Good morning!
No accidental sleeping in this morning, I had Vegan Overnight Oats to get up for!
In this mix: 1/3 cup oats, 1.5 tbsp chia seeds, 1.5 tbsp carob powder, 1 cup Almond Milk, 1/4 cup blueberries, 1/8th cup raspberries, 1/3 of a Healthy Carrot Cake Power Scuffin, and pure maple syrup to frizzle over top.
It was good, but I would not put raspberries in it again…much too tart! I think I said the same thing about putting them in the Banana soft serve too. Such a shame because when I bought them on their own they were delicious fresh (I froze a bunch).
It’s finally time for the next quote from Eat Pray Love!
Eat Pray Love Quote 4: On Learning how to dismiss negative thoughts
[Want to see the previous EPL quotes and discussions? Visit my quotes page!]
This quote really resonated with me as it is something I have struggled with for most of my life. It is a long one, but well worth the read.
This quote takes place while Elizabeth is at the Ashram in India. She is struggling with her focus during meditation because she cannot stop thinking about her failed relationship with her ex. She broods constantly about a couple circumstances in her life.
In this quote, she talks about an awakening she had, with help from her friend ‘Richard from Texas’ (love him!).
Elizabeth says: “There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under my jurisdiction…I can select what I eat and read and study. I can choose how I’m going to to view unfortunate circumstances in my life- whether I will see them as curses or opportunities (and on the occasions when I can’t rise to the most optimistic viewpoint, because I’m feeling too damn sorry for myself, I can choose to keep trying to change my outlook). I can choose my words and the tone of my voice in which I speak to others.
And most of all, I can choose my thoughts.
This last concept is a radically new idea for me. Richard from Texas brought it to my attention recently when I was complaining about my inability to stop brooding. He said, ‘Groceries, you need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select what clothes you’re gonna wear everyday. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control. Drop everything else but that. Because if you can’t learn to master your thinking, you’re in deep trouble forever.”
On first glance, this seems a nearly impossible task. Control your thoughts? Instead of the other way around? But imagine if you could? This is not about repression or denial. Repression and denial set up elaborate games to pretend that negative thoughts and feeling are not occurring. What Richard is talking about is instead admitting to the existence of negative thoughts, understanding where they come from and why they arrived, and then- with great forgiveness and fortitude – dismissing them. This is a practice that fits hand in glove with any psychological work you do during therapy.
It’s a sacrifice to let them go of course. It’s a loss of old habits, comforting old grudges and familiar vignettes. Of course, this all takes practice and effort. It’s not a teaching that you can hear once and then expect to master it immediately. It’s constant vigilance and I want to do it. I need to do it for my strength.
So I’ve started being vigilant about watching my thoughts all day, and monitoring them. I repeat this vow about 700 times a day: “I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts anymore.” [p. 177-179]
I just love this quote!
For years and years, I was such a negative person on the inside. My thoughts were always negative and I too thought that I was powerless and couldn’t control them. I also believed that my thoughts equaled truth.
So I believed them.
I saw a therapist periodically throughout university and one of the things my therapist told me was that if I replace negative thoughts with a countering positive thought, eventually I will start to believe the positive thoughts. Over time, those positive thoughts will occur more and more…slowly but surely taking over the negative thoughts.
Through practice, this is exactly what I experienced.
As soon as I decided to start thinking more optimistically, instead of letting my negative thoughts run on autopilot, I became a happier person. Years have passed since I started working on my negative thinking and not only was I able to beat my disordered eating, but I would guess that I have decreased my negative thoughts by about 75%. I still struggle with negative thoughts on a daily basis, but I now know that I can dismiss them most of the time.
I like Richard’s approach:
- Admit to the existence of negative thoughts,
- Understand where they come from and why they arrived,
- With great forgiveness and fortitude – dismiss them.
I think the part about forgiveness is so powerful. We must appreciate that we are human and will make mistakes and most of all be forgiving of ourselves! As Richard said, “If you can’t learn to master your thinking, you’re in deep trouble forever.”
[If you are interested I have written on this topic before touching on psychological research methods to beat negative thinking: How To Beat Negative Thinking: Part 1 and Part 2]
Today’s questions: Do you struggle with negative thinking? Have you ever succeeded in over-coming negative thoughts? Do you think you could implement the strategies above to master your own thinking?
I feel that I’ve been VERY blessed in not having too many negative thoughts (I swear it comes from self esteem classes I had in elementary school) but of course I have some every now and then. Really, I believe in praying about it and that having a strong faith has helped me through darker days. I do believe that the above stategies, especially forgiveness and dimissing are very important!
Yes, I feel as if lately all of my thoughts are negative. I feel like i’m angry all of the time and that i get annoyed at everything. I’m not sure if am depressed or just hormonal or a combination of both. I am reading a few books right now to try and center my mind through more yoga in my life. I have also thought about seeing a therapist. I also feel like i hide my feelings from the world, like at work or with other family members. No one would ever know i am suffering or feeling depressed because i am good at pretending and putting on a happy face, so that makes me question whether or not it’s depressed or dysthymia, or…i dunno. Right now, life just sucks, but i have nothing to be upset about because i have a roof, wonderful boyfriend, and food…but, still with the negativity. so if you have anymore advice on how to not be negative, then i’m all for it:( Sorry, i just revealed way too much in a blog comment.
