Good morning!
No accidental sleeping in this morning, I had Vegan Overnight Oats to get up for!
In this mix: 1/3 cup oats, 1.5 tbsp chia seeds, 1.5 tbsp carob powder, 1 cup Almond Milk, 1/4 cup blueberries, 1/8th cup raspberries, 1/3 of a Healthy Carrot Cake Power Scuffin, and pure maple syrup to frizzle over top.
It was good, but I would not put raspberries in it again…much too tart! I think I said the same thing about putting them in the Banana soft serve too. Such a shame because when I bought them on their own they were delicious fresh (I froze a bunch).
It’s finally time for the next quote from Eat Pray Love!
Eat Pray Love Quote 4: On Learning how to dismiss negative thoughts
[Want to see the previous EPL quotes and discussions? Visit my quotes page!]
This quote really resonated with me as it is something I have struggled with for most of my life. It is a long one, but well worth the read.
This quote takes place while Elizabeth is at the Ashram in India. She is struggling with her focus during meditation because she cannot stop thinking about her failed relationship with her ex. She broods constantly about a couple circumstances in her life.
In this quote, she talks about an awakening she had, with help from her friend ‘Richard from Texas’ (love him!).
Elizabeth says: “There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under my jurisdiction…I can select what I eat and read and study. I can choose how I’m going to to view unfortunate circumstances in my life- whether I will see them as curses or opportunities (and on the occasions when I can’t rise to the most optimistic viewpoint, because I’m feeling too damn sorry for myself, I can choose to keep trying to change my outlook). I can choose my words and the tone of my voice in which I speak to others.
And most of all, I can choose my thoughts.
This last concept is a radically new idea for me. Richard from Texas brought it to my attention recently when I was complaining about my inability to stop brooding. He said, ‘Groceries, you need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select what clothes you’re gonna wear everyday. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control. Drop everything else but that. Because if you can’t learn to master your thinking, you’re in deep trouble forever.”
On first glance, this seems a nearly impossible task. Control your thoughts? Instead of the other way around? But imagine if you could? This is not about repression or denial. Repression and denial set up elaborate games to pretend that negative thoughts and feeling are not occurring. What Richard is talking about is instead admitting to the existence of negative thoughts, understanding where they come from and why they arrived, and then- with great forgiveness and fortitude – dismissing them. This is a practice that fits hand in glove with any psychological work you do during therapy.
It’s a sacrifice to let them go of course. It’s a loss of old habits, comforting old grudges and familiar vignettes. Of course, this all takes practice and effort. It’s not a teaching that you can hear once and then expect to master it immediately. It’s constant vigilance and I want to do it. I need to do it for my strength.
So I’ve started being vigilant about watching my thoughts all day, and monitoring them. I repeat this vow about 700 times a day: “I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts anymore.” [p. 177-179]
I just love this quote!
For years and years, I was such a negative person on the inside. My thoughts were always negative and I too thought that I was powerless and couldn’t control them. I also believed that my thoughts equaled truth.
So I believed them.
I saw a therapist periodically throughout university and one of the things my therapist told me was that if I replace negative thoughts with a countering positive thought, eventually I will start to believe the positive thoughts. Over time, those positive thoughts will occur more and more…slowly but surely taking over the negative thoughts.
Through practice, this is exactly what I experienced.
As soon as I decided to start thinking more optimistically, instead of letting my negative thoughts run on autopilot, I became a happier person. Years have passed since I started working on my negative thinking and not only was I able to beat my disordered eating, but I would guess that I have decreased my negative thoughts by about 75%. I still struggle with negative thoughts on a daily basis, but I now know that I can dismiss them most of the time.
I like Richard’s approach:
- Admit to the existence of negative thoughts,
- Understand where they come from and why they arrived,
- With great forgiveness and fortitude – dismiss them.
I think the part about forgiveness is so powerful. We must appreciate that we are human and will make mistakes and most of all be forgiving of ourselves! As Richard said, “If you can’t learn to master your thinking, you’re in deep trouble forever.”
