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Do What You Can…Today
I’ve talked a lot about finding happiness within ourselves and with our careers, and to this day, it remains one of the topics I am emailed about the most. I really didn’t realize just how many people struggled with these things until I talked about my own experiences. Opening up to others was one of the reasons that I was able to work through many issues in my life. Who knows where I would be right now, had I not let myself feel vulnerable.
It is isolating when you are going through a tough time on your own. I always felt like there was something wrong with me for feeling unhappy with myself and circumstances and I was ashamed to even talk about it with my friends and family for fear that they would think I was a failure. I remember sitting in one of my very first graduate classes, thinking ‘What am I doing here?’
I bottled everything up inside and I put on a happy face, but little did I know this was the worst thing I could have done. For many years, I convinced myself that I was not worthy of happiness because my problems were my own ‘fault’.
But today, I’m so over the whole perfectionism thing. Really…I’m over it.
We all struggle. Many of us struggle with accepting ourselves, finding a happy weight, deciding what to take in school, paying the bills, relationships, health problems, when to start a family, career satisfaction, and balancing everything in between. No one walked away from me when I finally confessed that I struggled with an eating disorder (they knew all along, anyways) or when I quit my job and I hit an all-time low in my life. If anyone did, they probably weren’t worth it in the first place.
How did I cope during tough moments?
The most important factor for me was talking about it…not only to friends and family, but to a counselor. I also used to display my favourite inspiring quotes in my offices. I would tape them on my computer screen or tack them to the wall. I was known as the quote girl by my friends. ;)
For the two years I was a grad student, I had this quote taped to my office wall:
Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. ~Theodore Roosevelt
As someone who struggles with anxiety, I tend to worry about the future too much. This quote helps me to live in the moment as much as I can. It also teaches me that every day may not present the ‘perfect’ circumstances or opportunities, but we can still work with what we’ve got each day and make the best of it.
I CAN’T…
1) Predict the future
2) Control other people’s actions, thoughts, or feelings
3) Determine the outcome of my choices
However, I CAN…
1) Learn from yesterday
2) Take action today (no matter how small)
3) Plan for the future (even if the plans ultimately do not work out!)
4) Challenge myself, but never expect perfection.
5) Ask for help.
6) Eat chocolate.
Plans are great, but the greatest teacher is experience. Don’t beat yourself up for decisions that you make that may not work out because with everything you try out, you are that much closer to finding something that works for you.
Have you ever done something you thought was a huge ‘mistake’ and it turned out to be a valuable lesson in your life… or even life-changing?
What positive action can you make today to help an area of struggle in your life?
I love being over perfectionism! I feel like in school, there are concrete things to strive for in order to be perfect. Grades, sports, etc. For me, in real life, the definition of perfection is really hazy, so I tossed it out the window. Now I do what makes me happy. The people in my life love me for who I am, and those are the people that I choose to surround myself with. Like you said, those are the people that don’t walk away when you let your flaws show.
I am now in a field that has nothing to do with what I studied in school or what I thought I would be when I grow up, and I’ve come to terms with it. I’m helping people, I’m good at it, and I’m happy. I wish the same for everyone!
Today I am going to try and change my outlook and not demand perfection from myself. I tend to get upset at myself for even the slightest misstep and I think it’s crucial to remember that I’m just human, I’m not perfect, and yet I’m still OK.
Thank you for such an honest and open post. It can be difficult to be so personal but I know all your readers and myself included appreciate it.
I love this! Thank you Ang, this is exactly what I needed today! Lately, life has not been as easy as I would like, but this is what I have to keep reminding myself, and that I come first in my life.
Haha, eat chocolate made me laugh out loud.
Love this post!
Your words gave me chills. I am seeking change but finding peace with letting go of TRYING to change everything. Instead, I’m working on the things that I can change, and I’m so much happier because of it (even though I’m still not exactly enjoying career satisfaction YET).
You are so inspirational! Thank you!
such a good post. you are 100% correct, We must talk and get it out. You are so beautiful in and out for sharing and being real and helping so many…..and
6.) chocolate—– thanks heavens!
