On October 31, 2008, I was just a girl grasping for hope.
I was struggling with disordered eating that still lingered despite my best efforts to beat it. I felt like I had made a lot of progress, but there was still a missing piece to my puzzle.
Self-love.
I fought a daily battle of self-acceptance, depressive thoughts, and anxiety. Despite the smile on the outside, most days I felt like I was crumbling on the inside. I was simply going through the motions of life and the days were passing me by. Indeed, I was truly thankful for so many wonderful people in my life, but the one thing I couldn’t be thankful for was myself.
I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to get to that place of self-acceptance or happiness, but I decided the first step was going to be writing about it.
And so it all began with a simple Boo on Halloween day!
I have always loved writing because it comes to me easier than expressing my thoughts out loud. It is just me and a keyboard or piece of paper talking to someone out there and thinking things through. Writing is a way for my inner voice to be heard when often it is silenced by all the thoughts swirling through my mind. Writing gives each thought a chance, each thought a moment to be heard and I often clear my mind or work things out as I write.
I guess this is why I was never meant to be a researcher. While I did spend most of my time writing in grad school, my writing was very very formal, scientific, and sterile in many ways. I felt suffocated when I wrote a research paper and I always felt like I couldn’t express my true self. In a paper, there was little room for jokes, sarcasm, stories, or occasional curse words (trust me, I could have used them many times!). It was all too structured.
I wanted to set my thoughts free.
Starting this blog was a way for me to have a creative outlet at a time when my creativity felt stifled in many areas of my life. OSG was the one place where I felt like I could express myself fully. I would simply write about what I wanted to write about, just like in my Creative Writing class in high school that I loved so much. My teacher had us make Creative Writing journals in high school and we could write whatever we wanted to in them. Personal stories, clippings, drawings, poems, deep thoughts, jokes, and anything that we wanted to share. I absolutely loved this journal and I would talk about my struggles with disordered eating, my love for delicious healthy food, animals, exercise, running, the desire for happiness, and whatever else I wanted to talk about.
Over the past two years, I have found that missing piece of self-love. Even on the days when I can’t find it and I am having a bad day, I know that it isn’t far away and it will come back to me. I have met amazing people along the way and I have been touched by the support and kindness of others.
Today, I write because I am truly thankful for these past two years, for sharing my life with you, the ups and the downs, and the discussions, inspiring words, and support. My hope for the blog going forward is to give back as much gratitude, love, and inspiration as I get from writing each day.
Thank you for letting me come into your lives each day and also, for allowing me to come into yours.
As a small token of my appreciation, I am going to do some giveaways!
1) Draw for $25 Glo Bakery gift certificates to be given out to 5 random people
2) Draw for a homemade batch of cookies, Glo bars, or muffins (any from my recipes page!) shipped to your doorstep.
3) Grand prize draw for $100 Glo Bakery gift certificate to one random winner
If you’d like a chance to be entered in the giveaway, please leave a comment below telling me anything about your own passions, journey, or perhaps something you have grown to love about yourself. Contest closes Monday Nov 8th.
I’m off to the kitchen to shoot my video for Challenge #7! Hopefully there aren’t as many flops as last night. ;) Happy Halloween!
I really love reading your blog! Your blog helps me remember that I am responsible for my own happiness and health. You never blame your history of disordered eating on anyone, you just take responsibility for making your own healthy choices every day. If everyone did that, we would have a lot fewer eating disorders and a lot less obesity in this world!
Happy Anniversary OSG, you have been an inspiration to me Angela. You give a lot to your readers whether you know it or not.
As for me, what I admire in people is their creativeness and their desire to put themselves out there and to show passion for something, ANYTHING!!
My blog reflects my passion about my life, my family, the simple joys in life and to appreciate the little things.
HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY OSG!! :D
I won’t enter the giveaway, because I live in England :(, but I will say anyway that it was YOU with this blog who started my journey to health and happiness, so a HUGE THANK YOU for everything; you are an inspiration :’)
Happy 2nd birthday! How neat to look back and literally be able to see the growth over the years. I think one way that I’ve grown is in my confidence with my husband. The more I trust him and the more I relax, the more he is free to love, and in that assurance I have found a natural, comfortable confidence rooted in love. As we’ve grown in our marriage (almost 3 years!), this has blossomed as well. Thanks for the giveaway!
I always look forward to reading your blog, it makes my day!
Right now I am a student in a tough accounting program (17 credits). However, my passion is being in the mixed martial arts gym. Last year it would be my second home and now I have no time. I have to finish my degree for numerous reasons (it already got me a kick-a** internship) even though I truly long for the gym.
Happy birthday OSG! Your story and words are an inspiration – especially right now as I plow through my own research papers in grad school, while figuring out what my life path will be. Having dealt with an eating disorder in the past and a recent diagnosis of celiac disease, I enjoy seeing how far you’ve come and enjoying your (gluten-free) recipes! Thanks for all you do.
I have to say your blog has been very inspirational. I’m finally conquering my disordered eating habits and beginning to see food as fuel. The past year has truely been a period of self discovery for me. I decided to quit my corporate to purse a degree in community health, something I’m very passionate about.
Happy 2 year blogiversary to you!!! I have been a long time reader, commenting for the first time to tell you how much I love your blog, your recipes, your stories – and your courage for opening up and sharing all of it with us!