[If you are interested I have written on this topic before touching on psychological research methods to beat negative thinking: How To Beat Negative Thinking: Part 1 and Part 2]
Today’s questions: Do you struggle with negative thinking? Have you ever succeeded in over-coming negative thoughts? Do you think you could implement the strategies above to master your own thinking?
i definitely struggle with negative thinking, but I try to sit back and realize that the things I am typically thinking negatively about are worldly things…I can’t take them with me, so why worry about it? I try to remember all of the incredible blessings in my life and realize that there is so much joy to be had if i just let go and let myself have it!
i am loving reading this book right now too…some of it’s kind of “out there” but I would say that 90% of it is completely applicable!
I rarely ever have negative thought and feel incredibly lucky to be able to say that. I used to struggle with them a few years back when I was at my unhealthy weight..in fact I remember when I was at a healthy weight, I was so optimistic and always looking at the best in every situation. Then when I was underweight, I became pessimistic- everything was horrible, nothing could be fixed. And now that I’m healthy again, the optimism is back. I think it all has to do with how comfortable you are in your own skin- the thoughts will reflect that.
I think that our society teaches us negative thinking. There’s a lot of super stars in our world and if we aren’t living up to those images of “perfection” we tend to think badly of ourselves, down talk, stereotype, etc. It’s important to see yourself, your goals, your life as YOURS and only yours with no other comparisons.
I’m a social worker working on my master’s in social work with a concentration in the clinical setting and one of my favorite theories in counseling that I’ve learned so far is narrative therapy. In a nutshell, narrative therapy focuses on “rewriting” your life story to turn negative thoughts and emotions around into positive ones through different exercises and framing techniques. I LOVE narrative therapy and think it has a lot of similarities to what the EPL quote stems from in meditation.
I love narrative therapy…I actually did it some and it was so helpful!
I am sure you get this all the time, but what camera do you use?
Canon 30D with a 50 mm lens :)
Just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you taking the time to write these quotes out. I am learning a lot from them and they are definitely making me think and for that, I love them!
Im glad you enjoy them!
I often struggle with negative thoughts and I’ve actually used the “Negative –> Positive” Method you mentioned in one of you mentioned in one of your other posts. I found it was very helpful for me to write them down and have something tangible instead of just brooding over the same thought again and again in my mind. Thank you for the suggestion.
I’m really happy to hear that that helped you :)
Oh gosh this book is so powerful! I’m glad you have been enjoying it. I’ve read it before and need to read it again!
This was a great post for me. I used to be awesome at keeping positive and dismissing negative thoughts. I successfully lost 40 lbs with weight watchers (as I’ve shared with you before) but after setting a final weight goal and NEVER reaching it, deep down I’ve found myself feeling worthless unless I get to that specific number on the scale. The weight loss actually triggered me into really disordered attitudes about food and myself.
Lately I’ve had a real struggle and am turning to therapy again. I’ve really been stuck in the attitude of “If I was X weight, I would be happy. Nothing else will do”. And it is such a damaging attitude. Therapy has been really beneficial for me in the past with other issues, and I will be returning this year to work on my newly developed issues with food and body image.
I love the quotes you pick!
I used to be a pretty negative person on the inside too. I thought that my set of beliefs was the right one, and that the way I perceived the world was the only way to perceive the world. Eventually I realized that those thoughts were doing NOTHING for me except making me absolutely miserable. I started letting others (and myself) off the hook more often, and working with a spiritual therapist who helped me understand that I could see things in a different way and that by doing so my happy reality would be no less real than the one I had created with my negative thoughts. Lately, I’ve been working a lot with the teachings of Abraham. There’s nothing about what they say that I don’t resonate with. They have plenty of awesome YouTube clips (search “abraham hicks”) on a multitude of topics.
Great post.
I’ve been having fewer negative thoughts now. Once they do come up, it does help me to replace them with positive ones as you do. I’ll also pray about it.
I’m now considering reading EPL. It seems so good.
Another really great thing to know is that you dont have to dismiss them….you can not grab ahold of them but they dont have to go away to keep going where you want to go/do what you want to do. I practice riding them- like a surfer on a wave. or watch them pass by- like leaves on a stream. The real trick of the mind is… less you try to dismiss unwanted thoughts- the quieter they get. Cool concept but takes practice….I work as a therapist with kids and adults who really struggle with anxious thoughts and get the honor of seeing people practice them and begin living their valued lives again.
