On October 31, 2008, I was just a girl grasping for hope.
I was struggling with disordered eating that still lingered despite my best efforts to beat it. I felt like I had made a lot of progress, but there was still a missing piece to my puzzle.
Self-love.
I fought a daily battle of self-acceptance, depressive thoughts, and anxiety. Despite the smile on the outside, most days I felt like I was crumbling on the inside. I was simply going through the motions of life and the days were passing me by. Indeed, I was truly thankful for so many wonderful people in my life, but the one thing I couldn’t be thankful for was myself.
I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to get to that place of self-acceptance or happiness, but I decided the first step was going to be writing about it.
And so it all began with a simple Boo on Halloween day!
I have always loved writing because it comes to me easier than expressing my thoughts out loud. It is just me and a keyboard or piece of paper talking to someone out there and thinking things through. Writing is a way for my inner voice to be heard when often it is silenced by all the thoughts swirling through my mind. Writing gives each thought a chance, each thought a moment to be heard and I often clear my mind or work things out as I write.
I guess this is why I was never meant to be a researcher. While I did spend most of my time writing in grad school, my writing was very very formal, scientific, and sterile in many ways. I felt suffocated when I wrote a research paper and I always felt like I couldn’t express my true self. In a paper, there was little room for jokes, sarcasm, stories, or occasional curse words (trust me, I could have used them many times!). It was all too structured.
I wanted to set my thoughts free.
Starting this blog was a way for me to have a creative outlet at a time when my creativity felt stifled in many areas of my life. OSG was the one place where I felt like I could express myself fully. I would simply write about what I wanted to write about, just like in my Creative Writing class in high school that I loved so much. My teacher had us make Creative Writing journals in high school and we could write whatever we wanted to in them. Personal stories, clippings, drawings, poems, deep thoughts, jokes, and anything that we wanted to share. I absolutely loved this journal and I would talk about my struggles with disordered eating, my love for delicious healthy food, animals, exercise, running, the desire for happiness, and whatever else I wanted to talk about.
Over the past two years, I have found that missing piece of self-love. Even on the days when I can’t find it and I am having a bad day, I know that it isn’t far away and it will come back to me. I have met amazing people along the way and I have been touched by the support and kindness of others.
Today, I write because I am truly thankful for these past two years, for sharing my life with you, the ups and the downs, and the discussions, inspiring words, and support. My hope for the blog going forward is to give back as much gratitude, love, and inspiration as I get from writing each day.
Thank you for letting me come into your lives each day and also, for allowing me to come into yours.
As a small token of my appreciation, I am going to do some giveaways!
1) Draw for $25 Glo Bakery gift certificates to be given out to 5 random people
2) Draw for a homemade batch of cookies, Glo bars, or muffins (any from my recipes page!) shipped to your doorstep.
3) Grand prize draw for $100 Glo Bakery gift certificate to one random winner
If you’d like a chance to be entered in the giveaway, please leave a comment below telling me anything about your own passions, journey, or perhaps something you have grown to love about yourself. Contest closes Monday Nov 8th.
I’m off to the kitchen to shoot my video for Challenge #7! Hopefully there aren’t as many flops as last night. ;) Happy Halloween!
Congrats!!!
I am just starting my journey to self love and acceptance. I have always struggled, thinking I could be better if I pushed just a little bit harder. Your blog has touched on many of my personal issues and I no longer feel alone. I have started replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts, and I must say it is HARD! Although the benefits are much more than I expected. Not only am I now happier with the small things in life, people are drawn to me and I have become a role model to some, the way you were a role model to me! Its like a great chain of Pay it Forward! Thank you so much!
Hi Angela!
Congrats on a successful two years in the blog world! I’ve been reading your blog for a few months now, and I have to say, you have been motivation for me to change some things in my life. In one of your posts, you wrote about remembering what made you happy as a kid, and how you turned that into your career. Since then, I’ve been adding things back into my life slowly that I used to love doing as a kid. They are not necessarily career paths, but they add excitement into my days. Now I often find myself waking up with my mind on the days activities, instead of what I’m going to eat and when I’m going to exercise. It’s scary to be out of my comfort zone, but I know I need to break through my routine in order to get better. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us…you really are making a difference!
