Toot, toot!
All aboard, the Operation Beautiful Virtual Book Tour!
I am excited to be talking about a body image topic that is very near and dear to my heart this morning- Happy Weights!
But first, a delicious, healthy, and energizing breakfast!
YUM!!!!
Morning Glow Vegan Overnight Oats
Ingredients:
- Classic Vegan Overnight Oats (1/3 cup oats, 1.5 tbsp chia seeds, 1 cup Almond milk, 1 tbsp Amazing Grass chocolate Amazing Meal powder)
- 1/2 apple, chopped
- 1/4 cup blueberries
- 1 dried apricot, chopped
- 1/2 Raw Energy Cookie Bites
- 1 tbsp peanut butter
- Drizzle of maple syrup, optional
Directions: Mix classic vegan overnight oat ingredients and leave in fridge overnight or in fridge for 1-2 hours. When VOO is ready, stir in mix-ins (chopped apple, blueberries, apricot, 1/2 cookie bite, peanut butter. Serve and enjoy!
This was soooooo delicious.
Revved up and ready to roll!
Fun fact about the OB book- OSGMOM has the very first note in the entire book!
You can also find me on pages 25 (my OB note) and 129-131 (I talk about the Superwoman Syndrome). I am so honoured to be a part of this great book!
OK, let’s begin.
I went on a post-it spree in Wal-Mart in honour of this post!
Happy Weight: What It Means To Me
The term Happy Weight seems like an oxymoron, doesn’t it?
I mean, who is ever happy with their weight?
I define a Happy Weight as a weight that your body can maintain with relative ease where you feel healthy, energetic, and sane.
How many women do you know who have said to you, ‘I am at my happy weight?’ and then 2 months later they still say the same thing? And a year later they still say the same thing? It is usually along the lines of, ‘In 10 pounds I will be at my happy weight’ or ‘Just 5 more pounds to lose until I am happy with myself.’
At least for me it always was.
Part of the problem is that the weight we think will make us happy is often not the right weight for our body.
The weight that we desire and the weight that the media tells us we should be is often NOT the weight our own body is happy at. This happy weight will be different for every single one of us. My Happy Weight is not the same as yours and your Happy Weight is not the same as your sisters or your best friends. We are all unique.
It took me years to figure this out. In the process my weight went up and down and up and down.
Many women pick a specific number on the scale that they want to reach. We chose our goal and we do everything in our power to get there and stay there. Often in the process, we lose ourselves and forget that we have worth outside of this goal.
An ‘unhappy weight’ is a weight that we do not feel our best at energy wise, health wise, and hunger wise.
For years, I used to battle with myself, with food, and with the scale to maintain my weight. I fought the battle every single day to stay at that weight. Every morning when I opened my eyes, the first thought in my mind was about my weight. I vowed to eat less and to workout more. To stop bingeing. At night, I would often cry into my pillow, ashamed at myself for eating ‘too much’ food or for being weak and bingeing on junk food. The cycle of shame, guilt, and desperation went on for years.
I always told myself in 10 pounds, I would finally be happy. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and achieve ‘x’ weight and my life would fall into place. In 10 pounds, I could eat normally, binges would stop, and I could stop hating myself. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and my problems would be solved.
I would love myself in 10 pounds….but not yet.
Not yet.
For myself, and for many women, the number on the scale is sadly a barometer for our own self-love and self-worth.
If the scale tipped higher, I hated myself a bit more. If it tipped lower, I was a better person worthy of at least a small amount of love, but of course not fully until I achieved my goal weight.
Not yet. Some day though.
I promise.
Well, I finally did lose those 10 pounds and when I got there I realized that the number was actually not my happy weight. I couldn’t love myself yet because- wait for it- I actually had a new goal weight! I was mistaken before. I thought my happy weight was 10 pounds less, but I was wrong, it was actually in another 5 pounds.
I guess I was wrong.
I would love myself someday, but….
Not yet.
