Toot, toot!
All aboard, the Operation Beautiful Virtual Book Tour!
I am excited to be talking about a body image topic that is very near and dear to my heart this morning- Happy Weights!
But first, a delicious, healthy, and energizing breakfast!
YUM!!!!
Morning Glow Vegan Overnight Oats
Ingredients:
- Classic Vegan Overnight Oats (1/3 cup oats, 1.5 tbsp chia seeds, 1 cup Almond milk, 1 tbsp Amazing Grass chocolate Amazing Meal powder)
- 1/2 apple, chopped
- 1/4 cup blueberries
- 1 dried apricot, chopped
- 1/2 Raw Energy Cookie Bites
- 1 tbsp peanut butter
- Drizzle of maple syrup, optional
Directions: Mix classic vegan overnight oat ingredients and leave in fridge overnight or in fridge for 1-2 hours. When VOO is ready, stir in mix-ins (chopped apple, blueberries, apricot, 1/2 cookie bite, peanut butter. Serve and enjoy!
This was soooooo delicious.
Revved up and ready to roll!
Fun fact about the OB book- OSGMOM has the very first note in the entire book!
You can also find me on pages 25 (my OB note) and 129-131 (I talk about the Superwoman Syndrome). I am so honoured to be a part of this great book!
OK, let’s begin.
I went on a post-it spree in Wal-Mart in honour of this post!
Happy Weight: What It Means To Me
The term Happy Weight seems like an oxymoron, doesn’t it?
I mean, who is ever happy with their weight?
I define a Happy Weight as a weight that your body can maintain with relative ease where you feel healthy, energetic, and sane.
How many women do you know who have said to you, ‘I am at my happy weight?’ and then 2 months later they still say the same thing? And a year later they still say the same thing? It is usually along the lines of, ‘In 10 pounds I will be at my happy weight’ or ‘Just 5 more pounds to lose until I am happy with myself.’
At least for me it always was.
Part of the problem is that the weight we think will make us happy is often not the right weight for our body.
The weight that we desire and the weight that the media tells us we should be is often NOT the weight our own body is happy at. This happy weight will be different for every single one of us. My Happy Weight is not the same as yours and your Happy Weight is not the same as your sisters or your best friends. We are all unique.
It took me years to figure this out. In the process my weight went up and down and up and down.
Many women pick a specific number on the scale that they want to reach. We chose our goal and we do everything in our power to get there and stay there. Often in the process, we lose ourselves and forget that we have worth outside of this goal.
An ‘unhappy weight’ is a weight that we do not feel our best at energy wise, health wise, and hunger wise.
For years, I used to battle with myself, with food, and with the scale to maintain my weight. I fought the battle every single day to stay at that weight. Every morning when I opened my eyes, the first thought in my mind was about my weight. I vowed to eat less and to workout more. To stop bingeing. At night, I would often cry into my pillow, ashamed at myself for eating ‘too much’ food or for being weak and bingeing on junk food. The cycle of shame, guilt, and desperation went on for years.
I always told myself in 10 pounds, I would finally be happy. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and achieve ‘x’ weight and my life would fall into place. In 10 pounds, I could eat normally, binges would stop, and I could stop hating myself. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and my problems would be solved.
I would love myself in 10 pounds….but not yet.
Not yet.
For myself, and for many women, the number on the scale is sadly a barometer for our own self-love and self-worth.
If the scale tipped higher, I hated myself a bit more. If it tipped lower, I was a better person worthy of at least a small amount of love, but of course not fully until I achieved my goal weight.
Not yet. Some day though.
I promise.
Well, I finally did lose those 10 pounds and when I got there I realized that the number was actually not my happy weight. I couldn’t love myself yet because- wait for it- I actually had a new goal weight! I was mistaken before. I thought my happy weight was 10 pounds less, but I was wrong, it was actually in another 5 pounds.
I guess I was wrong.
I would love myself someday, but….
Not yet.
Not yet.
5 more pounds, and I promise that you can be happy again. You can eat more in 5 pounds. I can eat normally again. I will love myself. I will be able to concentrate on my school work. I won’t binge when I lose 5 pounds. I will be free of the monsters that tell me I am no good.
These thoughts are easily justified in the mind of someone suffering with disordered eating. You are never good enough. Life passes you by as you chase after happiness in a number.
The problem- and I didn’t figure this out for years- was that when I allowed the scale to be a barometer for my happiness, the number will never be good enough. I will never be happy living this way. Happiness is not derived from some extrinsic factor, it has to come from within to have a lasting impact.
