On October 31, 2008, I was just a girl grasping for hope.
I was struggling with disordered eating that still lingered despite my best efforts to beat it. I felt like I had made a lot of progress, but there was still a missing piece to my puzzle.
Self-love.
I fought a daily battle of self-acceptance, depressive thoughts, and anxiety. Despite the smile on the outside, most days I felt like I was crumbling on the inside. I was simply going through the motions of life and the days were passing me by. Indeed, I was truly thankful for so many wonderful people in my life, but the one thing I couldn’t be thankful for was myself.
I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to get to that place of self-acceptance or happiness, but I decided the first step was going to be writing about it.
And so it all began with a simple Boo on Halloween day!
I have always loved writing because it comes to me easier than expressing my thoughts out loud. It is just me and a keyboard or piece of paper talking to someone out there and thinking things through. Writing is a way for my inner voice to be heard when often it is silenced by all the thoughts swirling through my mind. Writing gives each thought a chance, each thought a moment to be heard and I often clear my mind or work things out as I write.
I guess this is why I was never meant to be a researcher. While I did spend most of my time writing in grad school, my writing was very very formal, scientific, and sterile in many ways. I felt suffocated when I wrote a research paper and I always felt like I couldn’t express my true self. In a paper, there was little room for jokes, sarcasm, stories, or occasional curse words (trust me, I could have used them many times!). It was all too structured.
I wanted to set my thoughts free.
Starting this blog was a way for me to have a creative outlet at a time when my creativity felt stifled in many areas of my life. OSG was the one place where I felt like I could express myself fully. I would simply write about what I wanted to write about, just like in my Creative Writing class in high school that I loved so much. My teacher had us make Creative Writing journals in high school and we could write whatever we wanted to in them. Personal stories, clippings, drawings, poems, deep thoughts, jokes, and anything that we wanted to share. I absolutely loved this journal and I would talk about my struggles with disordered eating, my love for delicious healthy food, animals, exercise, running, the desire for happiness, and whatever else I wanted to talk about.
Over the past two years, I have found that missing piece of self-love. Even on the days when I can’t find it and I am having a bad day, I know that it isn’t far away and it will come back to me. I have met amazing people along the way and I have been touched by the support and kindness of others.
Today, I write because I am truly thankful for these past two years, for sharing my life with you, the ups and the downs, and the discussions, inspiring words, and support. My hope for the blog going forward is to give back as much gratitude, love, and inspiration as I get from writing each day.
Thank you for letting me come into your lives each day and also, for allowing me to come into yours.
As a small token of my appreciation, I am going to do some giveaways!
1) Draw for $25 Glo Bakery gift certificates to be given out to 5 random people
2) Draw for a homemade batch of cookies, Glo bars, or muffins (any from my recipes page!) shipped to your doorstep.
3) Grand prize draw for $100 Glo Bakery gift certificate to one random winner
If you’d like a chance to be entered in the giveaway, please leave a comment below telling me anything about your own passions, journey, or perhaps something you have grown to love about yourself. Contest closes Monday Nov 8th.
I’m off to the kitchen to shoot my video for Challenge #7! Hopefully there aren’t as many flops as last night. ;) Happy Halloween!
Congratulations on 2 great years! Thanks for offering these great giveaways!
You inspire so many – including me to love my body & feed it well. I’ve spent the last year embracing the way God game me & trying to better appreciate my blessings!
Happy Birthday OSG,
Yours is one of 2 blogs that I check every single day…I love your recipes and the inspiration. I’m studying to be a holistic nutritionist after years of being a bookkeeper…which I enjoy, but it doesn’t light a fire inside me like food and health does!
I am just starting a new way life, and I want to thank you so much for your blog its been a great inspiration.
Angela! I think your blog is phenomenal! I love your recipes! ( I made some pecan truffles and knowing they are more nutritious than the Halloween candy lurking about has been so helpful!) so, congrats on your amazing success both personally and professionally.