I am still working on learning to love the different aspects of myself but I am now accepting that some of my characteristics that I always thought were flaws may actually be positive too!
Reading about all the good moments and bad moments you have had and how you accept them all as part of yourself and your past is truly inspiring.
And lastly, I have to say, every single recipe I have tried from your blog has been absolutely delicious – the most recent one being the pumpkin whoopie pies :)
Congrats on two years! I love reading your creative ideas on recipes :)
My passion is art! I studied the history of it in college but I want to be involved in it — with my hands and ideas flowing. I’m trying to get back into it but it’s hard when other things have to taken care of beforehand.
Although I’ve been following your blog for over a year now, this may be the first I’ve posted. I wanted to tell you how thankful I am to have found your blogs (and others similar to yours). I have never been happy following the Standard American Diet and finding a community of bloggers who aren’t afraid stray from the beaten path was enlightening for me. You have encouraged me to experiment with food and have fun with it. No to mention, green smoothies and I have had an intense, daily love affair for a year now! No longer am I ashamed or embarrassed to say that I prefer an alternative diet. Because of your blog, I say I am a vegan with unabashed pride. So thank you, Angela for inspiring me and countless others!
When I was a little girl, I would try so hard to tuck in my ‘belly’. My dad would laugh at me and say “Mary Ann, you are always going to have a belly.” Through my teenage years and into my twenties I did countless sit-ups (really, I could have won an Olympic gold medal with how many I did). After the birth of my two children, I look down at my belly with a whole new perspective. There is no longer disdain but a sense of satisfaction. That belly enabled me to bear two children when the doctors told me I probably wouldn’t have any. I still do sit-ups, crunches and ‘the plank’ but for a totally different reason. I want to carry myself with pride and keep myself as strong as possible. Angela, your blog is one of the most encouraging I have read. You make us proud!
Happy Birthday OSG! Congrats. Your blog is really something special. Over the last couple of years I’ve learned to stop striving for perfection because that is not what life is about! I’m much more happier and less stressed this way.
Angela,
I started reading your blog several months ago when a friend of mine brought a green monster to work for breakfast and since that day I have been a loyal reader and follower of you and your amazing career. Since that day- I have been inspired to follow suit, and put my food issues behind me as well. Growing up as a ballerina I had always been body conscience, and when I entered high school, I also took an eating disorder with me too. My parents moved a lot so not only was I suffering from not eating.. but depression as well. To this day- I still struggle with both… but have taken almost the holistic approach to recovery – eating right, working out, prayer, etc… It has been a great comfort to me to know that there are others struggling with the same issues. It is especially helpful reading your encouraging words. Since then, I have embraced my inperfections- learning not only to tolerate them, but appreciate them for who I have become despite them. Your blog is so personal and thoughtful, and I hope that you will continue to write with your heart and touch even more lives that you already have. Thank you.
Like you I struggled with disordered eating from my grade school years through my early 30’s. I had a love/hate relationship with food and my body. Now I’m in my early 40’s, and my unhealthy obsession with food and body image has been transformed into a healthy passion for health and nutrition. It was a hard journey with many bumps in the road, but I now see how all of it has led me to my career as a Nutritional Consultant where I help others get healthy and love their body. I’m thankful that I get to live out my passion each day.
ooo I like free give aways! I’m very glad you started blogging Ang and that you found something you love to do! You know my passions for my wife, kids, family and volleyball drive me everyday :)
Keep it up and happy anniversary!
Happy Birthday! While I’ve only been reading for a short while, I’ve come to look forward to your posts every day. You’ve given me some great recipe ideas and your sunny personality is always a nice pick-me-up!
I have to say that my passion is first and foremost to keep my family happy and healthy, but also to help others outside my family WAKE UP and THINK ABOUT what they’re eating and how they’re treating their bodies.
Again, happy birthday, Happy Halloween, and good luck with the video!
Happy Birthday!! I feel like it is Thanksgiving instead of Halloween, because I am SO THANKFUL I refound your blog this summer (I do remember stumbling upon it last year or so in my desperate attempts to find help in disordered eating and I think it planted just the seed I needed) because here I am loving this journey of recovery because I learn something about myself and others around me every day. You are such a great role model and my favorite blogger by far. I have two younger sisters and remember they must look up to me sometimes in the way I look up to you. It reminds me to be kind to myself and to love myself because that’s how I would want my sisters to treat themselves. I am in my first year of a Masters in Counseling program and am thinking of starting a blog in the new year to get all of my thoughts “out there” and to share what I have learned/am learning with the world. Thank you so much!
I read many different blogs but yours is truly my favorite. The vibe you are putting out into the world is so positive and inspiring, but also very real. Having struggled for seven years with an eating disorder, your posts help me each day to be thankful for my recovery and fight all the self-hatred that it is so easy to slip into.
Happy Birthday!
I have learnt that if we keep our bodies healthy, then life follows suit. Exercise, yoga, mediation, plus eating well will help us succeed in every area of our lives.
I too have made a journey towards self acceptance, and I know how hard it can be. Congratulations on making it so far! Perfection is not attainable, and who would want to be perfect, anyway? The flaws are what make us interesting and beautiful. Cheers!