Good morning!
No accidental sleeping in this morning, I had Vegan Overnight Oats to get up for!
In this mix: 1/3 cup oats, 1.5 tbsp chia seeds, 1.5 tbsp carob powder, 1 cup Almond Milk, 1/4 cup blueberries, 1/8th cup raspberries, 1/3 of a Healthy Carrot Cake Power Scuffin, and pure maple syrup to frizzle over top.
It was good, but I would not put raspberries in it again…much too tart! I think I said the same thing about putting them in the Banana soft serve too. Such a shame because when I bought them on their own they were delicious fresh (I froze a bunch).
It’s finally time for the next quote from Eat Pray Love!
Eat Pray Love Quote 4: On Learning how to dismiss negative thoughts
[Want to see the previous EPL quotes and discussions? Visit my quotes page!]
This quote really resonated with me as it is something I have struggled with for most of my life. It is a long one, but well worth the read.
This quote takes place while Elizabeth is at the Ashram in India. She is struggling with her focus during meditation because she cannot stop thinking about her failed relationship with her ex. She broods constantly about a couple circumstances in her life.
In this quote, she talks about an awakening she had, with help from her friend ‘Richard from Texas’ (love him!).
Elizabeth says: “There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under my jurisdiction…I can select what I eat and read and study. I can choose how I’m going to to view unfortunate circumstances in my life- whether I will see them as curses or opportunities (and on the occasions when I can’t rise to the most optimistic viewpoint, because I’m feeling too damn sorry for myself, I can choose to keep trying to change my outlook). I can choose my words and the tone of my voice in which I speak to others.
And most of all, I can choose my thoughts.
This last concept is a radically new idea for me. Richard from Texas brought it to my attention recently when I was complaining about my inability to stop brooding. He said, ‘Groceries, you need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select what clothes you’re gonna wear everyday. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control. Drop everything else but that. Because if you can’t learn to master your thinking, you’re in deep trouble forever.”
On first glance, this seems a nearly impossible task. Control your thoughts? Instead of the other way around? But imagine if you could? This is not about repression or denial. Repression and denial set up elaborate games to pretend that negative thoughts and feeling are not occurring. What Richard is talking about is instead admitting to the existence of negative thoughts, understanding where they come from and why they arrived, and then- with great forgiveness and fortitude – dismissing them. This is a practice that fits hand in glove with any psychological work you do during therapy.
It’s a sacrifice to let them go of course. It’s a loss of old habits, comforting old grudges and familiar vignettes. Of course, this all takes practice and effort. It’s not a teaching that you can hear once and then expect to master it immediately. It’s constant vigilance and I want to do it. I need to do it for my strength.
So I’ve started being vigilant about watching my thoughts all day, and monitoring them. I repeat this vow about 700 times a day: “I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts anymore.” [p. 177-179]
I just love this quote!
For years and years, I was such a negative person on the inside. My thoughts were always negative and I too thought that I was powerless and couldn’t control them. I also believed that my thoughts equaled truth.
So I believed them.
I saw a therapist periodically throughout university and one of the things my therapist told me was that if I replace negative thoughts with a countering positive thought, eventually I will start to believe the positive thoughts. Over time, those positive thoughts will occur more and more…slowly but surely taking over the negative thoughts.
Through practice, this is exactly what I experienced.
As soon as I decided to start thinking more optimistically, instead of letting my negative thoughts run on autopilot, I became a happier person. Years have passed since I started working on my negative thinking and not only was I able to beat my disordered eating, but I would guess that I have decreased my negative thoughts by about 75%. I still struggle with negative thoughts on a daily basis, but I now know that I can dismiss them most of the time.
I like Richard’s approach:
- Admit to the existence of negative thoughts,
- Understand where they come from and why they arrived,
- With great forgiveness and fortitude – dismiss them.
I think the part about forgiveness is so powerful. We must appreciate that we are human and will make mistakes and most of all be forgiving of ourselves! As Richard said, “If you can’t learn to master your thinking, you’re in deep trouble forever.”