So many women chase a specific number on the scale. When we approach it, it slips away from our grasp like a wet bar of soap. We try desperately to cling harder to it, and it shoots in the opposite direction. We trip and fall many times chasing it. The harder that I clung to my strict diet and exercise regime, the worse my binges got and the more the scale climbed and climbed which only perpetuated the negative thoughts and desire to restrict. It is an extremely hard cycle to get out of.
So how did I find my happy weight?
It took me years and a lot of hard work to find my happy weight, but I can now confidently say that I am there. I attribute this to several choices that I made along my journey. These are my own personal choices and I do not assume that they are necessary for others. It is simply my own experience and what worked for me.
1) I claimed responsibility for my happiness
- For so long, I felt powerless about my own happiness with myself and my body-image. I felt like I couldn’t change myself, my thoughts, or my actions. One day it occurred to me that I had to finally accept responsibility for my happiness. If I didn’t, who would?
2) I ditched the scale
- While I don’t think scales can make us unhappy (ultimately, we have the power to decide that!), I do think the scale was negative for me. To this day I do not weigh myself. The scale can be a useful tool for many people, but it was poison in my life and I chose to stop weighing myself. I have never been happier since ditching the scale.
3) I got professional help
- Having suffered from an eating disorder since the age of 12, I strongly believe the only way I could beat the negativity and find my happy weight was to seek out the help of an experienced professional. I tried and failed many times on my own, but things started to fall into place when I had the counsel of a loving professional. You have to want the help first though. My commitment and determination + a loving professional = the right tools for progress. There is no shame in talking to someone!
4) I stopped counting calories
- Just like scales, calorie counting can be a useful tool for weight loss. However, in the hands of the wrong individual (like myself) calorie counting turned into an obsession. I couldn’t stop even when I tried and it took over my life. I had to get rid of calorie counting and I instead chose to listen to my body’s hunger signals. It took me years to be able to do this successfully. For so long I had denied my hunger that I found it was almost impossible to listen once I tried. The worst part was that I continued to binge even when I stopped counting calories because my body didn’t trust me. However, overtime my body trusted me again and I became in-tune with my body’s needs. This does not happen over night…patience is a virtue.
5) I exercise for FUN and for a healthy personal challenge (not just to burn calories!)
- I never focus on how many calories I burn during workouts anymore. I focus on how I feel and I do things that I enjoy like racing. Find what you enjoy and stick with it. Set goals. See what your body is capable of! Make it an adventure.
Today, I can’t tell you how much I weigh (because I don’t know), but I can tell you that I am at my Happy Weight. I know this because I eat healthy foods when I am hungry and I exercise in a moderate amount. Some days I overeat or indulge in too many sweets, but other times I pass up on dessert. It is all about finding a balance. I don’t starve myself anymore and my body feels no need to binge. My body is happy because it stays about the same size and my clothes fit how they should. If my pants get a bit tight, I know to pass up on a few desserts or extra servings here and there. Nothing extreme anymore.
For the first time in my life, I don’t care how much I weigh because I know that I am healthy and happy. As long as I have this, no number will ever be able to dictate how I feel about myself again.
I decided that all scales should come with a disclaimer when you open up the package…
Half way through writing this disclaimer, I was overcome with emotion and I broke down into tears. I wasn’t expecting to feel those intense emotions after all this time. I guess my heart still remembers the pain I went through for many years.
The fight was worth it.
I am worth the fight.
And so are you.
If you would like to be entered in a random draw to win a copy of the Operation Beautiful book, please leave a response below.
What would your ‘Scale Disclaimer’ read? What does a happy weight mean to YOU?
What a beautiful post. I love seeing so many people embrace Operation Beautiful. I have struggled since my battle with Ovarian cancer (where I gained weight from the medication). And even though I am still trying to take off the weight, having bloggers like you remain so positive and uplifting is such a blessing to me. Thank you for your post.
My scale disclaimer would say:
“The number on this scale will not determine how fast you can run, how hard you can bike, or how happy you will be.”