I think that somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that I was relapsing. I was considering just a Popsicle for lunch, but I argued with myself, gave myself a slap ’round the jowls, and ate a healthier lunch involving veggies and (gasp) carbs. It was surprisingly satisfying to defeat my own thoughts.
Wei Wei
I’m reading Eat, Pray, Love now and found so many powerful quotes. This one with Richards feedback and all of the comments were very thought provoking. Thank you all!!! Some of you might find the post “Focus on the Positive Path” interesting as well. http://jenniferbridge.wordpress.com/2010/05/17/focus-on-the-positive-path/
This is exactly what yoga teaches you to do. Accept your negative thoughts (face) and instead put in a positive affirmation (replace). Soon you will truly believe the positive affirmation and live a much more positive, pleasant life! Amazing! I say this in almost every single yoga class I teach. Anyone who struggles with negativity, find a good yoga instructor and go regularly!
Do you have a blog? I ask because i’m trying to follow a lot of yoga instructors since I want to eventually go through training…
No, I do not blog, I only read them :) I am trained through Yogafit, which is all about bringing yoga into a fitness setting. From there I sneak the yoga philosophy into my fitness clients’ minds :) It is a nice training because you can just one for one weekend at a time instead of blocking off 2 weeks to a month to dedicate to a training. It works better for those who have a busy schedule. I have a full time job as a research assisstant in addition to teaching 10 group fitness/yoga classes per week! I don’t think I would ever have time to blog!
Oh, this is such a struggle! I have periods when I do well, and periods where after a bit of self-reflection, I realize I am being incredibly negative. I so often let my negative thoughts and emotions guide me, and when that happens, it usually leaves me feeling frustrated and horrible. Negative thinking is something I have to be constantly vigilant about.
I was really struck by the way you laid out Richard’s approach. Looked at this way, turning my thinking around really seems like something I can do – I know I can change, I just fall into habits and get lazy sometimes! I’m excited to give it a bit of work.
I do sometimes struggle with negative thinking. It happens usually when I am already feeling anxious about something and can lead to a panic attack. It is something I am trying to work on and if I had health insurance I would probably see someone about it. maybe one day!
I am not exactly the world’s most positive person and lately I have been working on this very thing. I’ve definitely articulated it a little differently to myself but it all comes down to the same thing. I’ve been fighting through insecurities, self doubt, jealousy, and anxeity and choosing to think differently is a huge part of that.
I struggle a lot with negative thoughts but have recently started trying to replace them with more positive thoughts because I felt like I was becoming a very negative unhappy person. Along with trying to replace negative thoughts with positive ones I’m highlighting one thing in my life each day that I love and am thankful for and recording them in my blog. I’ve already started to notice a difference in my moods
GREAT post Angela! I learned similar strategies in my 5+ years in therapy. (Yeah I was a nut job…said TOTALLY tongue and cheek.) WHen I have negative thoughts I also find it super helpful to address the root of my negative thinking. I’d like to read that book.
Hi Angela, I really love your blog, and this post in particular. I have struggled with negative thinking a lot in the past year, and I think the power of positivity is so underestimated. When I find myself getting into a rut of negativity, I try to remind myself that no matter what situation or what circumstances I’m in, I have the ability to decide how I’m going to respond. There is always a negative and positive way to respond to anything, and at the end of the day, I want to make the choice to be positive and not let external factors around me control my outlook on life (not that it is always easy …). I personally love this quote by Buddha, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” This quote really resonates with me because I’ve spend so much wasted energy on being annoyed or angry about things that I have no control over. It helps me remember to let things go, move on, and not let negativity thoughts control me. Thank you for posting!