“but i have nothing to be upset about because i have a roof, wonderful boyfriend, and food”
Don’t dismiss your negative thoughts as if you shouldn’t be having them. That’ll send you on a whole new path of negative thinking, blame, guilt, etc. I think the most important part of the EPL quote is “Understand where they come from and why they arrived” and you are a million times ahead of the rest of the world by being open to the idea of counseling. I’m a firm believer in preventative counseling and think everyone should talk to a therapist no matter where they are in their lives (health insurance and social stigma say otherwise). But really, bravo on being so aware of your emotions and willing to take steps to create happiness for yourself through yoga, books, meditation, or whatever else you may find to help.
As a healthcare provider, i have no shame in seeking any sort of counseling or help that I think I may need, but for now, i am going to focus on myself and doing what i’m doing, and if it doesn’t get any better soon, then I will seek outside help. Thanks for the response. I’m thinking of writing down the negative thoughts that come, and then countering it with something positive.
I like that idea a lot!
I’m sorry you think your life sucks :( And I completely understand: “Right now, life just sucks, but i have nothing to be upset about because i have a roof, wonderful boyfriend, and food…but, still with the negativity”
I struggle with negativity too and then I think the exact same thing. I have a job, a roof, a car, family, friends, etc why do I feel bad? Then I feel quilty for feeling bad! So it’s an overload of negativity. I’ve found that if I stop feeling guilty for feeling negative, it’s a small step in the right direction. You have every right to feel like your life sucks no matter what you have in life. Accepting that fact is incredibly liberating and will help you discover the truth behind the negativity.
When I’m start to mentally berate myself for feeling negative, I stop for a moment and try to figure out why I feel so negative as opposed to saying “I’m so pathetic, etc”. Then I try my best to figure out a positive spin on my negative thought. For example: I can’t believe I just ate four cookies! Positive spin: Well I wanted to eat five cookies but I stopped at four. And next time, I can stop myself at three (or less).
Hopefully you’ll start to feel better soon :) And never feel bad for your emotions/feelings. There are reasons behind your emotions-you just have to allow yourself to feel them to understand the reasons.
You’re right, i need to let go of feeling guilty. Sometimes though, i don’t know why i feel the way i do. It’s like everything seems to be going okay,but for whatever reason, I feel sad or angry or…whatever! It’s highly frustrating when you can’t even pinpoint the source. Thanks for the response.
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts!
Nicole, I was diagnosed clinically depressed nine years ago. After five years of anti-depressants and not feeling anything (think emotional monotone), I got tired of it and started psychotherapy (after a time lapse). (Only people close to me knew of the depression – the rest of the world believed I was happy and nothing was wrong because of the face I put on.) In the last three plus years, I have come to learn that I held such big assumptions of what I ‘should be’ or what I ‘should do’ that I wasn’t actually connected to myself. This lack of emotional connection and multiple assumptions led me to anger, sadness, guilt and disordered eating. I still have work to do and will probably be in therapy the rest of my life, but I have come so far and am proud of myself! I strongly urge you to see a therapist, even just once, and see how you feel. Take care of yourself and don’t let too much time (and life!) pass. All the best, Jennifer
This is such a powerful post…it really resonates with me because I often struggle with negative thinking, and it is so easy for it to spiral out of control!
I really saw the impact that negative thinking has on my life recently and it shocked me. So I’m really trying to think positive!
As always your blog makes me feel like I can kick those negative thoughts to the curb! Thanks Angela xx
Eat, Pray, love is one of my most favourite books! Sure, there is a bit of fluff but there are also so many valuable life lessons. It’s easy to get trapped into negative thinking but it takes a strong mind to make a conscious decision to think positive and see the good in everything. What a beautiful post, thank you for sharing!
I think the key to dealing with negative thoughts is not being on “autopilot” and realizing that they are there admaking an effort to think about something else!
I LOVED that quote, too. One of the ones that stuck with me the most. I just finished reading EPL and it was a worthwhile read.
This is great advice. I can really use this to get over my negative body image!
This is a very interesting concept which truly appeals to me. I also have seen a therapist for anxiety and this is what I learned. I am still struggling to do this. Do you have a concrete example of this, as a negative thought that you could turn into something positive? I think it’s difficult to separate thoughts and emotions. Here is my problem: I think about something and it makes me anxious (because I make scenarios in my head) THEN because I FEEL anxious, I think it must be true… Do you get what I mean?? Ahhh!! LOL…The mind is tricky!!
I am the same way! My husband is constantly reminding me that just because I “FEEL” one way doesn’t make it 100% true. Thoughts and feelings are hard to separate.
Hi Corinne, Check out these posts for concrete examples: How To Beat Negative Thinking: Part 1 and Part 2- the links are at the end of my post.
Yes I can have negative thoughts, get upset or annoyed about things. I have slowly learned to recognize these thoughts for what they are, where they come from, why I have them (tired? bad day at work? am I making it worse because I moan and whine?), the hardest being getting enough perspective to dismiss them. I guess deep breathing helps ;-)
It is hard, but it gets easier with time!
