On October 31, 2008, I was just a girl grasping for hope.
I was struggling with disordered eating that still lingered despite my best efforts to beat it. I felt like I had made a lot of progress, but there was still a missing piece to my puzzle.
Self-love.
I fought a daily battle of self-acceptance, depressive thoughts, and anxiety. Despite the smile on the outside, most days I felt like I was crumbling on the inside. I was simply going through the motions of life and the days were passing me by. Indeed, I was truly thankful for so many wonderful people in my life, but the one thing I couldn’t be thankful for was myself.
I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to get to that place of self-acceptance or happiness, but I decided the first step was going to be writing about it.
And so it all began with a simple Boo on Halloween day!
I have always loved writing because it comes to me easier than expressing my thoughts out loud. It is just me and a keyboard or piece of paper talking to someone out there and thinking things through. Writing is a way for my inner voice to be heard when often it is silenced by all the thoughts swirling through my mind. Writing gives each thought a chance, each thought a moment to be heard and I often clear my mind or work things out as I write.
I guess this is why I was never meant to be a researcher. While I did spend most of my time writing in grad school, my writing was very very formal, scientific, and sterile in many ways. I felt suffocated when I wrote a research paper and I always felt like I couldn’t express my true self. In a paper, there was little room for jokes, sarcasm, stories, or occasional curse words (trust me, I could have used them many times!). It was all too structured.
I wanted to set my thoughts free.
Starting this blog was a way for me to have a creative outlet at a time when my creativity felt stifled in many areas of my life. OSG was the one place where I felt like I could express myself fully. I would simply write about what I wanted to write about, just like in my Creative Writing class in high school that I loved so much. My teacher had us make Creative Writing journals in high school and we could write whatever we wanted to in them. Personal stories, clippings, drawings, poems, deep thoughts, jokes, and anything that we wanted to share. I absolutely loved this journal and I would talk about my struggles with disordered eating, my love for delicious healthy food, animals, exercise, running, the desire for happiness, and whatever else I wanted to talk about.
Over the past two years, I have found that missing piece of self-love. Even on the days when I can’t find it and I am having a bad day, I know that it isn’t far away and it will come back to me. I have met amazing people along the way and I have been touched by the support and kindness of others.
Today, I write because I am truly thankful for these past two years, for sharing my life with you, the ups and the downs, and the discussions, inspiring words, and support. My hope for the blog going forward is to give back as much gratitude, love, and inspiration as I get from writing each day.
Thank you for letting me come into your lives each day and also, for allowing me to come into yours.
As a small token of my appreciation, I am going to do some giveaways!
1) Draw for $25 Glo Bakery gift certificates to be given out to 5 random people
2) Draw for a homemade batch of cookies, Glo bars, or muffins (any from my recipes page!) shipped to your doorstep.
3) Grand prize draw for $100 Glo Bakery gift certificate to one random winner
If you’d like a chance to be entered in the giveaway, please leave a comment below telling me anything about your own passions, journey, or perhaps something you have grown to love about yourself. Contest closes Monday Nov 8th.
I’m off to the kitchen to shoot my video for Challenge #7! Hopefully there aren’t as many flops as last night. ;) Happy Halloween!
Your blog is absolutely amazing, Angela. I am impressed by the quality of your recipes and the quality of your posts. I am a fellow Canadian and yours is the only Canadian food blog that I read! I am currently learning to cook and bike simple and delicious foods. I’ve been eating healthy since coming to Canada ten years ago but I never liked to cook before. I thought that they were too many gender stereotypes attached to it. Now I find eat relaxing and liberating! I’d love to try some of your Globars.
Congratulations on 2 years of a great blog and lots of personal growth! When reading many of your posts I feel like they could be my own words. I’m also a researcher who persevered through graduate school, has been very unhappy in my career for many years now (but feel like it’s what I “should” be doing) and struggled with an eating disorder. It’s very comforting and motivating to read about your journey and I hope to get the courage to move-on to something that brings me more happiness also. Thank you for being so generous with sharing your stories (and the great recipes!).
Congratulations on your anniversary!