For me, a happy weight means being a weight that I am comfortable with, a weight that does not require me to starve myself, restrict my calories, or pass on the simple pleasures (a cold beer, a warm cookie, a nice meal at a restaurant with my boyfriend). When I eat healthy and exercise, I feel no need or desire to binge. I am just…happy. I look in the mirror and I love who I see. When I try to restrict, I justify having one cupcake and then that turns into two cupcakes and three cookies, two bowls of cereal, some leftover macaroni and cheese, a bowl of ice cream, some potato chips, and whatever crappy food I can find in my pantry. And then I feel so guilty and depressed and I vow not to eat the next day, only to end the day in the same exact way as the day before.
To stay at my healthy weight it is vital that I exercise regularly and COOK MY OWN MEALS. Nothing is more rewarding that creating healthy, delicious meals in my kitchen and then truly enjoying the foods I’ve just made. I feel satisfied and many times I don’t even want dessert after dinner because dinner was so tasty and satisfying.
My disclamer would read as follows:
This number doesn’t tell you how amazing or strong you really are. IT is not capable of measuring anything of value to the person standing on it. Rather to not stand on it gives you the power to be happy with yourself and all of your accomplishments.
A happy weight is one that I can achieve from improving my running ( working on it), playing with my kids, and one that is not inspired from magazines or television.
Angela, What a great post…. I am not sure you even understand what an inspiration you are to ALL women.
I have been following your blog for a few months now and your words of wisdom have made me feel like a more confident women.
I have been struggling with my weight and body confiedence for years, I have finally become comfortable with who I am and how my body looks. I would like to say thank you for making me believe in myself again and reminding me that I am strong, beautiful, fun, healthy and worth so much more than I ever give myself credit for. I only wish that more women had the confidence we now have, and the confidence that you have given me…. Keep up the amazing work you do, its people like you that inspire others to be the shinning stars they are!
This is such an amazing post and I have shivers!
I love your scale disclaimer. I think mine would read, “in the long run, this number doesn’t matter”.
When you’re old and looking back on your life, your not going to be thinking about that number on the scale. Being healthy and HAPPY is so much more important.
Amazing, amazing post!
Beautiful post…thank you for it! I did not struggle with food for most of my life; however, I did get to a point where I was overweight and unhealthy. I lost the weight, in a seemingly healthy way, but after it was gone, I felt like I should’ve done better, more. My stomach didn’t seem to flatten the way I thought it would, my thighs still had cellulite. I was actually more critical of myself after weight loss than before. When I really became passionate about exercise, it changed. I love the strength in my legs when I run and I love the centered feeling of getting into tree pose during yoga. I am so proud of my body, I enjoy food for what it is, and I finally feel happy with myself.
Scale disclaimer:
No matte what these numbers say, it will not bring oh to walk outside an smell fresh air, take advantage of the sunny day a head of you, smile and radiate happiness, it will not give you time to spend with you lovely family. It will only sink you into isolation and deprive yourself from the pleasures of life and all that it has to offer!
Seriosuly great post, it made me cry :(
I’d love to read the book! I saw her on tv!
Have a great healthy happy day!
Excellent post. I too have gone up and down in weight and struggled with over-exercising and disordered eating habits. I’m so grateful that I’ve been able to stop counting and start living. So are both my husband and the baby in my belly :)
What a great post! My scale disclaimer would be:
It’s not the number here that makes a difference. It’s how YOU feel.
Thank you so mcuh for this post Ange, and to the makers of ‘Operation Beautifu’l for such a great cause. Only recently have I begun to overcome my eating disorder and live like a normal teenager, but there are days that are worse than others. By reading your posts and being with my best friends I have realized that I sm beautiful just the way I am, and that I never even needed to lose weight in the first place.
If I had a scale disclaimer, it would say: Warning: This device may lead to obsessive scale-watching, weighing, and may even lead to an eating disorder. Use only for your own convenience, not as a measure of your own happiness.
For me, my ‘Happy Weight’ is the one I am at right now, or maybe even if I gain a pound or two THEN I’ll be at my happy weight because I find that I still restrain myself too much from both healthy and sweet foods. But everything worthwhile takes time, and the most important thing to me now is that I’m striving to be a heaslthier, happier ME.
Thank you, Angela. You are an inspiration to all of us. I really appreciate you being so open and sharing your thoughts like this. I’ve been struggling with anorexia and bulimia for 16 months now. I’m grateful to stay that I’ve thrown away my scale about 6 months ago. I was obsessing on that number. I still have a hard time not stepping on one when I see one at my friends house or etc. I just keep telling myself “it’s just a number, it doesn’t mean anything. you have a husband who loves you for who you are, not what you look like.” I’m so ready to be rid of this disorder. My husband and I want to have children in a few years, and I know that won’t happen until I get myself under control. Thank you, again, for sharing this with us.
