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Do What You Can…Today
I’ve talked a lot about finding happiness within ourselves and with our careers, and to this day, it remains one of the topics I am emailed about the most. I really didn’t realize just how many people struggled with these things until I talked about my own experiences. Opening up to others was one of the reasons that I was able to work through many issues in my life. Who knows where I would be right now, had I not let myself feel vulnerable.
It is isolating when you are going through a tough time on your own. I always felt like there was something wrong with me for feeling unhappy with myself and circumstances and I was ashamed to even talk about it with my friends and family for fear that they would think I was a failure. I remember sitting in one of my very first graduate classes, thinking ‘What am I doing here?’
I bottled everything up inside and I put on a happy face, but little did I know this was the worst thing I could have done. For many years, I convinced myself that I was not worthy of happiness because my problems were my own ‘fault’.
But today, I’m so over the whole perfectionism thing. Really…I’m over it.
We all struggle. Many of us struggle with accepting ourselves, finding a happy weight, deciding what to take in school, paying the bills, relationships, health problems, when to start a family, career satisfaction, and balancing everything in between. No one walked away from me when I finally confessed that I struggled with an eating disorder (they knew all along, anyways) or when I quit my job and I hit an all-time low in my life. If anyone did, they probably weren’t worth it in the first place.
How did I cope during tough moments?
The most important factor for me was talking about it…not only to friends and family, but to a counselor. I also used to display my favourite inspiring quotes in my offices. I would tape them on my computer screen or tack them to the wall. I was known as the quote girl by my friends. ;)
For the two years I was a grad student, I had this quote taped to my office wall:
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Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. ~Theodore Roosevelt
As someone who struggles with anxiety, I tend to worry about the future too much. This quote helps me to live in the moment as much as I can. It also teaches me that every day may not present the ‘perfect’ circumstances or opportunities, but we can still work with what we’ve got each day and make the best of it.
I CAN’T…
1) Predict the future
2) Control other people’s actions, thoughts, or feelings
3) Determine the outcome of my choices
However, I CAN…
1) Learn from yesterday
2) Take action today (no matter how small)
3) Plan for the future (even if the plans ultimately do not work out!)
4) Challenge myself, but never expect perfection.
5) Ask for help.
6) Eat chocolate.
Plans are great, but the greatest teacher is experience. Don’t beat yourself up for decisions that you make that may not work out because with everything you try out, you are that much closer to finding something that works for you.
Have you ever done something you thought was a huge ‘mistake’ and it turned out to be a valuable lesson in your life… or even life-changing?
What positive action can you make today to help an area of struggle in your life?
i have first comment!
this is EXACTLY what i needed to read today. thank you angela.
I think this is my favorite post of yours…ever! It’s so true: we’re SO hard on ourselves all the time and struggle to be perfectionists. I admire your take on worrying and thinking about the future. I’m not there with you yet — I beat myself up more than I probably should — but I’m happy you wrote about this and already look forward to re-reading the post. Thanks for sharing!
I’m definitely with you on the anxiety thing!
This was a great post!!!!!
Some days I felt that my parents’ taking us to live in the Middle East was a big mistake, but I’m so grateful for it now – it’s totally shaped my outlook on life and on the world in general. I think it’s so important to acknowledge that there are so many things we can’t control, but we CAN control the way we see the world, and our thoughts. I try to start my days as positive as possible, because I think doing so certainly has an impact on how the day turns out. Great post once again Ange. I love the Daily Glow!
I used to live my life thinking about the next step. What life was going to be like when _____ happened. (Fill in the blank…) Now I have learned to enjoy life as I am living it and appreciate where I am at right now. When I thought (or worried) too much about the future, I wasn’t really living in my today.
Great post Angela! :) You are so inspiring, as always.
I appreciate your honesty with what you write. Sometimes, i get frustrated at the rosey world that most bloggers seem to live in. life is hard, for everyone, and sometimes I get discouraged in the blog world when it seems like peoples biggest problems are book deals and finding time to train for races. i am sure everyone has difficult points and things going on, they just choose not to share. So, I appreciate the real-ness you bring to the blog community.
I’ve learned that everything always works out. Always. That definitely brings me peace. :)
Thank you for sharing so openly and freely, Angela! I think many of us are caught up in perfectionism, anxiety, worry and just an over-achiever mentality. I know I am guilty of this. not as much now as I was before becoming a mother (that is the great equalizer, so to speak…it has helped me LET GO of so much of that) but it’s all a work in progress.