Not yet.
5 more pounds, and I promise that you can be happy again. You can eat more in 5 pounds. I can eat normally again. I will love myself. I will be able to concentrate on my school work. I won’t binge when I lose 5 pounds. I will be free of the monsters that tell me I am no good.
These thoughts are easily justified in the mind of someone suffering with disordered eating. You are never good enough. Life passes you by as you chase after happiness in a number.
The problem- and I didn’t figure this out for years- was that when I allowed the scale to be a barometer for my happiness, the number will never be good enough. I will never be happy living this way. Happiness is not derived from some extrinsic factor, it has to come from within to have a lasting impact.
So many women chase a specific number on the scale. When we approach it, it slips away from our grasp like a wet bar of soap. We try desperately to cling harder to it, and it shoots in the opposite direction. We trip and fall many times chasing it. The harder that I clung to my strict diet and exercise regime, the worse my binges got and the more the scale climbed and climbed which only perpetuated the negative thoughts and desire to restrict. It is an extremely hard cycle to get out of.
So how did I find my happy weight?
It took me years and a lot of hard work to find my happy weight, but I can now confidently say that I am there. I attribute this to several choices that I made along my journey. These are my own personal choices and I do not assume that they are necessary for others. It is simply my own experience and what worked for me.
1) I claimed responsibility for my happiness
- For so long, I felt powerless about my own happiness with myself and my body-image. I felt like I couldn’t change myself, my thoughts, or my actions. One day it occurred to me that I had to finally accept responsibility for my happiness. If I didn’t, who would?
2) I ditched the scale
- While I don’t think scales can make us unhappy (ultimately, we have the power to decide that!), I do think the scale was negative for me. To this day I do not weigh myself. The scale can be a useful tool for many people, but it was poison in my life and I chose to stop weighing myself. I have never been happier since ditching the scale.
3) I got professional help
- Having suffered from an eating disorder since the age of 12, I strongly believe the only way I could beat the negativity and find my happy weight was to seek out the help of an experienced professional. I tried and failed many times on my own, but things started to fall into place when I had the counsel of a loving professional. You have to want the help first though. My commitment and determination + a loving professional = the right tools for progress. There is no shame in talking to someone!
4) I stopped counting calories
- Just like scales, calorie counting can be a useful tool for weight loss. However, in the hands of the wrong individual (like myself) calorie counting turned into an obsession. I couldn’t stop even when I tried and it took over my life. I had to get rid of calorie counting and I instead chose to listen to my body’s hunger signals. It took me years to be able to do this successfully. For so long I had denied my hunger that I found it was almost impossible to listen once I tried. The worst part was that I continued to binge even when I stopped counting calories because my body didn’t trust me. However, overtime my body trusted me again and I became in-tune with my body’s needs. This does not happen over night…patience is a virtue.
5) I exercise for FUN and for a healthy personal challenge (not just to burn calories!)
- I never focus on how many calories I burn during workouts anymore. I focus on how I feel and I do things that I enjoy like racing. Find what you enjoy and stick with it. Set goals. See what your body is capable of! Make it an adventure.
Today, I can’t tell you how much I weigh (because I don’t know), but I can tell you that I am at my Happy Weight. I know this because I eat healthy foods when I am hungry and I exercise in a moderate amount. Some days I overeat or indulge in too many sweets, but other times I pass up on dessert. It is all about finding a balance. I don’t starve myself anymore and my body feels no need to binge. My body is happy because it stays about the same size and my clothes fit how they should. If my pants get a bit tight, I know to pass up on a few desserts or extra servings here and there. Nothing extreme anymore.
For the first time in my life, I don’t care how much I weigh because I know that I am healthy and happy. As long as I have this, no number will ever be able to dictate how I feel about myself again.
I decided that all scales should come with a disclaimer when you open up the package…
Half way through writing this disclaimer, I was overcome with emotion and I broke down into tears. I wasn’t expecting to feel those intense emotions after all this time. I guess my heart still remembers the pain I went through for many years.
