On October 31, 2008, I was just a girl grasping for hope.
I was struggling with disordered eating that still lingered despite my best efforts to beat it. I felt like I had made a lot of progress, but there was still a missing piece to my puzzle.
Self-love.
I fought a daily battle of self-acceptance, depressive thoughts, and anxiety. Despite the smile on the outside, most days I felt like I was crumbling on the inside. I was simply going through the motions of life and the days were passing me by. Indeed, I was truly thankful for so many wonderful people in my life, but the one thing I couldn’t be thankful for was myself.
I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to get to that place of self-acceptance or happiness, but I decided the first step was going to be writing about it.
And so it all began with a simple Boo on Halloween day!
I have always loved writing because it comes to me easier than expressing my thoughts out loud. It is just me and a keyboard or piece of paper talking to someone out there and thinking things through. Writing is a way for my inner voice to be heard when often it is silenced by all the thoughts swirling through my mind. Writing gives each thought a chance, each thought a moment to be heard and I often clear my mind or work things out as I write.
I guess this is why I was never meant to be a researcher. While I did spend most of my time writing in grad school, my writing was very very formal, scientific, and sterile in many ways. I felt suffocated when I wrote a research paper and I always felt like I couldn’t express my true self. In a paper, there was little room for jokes, sarcasm, stories, or occasional curse words (trust me, I could have used them many times!). It was all too structured.
I wanted to set my thoughts free.
Starting this blog was a way for me to have a creative outlet at a time when my creativity felt stifled in many areas of my life. OSG was the one place where I felt like I could express myself fully. I would simply write about what I wanted to write about, just like in my Creative Writing class in high school that I loved so much. My teacher had us make Creative Writing journals in high school and we could write whatever we wanted to in them. Personal stories, clippings, drawings, poems, deep thoughts, jokes, and anything that we wanted to share. I absolutely loved this journal and I would talk about my struggles with disordered eating, my love for delicious healthy food, animals, exercise, running, the desire for happiness, and whatever else I wanted to talk about.
Over the past two years, I have found that missing piece of self-love. Even on the days when I can’t find it and I am having a bad day, I know that it isn’t far away and it will come back to me. I have met amazing people along the way and I have been touched by the support and kindness of others.
Today, I write because I am truly thankful for these past two years, for sharing my life with you, the ups and the downs, and the discussions, inspiring words, and support. My hope for the blog going forward is to give back as much gratitude, love, and inspiration as I get from writing each day.
Thank you for letting me come into your lives each day and also, for allowing me to come into yours.
As a small token of my appreciation, I am going to do some giveaways!
1) Draw for $25 Glo Bakery gift certificates to be given out to 5 random people
2) Draw for a homemade batch of cookies, Glo bars, or muffins (any from my recipes page!) shipped to your doorstep.
3) Grand prize draw for $100 Glo Bakery gift certificate to one random winner
If you’d like a chance to be entered in the giveaway, please leave a comment below telling me anything about your own passions, journey, or perhaps something you have grown to love about yourself. Contest closes Monday Nov 8th.
I’m off to the kitchen to shoot my video for Challenge #7! Hopefully there aren’t as many flops as last night. ;) Happy Halloween!
Congratulations on two fantastic years :]
Happy 2 years! I have grown to love the honesty and character in me. I have done all I can to live my life by doing the right thing, even when no one is watching :)
Happy blog birthday!
I really enjoy following your blog and making many of your delicious recipes. Its really inspiring how you made a positive change in your life and pursued your dreams.
Two years ago, I began running and in it, really found something I was passionate about and it has completely changed my life, my outlook and my health. It makes me soo happy to have that passion.
Happy Birthday OSG!
Reading your blog is such an uplifting reminder to think positively and love yourself just the way you are! I love that I can be fearless when trying new activities or food! My courage has given me soo many wonderful experiences!
Hi Angela! sending birthday wishes for OSG <3
I came across your blog just about a year ago and have been reading everday since.
You have inspired me to have courage in myself to fulfill my passions and live my life.
Though I am still fighting the battle of overcoming anorexia, you give me the hope i need
that there is so much more to life, waiting for me to discover.
I have a passion for ashtanga yoga, and when i get my health back, I will start the teacher training program. I look forward to being able to excersize freely and get back into running and mountain biking.
You are so amazing, I love what you do!
Happy Aniversary of your fabulous blog! I share of a lot of the same struggles you have had and I am learning to love myself more and more everday. I know you love quotes and wanted to share a favorite of mine with you…
“Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think is necessary. Then ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question. Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn’t, it is of no use.”
~Carlos Castaneda in The Teachings of Don Juan
I’m almost shaking my head in disbelief… I’ve only just discovered your blog today, and every word in this one post resonated so powerfully with where I am in my life–about to graduate college, terrified of entering the real world while simultaenously hating the stifling, suffocating coursework of research papers; constantly unhappy in myself and the work I’m doing. In a few words you’ve inspired me to find meaning beyond passive living day to day, to not write myself off as inadequate. Thank you and happy happy birthday! I can’t wait to follow you more :)
Happy Birthday! I am in love with your blog and all the healthy recipes and inspiration!
