Good morning!
No accidental sleeping in this morning, I had Vegan Overnight Oats to get up for!
In this mix: 1/3 cup oats, 1.5 tbsp chia seeds, 1.5 tbsp carob powder, 1 cup Almond Milk, 1/4 cup blueberries, 1/8th cup raspberries, 1/3 of a Healthy Carrot Cake Power Scuffin, and pure maple syrup to frizzle over top.
It was good, but I would not put raspberries in it again…much too tart! I think I said the same thing about putting them in the Banana soft serve too. Such a shame because when I bought them on their own they were delicious fresh (I froze a bunch).
It’s finally time for the next quote from Eat Pray Love!
Eat Pray Love Quote 4: On Learning how to dismiss negative thoughts
[Want to see the previous EPL quotes and discussions? Visit my quotes page!]
This quote really resonated with me as it is something I have struggled with for most of my life. It is a long one, but well worth the read.
This quote takes place while Elizabeth is at the Ashram in India. She is struggling with her focus during meditation because she cannot stop thinking about her failed relationship with her ex. She broods constantly about a couple circumstances in her life.
In this quote, she talks about an awakening she had, with help from her friend ‘Richard from Texas’ (love him!).
Elizabeth says: “There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under my jurisdiction…I can select what I eat and read and study. I can choose how I’m going to to view unfortunate circumstances in my life- whether I will see them as curses or opportunities (and on the occasions when I can’t rise to the most optimistic viewpoint, because I’m feeling too damn sorry for myself, I can choose to keep trying to change my outlook). I can choose my words and the tone of my voice in which I speak to others.
And most of all, I can choose my thoughts.
This last concept is a radically new idea for me. Richard from Texas brought it to my attention recently when I was complaining about my inability to stop brooding. He said, ‘Groceries, you need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select what clothes you’re gonna wear everyday. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control. Drop everything else but that. Because if you can’t learn to master your thinking, you’re in deep trouble forever.”
On first glance, this seems a nearly impossible task. Control your thoughts? Instead of the other way around? But imagine if you could? This is not about repression or denial. Repression and denial set up elaborate games to pretend that negative thoughts and feeling are not occurring. What Richard is talking about is instead admitting to the existence of negative thoughts, understanding where they come from and why they arrived, and then- with great forgiveness and fortitude – dismissing them. This is a practice that fits hand in glove with any psychological work you do during therapy.
It’s a sacrifice to let them go of course. It’s a loss of old habits, comforting old grudges and familiar vignettes. Of course, this all takes practice and effort. It’s not a teaching that you can hear once and then expect to master it immediately. It’s constant vigilance and I want to do it. I need to do it for my strength.
So I’ve started being vigilant about watching my thoughts all day, and monitoring them. I repeat this vow about 700 times a day: “I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts anymore.” [p. 177-179]
I just love this quote!
For years and years, I was such a negative person on the inside. My thoughts were always negative and I too thought that I was powerless and couldn’t control them. I also believed that my thoughts equaled truth.
So I believed them.
I saw a therapist periodically throughout university and one of the things my therapist told me was that if I replace negative thoughts with a countering positive thought, eventually I will start to believe the positive thoughts. Over time, those positive thoughts will occur more and more…slowly but surely taking over the negative thoughts.
Through practice, this is exactly what I experienced.
As soon as I decided to start thinking more optimistically, instead of letting my negative thoughts run on autopilot, I became a happier person. Years have passed since I started working on my negative thinking and not only was I able to beat my disordered eating, but I would guess that I have decreased my negative thoughts by about 75%. I still struggle with negative thoughts on a daily basis, but I now know that I can dismiss them most of the time.
I like Richard’s approach:
- Admit to the existence of negative thoughts,
- Understand where they come from and why they arrived,
- With great forgiveness and fortitude – dismiss them.
I think the part about forgiveness is so powerful. We must appreciate that we are human and will make mistakes and most of all be forgiving of ourselves! As Richard said, “If you can’t learn to master your thinking, you’re in deep trouble forever.”
[If you are interested I have written on this topic before touching on psychological research methods to beat negative thinking: How To Beat Negative Thinking: Part 1 and Part 2]
Today’s questions: Do you struggle with negative thinking? Have you ever succeeded in over-coming negative thoughts? Do you think you could implement the strategies above to master your own thinking?
I find your blog very interesting this morning. I have recently come out of a bad breakup where the person lied to me for quite a long time. I have spent the last two months fretting, worrying and beating myself up. Then I picked up an old book by James Allen called, “As a Man Thinketh”. The book is similar to what you are speaking of and I have employed this technique of focusing on positive things. I’m going to keep practicing! I think your blog this morning is confirmation that I’m on the right path! Blessing to you!
