On October 31, 2008, I was just a girl grasping for hope.
I was struggling with disordered eating that still lingered despite my best efforts to beat it. I felt like I had made a lot of progress, but there was still a missing piece to my puzzle.
Self-love.
I fought a daily battle of self-acceptance, depressive thoughts, and anxiety. Despite the smile on the outside, most days I felt like I was crumbling on the inside. I was simply going through the motions of life and the days were passing me by. Indeed, I was truly thankful for so many wonderful people in my life, but the one thing I couldn’t be thankful for was myself.
I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to get to that place of self-acceptance or happiness, but I decided the first step was going to be writing about it.
And so it all began with a simple Boo on Halloween day!
I have always loved writing because it comes to me easier than expressing my thoughts out loud. It is just me and a keyboard or piece of paper talking to someone out there and thinking things through. Writing is a way for my inner voice to be heard when often it is silenced by all the thoughts swirling through my mind. Writing gives each thought a chance, each thought a moment to be heard and I often clear my mind or work things out as I write.
I guess this is why I was never meant to be a researcher. While I did spend most of my time writing in grad school, my writing was very very formal, scientific, and sterile in many ways. I felt suffocated when I wrote a research paper and I always felt like I couldn’t express my true self. In a paper, there was little room for jokes, sarcasm, stories, or occasional curse words (trust me, I could have used them many times!). It was all too structured.
I wanted to set my thoughts free.
Starting this blog was a way for me to have a creative outlet at a time when my creativity felt stifled in many areas of my life. OSG was the one place where I felt like I could express myself fully. I would simply write about what I wanted to write about, just like in my Creative Writing class in high school that I loved so much. My teacher had us make Creative Writing journals in high school and we could write whatever we wanted to in them. Personal stories, clippings, drawings, poems, deep thoughts, jokes, and anything that we wanted to share. I absolutely loved this journal and I would talk about my struggles with disordered eating, my love for delicious healthy food, animals, exercise, running, the desire for happiness, and whatever else I wanted to talk about.
Over the past two years, I have found that missing piece of self-love. Even on the days when I can’t find it and I am having a bad day, I know that it isn’t far away and it will come back to me. I have met amazing people along the way and I have been touched by the support and kindness of others.
Today, I write because I am truly thankful for these past two years, for sharing my life with you, the ups and the downs, and the discussions, inspiring words, and support. My hope for the blog going forward is to give back as much gratitude, love, and inspiration as I get from writing each day.
Thank you for letting me come into your lives each day and also, for allowing me to come into yours.
As a small token of my appreciation, I am going to do some giveaways!
1) Draw for $25 Glo Bakery gift certificates to be given out to 5 random people
2) Draw for a homemade batch of cookies, Glo bars, or muffins (any from my recipes page!) shipped to your doorstep.
3) Grand prize draw for $100 Glo Bakery gift certificate to one random winner
If you’d like a chance to be entered in the giveaway, please leave a comment below telling me anything about your own passions, journey, or perhaps something you have grown to love about yourself. Contest closes Monday Nov 8th.
I’m off to the kitchen to shoot my video for Challenge #7! Hopefully there aren’t as many flops as last night. ;) Happy Halloween!
Angela,
I learned to love myself after I had my children. My body brought two beautiful boys into this world and that is powerful and beautiful. I was having an “I’m ugly and fat day” and my little one said, “Mommy, you are the prettiest girl ever!” He saw my inner beauty and when you focus on that, you always shine, even if your hair doesn’t!!
Wow, you have an awesome following. I think you should write a cookbook and between the recipes photographs you have taken, bits of your life story throughout, funny comments, quotes, etc. I would buy it!!
Angela! Congrats on two years! I started following your blog a few weeks ago and have been truly inspired by it. Thank you for that!
There are a few things I’m deeply passionate about, but something new to me is discovering my spirituality. I continue to love running and cooking and practicing yoga and try to do a least one of those things everyday and to find my spirituality through these things and whatever other avenue it might come through. Everyday is a journey and I’m lucky to be able to walk this path!
Everyyyy single morning and night I check your page for that extra boost. Being women, theres just GOING to be struggles. However, each day we get up, we should be proud we can smile and walk and love and live and laugh! There is so much to live for and disordered eating is NOT one of them
Happy Birthday OSG!! I look so forward to reading your blog everyday. When I’m away or can’t get to it my day is absolutely void of something! I am on a healthier lifestyle journey and your blog had truly inspired me to eat cleaner and change habits for myself and my family.
THANK YOU!!!!!!!
One of my greatest passions is cooking healthy, hearty, delicious meals. I get a lot of inspiration from you! I look forward to every blog post you write.
Congratulations on 2 years and we all hope for many, many more!
Happy Birthday OSG :) I love that I am embracing change in my life even thought it is sometimes hard. Usually I fight change, but now I am trying to appreciate it, knowing that it is ultimately leading me where I need to be.
I’m really glad I discovered your blog. You’re very inspiring both as a baker and as a woman learning to love herself. The past couple of years, I’ve learned to embrace my ambitious nature and see where it takes me. I used to call myself overcommitted, but I see it more as a desire to try everything and discover what I love.
Happy BIrthday to you!
You are such an inspiration to me. I am working on switching my whole life around as well. (RIght now, I’m primary breadwinner with 4 kids) I will find my way, I just know it. THank you for your witty, healthy and real writing. I love reading your blog!
Thank you!