Man, I need to read this book! The past few days have been No Positivity City in my head. (Sorry, that was unbelievably cheesy.) I can’t stop myself from crying. I’m stuck in New York for another two years until I finish law school (I know some people love the city, but I can’t wait to get out!), live at home with my parents at the age of 26 because I can’t afford NYC rent, I feel lost, lonely, etc. It’s definitely not an easy time in my life, but even when things are going well, I tend to dwell on the negative- I think because I’m always looking for my life to be perfect, and it won’t be perfect until I figure out exactly what’s wrong in my life and fix it. Umm, when am I going to realize that a “perfect” life is not possible?! Maybe now that I’ve written it down.
Wow, I REALLY need to read this book. Ever since you started blogging about it, so much of what you said has really hit home with me. Yes, I struggle with negative thoughts all the time. I have never seen a therapist (although I agree 100% with Nicole that everyone should and this social stigmata about seeing one needs to go out the window), but in the last 10-15 years I’ve really looked inside myself at why I feel the way I feel. It’s been a struggle, but I have found that once I stopped eating refined foods, especially sugar, with a diet more focused on whole foods that I make myself, and exercise, my mood and even my thoughts have impoved so much. I still have my days, and now I just accept them as they are and move on. I’m the kind of person who always has an inner voice talking all the time (I wish she’d shut up most of the time!), and I find that if I’m not paying attention to it, it’s saying things like “I hate this, I hate that.” I’ve realized that I’m doing that and that I need to stop it. Just the other day, I caught that same little inner voice saying “I love this, I love that.” I was so shocked! I’m reading a book called “The Untethered Soul – the Journey Beyond Yourself” by MIchael Singer that walks you through your thoughts and emotions, helping to uncover the source and fluctuations of your inner energy (that’s on the back cover). I just started reading it, but am finding out a lot.
Another thing is that I’ve found is that being negative takes so much out of me, out of my soul and being, and that I just don’t want to deal with it anymore. It’s a waste of my time and energy. Once I’ve trained myself to be more positive, it’s become an addiction, and when I do have a down day, I acknowledge it, go with the flow, and it becomes very short term because my body and mind want (crave) that feeling when I’m feeling good now more than the way it used to crave the bad feelings. Sort of like white sugar. I used to crave white sugar all the time (the worst sweet tooth in the world), once I got off the sugar habit (I eat only fruit now), my body no longer craves it, and when it does get it, it likes the first couple of bites, but then it says that’s enough! No more!
It really does!
I always remind myself ‘it takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile’ Im sure that can be used as an analogy for what negativity does to our body too!
What a fantastic quote from EPL. It’s been years since I’ve read the book, but this makes me want to re-read it before the move comes out.
Yes, I struggle a lot Angela. Particularly when life is really really hard right now. I find myself quite jealous of a sibling. She has so so much and all she does is complain or play the “woe is me” card. It bothers me and it gets my tummy all knotted up. Worse, I start to feel hopeless, because if she feels she has nothing…and I have far less (material and physical ability),then I think my situation is seriously poor and dire.
I try try try to focus on me. I try so hard. I just hope I can. Cause otherwise I will be living in a fog of low self-esteem and depression forever.
Angela, thank you so much for this post! I know so many people who think their negative thoughts are FACTS, myself included. I always believed the horrible things I thought about myself were true and that other people thought such things of me as well. It’s like a huge epiphany when you realize that these are beliefs and they CAN be changed…Right now I am reading Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz which deals with this topic. I also bought the audio version to listen to when I get ready in the mornings and it has helped tremendously.
I’m trying so hard to get rid of the negative thoughts. I beat myself up for so many years that it is taking a lot of work. But They are getting better. That book is on my list to read. Perhaps it should be bumped up to the top.
I think I was born a pessimist and have struggled with negative thinking for a long time. Recently I feel as though I’ve been able to choose to be more positive, but sometimes it doesn’t seem so easy to choose to be that way. I really do believe in the power of positive thinking and that it can be a huge asset to being healthy. Great conversation.
ps-did you get permission to publish those quotes? I mistakenly quoted a book on my blog before.
I know that this is going to sound a little weird, but here is a visualization that works for me:
When I close my eyes, I picture myself standing in a secluded, forest area. Here, in front of me, is an old-fashioned well. It’s the kind that has a wooden lid that closes over the top. I open the lid and I pour into it anything that is bothering me – a problem at work, a person creating negative environments, a song stuck in my head. I shove it into the well and quickly close the lid. Let me tell you – shoving a person for whom you have negative feelings into a well for “safe keeping” is a pretty liberating feeling.