The fight was worth it.
I am worth the fight.
And so are you.
If you would like to be entered in a random draw to win a copy of the Operation Beautiful book, please leave a response below.
What would your ‘Scale Disclaimer’ read? What does a happy weight mean to YOU?
Great post. To me my happy weight is the weight my body can sustain naturally while being healthy (eating well and exercising). I finally cued into my body’s signals of hunger and satisfaction and found my happy weight easily. Instead of eating a whole pizza because I had a hard day and “deserved it” I now will eat pizza if my body tells me thats what it needs.
Such a well written post! I have looked forward to this all week! I’m not yet sure what my happy weight would mean…I guess one at which I can run my fastest and still have the energy to study hard and go out and do fun things with friends, not fall asleep early all the time. In addition to your notes, my scale disclaimer would say “This is not a measure of how fast you will be as a runner” because I am so much faster than a lot of girls who are smaller!
Love this post.
I’m currently trying to gain weight during pregnancy (9 months pregnant and have only gained 12pounds) so I think that right now my scale disclaimer would say, “This number has nothing to do with how healthy your baby is or how much you love him. Enjoy this time without stress sister, “
I can relate to so much of what you have written in this post. My ‘happy weight’ keeps going further down and down each time I reach it, I think your post may be what I need to finally accept that were I am now is my happy weight!
xxx
What a beautiful post, Angela. I was inspired to ditch the scale awhile ago and it changed my life too – in the best and most positive way.
Your blog is always an inspiration for me <3 I'm at my happy weight at last!
Man, this post rings so true to me and I’m sure so many other people!
I’ve been losing weight for about three years now and I have had to learn a LOT about myself in the process. Most recently I had to force myself to do what you did, I threw out the scale (well, my boyfriend recycled it for me). Although I knew in my head that the emotions I attached to the number I saw were not the scales fault but my own distorted thinking, it was just something I could no longer allow in my life to dictate my happiness.
Losing weight without it, however, has been a struggle. Now I’m having to find new ways in which to gauge my weight loss and it’s been a HUGE adjustment for me but although my weight loss has slowed down, I no longer have my “goal weight” in mind. My new plan is to lose until I get to a point that I’m at that Happy Weight!
Thanks for such an amazing post, Angela! I can’t wait to read Operation Beautiful! My scale disclaimer would definitely read that the number I see is just a gauge of weight, NOT self-worth. There’s no way I can churn out a 15km run and say that my week was a failure!
What a great post. And how awesome that you AND your mum are in the book!
I have always been at my happy weight (NB this does NOT mean I have always been/always am happy with my body, that’s another story!), basically because I have NEVER known how much I weigh. And on those rare occasions that I have to be weighed at the hospital or drs, the numbers mean nothing to me. Same with my height really. I’m short. That’s all I need to know.
There was no scale in our house growing up. All I can say is my mum = awesome!
What an incredible post. You are such an inspiration, Angela!
You just had me crying at work.
Very inspiring post. My disclaimer would read: “Warning: this device is limited to the measurements of this earth. God does not care how much you weigh. He loves you and created you to be just the way you are. There can never be a more beautiful you. Love yourself as He loves you.” :)
My scale disclaimer would say: “Only use me if you want to weigh your luggage for a nice trip!” Because this really is the only time I use my scale :-D
Much like you, I made my happiness to be dependent on the scale numbers for a very long time. I don’t do this anymore. I ditched my scale years ago because I wanted the struggle with myself to be over – and I feel great.
Thanks so much for your inspiration!!!
Julia your comment made me smile- the only reason I own a scale is because I needed to weigh my luggage before a trip to Europe on a discount airline :)
I now weigh myself every so often-but mostly as a before/after long run thing to make sure I’m adequately hydrated.
My disclaimer would read: Warning: This number does NOT define you.