-Hannah
My passions are yoga, the husband, trying to start running, avocados, green monsters, snow, and chocolate to name a few!
HI OSG!! happy 2nd year : ] Just like you I have grown to love my body recently. I never really struggled with an eating disorder but I did have low self-esteem. I never worked out, and I ate bad things. I have grown to love nutrition and being healthy. I work out all the time and I am a 2 year vegetarian. I do all these things because someone close to me believes in me and loves me the way I am. My boyfriend has given me the confidence to love myself. Even if we did not work out, he taught me something I will never let go. TO LOVE MYSELF : ) I hope I can become an inspiration to others like you. You help and inspire many. You have a lucky job.
Happy Birthday OSG!!! My passion lies with helping fight the obesity crisis in American CHILDREN. I do lectures at schools, youth groups, mom groups, at gyms, community centers, etc…all based on beating childhood obesity. I emphasize good healthy recipes that are KID approved! I do kids cooking classes to help them get involved. I also stress the importance of family dinners, exercise and movement! To think that children of this generation have a shorted expected life expectancy than their parents’ generation is depressing.
Congrats and happy blog-iversary! It’s been really fabulous and I can’t tell you many of your recipes I have fallen in love with.
Self-love and acceptance is something that I still struggle with on a daily basis and it brings me comfort to see the positive changes you’ve made! My passion for running has always been there for me to keep me grounded and seeing the happier side of things and even though I can’t run much right now since I’m pregnant, knowing that one day soon I’ll be back on the roads has been helpful to me.
Happy blog Birthday!
My passions lie with animal rescue and sheltering, animal law, etc. I’ve always been interested in these things, but I haven’t truly pursued them until this year, and I couldn’t be happier!
I have a passion for balance.
And after going through so many eating disorders, it’s been difficult to find that balance. It was hard breaking out of so much negativity, and finally learning to trust my body, and trust myself around food. The negativity was stripping away at my life, and I was left feeling very empty. I couldn’t stand myself. Some days I wished I could just be someone else…even if it was just for a day. To give my mind a break. I’d put myself through hell to somehow feel “different”. Nothing ever changed though, and I nothing I strove for brought me happiness. Everything I believed would make my heart content just left me feeling more shallow, and more frustrated because of my lack of progress.
I’ve come a long way, and I’m finally understanding what it means to love my body exactly for what it is. I’m learning to love my natural body shape, and appreciating me for my HEALTH. I needed to spend some more time working on my character, and me as a person, rather than objectifying myself and looking so much on the outside… after so long, I’m finally beginning to feel that balance that I’ve been searching for over the past 6 years. I’m finally starting to feel like I have a place in this world, and that I mean something more than just the shallow perception I’ve had of myself for so long…and I’m beginning to see that anything is possible if you put your mind to it, and also if you believe in yourself. Becoming stronger, and re-gaining my “glow”, as you like to call it, is the most empowering and wonderful feeling I’ve had in years.
I’m finally beginning to feel alive again. :)
P.S. Angela, you are a huge inspiration to me. Keep inspiring people, and being a motivation – the world needs more beautiful people like you!
I’ve been reading your blog for only a couple of months, but now it’s part of my daily things to do…I love everything about it – from your recipes to your pictures, and especially your quotes and the way you write about yourself. You’re quite an inspiration…I’ve been a vegetarian since 2001 and I don’t have any close friends or family members that are…so I feel like I have you in my life now for advices, etc…Thank you!
I was surprised to see a picture of you in Riverview, NB…I live in Dieppe…cool! :)
Anyway, I want to try out your bars so I thought I’d try my best to win a $100 gift certificate as I’m on a budget (saving for my trip in Europe & Egypt!), hehe!
So here’s my story about how “I found myself” and started appreciating life in a much deeper way…
It all happened in 2003, for 4 months I lived in Tinkélé, a small village of the West African nation of Mali. I was participating in the Canada World Youth program (Québec – Mali), and lived with a host family. I taught at school, helped at the hospital, worked in the fields, learned their language – Bambara, and I experienced something new everyday.
The country and the people there had a profound effect on me.