I have grown to really love my name. I hated it when I was younger because it wasn’t as popular as other names. It suits me so well and I’m proud that it’s mine :)
Happy 2nd Birthday!! I adore your blog and look forward to it every night. I have just started my passion for eating clean and healthy foods and I am loving it. I used to think that eating healthy was so boring, but your blog has helped me see otherwise. My other passion is sweets and candy and your Twix or Treat Fingers look amazing. Thanks for being so creative!!
Great giveaway! Lately, I have become more comfortable in my body. I wake up each day knowing my body is strong. It carries me through the day. And how tight or lose my clothes are just doesn’t matter!! It’s a GREAT place to be at in my life!
Congrats Angela!
One of my greatest passions is teaching high school English. I adore the age group, the materials, and the chance to expose them to some ideas that fall outside the context of the classroom. On a recent handout for comma practice a sentence read, “If you want the best deals on local produce,” Mrs. Hardt said, “then you have to hit up farmer’s
markets.” :)
Uhmm..three days ago I left my job as a Chemical Engineer. Like this Thursday.
I am now a full-time winemaker at a local winery.
I am still pinching myself.
Wow — this is a huge step. . . and may I say and exciting one, too. Best of luck!
Congrats on two totally amazing years!!
You are such an inspiration to me. I spent three miserable years in a doctoral psychology program before leaving to find a better path as well. And I, too, have struggled with self-acceptance in the past but I am inching closer to a healthier outlook everyday. Motivation from wonderful bloggers like you helps remind me to stay positive and focus on my strengths!
You are an amazing woman – thank you for all you do!!!! Oh, and good luck on Challenge #7!
Goodness gracious. Judging from the number of comments I am one of hundreds who faithfully read your blog. Thank you for your humble and hilarious and lovely posts, they often make my day just a bit brighter (and tastier). Happy Birthday!
Jodie
Your story has really inspired me. I have been struggling with disordered eating for several years, and while each day is still a challenge, it is nice to be reminded that this battle can ultimately be won!
During my senior year of college I fell into a food obsession – one that caused me to restrict my diet, endlessly count calories, extreme exercise, and anxious, stressful trips to the grocery store. Reading food blogs and learning how to make healthy fun meals helped me out of my rut. Today I love to cook, try healthy new foods, and still read blogs!
Happy Birthday and Happy Halloween! I have wanted to try some of your Glo bars so wining a gift certificate would be awesome.
I too started blogging as a way to release the inner me. I felt very stifled. I just wanted to be able to share who I was and what I love. Blogging does that for me and quickly became a passion. I also love running, eating, cooking (in that order!) and volunteering. And I absolutely adore my husband. That is me in a nutshell! Thanks for being here, your blog is one of the first that I began reading and has really inspired me! I hope I win!
HAPPY BDAY OSG!!! Thanks for being so candid on your blog. I’ve experienced similar struggles (disordered eating, anxiety/depression) as well as triumphs (learning to love myself and nourish myself with good foods) as you have shared here. I’ve learned to love myself for my willingness and eagerness to help friends and family, especially by being a great listener.
congratulations on your 2nd anniversary! i can’t believe that it’s been two short years that you have been on this journey, yet you seem so “evolved” and entrenched in it. what an accomplishment. my journey is starting always…and a work in progress.
Happy Blogiversary! My passions include baking and cooking, as well as spending time with the important people in my life. :) My journey this past year has been quitting a full-time 9-5 desk job for a much more fulfilling part-time position – I have not looked back!
Happy blog birthday! I’m a new reader (& a fellow Ontarian :). I’ve grown to love my ability to be creative and healthy in the kitchen through inspiration like your stellar recipes!! Thanks!
I have only been following this blo for a short time but LOVE it! I look forward to the Recipes and positive messages that you send each day! Happy 2nd B-day!
Happy birthday indeed! And many, many thanks to you, Angela, for letting us have a glimpse into your journey. Your story is such an inspiration and proof that if you follow your heart you WILL find peace. I’m learning to do the same, and while it can be a challenge to let go and trust the process, I believe it will be worth it in the end. You can’t start swimming until you jump in with both feet, right??
My dream is to be a librarian. I’m currently working on my applications to grad school,and I’m so excited!