I’m glad you enjoyed it…I wish you all the best with your new journey!
Oh Angela, this is an amazing uote and a great topic for discussion! Last night I had a very frustrating conversation with my mom. The thoughts in my head were so negative. After I talked it out, I just told myself that I cannot change the way my mom thinks or acts. That is her. But I can change how I react to her words and actions. She and I are not the same person and it is okay if she doesn’t act the way I hoped. After all, I am only accountable for my own actions and thoughts, no one else’s, right?
I do need to become more diligent about being mindful of the negative thoughts, why they are there, and forgiving myself for having them. That is a huge challenge for me. I keep thinking that I must be a horrible person for thinking certain things. But I am not, I am simply and wonderfuly human.
Wow, this is a perfect quote for me today! I do struggle with negative thoughts all the time, but I have definitely been working on thinking more positively. I truly believe that if/when I put out positive energy into the universe, it will come back to me. As soon as I make an honest effort to put out good things into the world, I can see a dramatic shift in my life. It is in amazing thing. And for me, figuring out where the thoughts come from and why they are there isn’t as important as dismissing them. I mean, sure *eventually* I would like to get everything sorted out, but I try not to focus on figuring them out because then I tend to end up back in negative-thoughtville. For me, it’s more productive to simply acknowledge that I have the bad thoughts, recognize that it’s OK to have bad thoughts (instead of beating myself up for even thinking the way I do), and then just let them go. I think the road down the psychological journey is a long one, but for me it’s really important to remember that I don’t have to get from one end of that road to another in a day, a week, or even a year. The idea that I can take all the time I need to has been really powerful. And the simple recognition that it’s OK to be upset sometimes or that I don’t have to understand WHY I feel a certain way has been a great source of freedom for me. Now instead of thinking “OMG, how could I even THINK that?” I just acknowledge that I think that and if it’s a negative thought, I just let it go.
GREAT quote and perfect timing! Thanks for sharing Ange!!!
I suffer from negative thoughts- not like I used to, but I do still get them, especially when I’m a bit vulnerable (ie sad). They are so horrible, but I recognise I get them so I’m trying SO hard to overcome. I actually really believe in the power of positive thinking and visulization, so hopefully, one day they’ll go and I’ll be much happier :)
love this quote!!! i tried reading the book when it first came out but i found the first few pages boring so i never got into it. maybe i should try reading it again!
i definitely struggle with negative, self-critical and judgmental thoughts on a daily, even hourly!, basis. seeing a therapist and doing meditation and yoga has helped increase my self-awareness and realize that a person does not equal their thoughts but that thoughts create emotions which create behaviors so if you change a thought this can be powerful! definitely takes practice and more effort for some of us but is a lifelong skill. i think mindfulness helps rather than avoidance and also countering the negative with the positive & pursuing activities that are authentic to your own interests and not what you think is expected
I have struggled with negative thinking for a long, long, time. If I could suggest one solution, it would be to look at The Work of Byron Katie. She developed a program to address negative thinking and learn to take it apart one thought, or belief, at a time. It is really simple, powerful, and free – just google “the work” to see videos of people working through the process to address their thoughts. It may not be for everyone, but it really helped me and is a tool I can use everyday to keep my thinking on track and focused on kindness and peace.
My dad always tells me 2 things that immediately popped into my head while I was reading this. #1 You will not pass this way again. You’ll never get another July 29, 2010. So enjoy it! #2 Cherish yesterday, Dream tommarow, Live today. Remembering the good days and dreaming about the possibilities in the future can give us the strength to live today. Getting bogged down with things that are not true or projecting your worries onto your present situation will only rob you of the joy that is new every single morning. I just found this blog yesterday and I LOVE it! Thanks for being so transparent and honest!
Awesome advice!
I LOVE your blog and read it everyday, but never comment. However after reading this post i knew i HAD to comment because of the topic. Im almost recovered from an ed and have been in intensive therapy for 3 years to overcome it and the main thing that has allowed me to get my life back and become such a happier person, free of disordered irrational thinking has been replacing negative thoughts with positive ones! The more you think positively and affirm the positive thoughts the more you believe it and the more your subconsious mind takes them on board. Then over time our subconcious mind can become retrained to think positive thoughts rather than negative ones. I truely believe changing our thoughts and being the “pilot” of our own thoughts and which ones we choose to believe is the key to happiness and the key to overcoming so many personal issues, especially in relation to eating disorders and low self esteem issues. I feel SO lucky to have discovered this at such a young age ( im 19) because i know that whatever the future holds and whatever life throws at me i can handle as long as i watch my thoughts about the situation and dismiss those self- doubting negative thoughts that we all experience in the sight of the unfamiliar.