Your blog really touches home with me everyday, but especially with your comments regarding the start of the blog! It’s truly inspiring to see how much change can happen in 2 years and I hope the same can happen for me. I love running and I love being innovative with healthy foods, I hope soon I can truly and honestly love myself. Thanks for sharing your story, I know it means a lot to me, and I bet others would agree!
So happy your blog exists Angela. It’s one of my favorites because of the creative recipes and thoughtful topics.
One of my biggest passions is food. I love baking, cooking, and learning anything I can about food. I’m trying to apply my passions to some sort of profession but it can be difficult to find your niche (and get hired) so I’m working on figuring it out! I would love to own a bakery, help educate people about sustainable food, be a nutritional consultant, write a cookbook– so many things. I hope I can make some of them happen.
Congratulations on the 2 year blogiversary Angela! Your blog remains a go-to on my Google Reader for your wonderfully creative recipes.
As for my own journey, after five long years of school, I’m finally only 9 months away from becoming an R.D.!! (Registered Dietitian) Great giveaway. :)
p.s. I have a feeling you are going to win PFB… and deservedly so! :)
Happy birthday OSG!
Thank you so much for the wonderful vegan recipes — this blog has inspired me to eat vegan meals (even though I am not a vegan or even a vegetarian) to add variety to my diet and to try new foods.
Something that I have grown to love about myself is my commitment to yoga. I am not very good, but I have noticed changes in my body since I have started going more regularly. I am becoming more flexible and I can start to see some shoulder muscles!
I am finally, at the age of 28, starting to accept myself exactly the way God made me, flaws and all. This doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in self-improvement, but we are all given different characteristics in life and I truly believe that it is possible to take even the most seemingly negative traits and turn them into things that help instead of harm you. I’m learning to stop caring about what others think of me, we are all given different journeys and different baggage. We can either become bitter or better because of this baggage, and I”ve decided to choose BETTER.
Hello Angela,
I have probably followed your blog on and off for the past year or so. I too, like yourself and many of your readers, have struggled with body image issues, disordered eating, and self-acceptance. After 5+ years struggling to recover from disordered eating and a combination of bulima and anorexia, I finally decided in 2009 that I wanted 2010 to be a year filled with life. I got myself healthy, I started dating again (I actually now live with my boyfriend who has really helped me to learn to accept myself and love myself), I went traveling to see my best friend who has been living in Africa for the past 2 years, and I trained and completed my first half marathon at a time I am super happy with (1:50!). Right now I am trying to figure out where my passion lies in terms of my future career (I have a BA in psychology), and I am now learning to assess whats best for me and makes me the me the most happy, as opposed to doing what people want me to do (lots of people want me to go into grad school for psychology and become a researcher, but I think I like working with people much more :). Anyways, I still have my ups and downs, but I have realized taking risks in life and fully immersing yourself in life (giving yourself the opportunity to make mistakes and learn from them) is what life is all about.
I guess my passion right now is “living life!”
Keep doing what makes you happy Angela. And thank you for sharing your amazing recipes with all of us :)
Hi, Angela! Happy Blogaversary! Thanks so much for your blog -I love it! You always bring a smile to my face and help to look on the bright, glowing side of life…for that I am utterly thankful. And, you remind me to laugh at myself sometimes when I feel like crying! :)
My journey has been a tumultuous, adventurous one…I’ve come a long way in a short year: I went from being a chubby 16 yrd who cried nearly every night about her weight and had unhealthy habits to being a strong, fit, healthy 17 yrd who discovered a passion for exercise, FRESH REAL food, Green Monsters, VOO, and 8 hours of sleep!
“I don’t like myself, I’m crazy about myself”
“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely”
“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance”
“Know yourself. Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
“The greatest magnifying glasses in the world are a man’s own eyes when they look upon his own person”
Happy two years. I have been following your blog for about 5 months now. Yours has a certain sparkle that keeps me coming back each day! Like many of us ladies on here I face the same battles! Love the pictures, recipes, etc.
Happy 2nd birthday!! I’ve grown so much in the way that I now appreciate food, running, and health so much more. Running is now not only something I love, but it doesn’t control my life the way it used to. And it’s so much more freeing.
What a wonderful journey you’ve been through. Life throws all sorts of challenges our way, but each difficult door opens up to new possibilities. :)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY OSG!
Angela you are so inspiring and wonderful and beautiful I can confidently say you have improved SO many women’s self-esteems and LIVES <3
I've grown to love MYSELF and appreciate everything my mind and body allows me to do
I have less than 150 days left of school, so I feel as if I’m supposed to be at the end of journey. But how can I be at the end of a journey when I’ve yet to begin? These past four years were, according to those around me, supposed to be the best times of my life. But they were not. I struggled to find happiness, to find peace, and perhaps most importantly, to find myself.
And then I found the world of food and healthy living. Unbeknownst to me, I had found a direction in life, a creative muse, and a passion to keep me sane during the most stressful times.
My journey is far from over, and I know that. I’m hoping that this time, however, I will find the ‘beginning’ that eluded me four years ago.
Angela — thank you for your words and wisdom along the way. Truly, you made a difference.
P.S. Happy birthday OSG!