So glad you have all these wonderful insights and that you have shared them. A thing for me that was a huge mistake but soooo valuable was buying a house in Phoenix b/c I could afford one there (cannot in San Diego). I wanted to own a home at all costs so left my friends and beloved San Diego for Phx, just to own. And realized I hated it. Wanted to move back like 2 weeks after we closed on it. And after 9 mos, we did move back. Took a huge!!! beating financially but it showed me that I’d rather rent in a place I love than own in a place I don’t.
Wonderful post, Angela!
:)
I absolutely love this and really needed it today. Thanks Ange!
I would have to go down a pretty long list of friends to find one that is actually in a career that required the degree they received from college. Most have all switched gears after college or not that long after. Before I became a stay at home Mom, I was in a position of hiring people. What their degree was in was not as important to me, just that they had a degree. I felt that the discipline, use of time management, being able to complete papers and tasks on time were all important things that college teaches us.
I always try to remember that each small decision and action adds up to my overall life. I have to put my energy into things that I want to help bring to me the life I desire. But at the same time remember I don’t control it all either.
So poignant and true….
I fear I may have some big changes coming my way and I need to just embrace them because they may put me on track for more happiness than I ever could imagine!
Love this post. It’s nice to know we all struggle with the similar issues, the challenges of being a human being on this earth. I love the quote above. It’s always good to remember what you can’t control. All you can do is your very best and then let go.
This is exactly what I needed to read today. I too struggle with anxiety- and it’s been terrible lately because when I get stressed, I get horrible cases of insomnia. So much in my life right now seems to be out of control– and I too have spent too many years thinking I didn’t deserve any happiness because I always felt scared to share my own fears and problems. And the hardest part is that we can’t predict the future! And I hate it. I can’t control if people get upset with me. So thank you for sharing your own fears, problems– and thank you for the inspiration to help us also share. I’m ready to just be happy for a change– I had a horrible year of career changes and scares last year– and now I’m finally in a place where it may just be coming together. Thanks:)
I’ve learned from experience that plans don’t always workout, and change will happen, so I have to go with the change. It may not make me happy that moment, but I can adjust, and sometimes, new opportunities come out of those changes or plans that don’t work. Right now, I’m trying to figure out the last year of classes I need, and what I want to do after I graduate.
I totally agree with you – vulnerability is a huge step to healing and getting to know yourself. I too struggled with the same challenges, it wasn’t until I allowed people in [as scary as that is…ah!] that I really allowed myself to heal. It’s hard to look for others for support.
Struggle for me is always brought on by my anxiety. When I feel my anxiety is getting the best of me I step back for a moment and check myself before I wreck myself. If that doesn’t work, I keep my iPod on hand with Snatam Kaur music. Not for everyone, but really gets me to calm down.
I’m just loving your Daily Glows Angela!
I loved this. Right on. That too is one of my favorite quotes.
I did the same thing.. I got married and divorce.. during the beginning of the divorce I thought I made the biggest mistake.. Looking back. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. Today I am the person I want to be, doing the things I want to do…
I’m so content in life it’s sickening. One of my favorite things to tell me is.. ‘ you can’t control others, only your reaction.’ when you finally realize that… the world becomes such a beautiful place.
Every monday (sometimes Tuesday) I post Weekly Words To Inspire.. Check em out… It’s like my virtural office wall!
Great post!
Great post Angela! I think it’s so scary to face change sometimes that we’d rather just sulk in our own misery because we feel “we did it to ourselves” or “we asked for it” or “isn’t this what I always wanted?”. I used to ask myself this all the time but now I try to make changes. Instead of putting a negative spin on things I use the power of positivity to move forward. you know what, I’m not working at the job I thought I would as a kid but then again, I’m not an astronaut either! I can’t beat myself up for things that I’ve done, like you said experience is the best teacher.
When the Husband and I took a hiatus when we were dating (for about a year and a half), everyone told me it was horrible, that we shouldn’t have done that. However, I learned so much about myself during that 1.5 years and really found myself. I knew that if we were ment to be together, we would be – and look at us now! We’re married!
Eric and I also took a break when we were dating. In 2003, we split up for about 4 months and we both grew a lot during that time. If it’s meant to be it will be!