On October 31, 2008, I was just a girl grasping for hope.
I was struggling with disordered eating that still lingered despite my best efforts to beat it. I felt like I had made a lot of progress, but there was still a missing piece to my puzzle.
Self-love.
I fought a daily battle of self-acceptance, depressive thoughts, and anxiety. Despite the smile on the outside, most days I felt like I was crumbling on the inside. I was simply going through the motions of life and the days were passing me by. Indeed, I was truly thankful for so many wonderful people in my life, but the one thing I couldn’t be thankful for was myself.
I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to get to that place of self-acceptance or happiness, but I decided the first step was going to be writing about it.
And so it all began with a simple Boo on Halloween day!
I have always loved writing because it comes to me easier than expressing my thoughts out loud. It is just me and a keyboard or piece of paper talking to someone out there and thinking things through. Writing is a way for my inner voice to be heard when often it is silenced by all the thoughts swirling through my mind. Writing gives each thought a chance, each thought a moment to be heard and I often clear my mind or work things out as I write.
I guess this is why I was never meant to be a researcher. While I did spend most of my time writing in grad school, my writing was very very formal, scientific, and sterile in many ways. I felt suffocated when I wrote a research paper and I always felt like I couldn’t express my true self. In a paper, there was little room for jokes, sarcasm, stories, or occasional curse words (trust me, I could have used them many times!). It was all too structured.
I wanted to set my thoughts free.
Starting this blog was a way for me to have a creative outlet at a time when my creativity felt stifled in many areas of my life. OSG was the one place where I felt like I could express myself fully. I would simply write about what I wanted to write about, just like in my Creative Writing class in high school that I loved so much. My teacher had us make Creative Writing journals in high school and we could write whatever we wanted to in them. Personal stories, clippings, drawings, poems, deep thoughts, jokes, and anything that we wanted to share. I absolutely loved this journal and I would talk about my struggles with disordered eating, my love for delicious healthy food, animals, exercise, running, the desire for happiness, and whatever else I wanted to talk about.
Over the past two years, I have found that missing piece of self-love. Even on the days when I can’t find it and I am having a bad day, I know that it isn’t far away and it will come back to me. I have met amazing people along the way and I have been touched by the support and kindness of others.
Today, I write because I am truly thankful for these past two years, for sharing my life with you, the ups and the downs, and the discussions, inspiring words, and support. My hope for the blog going forward is to give back as much gratitude, love, and inspiration as I get from writing each day.
Thank you for letting me come into your lives each day and also, for allowing me to come into yours.
As a small token of my appreciation, I am going to do some giveaways!
1) Draw for $25 Glo Bakery gift certificates to be given out to 5 random people
2) Draw for a homemade batch of cookies, Glo bars, or muffins (any from my recipes page!) shipped to your doorstep.
3) Grand prize draw for $100 Glo Bakery gift certificate to one random winner
If you’d like a chance to be entered in the giveaway, please leave a comment below telling me anything about your own passions, journey, or perhaps something you have grown to love about yourself. Contest closes Monday Nov 8th.
I’m off to the kitchen to shoot my video for Challenge #7! Hopefully there aren’t as many flops as last night. ;) Happy Halloween!
Happy Birthday OSG! I recently found your blog, and I am so glad I did. Your story feels very similar to mine and I felt inspired reading your posts. Unfortunately I am not creative enough to be a writer like you :-), but my skills/passion lies in educating those around me about healthy eating/nutrition, fitness, and how to become healthier in general. I feel with education, we can make a real difference in disease management and increasing healthy living. Thanks so much for your blog! I am now a loyal follower! :-)
I’m 25, all of my twenties I’ve had so much anxiety about what to do with my life for work. And it didn’t help that I hated my job. I was constantly trying to find myself and I felt really helpless like I would just end up going through life with a ‘job’, not necessarily a career that i felt passionate about. But then I took a chance and left my boring job in finance. I love kids so I started working as a nanny. It was quite the change from a cushy desk job, but it felt right and I was having so much fun. I also started volunteering in classrooms at elementary schools. I knew what I was doing was the right thing for me! I am taking classes towards my degree in education. Soon, I will be teaching in a classroom! :)
I love your blog Angela! I am still not in the greatest place with my journey, but I need to give myself more credit for all the positive steps I HAVE taken. My greatest wish is that I will get to this place that you have found, too, and your blog gives me hope that I can do it!! Goals for today: get out for my run and be HAPPY :)
I have only recently started reading your blog and find much inspiration from it. My passion for running and eating healthy (mostly vegan) has now inspired my mom to get into fitness and healthier eating.
Congrats on your anniversary!
Mina
Happy birthday OSG!
What a beautiful place you have created Angela! OSG is truly a special, special place for your readers and anyone out there looking to feel less alone. To feel supported. To feel loved. :)
My passion is whole health. I too have a disordered eating past that rested highly on the refusal to accept myself or love myself. I’ve been coming out of that world for the past 2 years and your blog played a huge role in that! My passion as a wellness coach is to share what I have learned and experienced and help others find their whole self.
Thank you for OSG!!!
Ange, your personal growth and changes throughout the past two years have been so apparent. Thank you for putting your life out there for the world to see – your ever-evolving attitude is such an inspiration to me.