Your such a role model and an inspiration and i love how many people your helping with your insightful posts! You should be so proud of the amazing person you are!
Wow congrats on your progress and recovery! I can relate to your experience a lot. It takes hard work, but the payoff is amazing. Thanks for your kind words :)
Great post Angela! I am about to enter my mid 30’s (eeeep!) and spending a little more time reflecting on my journey so far and where I want to take it in the coming years – a lot of my 20’s were defined by fear/negative thinking and I truly believe that the first step towards a health appreciation of self is to recognize that there are unhealthy thoughts going on and that regardless of your life experience so far you are undeserving of them. Once you can love and appreciate and know who you are then you are free to be there for others. Also, I didn’t come to this conclusion myself – it’s a combination of one counselling session, a couple of books, and my mum :)
I used to struggle with negative thinking. I think most of my negative thoughts stemmed from poor self esteem because most of my negative thoughts were about myself and what was or could happen to me. I still have some negative thoughts but I no longer say I am struggling with them. I refuse to give them anymore power over me and while I admit that they are there, I am no longer willing to spend time on them. I am choosing to focus on the positive. I am choosing to love myself and look for the good.
It reminds me of the Native American tale –
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Wow very powerful, thank you!
I struggle with occasional negative thinking (but hey, who doesn’t!?) but I have trained myself well now. Instead of letting the thoughts snowball out of control, I grant myself the knowledge that negative thoughts are normal. If everything was 100% positive and cheery all the time then I would appreciate amazing moods less. Moods are part of being human and instead of chastising yourself for feeling down, I just ride it out and hope for a better mood later!
Hey Angela,
Since you’re enjoying EPL so much, I would recommend checking out The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. His writings helped me journey to forgiveness. They are also handy for busy peeps, as you can read a small section at a time and get a lot out of it.
If you do come across it, lemme know what you think!
-Rhea
it would be easier to struggle with positive thinking!
Yes! Yes, yes I agree with this 100%!! Healthy thinking, like healthy eating and physical activity, is a HABIT you have to build and develop and practice. It won’t just happen naturally overnight, although I spent most of my life wishing it would. And even more than thinking positively, it’s INCREDIBLY important to leave room in your heart and your life for the negative, because if you constantly push down and ignore the “bad thoughts,” they don’t just go away. They WILL come back, WILL make themselves heard, and usually they explode out if you’ve been trying to repress them. I used to repress and it was always so bad. Now when I have a bad day, I try to find the cause of the bad day – why do I feel this way, where is it coming from, what can I do about it? And how can I use the positive habits I’ve buuilt up to counter it? I used to be depressed to the point of physical debilitation – couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t function – and now I know I’m getting better and my healthy thinking and living habits are working because when I have a bad day I don’t automatically backslide into my old self-destructive habits. I eat normally, I get out of bed, I still function, which is unlike what I used to do.
Thank you for posting this!
Amen sister!
Love this thanks :)
I’ve definitely struggled with negative thoughts. I have gotten alot better though; whenever a negative thought pops up I push it away and replace it with a positive one. :)
I think a really important step is recognizing that we are not our thoughts; our thoughts are a PART of us, but they do not completely define us. For so long I was unable to grasp that idea. So when the wheels of my head started spinning with negativity, I didn’t realize that I had the power to change that – instead, I just thought that was “who I was.” Simply recognizing that we don’t have to be defined by our thoughts – and that they are within our control – is very powerful!
99% of my thoughts used to be NEGATIVE, which means I lead a negative life 99% of the time. My boyfriend suggested I start a “positive” journal were I share my thoughts and feelings but the catch was to write in a positive tone and if I HAD to confide in something negative I countered it was a positive. The repetition approach truly does work! Practice makes perfect but perfect is still over rated. I just bought the book, can’t wait to start reading – hopefully I will finish before the movie comes out.
I’m really working on this these days. I think I need to re-read this book based on what you’ve quoted.
My thoughts are consumed with negative energy! I hate it, but my relationship with myself is not where it should be and it’s something I’m trying to work on hourly…I have to take it hourly because trying to take it daily is too much! I must admit though since finding your blog a couple months back, my negative thoughts have decreased some. I’m no where near where I want to be, but progress is progress!! Thank you for always being so inspirational! I’m sure I’m not the only one who can attest to what a beacon of light you are for me every day!
Thankfully, I don’t have really negative thoughts on a regular basis, but just like other people, they’re definitely there sometimes. I find that starting my day off with positive thoughts, and associating with positive people help to keep me thinking optimistically as well.