I’ve struggled with negative thoughts a lot– I’m always wondering, What is someone else doing that’s better than me? How is someone else’s life better than mine?
I’ve learned over time to stop myself from doing this too much…but it can be tough! Acknowledging that everyone has different (but not necessarily better) experiences than I do has helped!
So many times I catch myself thinking something very negative (usually about myself). Lately, I yell at myself in my head to STOP! It’s a hard cycle to get out of, and hard to catch yourself making negative thoughts. They creep in very easily. Stopping them in their tracks is the hard part, but so worth it.
I grew up with some pretty bad anxiety problems. When I’m stressed out, it’s hard to not be negative and think I’m not going to get things done. Lately, though, I’ve been taking things one step at a time. Instead of thinking ‘omg, I have to do 58537 things by next Tuesday,” I think ‘well, this is what I have to do TODAY,’ and it calms me down A LOT. It’s easy to freak out and think that you’re not going to have the time to do everything you need to do when you think that you have to do it all in one day. I think what’s helped me is realizing that 24 hours in a day is a LONG time, and it’s possible to do everything I set my mind to. :-)
I deal with anxiety also and I know how tough it can be to feel overwhelmed by the negative thoughts taht pour in when it strikes. I like your approach of tackling one day at a time, thats something I need to do too. I also try to differentiate between the things I can and can’t control so I don’t get caught up trying to “fix” absolutely everything.
i definitely still struggle with negative thoughts, its very hard to overcome.
Changing my thought process has been the single most important part of my recovery from anorexia. I finally decided that I no longer want to look at myself in the mirror and hate what I see, I no longer want to feel bad all the time and I realized that it is in my power to actively change my thinking. Sure it took some therapy, but I don’t think people understand how much control they actually have over their thoughts. Making the effort to think positively has completely changed my life. Thanks for a great post, I’ve never known how to put that into words! I love your blog- you are a wonderful inspiration xoxo
So proud of you!
This totally hits home. It’s something my husband will say and I brush off. We can control our mood. Being unhappy or negative is a choice, and you have to decide to look on the bright side. Of course, that’s way easier said than done.
Wow did I need to read this today!
I am the queen of negative thinking — but I have been working on this. I can recognize the negative thinking, acknowledge it and replace it with positive thoughts. Obviously I have a long way to go, but I already feel like I am improving tremendously.
I agree with you about accepting negative thoughts as truth. My husband will tell me I look beautiful and instead of saying “thank you” I will think to myself “no I’m not” and then think of 500 things about myself I want to change. Why do I accept MY thoughts as truth — why can’t I accept my husband’s comments as truths? Our minds are truly amazing, and “Richard” is right — if we can control our thoughts and minds we are set for life. I know my mind is my biggest stumbling block — if I can get over my own thoughts I am good to go!
You know what’s so interesting is that it’s so much easier to believe the negative than the positive. I know that’s how it is for me, and I don’t know why! I’m the same way, someone will tell me I look nice or something, and I’m quick to dismiss it and even say so to their face(“Oh, no I don’t”, or “I can’t stand my hair”). Then, slowly, I started realing what I was doing, and now if someone says something nice to me, I accept it and thank them (although sometimes deep down I’m still denying it). But, I do think by just consciencely (sp?) accepting the compliment someone says to me and saying it out loud helps my negative mind to go away. I don’t know if this made any sense at all!
What you said made perfect sense to me. It is in a way CRAZY that when someone gives me a compliment and I know they are being genuine, I still tell myself “No I don’t, I look awful and my hair looks bad, my clothes are this, blah blah blah”. It isn’t healthy and I’m working towards acknowledging those statements and countering them with positive thoughts.
I do struggle with negative thinking and strive to be more optimistic. I know its a learned behavior that might take time to correct but I believe that in time and with practice I will become the girl with her glass half full!!
Just bought EPL and can’t wait to get into it this weekend.
Though it’s getting much better, I’ve struggled with negative thoughts about my body image as well. I used to eat very little and exercise a ton and do crunches non-stop so I could keep my stomach in top condition. After getting back from Greece and taking a 3-week exercise hiatus, I thought about it and said to myself “if working on your abs and having nice definition is so much work that it makes you unhappy, are they really worth having in the first place?”
Simply taking a few extra minutes to assess negative thoughts and think about positive ones to defeat them makes a huge difference in one’s life. :)
I have always struggled with negative thoughts and still do. It’s an ongoing process that you have to work at everyday. This book is such a great book to show people that others deal with these thoughts, it’s okay, just face your problem head on and teach yourself to change a little everyday.
This quote hits home with me too. I have struggled with negative thinking for years. It’s a hard habit to break. Lately, I have gotten back into the downward cycle of negative thoughts (and it is definitely a downward cycle….once you start you get sucked in to more negative thinking). I have been trying to work on being more positive, but sometimes it is very difficult to overcome the negativity my mind creates. I agree with the quote “if you can’t learn to master your thinking, you are in deep trouble forever”. Right now in my life I feel as if I am in deep trouble forever….