Can I just say how happy I am you decided to create OSG!! You have helped me deal with so many things in my life by being open enough to share your past struggels! My journey of self-acceptance is no where near the end, but thanks to OSG it is in the process of improving! But even more importantly is the constant support I have from my husband. He knows the things I struggle with and instead of telling what to do to “get better” (like most people!) he is just there when I need him.
I am so thankful for YOU for sharing your journey through words on OSG and encouraging me to embrace life as well! I recently left a job I hated (as a lawyer) that was taking away a part of me and now I’m figuring out where my path leads. My goal is to be more carefree in all aspects of life, starting with abandoning body image and eating anxieties. You help me SO MUCH!!!
Happy 2nd OSG birthday! I love reading the honesty in your blog, and the amazing recipes and photograghs. Something that I love about my self? I am a runner, and no longer struggle with disordered eating.
Bare with me, this is a bit long! ;)
telling me anything about your own passions, journey, or perhaps something you have grown to love about yourself. Contest closes Monday Nov 8th.
I’ve always love creating on the computer. I used to spend hours working on a website coding HTML in the 90s. My orientation teacher in high school told me that since I had good grades in math, I should study management.
I was always someone whom trust authority and follow rules, so I thought he knew what he was talking about and I enroll in a management program. In the back of my mind, I kept thinking that programmating is what I’d love to do, but the orientor told me management, so I’ll go with management.
I did well in classes, I’m good following instructions and completing assignments. See, what I was not that natural about was rumbling for pages about a theory, explaining in great details how to manage a business. For me, it was just rambling and I didn’t like doing it. I did it, because the grades were important for me, but I knew I wasn’t inspire to manage a business and deal with politics. Arguing is something I run from. I try to avoid confrontation as much as possible.
In my program, we could chose a specialty in our last year. Some choose finance, other marketing, but all I wanted to do was work on computers so I chose information technology management. I had a programmation class and I instanstly loved it. I was good at it and didn’t mind spending hours making my program pretty and fun.
Few months later with a diploma in hands, I was immediatly hired by a tech company where I worked as a quality specialist. I didn’t have to manage anyone and I loved it. Five years later, I had to change job because of a relocalisation and my new job required managing people’s feelings and making sure everybody was happy. Needless to say, that part of the job was NOT my favorite. I also had to program report and I went to work just for that.
I remember reading ohsheglows and how we have to look back at what we love in our childhood to find our calling. With no children, I knew it was now or never. This fall, I enroll in a programmation program. It’s only part time because I have a full time job, but I love it. All my evenings and weekends are now busy with school, homeworks and readings, but I’m pasionnate about it.
I’m so proud of what I did and taking the risk to pay hundred of dollars to follow my dreams. Some days, I think it’s too hard and I want to quit, but other days I’m thinking, what about saving for the rest of the year and study full time next year?
Who knows what the future brings. But now I can look at it and see myself with a career I love in a very near future.
Thank you Angela for being such an inspiration to me and many others. Your story was the kick in the butt I needed to enroll in the program and follow my dreams 6 years after my first bachelor diploma. Thank you and long life to ohsheglows :)
I’m not ashamed to say that I’m struggling with my weight right now, but now-a-days I’m at least feeling hopeful. I had started by just cutting back on the regular garbage that I already ate. Now I’m beginning to understand and embrace whole grains and real food as opposed to pre-packaged, processed junk that doesn’t nourish my body. I’m learning that eating right can be fun and delicious. Most of all I’m very thankful for your blog…it’s helping me to think about health and wellness and making the whole idea of weight maintenance easier.
Thank you,
ka
Happy Birthday OSG! :)
Angela,
I have been faithfully following your blog for about 8 months now and I have to say that you have helped me in so many ways by sharing your thoughts and experiences. It’s so much easier knowing that there is someone (correction: a lot of someones) out there stuggling with body image issues too. I stumbled upon your website when I finally decided to loose the excess 30 pounds that I had been lugging around. I am proud to say that with your help and healthy recipes and positive energy and a newfound love of exercise (I now workout because I WANT to not because I HAVE to), I have lost those pesky 30 pounds and kept them off for about 2 months now. Now, I am exploring my newfound passion for healthy living and hope to educate others on the benefits of healthy cooking and moving more. I also plan to explore a vegetarian diet, I’m not sure if I’m ready to take the plunge yet, but soon.
Thank You Angela, from the bottom of my heart for sharing yourself with us. It means the world to me.
Robyn
oh what a journey. i’m so ready for the end, but i’m learning to be patient :) i’m growing to accept myself and not fear the future. to be authentic. and to live with intention. it’s been a beautiful and LONG process and one that i’m grateful for.
Everyday I’m trying to take steps forward to just be me for me :)
Thanks for sharing your life with us!
I must say that I’m proud of sticking with my goal of earning my master’s degree while working full-time and raising two children. Hopefully I’ll have that coveted piece of paper by the end of spring!
I’ve struggled with disordered eating for as long as I can remember, but for the past year my passion has been being healthy – not skinny, not a size 4, not a certain weight. Healthy. It’s hard some days when I’m having a bad day, but I’m winning the fight! Being healthy is my goal, my struggle, and my passion.
Happy blogversary Angela!!! Like you, I have always loved writing and I really want to do this professionally one day. I realized this year that instead of just wishing it and hoping for it, I really needed to actually do it. With this in mind, I started a blog and joined a writing competition. I still have my stuffy government job and I will until I can make ends meet by doing something I love, but I have recognized my own need to for a creative outlet and am making strides towards doing what I love to do, because nothing is as important as finding happiness in your every day life.