What a great post — To be honest, I feel like “I don’t belong” or “this was a huge mistake” in any job I have ever had. But you know what? I never would have met my husband if I had not made the decisions I did — there is no way! Starting with my college major choice and ending with a few odd jobs/volunteer opportunities — all of those lead me to him and to where we are today.
It felt like my life sucked at the time, and I kept thinking I ma making horrible decisions and I was miserable. But I stuck it out and worked with what I had and I made it work. I’m glad I did.
Thanks I needed this….perfect timing :)
I love that quote! I can work on being more patient.
ALL the time. Some many thing in my life haven’t gone as planned, but whoa – I wouldn’t trade where I am not for anything.
Can you imagine if you were still with the person you said you’d love forever in your 8th grade diary?! LOL! :)
I have a lot of those experiences, and they’ve all shaped me for the better. It’s so refreshing to feel that way now, especially when I struggled through them. One of the big ones was a relationship I was in. I stumbled upon a quote that seriously hit it on the mark:
“a true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. but to live with a soul mate forever? nah. too painful. soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. a soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, and make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life.”
— elizabeth gilbert
Another absolutely beautiful post. I was just reminscing on how I was working on a group project earlier this term and absolutely struggling working with my partner–he disregarded any of my input, ignored my answers to problems he didn’t understand and so on. We ended up getting an okay grade, but I felt so disregarded especially when I understood the class and the concepts much better than he did.
I was thinking of applying this to another group project I’m working on. A different partner and I were talking about strategies for graphs, but I guess I didn’t allow her to talk enough because when the TA called on her to share her thoughts they were great! I need to apply my own experiences to now.
Hi Angela,
thank you so much for this lovely post! There’s so much wisdom in it! And I can relate so well to many things you’ve written about! (I’ve read some of your backgrounds on your blog, so I know about your struggles with switching frm research to your own bakery business, and your eating disorder.)
I tend to be an anxiety person myself. I call it “mind monster growing”, and I always have to be careful that those mind monster don’t get too big. I have struggled and still am struggling with food, but it’s going upwards thanks to speaking about it with close friends and getting therapy. So I absolutely agree that withdrawing into isolation tends to make everything worse, and although I’m a very introvert person, I feel that exchanging about these things helps a lot.
A thing I use to say to myself is that everything is okay and I’ll be fine, and that there’s nothing to be afraid about because things turn out somehow anyway, and I’ll be able to handle it and be happy someway. My past experiences have shown me that, regardless what happened and how difficult it was by then, I was able to get through it and become stronger afterwards. That’s very encouraging.
I love what you say to yourself when feeling anxious…good tips! :)
How uplifting :)
I am struggling with an eating disorder,and although every day is a struggle, I am learning, challenging myself, and growing into a better person.
I couldn’t agree more. Life is about today, don’t get caught up in yesterday its just not worth it!
Great advice! I believe that everything happens for a reason. I’m not sure whether there is some cosmic force controlling the universe and making sure things turn out for the best, but I believe everything can be for the best if you decide to make it that way. Even the worst experiences have an upside, and if you take the time to look for them you can find them. I’ve learned all of my valuable lessons from mistakes!
This post couldn’t be more timely! Love that quote – it has a way of setting my head right when it tries to get to far ahead and I can’t see the things to be grateful for right in front of myself. Thank you for posting! :)
Thank you for the inspiring post. I definitely needed it today. Winter is always a hard time for me, and today was one of the tough ones. Thanks for the reminder that I can’t control everything and that sometimes I need to just do what I can right now instead of waiting for it to be the perfect moment. It’ll never be that perfect moment if I just sit on my butt and wait for it to show up.
Amen. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life and the funny thing is they keep popping up because we’re only human and like you said, hindsight and learning the hard way is the best teacher.
Thank you so much for this post. I about about to embark on a very exciting but scary journey: I am moving to New Zealand to study for 5 months. I am BIG on planning, but not knowing what it is going to be like once I am living there, this has been hard to do! Wondering what bank to use, what to do about a cell phone, who I’m going to meet, even where I’m going to buy groceries keeps me up at night! But this post has reminded me that no matter how much I worry, I can’t predict or control what will happen. I just need to go with it. I’m SUPER excited!