I love this, everything you said relates to me. It’s like you were talking about me. Every day I tell myself “In 20 pounds I’ll be happy” in 20 pounds I’ll look better, I’ll have more confidence, etc… I have to get it through my head that I am happy right now. @ 5’6 150 pounds I should be somewhat happy, but I’m not. Just 20 more pounds… *sigh* it’s a constant battle that needs to end!
Thank you, Angela! I have never commented before, but I’ve been reading OSG for about a year now, and this post made me want to let you know how much you have honestly, sincerely helped me change my life – and learn not only to live it, but to love it! I don’t know where I would be right now if it weren’t for GMs, VOO, and learning to let myself trust ME when it comes to food; I’m glad I never had to find out. Thank you so, so, SO much for being you, and sharing you with all of us!
This is such a wonderful post. It’s exactly why I return to Oh She Glows every day and have done for so long – your total honesty and empathy and wonderful sense of self. It’s so inspiring and I think would give any woman who’s feeling down about herself hope.
So many female food bloggers have struggled with self esteem and self image issues, and the fact they are helping others is amazing. Keep up the amazing work Angela x
I find it hard to describe my happy weight, but in a way it’s a weight where I don’t care what I weigh…! That might sound strange but I put on a few lbs recently, it has stabilised (previous to this I lost weight and was going through some anxiety which contributed to it) and I feel happy about that. If I feel that my jeans are a bit snug, I won’t beat myself up, I’ll just cut back on the mindless grazing I do sometimes. I no longer monitor every pound that I put on or lost.
My scales would say ‘The scale doesn’t weigh what’s inside’
I read this post this morning and had to reread it now that I’m back home. I can relate with so many of the thoughts, emotions and feelings of worthlessness you talk about here. Thank you :)
I love your tips to reach a happy weight – a weight where you can wake up each morning and go to bed each night feeling content. Not everyday will be a perfect, happy, rainbows-and-sunshine day, but we should atleast be at peace with our bodies.
My scale disclaimer: Warning – the hunk of plastic you are about to step on doesn’t know you and hense, doesn’t know how beautiful you really are.
izzyy
xoxoxox
I just wanted to say how uplifting your post was today. I got to the end and was near tears. I love your disclaimer. It’s perfect. I hope that Caitlin’s message can be broadcast to the whole world and that everyone will see their own self worth. You’re so right about the scale. I hope to get to the point where you are some day, happy with myself for who I am and not focusing on a goal weight. I’m still struggling, but I’m working on it. Thank you Angela, very very good post :) (p.s. those oats look delectable :)
Oh thank you so much. Since delving into your blog and so many that follow you I have decided to quit the scale and the calorie counting. unlike you I need to lose weight, but after many years I have realized that my eating disorder (overeating) is just as deadly as overly restricting my calories. #4 on this post mean so much, alot of times I want to think that I will wake up one day and my eating will be “normal”. Thank you for this post I think these steps will be something i need to post.
(I am not trying to say that what you went through is anyless than what I am going through. Each of us have our own struggles and have to over come them.)
Penny
What a great post!! I needed to be reminded of everything you said! Thank you!! I just had a baby 7 weeks ago so I am very aware of what the number is on my scale. I weigh myself everyday hoping that it will have gone down. I have a ways to go to get back in my “pre-prego” jeans, but I know I will get there and I have to love my body the way it is now. After all, the reason I have this weight to lose is because I grew a baby inside me! How cool and awesome is that!! I need to remind myself every time I look in the mirror and see my body looking so different than it did before I got pregnant that I get to hold and kiss and snuggle my cute little man and realize that my body won’t always look this way…and my little guy won’t always be this little! :)
Great post! My happy weight is when I feel healthy – with a bit of a glow! :)
Angela, thank you for your beautiful post and blog and contribution to the healthy living community. You and other healthy living blogers gave me the courage to start my own blog in June, and write about some deeply personal and reavealing self-esteem and body image issues this week as part of the Operation Beautiful Virtual Book Tour. I’m not commenting to promote my own blog or post, but to tell you how beautiful and inspiring you are. (And your bakery and recipes and food photography too! *swoon*) Aaand I bought two extra copies of the Operation Beautiful book to give away on my blog, but since I’m a newbie I don’t think my drawing would be effective, so if you’re interested I’d love to donate my two extra books to your drawing!