Anyway, as I start to walk away, I may still be able to hear that song or the voice of the person in my mind, but as I break through the trees and onto the beach, all I hear are waves and birds. At this point, I sometimes board a boat and float away to a deserted island, where I dock and perform tasks such as gathering coconuts, fishing or finding a place that looks safe to swim. Usually by this point, the noises and energies of the things bothering me most are far behind me. Even if they’re still ringing in my head, I feel much more relaxed – like nothing else matters but me.
I know it’s kind of a drawn-out visualization, but it’s what works for ME. I have to keep my mental self busy and secluded in order to really shift my focus, since I’m not yet capable of silencing the inside of my head. I’ve gotten this down to the point where sometimes when I have a song stuck in my head, all I have to do is visualize myself grabbing a string of notes out of the air then pushing it into the well and walking away lol. Also, when I’m doing yoga, while I am not balanced enough to really close my eyes and pretend I’m doing yoga on the beach, I can at least drown out thoughts with the sounds of waves and birds. It’s amazing. <3
haha, awesome visualization:) thanks for sharing.
Negative thoughts have plagued me my entire life. I won’t get into details here, because they’re pretty ugly, but I did see a therapist for a while. It’s a great thing to do for yourself. Becoming a mother has helped a lot, too, because I just can’t be a negative influence on my son. I think I would have to agree that you have to train yourself away from those kinds of thoughts. Like most things, it’s a journey rather than a destination, but it does feel so much better to be happy, doesn’t it? :)
This entry could not have come at a better time. My boyfriend and I just broke up, and even though it was for the best, it’s still hard not to have some negative thoughts about the matter. But reading this excerpt definitely gives me ideas for how to get through an overall difficult semester and how to change my thinking. I can’t wait to read this book!
This has been a daily struggle for me as I deal with disordered eating, and there truly are good days and bad days. I’ve found that positivity and taking care of myself go hand-in-hand. A full night’s sleep, healthy eating and a healthy amount of exercise work wonders – the key is treating myself well enough to do those things and believing I deserve it!
Wow, what a great post. I deal with really bad negative self talk especially about my body. Being in recovery from anorexia I constantly catch myself picking apart my body in negative ways. I’ve made a bag of affirmations and each morning I draw one out of the bag and try to live by that affirmation all day. Its hard to be positive when ur feeling down on ueself and trying to gain weight to be healthy. As ur body changes that negativity trys to creep in there and say bad things.
This is really a wonderful post!
Whenever I suffer from negative thoughts, I consciously try to counteract them with a positive one. It works for me!!
I was at the cinema earlier and I saw a poster advertising an upcoming film called Eat, Pray, Love. Is it based on this book, or is it a complete coincidence?
Negative thinking is my biggest internal struggle, I think. I work on it (positivity, woot!) but, yikes, it does not go away quickly…
I am notoriously hard on myself. A classic example is feeling overwhelmed/like an idiot with a new task at work. I am cognizant of the fact that I am still working on a very steep learning curve, and that my work is above par, and business sense very sound. Still, I often feel rediculously incompetent and this causes me to berate myself.
To counter this, I developed a matra to help me to refocus: “I may feel incompetent now, but I’m just learning — and after I complete X, I will be competent.” It’s my way of reminding myself that it’s OK not to be perfect — but that I will succeed and be that much better in the future. I probably say this several times througout the course of any given week. Sometimes multipel times daily!
This is the perfect time for me to read this post. At the end of my work day, I got some info from my boss that they wouldn’t be able to accommodate the schedule I was hoping to have when I return from my maternity leave. After hearing that, I was became so cranky and full of negative thoughts: “If they can accommodate other employees, why can’t they do this for me?”, “It’s going to be so horrible to go back to work!!” I am still a month away from having my baby and even starting maternity leave!! I should not be filling my mind up with all this negative energy and dread….especially at this time!