Here are parts of what I wrote in my diary (I love writing!):
Whatever’s happening inside my body, I know my emotions are going downhill. Honestly, I’m feeling in a big state of stress…My feelings are like on a roller coaster in a popcorn machine. I’m feeling completely moved by the world and the people around me. Seeing only what they don’t have, I am horrified. How can they live with the absence of almost any supply? Basic things like toys, they have absolutely nothing to enjoy. I’m overly touched, and the thought of it produces a waterfall in my eyes. It hurts, and it’s something I can’t deny…I’m all mixed up. I am walking in a daze of blur. I feel like my mind is twenty billion miles away from my soul. It’s hard admitting that some of villagers have no access to simple basic things like pillows. I’m questioning stuff like: How can they sleep on the ground without even a sheet?
Tô and rice are what they eat on a daily basis. Refrigerated and processed foods are almost non-existent. There are no snacks and no deserts. How can they survive with almost nothing to eat? It’s shocking to see that people can live in such condition. For them, malnutrition and poverty is nothing but a tradition…
It’s extremely difficult to come up with words to describe everything. I’m questioning stuff
like how can small babies hang on to their mommies back by the smallest string? How can those people carry the whole universe on their head? Why not carry it with their hands instead?
I am observing a live play. It feels like I’m inside a theater. Those Malians are like a big piece of art. The truth is: I’m not comfortably seated in an amphitheatre. I need to realize that this is not something I am watching on my television’s screen. Nor am I reading in the National geographic magazine, it’s actually right in front of me. It’s a real scene. And this new scene is going to be my new home for the next four months, and this is reality…
How can I stay in harmony with the stream of any kinds of events that I have no control over? It’s not as if I can just ignore everything and pass over. How will I ever except the whole culture? How will I ever accept all the changes that are occurring as fast as a waterfall? It’s worst then becoming a small child again. I need to learn how to speak, eat, and all! But no matter what, I will refuse to give up on myself, anyone or anything…
By accepting certain facts, everything is becoming a lot clearer. After all, others are like mirrors. More and more, I’m starting to know my mind and its philosophy, my body and its limits…Trying my best to have a mind that is open and attached to nothing, and being non-judgmental of new situations. With self-determination, I am learning life skills by adapting to this new destination. And more and more, I’m appreciating reality, knowing it’s working on me…
Here in Tinkélé, they have almost nothing materially, but they have great spirits. In Tinkélé, I experienced many unimaginable things that could only have been imagined, or be seen in fairy-tale books. It was quite a breathtaking experience, but most of all: a heartwarming one. Tinkélé is such a beautiful fairyland…
I kept my mind interested and energetic by practicing their language – Bambara, and learning different kinds of socialization skills. And by doing so, I made many friends. They made me realize that spending time with those you love and cherishing their presence is more important than anything else in the world. Living with the villagers naturally made me build compassion.
With their small hut without electricity, no water, and other facilities we take for granted – In spite of their living conditions, they are such happy people. I guess that’s what they get from the seed of happiness they planted.
At night, I could hear crickets singing something like “You belong in Tinkélé” in the background. It was such a profound deep sound. Their echoes poured directly through my soul and it filled me with great calm. I miss the peace I experienced on this journey. Sometimes, I close my eyes and I pretend to be there again. I keep replaying and replaying those memories in my head again, and again.
While living in Tinkélé, I went through many ups and downs. Some situations made me cry, some made me laugh, it was either a white or a black moment, but it was a big eye and mind opener. I started to feel right at home despite the different culture, and atmosphere.
Learning from bad experiences is a lot better then being a victim of it, so why would I choose to be sad? By thinking peaceful thoughts, I gained peaceful emotions. And now that’s what I’ll keep bringing into every life situation.
Tinkélé helped me to go deep enough to find magical potions to fulfill my soul. There is just something about Tinkélé that separates you from the rest of the world to reflect and learn.
In my opinion, Tinkélé needs to savored, and not to be saved. It only needs to be explored.
In my heart, I know that those memories will be engraved. One of the biggest lessons I learned is that we all need that kind of village in our society in the West. And that’s the most beautiful thing I can suggest.
