I want to see what it’s like to have it reach goal. And as a side note, I step on the scale just about every day, as it helps me ‘disconnect’ with the number. If I ignore or avoid it, I start to fear it instead of deal with it.
But again, I am happy with myself. I’m happy to see that even though 40 lbs ago, every picture of me was a “bad picture”, just about every picture of me now is a “good picture.” I like being able to shop for normal clothes or share clothes with friends, my sisters, my cousin, or my aunt! Even though my tummy jiggles and I have a layer of “insulation” padding all my muscles, I’ve realized, who doesn’t?! I don’t feel “chubby” anymore. I feel normal! Healthy! Average! But in my own way. For the first time in my life, I’m not in “risky” zones for my BMI and hip-to-waist ratio. And I think college really helped me realize that being a size 2 or 4 or 110 lbs really isn’t all that normal anymore.
Definitely something for me to process. Maybe I’ll write my own post about this.
I’ve been doing WW since April ’09. I could have written what you just wrote! I’m about 1-2 lbs away from goal (I recently adjusted my goal UP 5 lbs from 135 to 140) and really struggling. I’ve been thinking about just entering maintenance but then there is this voice that makes me feel like I’m giving up *especially* since I ‘allowed’ myself to adjust my goal UP 5 lbs. Basically, I feel exactly the same way you do; if I don’t lose the last 2 lbs it’s as if I’m not really crossing the finish line and admitting defeat.
But when I’m using my logical brain, I realize that even IF I lose the 2 lbs, I’m going to look EXACTLY the same. So what’s the use in driving myself batty? It’s a battle in my mind.
Things like OSG and Operation Beautiful help me pull out my logical side and make me want to enter maintenance and stop the madness over 2 lbs.
Haha! Good to know I’m not alone. :)
Actually, I’ve made 138.8 (loose size 8) my “redline” number, the number that, should I see, I need to make conscious efforts to get back under (I have such an organized mind. It’s total chaos, but there’s a method to my madness). For months I’ve been telling myself that I wanted to maintain between 130-135 (size 6-which I’ve never ever been, btw), but then my husband goes and tells me that I’d probably be too skinny at 130, which really surprised me to hear from him. For me, I actually would look different two lbs smaller. Not majorly, but I’ve been able to see where just about all my weight has left me week after week. But I’m beginning to wonder if that’s really worth stressing out over either. I told myself that reaching a single-digit size was goal, and if I could reasonably manage a 6, I would. But now I think that might be too much number-obsession, and maybe I should just eat healthy, work out in moderation, include weights and what not, and if my body composition shifts in one way or another, so be it. After all, I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself for gaining water weight right before “weigh in.”
Great post! My scale disclaimer is that the weight I maintain, feel good at, and look my best at is actually a different number than when I was younger. It’s about 5 lbs. heavier than when I was in college and when I get down to my college weight, I look really bony! As you age (I’m 29), or at least as I’ve aged, I’ve really lost a lot the fat in my face and chest and hands- so I have to maintain at a higher weight not to look skeletal. And fortunately, that seems to be the weight my body wants to be. When I overdo it and think I’ve gained a few pounds (or if I catch a cold or something and lose a few pounds), it is so important for me to take a step back and breath and remind myself that my body wants to be at my happy weight and if I just get back to my healthy, moderate habits, it will go back to it’s set point. When I trust my body I don’t feel bad about it b/c those emotions contradict each other.
I wish I felt this way. However, I feel so uncomfortable at a higher weight. I looove being a bit thinner. I’m 5’11” and around 170. I loved being 150 or 145. I just felt so good in my own skin.
This post spoke to me on so many levels.
But the most worrying thing is that my first thought after finishing reading this was “I’m going to throw my scale away too… just as soon as I reach my goal weight”
I think I just worked out that I may need some more help.
Thank you. I adore you. You keep me going. Thank You.
GREAT POST! I can’t wait to hold on to a copy of Operation Beautiful and give it to my now 5-month-old niece (in many years!) and tell her that she is beyond beautiful and amazing in every single way.
My disclaimer would be that scales can’t measure worth, heart, soul, value, or love.
Great post!
I would probably tell my scale to stop being so judgemental and to take it easy after a weekend of too much excess :)
But as long as I feel good and like the way I look, I shouldn’t be so worried about the exact number of pounds that I weigh.
Thanks so much for this post…I am still struggling to find my happy weight, but I’m slowly getting there :)
thank you so much for the post, I love reading all the replies as one of many girls in my family we have always had a scale in our house especially since my mum had an ED. I asked her to throw out the scale once since 3 of us in the house were battling at that point and I hated weighing myself multiple times a day. I thought she did but then I found it under her bed and so would find random reasons to go into her room throughout the day to weigh myself.
I think I am at my happy weight its hard to tell as I am breast feeding so who knows.
My disclaimer would say
“This is just a number, your body is incredible you bring happiness to so many around you and you have given birth to a beautiful boy. You have a wonderful marriage and a husband who loves you no matter what. God has given you so many talents which you can do at any number, do not base your worth on what I will tell you but on what God has said about you in the bible. You are loved and cherished by many, now get off and go live life”