[If you are interested I have written on this topic before touching on psychological research methods to beat negative thinking: How To Beat Negative Thinking: Part 1 and Part 2]
Today’s questions: Do you struggle with negative thinking? Have you ever succeeded in over-coming negative thoughts? Do you think you could implement the strategies above to master your own thinking?
this is another way to beat negative thoughts…thanks for sharing! :)
I love EPL so much, I can’t wait for it to be a movie- though movies are never as good right? I think I naturally have a lot of positive thoughts and I actually have to make myself think negatively sometimes so I won’t be disappointed if the outcome is not what I expect. I think this is probably just a way you are born and I’m lucky. I think it’s amazing that you can turn your thoughts around like that though!
The movie is coming out soon – I’ve seen the trailers on TV a lot so probably in the next few weeks. It’s starring Julia Roberts, and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not – ha!
One of the things I admire most about my boyfriend is that he always recognizes and questions my negative thinking. Not in a critical, lighten up way, but in a patient, understanding, helpful way. He always reminds me to be as kind to myself as I am to others. It’s a tough one though that I struggle with daily. Thanks for sharing.
You’ve got a keep on your hands…that is awesome :)
I actually posted a similar statement on my last blog post. I try to live my life with the mindset that I am in control of making it the best possible. That doesn’t mean it will always be happy, but I can choose to focus on as much positive as I can and changing the negatives within my power. You can’t always control what happens in life, but you can always control your reactions to them. Love this mindset.
This quote is quite profound. The one thing that bothers me is the “dismissing” part. Perhaps it’s her word choice, but I feel ilke that some people can cling to that part and say, “I’m feeling upset again so I choose to push that out of my head.” In reality, unless all the other steps are taken, true power isn’t achieved. Rather the person might say “I’m feeling upset. The reason I’m feeling upset in this moment may be because of X and Y. I am noticing patterns here and need to investigate why I get to this point. I’m going to sit with this emotion for a bit. I’m going to find ways to combat this emotion. Then I will choose an emotion that better suits my happiness and productivity.”
Just my two cents ;)
I love your insight here
I needed this quote today. I needed ths quote yesterday. I’ve needed this quote my whole life. THANK YOU for sharing!
Love this – for a really long time, any negative thoughts, comments, etc. brought me down…broke me essentially. It didn’t matter what I was doing, but suddenly everything would hault – like it just didn’t matter anymore. I have learned to dismiss things…consider some aspects because sometimes there is truth to them – however, in the end you must dismiss…or you’ll drive yourself into the ground.
I’ve been practicing positive thinking for a few months now and its definitely not easy, but does in fact work! When I’m walking to work in the mornings (usually, I do not want to go), I repeat to myself all the positive aspects of my job. I say, “You are so much more than what you do from 9-5”, “You are lucky to have a great job full of opportunity”, “Your coworkers respect you and appreciate you”. By the time I hit the office door, I’m ready to take on a new day!
Oh my goodness have I struggled with this! I was SUCH a negative person even though even thought I was soooo positive! I berated myself for EVERYTHING. But I started to do exactly like you did and like Elizabeth talks about, the moment I started to think negatively I stopped immediately and asked myself what PROOF I had to make such a statement. Any excuse I gave myself I was able to put into perspective until I proved to myself that my “proof” wasn’t based in fact and then I would turn the statement around into something positive. I still struggle (even this morning) but I MUCH happier now and better able to manage these negative thoughts!
What a great quote. I’m working on being more positive myself. :) And so far, it’s working and definitely making me a happier person. It’s very true that I can either let outside circumstances or my negative thoughts overwhelm me, or I can think positively and view situations without letting them affect me too much. This was great reinforcement and an excellent reminder for me to continue.
i definitely struggle with negative thinking, but I try to sit back and realize that the things I am typically thinking negatively about are worldly things…I can’t take them with me, so why worry about it? I try to remember all of the incredible blessings in my life and realize that there is so much joy to be had if i just let go and let myself have it!
i am loving reading this book right now too…some of it’s kind of “out there” but I would say that 90% of it is completely applicable!