On that note, I have recently realized that a big passion of mine is basically informing and teaching people, in a sense. I am a fitness instructor part time, and a volunteer reporter (like an intern part time) -Journalism allows me to inform people and I love chasing news and feeding my curiosity- Through fitness instructing I am also teaching, and (hopefully) inspiring and motivating people… I love being able to do both!
After training over the past few months for my FIRST ever full marathon (NYC!! this coming weekend!!!) and NOT losing an ounce of weight in the process( probably gained, actually :S ) your blog helped me realize that what my body CAN DO for me is far more important. strong legs that can carry me far, that is way cool in my opinion.
I recently fell in love with my giant German thighs. My entire life, I’ve had trouble finding jeans that fit them well, and recently have begun opting for Luon most of the time. As a rower, my thighs are the most essential muscle in my body for my stroke. They are the trigger that gets pulled every stroke. They can press more than a quarter of my body weight.
While getting ready for a night on the town with my roommates a few weeks ago, I put on a short dress and looked down and said to my roommate, “You know, if I didn’t know my legs could press as much as they do, I’d be uncomfortable wearing this.” I was so proud of them and ready to show the world how much they rocked.
What a nice post, Angela!! I truly love reading your blog every single day!
One thing I have learned through my journey, is to trust myself! Usually if my gut tells me something, it is right. It’s a wonderful feeling to know that I have the ability to change anything that doesn’t feel right about my life.
Thank you for inspiring me everyday :)
Dear Angela,
Let me just tell you that as a 15 year old girl living in Canada, struggling and having struggled for 3 years with disordered eating in the form of orthorexia nervosa, night eating syndrome, purging disorder, binge eating disorder and exercise addiction, I am greatly inspired by you. In the past few years, I have come to realize and appreciate the importance and beauty of relationships, passions and hobbies, taking care of myself, reaching out, taking time to set healthy goals for the future and simply living life more fully. I think I’ve grown a lot and try to remind myself of that everyday. There isn’t a single moment where I regret having struggled with eating and exercise because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be so grateful for what I have and what I can accomplish. I wouldn’t be who I am today. I wouldn’t be so determined and confident that I will become a strong woman who deserves love and acknowledgement. Because I already am that person and as long as I make a point of loving and be-friending that lovely human being, I can only be a happy one. Because what I did to myself was dehumanizing, I wasn’t treating myself as a human. Every time I step in the OhSheGlows house, I feel that warm, peaceful, flowing certainty that I am a human. And I thank you so much for that! I love my hope, joy and determination, and I love seeing that in you as I read your posts.
Congrats and keep writing, I’ll keep reading.
Take care
xxo
Claire
Happy Birthday to the first food blog I ever read! I can’t even tell you how much reading about your transformation into a glowing girl helped me to do so myself… I sincerely apprecaite all the time you’ve taken to share your story.
On a lighter note, I discovered GMs here on OSH and absolutely adore them! I have one waiting for me on the fridge as I type to enjoy for breakfast tomorrow. They’re such a superfood it’s ridiculous. SO yummy too :)
Health is a huge passion of mine. Healthy living blogs like your own have made me realize that life doesn’t have to be 100 calorie packs and low calorie food. Thanks for showing everyone you can have fun with food and make it taste delicious but still be good for you! You’re an inspiration!
Congrats on your blog birthday!
I love healthy eating so I love sitting down to read your posts– they inspire me whenever I’m tempted to return to my days of being sedentary and mindlessly eating, or worse when I would work out to the point of dizziness and only eat stalks of celery. I’m all about healthy eating now and letting exercise be an enjoyable part of my day, not torture. I’m a college freshman right now and struggling to maintain balance of being healthy, spending time with friends, and doing well in school. Today was my first day running again since the beginning of the semester and it was great to just have some me time.
I have grown to love my imperfections and realizing that I don’t have to be perfect, just human.
What I have learned to love about myself is my sense of humor and my ability to never meet a stranger!!
I love that I’ve come to like foods that I never thought that I would like. I feel healthier and stronger thanks to it.