I happy weight for me means (just 2.5 lbs more to go….hahaha. j/k) being able to eat healthy and maintain a natural body weight and having some flex room. A happy weight for me is measured in the comfort of my jeans, not the size on the tag or number on the scale. Although I struggle with this and need the constent reminder. My scale would scream: “Girl! Get over it! Spend less time here and more time with the many more important relationships in your life!”
Im still learning tho. But are arn’t we all?
Funny…this is exactly what I needed to read this AM.
Last summer my family joined a gym, I got a personal trainer and I started to finally get the healthier body I’d wanted for so long. This is, I should point out, AFTER spending two years working with an acupuncturist and a therapist! Everything was going along swimmingly until March, when I had to have laproscopic surgery to remove a fibroid tumor from my fallopian tube. My doctor warned me that it would take six months to bounce back…
Fast forward to this last month or so. My weight is up 15 lbs from where it was pre-surgery, I’ve started to resent (and fight) the daily calorie counting/food tracking and emotionally I feel worse off than when I started. Top this off with widely different medical advice from four different sources….and, well, let’s just say I’m not happy at all right now.
One of the things I’ve been thinking about is the two drastically different approaches to weight loss and health. There is the ‘track and count everything side’ and the ‘learn to trust your body side.’ In the long run, I think the second – which is what I see here – is undoubtably the healthiest, but it’s soooo hard to ditch the first – especially when you’ve seen it work!
Of course, I also have scale issues, and I absolutely love your disclaimer! As to what mine would say…it would include most of what yours has said, but would also say something to the effect of, “Your husband and kids don’t see you as a number.”
As to my happy weight….don’t even have a clue!
You are so inspiring! I began reading your blog first and that has been something that helped me remember that there are women who overcome bad body image and bad food habits. You set an amazing example as a healthy and fit woman who eats….a lot ;) Thanks for what you do. This is a great post!
I have been reading this blog for a month or so. (I found it around the same time I discovered Operation Beautiful and Healthy Tipping Point.) I have been so inspired by the stories everyone shares on the blogs and in the comments. As someone who relapsed (and is recovering from relapse) after several years of a very strong recovery, these blogs have reminded me that I’m more than my struggles with anorexia / binge eating / exercise bulimia.
One of the things that led to relapse was weighing after years of not weighing. I cannot remember how it happened, but it only took one step on the scale, and I relapsed. It is so scary. I feel like no one can really understand how it happens like that. It sounds like an alcoholic taking a drink and that’s what it feels like to me.
So, my scale disclaimer (I’m writing this on a piece of paper now – will take it with me in case I feel tempted to weigh on a scale):
Remember Geneen Roth: “Scales are for fishes.” For this moment, I choose not to let a machine tell me something about myself. Have courage and be brave. No one cares what you weigh. People care that you are healthy and happy. Fill your life with love and there’s no room for the scale.
What does ‘happy weight’ mean to me? Happy weight is not a math-based equation that can be solved by my height and ‘frame’. Happy weight is how I carry myself and feel. Do I constantly ache from fatigue and foods that poison my system? That’s not happy weight. Seeing my skin glow (not orange from too many carrots!), my teeth sparkle, my hair shine, my eyes glisten, and feeling my body strong is a happy weight. When I stand up tall and remind myself (and others) that life should be joyful, that’s a happy weight.
PS – Thanks so much for this site and all of the other women recovering from EDs having the courage to share their journeys. I was lucky enough to be able to have the help of a therapist during my initial recovery from ED. However, with this relapse, my job and two children have really meant that I’m on my own. At least that’s how it felt. With this group of people, I feel like I’m not alone and that I’m going to be OK. You really inspire me.
Angie
What would your ‘Scale Disclaimer’ read? What does a happy weight mean to YOU?
I love this post. I have been following the Virtual Book Tour all week and I must say you are all an inspiration.
What would your ‘Scale Disclaimer’ read?