I rarely ever have negative thought and feel incredibly lucky to be able to say that. I used to struggle with them a few years back when I was at my unhealthy weight..in fact I remember when I was at a healthy weight, I was so optimistic and always looking at the best in every situation. Then when I was underweight, I became pessimistic- everything was horrible, nothing could be fixed. And now that I’m healthy again, the optimism is back. I think it all has to do with how comfortable you are in your own skin- the thoughts will reflect that.
I think that our society teaches us negative thinking. There’s a lot of super stars in our world and if we aren’t living up to those images of “perfection” we tend to think badly of ourselves, down talk, stereotype, etc. It’s important to see yourself, your goals, your life as YOURS and only yours with no other comparisons.
I’m a social worker working on my master’s in social work with a concentration in the clinical setting and one of my favorite theories in counseling that I’ve learned so far is narrative therapy. In a nutshell, narrative therapy focuses on “rewriting” your life story to turn negative thoughts and emotions around into positive ones through different exercises and framing techniques. I LOVE narrative therapy and think it has a lot of similarities to what the EPL quote stems from in meditation.
I love narrative therapy…I actually did it some and it was so helpful!
I am sure you get this all the time, but what camera do you use?
Canon 30D with a 50 mm lens :)
Just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you taking the time to write these quotes out. I am learning a lot from them and they are definitely making me think and for that, I love them!
Im glad you enjoy them!
I often struggle with negative thoughts and I’ve actually used the “Negative –> Positive” Method you mentioned in one of you mentioned in one of your other posts. I found it was very helpful for me to write them down and have something tangible instead of just brooding over the same thought again and again in my mind. Thank you for the suggestion.
I’m really happy to hear that that helped you :)
Oh gosh this book is so powerful! I’m glad you have been enjoying it. I’ve read it before and need to read it again!
This was a great post for me. I used to be awesome at keeping positive and dismissing negative thoughts. I successfully lost 40 lbs with weight watchers (as I’ve shared with you before) but after setting a final weight goal and NEVER reaching it, deep down I’ve found myself feeling worthless unless I get to that specific number on the scale. The weight loss actually triggered me into really disordered attitudes about food and myself.
Lately I’ve had a real struggle and am turning to therapy again. I’ve really been stuck in the attitude of “If I was X weight, I would be happy. Nothing else will do”. And it is such a damaging attitude. Therapy has been really beneficial for me in the past with other issues, and I will be returning this year to work on my newly developed issues with food and body image.
I love the quotes you pick!
I used to be a pretty negative person on the inside too. I thought that my set of beliefs was the right one, and that the way I perceived the world was the only way to perceive the world. Eventually I realized that those thoughts were doing NOTHING for me except making me absolutely miserable. I started letting others (and myself) off the hook more often, and working with a spiritual therapist who helped me understand that I could see things in a different way and that by doing so my happy reality would be no less real than the one I had created with my negative thoughts. Lately, I’ve been working a lot with the teachings of Abraham. There’s nothing about what they say that I don’t resonate with. They have plenty of awesome YouTube clips (search “abraham hicks”) on a multitude of topics.
Great post.
I’ve been having fewer negative thoughts now. Once they do come up, it does help me to replace them with positive ones as you do. I’ll also pray about it.
I’m now considering reading EPL. It seems so good.
Another really great thing to know is that you dont have to dismiss them….you can not grab ahold of them but they dont have to go away to keep going where you want to go/do what you want to do. I practice riding them- like a surfer on a wave. or watch them pass by- like leaves on a stream. The real trick of the mind is… less you try to dismiss unwanted thoughts- the quieter they get. Cool concept but takes practice….I work as a therapist with kids and adults who really struggle with anxious thoughts and get the honor of seeing people practice them and begin living their valued lives again.