I recently became vegan about 8-9 weeks ago and it has been an awesome adventure. I am so thankful for this site, I look at it about 3-4 times a day. Through finally becoming vegan (after 20 years as a vegetarian) I have found that I LOVE to cook and bake. I find a lot of my inspiration for recipes through OSG. I appreciate that you take the time to share your story with so many of us. It is really beautiful what you have created here. A safe positive environment full of support.
My other passions aside from cooking and baking would have to be hot yoga (which has changed my life), reading, painting, and running. ♥
Angela,
One of my greatest passions is running, and I have learned to love it even more as a result of reading your blog (which has also furthered my interests in cooking, yoga, and appreciating beauty)!
All the best.
My passion in life is to make a difference in this world through encouragement. This has to do with beauty, being confident and helping others see their beauty and by creating cute gifts and writing letters to others. :)
About a month ago I had a serious meltdown before leaving for a big fashion event because I hated the way I looked. Every inch of me. Simple as that.
Forget that the event was held outdoors and that everyone was huddled in massive jackets with the wind blowing our beautiful coifs into hot messes. Forget that my friends thought I looked great and were happy to be with me. Forget that I forced myself to give off that confident chic vibe and laugh the loudest.
But don’t forget that when I came home, I just sat in bed and cried long and hard (water weight gone!) because I still didn’t like the way I looked… Exposing and confessing my inner demons to my amazing boyfriend until the early morning.
I awoke the next morning with that ‘out of body experience.’ Was that really me yesterday?
What had happened? I am not overweight or obese or ill or ugly or diabetic or unhealthy or gross – so what was it? After all these years, I had finally let the mirrors, the models, the diets, the bad lighting, the extremes and the scale win.
That next morning, I decided to stop it all. To stop my own madness, to stop my own hostage situation. I needed to be held accountable for my own life and I needed help. My own help. And I couldn’t defer my hopes and dreams to another time or another future me.
Facing the mirror honestly and without aggression has freed me. Everyday I learn to like one more inch of me. Of course watching what I eat, having fun with food (cooking classes!), becoming vegetarian (never going back!) and loving to exercise (getting my boyfriend hooked to yoga too!) has helped me – there’s no doubt.
But it’s the daily mantra running through my head that has changed. It has gone from ‘fat, ugly, good god, don’t eat anything today’ to ‘so awesome, looking’ good, hey!, so what’s the plan for today hot stuff’. Beyond the time spent making delish flax crackers and fab green smoothies, beyond the time clocked in on the treadmill and the yoga mat/magic carpet, it was all about mental changes. Swapping the words ‘skinny’ for ‘healthy’ and ‘obsession’ with ‘lifestyle’.
I know that I’m still in the middle of finding my happy self and that it will take time… but actually… my scale is the one with the schizophrenic problem – not me! Mr. Scale, I’m putting you on a time-out, in the closet, so you can think about what you’ve done… ;)
I’m proud of how positive and bright I’ve become. I’m loving me. Every inch of me. Simple as that.
This is my favorite food blog, hands down. I love your story, I love your past, I love your breakthroughs. And of course, the voice and photos in your blog are amazing. Just last week or so I read you “story”. It’s inspiring. Thank you for sharing your life and photos and lovely skills with us. I am grateful for that!
I was lucky enough to find your blog while searching for info about eating disorders. One night turned into many as I went back, nearly non-stop, and reread all of your posts from the beginning. I was hooked. Both for your writing style and your wonderful content, brimming with passion in all you do…but also for your journey. I know that journey all too well and you gave such hope in your writing. I read your life now and see you living in the harmony and health that comes with recovery and it’s amazing and so, so uplifting. I am so glad to have found you, so glad you write, and well, also just love your recipes and your cheer. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
happy birthday OSG!!!!! :) i am so thankful for stumbling across your blog one day by accident. i can’t even remember now how i found but, but i haven’t turned back! you helped me push myself when i was learning to run and then training for my first half marathon, you helped me get courage to experiment with different foods and recipes when i was on my road to health. and although i have take a little detour lately, i’m hoping to get back on track soon and i am still here reading along!! you are a ray of sunshine angela, and you brighten all of our lives!!! thanks for sharing yours with us!! :)