“This scale does not show you the amount of happiness you have, how healthy you are, or how fulfilled your life truly is. Remember, everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”
What does a happy weight mean to YOU?
My Happy Weight means I can wake up every morning and get out of bed, I can walk my 2 dogs every night, I can spend countless hours laughing with the man of my dreams, I can run around with my nieces, nephew, and children I babysit, and I can enjoy everyday here on earth all the while not worrying about how “beautiful” I am because I know deep down that I am amazing just the way God made me.
Thank you for this Angela! this was beautiful and i know i can relate to it!
What an amazing post! Incredible.
My scale disclaimer would say:
Warning: The number that is displayed is indeed just a number. It should not dictate your eating habits, workout behavior and most importantly, your happiness. A heavy reliance on this number may cause neurotic behavior, self hatred and/or unnecessary binge eating episodes. Use of this scale (if absolutely necessary) should be only one of MANY tools used to indicate where you are at in your journey (other tools might include how your clothing fits, how you feel physically AND emotionally, etc). YOU ARE MORE THAN A NUMBER. DO NOT LET THE SCALE CONVINCE YOU OTHERWISE.
A happy weight for me is where I am right now. I eat healthy as much as I can, I indulge every now and again, I workout and run 5 out of 7 days of the week and I feel content with everything I am doing. I am happiest when I know i’ve put the work in regarding healthy living. The scale used to dictate how much I would eat or NOT eat for that matter and how much I would workout. I became so neurotic that I had to give it up. Now I focus on providing nourishment and activity for my body so it has the energy it needs to speed through the day. A happy weight for me is a balance between knowing my clothes fit the way they should and knowing that I am not obsessing about a number.
What a great post Angela, I got choked up reading your scale disclaimer!
Everything you wrote is so very true, and I use your blog/thoughts/recipes as a way to reinforce a healthy life. It’s amazing what a mind can do and I wish I could go back in time and change the mindset of a young me. Just this past weekend I had to clean out old boxes from my parents’ basement. I found my old highschool kilt. For over fifteen years, I have had the mindset/memory that I was fat/huge during high school. I put that sucker on and got it done up, but just. It hit me smack in the face that, wow, I have finally recognized how special I truly am and do not need a number on a piece of clothing to tell me what I am worth.
My scale disclaimer would therefore be, “Use me only if you want to encourage your negative thoughts. The number on the scale will not represent your true value nor what you are capable of. Use with caution.”
What an amazing post angela~~ I love it! i’m just now finding out what my happy weight really is and that everyones is different. :)
That was a beautiful post. Thank you.
Beautiful post! There are so many toxic factors in finding true happiness in your health, size, weight…etc. I actually had a long talk with my Husband the other night. He is incredibly loving and one of the ways he shows it is by pushing me to be my absolute best. If I say I want to tone up and get in better shape, he will research the best workout plan and the corresponding meal plan that will help me reach my goal. He will go to the gym with me and encourage me to the nth degree. As great as that sounds, it has adverse effects. Its very easy to feel that I’m not okay the way I am when he is pushing me so hard to become something else. When his constructive criticisms start to outweight his supportive compliments it slowly becomes too much for me, and then I feel like crap about myself. I had to explain to him the other day that even more than myself I want to be the best I can be for him, and that although I appreciate his help and support in reaching my goals more than I can say, I also need to know without a doubt that even if I don’t reach those goals he still loves me just the way I am. I could tell he was shocked to hear that he was a source that causes me to question myself. Needless to say there have been multiple, “You look very pretty when…” and “I’m proud of you (as I’m panting away on the treadmill)” and numerous kisses on the cheek and snuggles. I try not to put my worth and happiness in him, but I’m glad that I am able to see when I do and communicate with him about it.
Lauren, I can totally relate to this with my husband too! I know he means well, and I try to remind myself of that, but my (and many women’s!) relationship with weight is so complex that there are fine lines between support, suggestions, and criticism. It’s nice to hear I’m not the only one that experiences this.