My journey? Ha – I ate candy today. Real, unadulterated, HFCS-laden Halloween candy. It sounds silly, but…it was personally a big step toward escaping the mental prison I had created and been living in for a long, long time. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but at least I know that today I took a step forward!
congratulations on 2 years! I’ve been a reader since the beginning, and its been amazing to follow your journey since then. My journey has led me to embrace a vegan lifestyle and appreciate myself for who I am, not who I wish I could be.
Yay! A giveaway on one of my FAVORITE blogs!! :-D
My journey towards a healthier, more balanced life, came from the life event of becoming a mom… the daily battle of trying to workout to replace all the calories I was eating, and hardly ever take a day off from the gym, has been replaced with a realization that there is so much more to life, and that I won’t gain 50 pounds if I take a day off, and moderation is key in everything! I realized that I wanted to be healthier for my daughter, and be a better role model for her – a role model that wasn’t obsessed with calories and body image! Your blog has also inspired me to want to eat more clean, whole foods, and to want my daughter to appreciate the beauty of fresh fruit and vegetables. Now, I don’t count every calorie I eat, I take pleasure in just being able to take walks with my little girl outside (and not worrying about how many calories it is burning), I don’t worry about what the scale says every morning, and I am working hard to eat more whole foods! (AND the irony is that the number on the scale is surprisingly 10lbs less than it has been in the last 10 years – and it happened without all the calorie obsession!) I am passionate about being a mom – and this journey towards a more healthy outlook has been one that is full of surprises, and a I just feel so blessed with life right now!!
The Happiest of 2nd Birthdays OSG!
In a society where there are so many negative stereotypes about women’s bodies, we all need to be reminded now and then how to truly love ourselves. Thank you for doing that (and for making my mouth water on a daily basis).
Thank you as well for being a positive role model during my own struggle with disordered eating. Recovery has empowered me to do things I never imagined I could. Glow on!
what a great story, angela! i struggled with similar disordered behavior and it took my unbelievable husband to finally teach me to love myself. i am forever grateful and cannot imagine ever going back to my old ways. life is too short. thank you for your beautifully inspiring blog.
I absolutely love your blog (partially because you’re reppin’ Canada, but mostly because of your recipes and wit).
My passion has always been writing as well. I’m happier when it is somehow incorporated into my life. It’s inspiring that your love of writing has brought you to a much better place. It certainly does have a therapeutic effect!
Keep up the great work, you have so many readers who appreciate it!
i’ve always dreamed of being an architect since i can remember! but i thought i was a horrible student and even worse at math during high school, so i thought my dream was out of reach. once i entered college, i learned i excelled in math and physics, as well as the creative arts, giving me the confidence to transfer to one of the top architecture schools in the US. now, i’m one of the top students in my class and absolutely love what i am pursuing!
all i had to do was stop doubting and believe in myself!
Happy two years! It’s great to know that your blog helps other people and has also helped you. :) I learned almost a year ago that I have a passion for volunteering. I volunteer at a hospital for six hours a week being sort of a waitress/hostess for patients getting chemo. I had a friend asking me if he should pursue journalism or music, which he’s more passionate about, and I told him to go for the thing that he willingly spends his free time on (which was music). Then, I realized that the one thing that I willingly always make space for is volunteering. I just love socializing with all sorts of people and making sure they’re taken care of.
Happy Birthday OSG! And thank you for helping to inspire me :) My passions are running and healthy living and reading your blog inspires me more everyday. Good luck in challenge #7!
Happy blogiversary OSG!
I recently started to pursue my passion for nutrition by enrolling in the distance learning program at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. I’m so excited for what the future will bring!
HAPPY BLOGIVERSARY!!!
I love how far I’ve come in the past year – I’m healthier, happier, and stronger.
You’ve been sich an inspiration to us all! I love seeing all your creations and your happy healthy smile!
These past 2 years I’ve overcome a digestive illness that caused me to lose my confidence. Now I am healthy, happy, and CONFIDENT in who I am!
Cheers,
LC
Happy 2nd Birthday OSG!!
I am very passionate about cooking, fashion & writing. After reading your blog all summer, I decided to create my own blog so that I could become part of this wonderful food blogging community!
Angela, you do such a wonderful job with your blog and I look forward to many more years following it :)
i’ve been reading your blog almost every day for the past several months and i want you to know how inspiring you are. i have been suffering with my body and my overall health for the past 6-7 years and no specific diet has ever worked for me but i think the platform for which you offer healthy recipes and lifestyle information is key for someone like me. so thank you and happy birthday osg!
Of course I want to win something but I am thankful for OSG – which has happily changed my life. As soon as I saw your banana “ice cream” I immediately went out to buy my first ever food processor. Lo and behold (with a lot of time, practice, maturing and self-reflection) my eating disorder and disordered eating are slowly fading away. Now longer do my usual trips to the grocery store include sugar-free red bull, gum, diet soda, and crap as my staples. Now my staples are flax seeds, vanillia hemp protein powder and chocolate super greens, and other assortments of real, un-processed foods.
My ED used to be my crutch, my friend, my self-talk my everything. Now that it’s slowly leaving me soul, MY DREAM now is to:
1.) get a full-time teaching job in Maryland
2.) move out of my parents house
3.) gain independence and freedom from ED
* i know my dreams will happen because I am allowing them to happen because my ED no longer holds me back or takes up all of time, thoughts and energy