Anyway, I’m glad I read this post and you refreshed my memory on this quote from EPL, because it is so true. I don’t want to end up not making the most of the time I have now and will have once Baby arrives because of negative thinking!
I highlighted this exact passage in my copy of EPL. It’s such a powerful statement!
Although I have a lot fewer negative thoughts now than I did a few years ago, I still struggle with a few insecurities. Up until now I’ve let those thoughts just bring me down, but since reading that passage I’m going to try harder to combat them. It really helps to know that you’ve managed to overcome negative thinking. :)
I was once told to treat yourself like a good friend….because that is was you are! When a negative thought comes in, instead of spiralling down with it, think of what your advice would be to a friend and follow it. Ex.: if you think “I am so unattractive,” imagine how you would advise a friend having these thoughts. IT WORKS!
This was my favorite quote from the book! It really resonated with me because I have been harboring such negative thoughts recently. I am really trying to put this into practice in my daily life and so far it’s working. Thanks for posting this!
After reading the blog and comments I switched to my home page and found this:
http://www.thatsfit.ca/2010/07/29/you-can-choose-how-you-deal-with-stress
Hope it helps!
negative thoughts are so powerful. but so are positive ones! i am finally starting to see the truth in this. i’ve spent the majority of my life as a pessimistic person. my negative thoughts bred negative situations. i felt unhappy with myself and every aspect of my life for a long time. i only recently started to believe in the healing power of positive thinking and how beneficial positivity truly is. i feel lighter and freer since abandoning my negative attitudes. honestly though, some days i simply cannot shake the negativity that seems to wrap itself around me.
but i found a way to combat that horrible bully called negativity: whenever a negative thought crosses my mind (i.e: “ugh, i’m so fat” or “ugh, no one likes me” or “ugh, i’m not smart enough/pretty enough/worthy enough”…it’s usually about appearance. this is the main source of my negativity and anxiety) i immediately force myself to replace the negative thought with a positive one. i remind myself how ridiculous and untrue that thought is. i review all the beauty in my life. there is so much more to life than my appearance. i am a whole person, not just a body.
Dear Angela
Thank you so much for taking up this incredibly important subject. This is exactly what i needed to hear. Sometimes, when I’m caught in a spiral of negative thoughts, I get so lonely and sad and can’t help comparing myself to the people i know who always seem happy, thinking that they have no idea what it feels like to struggle like this with yourself. This of course makes me even more depressed.. The problem is, most of us are somehow trained to always put up a smile, to always make it seem like we’re fine, even when we’re not. This makes it easy to get the idea that everyone else is so strong and happy, because you can’t tell whats really going on behind the smile. Reading your post and these comments makes it perfectly clear, how common it is to experience negative thinking. To help myself accept and not get carried away with selv pity next time I am overwhelmed by negative thoughts, I will look at these comments, and take comfort in the fact, that I am not struggling alone.
Thank you so much for your openness and honesty and for a blog that continually inspires, amuses and teaches me.
Nanna from Denmark
Angela, I saw this news article and I immediately thought of you!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1298819/Julia-Roberts-I-gained-10lbs-filming-Eat-Pray-Love-Italy.html
I am learning and harnessing this. I love what she says about how this is hard because it’s like an old habit. We are our habits and changing them is hard at times. However, the bliss you get when you do..far surpass the stagnation of not.
Hey Angela! I was just catching up on your posts and absolutely had to comment on this one!
I’ve read Eat, Pray, Love about four times now, and every time I read it, I find something else that speaks to me. This passage specifically helped me in one of my darkest times. Two summers ago, I finally wanted to recover from an eating disorder for no one else other than myself. I was praying every day and eventually saying affirmations every morning. One of them was “I will not harber unhealthy thoughts anymore” (although, I changed the wording around to “I will no longer harber unhealthy thoughts” for flow’s sake). When I read that passage initially, I was like, “YES!” For years I had believed that I could choose my attitude, so why was I having such difficulty being nice to myself and my body?
Anyway, I believe that because I repeated that phrase to myself so many times I was able to believe more and more in myself every day, shedding negativity along the way. Thanks for bringing up such an important topic!