On a daily basis, I walked to the mosques. And there, I sat peacefully on this Earth. It kept my body and soul centered. It was my own personal and most powerful way out of negativity. It was time of private search and personal growth. It was a time to assess where I’ve been and where I’m going. It turned my mind upside down in a positive direction. I suddenly felt a new direction opening in my life, a point of interest that was increasing spiritually…
Meditation inspired me; it made me feel more alive and free. Meditation gave me strength and courage to face the challenges going on in Mali. With meditation, I started seeing the world as a mysterious and wonderful place that provides everything I need to understand my own life – my path…
One of the greatest rewards of my meditation in Mali was the sense of belonging that came to me, the feeling that if I could belong even in Africa, I could belong everywhere on this planet…And it made me realized how sometimes I can easily find the greatest solutions to my life’s deepest mysteries in that special place called: my Soul.
LIVING in another country, not just visiting, can completely change a person, but only if you let it be! It can give you an intimate understanding of what’s really going on in the real world today. For sure, you’ll go through many ups and downs, but travel of this sort can be the most rewarding experiences of a lifetime. It can be the highlight of your life. Traveling is an eye opening experience. It’s also a great way to learn about new ideas and ways of life…
By traveling, you learn a lot about yourself and the world which you live in. You learn that love comes from different places and it’s expressed in different ways. I saw over and over again how much people are alike and how it is not where you live, what you have or what language you speak, but who you are that is mostly important…We may have different everything, including skin color but we are all the same race…the human race.
When leaving your home, you can do a lot for your personal development by getting to know different cultures, people and lifestyles. You learn that each day is an adventure and you can go anywhere and do anything. I totally agree with what Saint Augustine once said: “The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only one page.”
African has their ways, and I have mine. It is often difficult to understand the problems faced in Mali, but when you have stood on their land and met its people, their problems and fears naturally become important to you too. Traveling has the potential to make one a more tolerant and compassionate person…
I was amazed by the many forms that beauty can take: Color, art, animals, smells, tastes, language, music, history, sunsets, religion, fashion, and culture. I realized that each place holds its unique quality of beauty. Traveling allowed me to consider the importance of family, friends, and of Home, from a new perspective. By living within another culture, especially a poorer one than my own, I naturally appreciate Canada more and live a more intense life…
In Mali, I had time to look at my life and what I have done and to think about what I want to do. I especially learned about what my personal values and beliefs really are, and what really matters in life…Thanks to my CWY experience, I have memories that will last forever. It was enriching, exciting, magical, and priceless! Traveling has taught me so much that no book or teacher ever could…
Travel, live life and enjoy it as much as you can. This is the conclusion that I have come to.
My passion is to practice what I preach as a therapist. How can I be effective if I don’t follow my own advice about self advocating, supporting and self love.
Happy Birthday, OSG! :D
Angela, growing up I have always had a hard time accepting me. Never felt motivated to work out to change the image that I hated and accepted mean comments from others, but still, I never changed anything to feel better and happier until I started university. My friends loved me for me and that’s when I became more comfortable with myself. I wasn’t overweight, but I wasn’t active or eating things that my body needed. And that’s when my body shut down. After being hospitalized and on predistone for 2 months, that’s when I realized I needed to step up and do something about my health because I want to live my life healthy, not crippled. When I found this blog a year ago, I was inspired to play outdoors more instead of sitting at my desk and studying all the time or on my laptop for hours. I learned to take one day at a time and not to worry about things too much, like getting into grad school or looking attractive to my boyfriend of 4 years, etc. YOu’ve also inspired me to step into the kitchen and learn how to cook. I now use cooking as my..um idk “therapy” time? It’s just where I can be alone and relax and think about things in my mind. I love these moments now. It has made me be more peaceful. I hope that you continue doing what you do best because it inspires many of us here.
My passion is helping people reach their health and fitness goals. Making small changes through out the day and empowering them with the self confidence and self love they have.
Your blog was the very first one I ever read, and I would and still do, follow daily. Congrats on all your accomplishments you are in inspiration to many. Have a fantastic day.
My passion is helping people reach their health and fitness goals. Making small changes through out the day and empowering them with the self confidence and self love they have.
Your blog was the very first one I ever read, and I would and still do, follow daily. Congrats on all your accomplishments you are in inspiration to many. Have a fantastic day.
Happy Birthday OSG!
I find passion in being a mother. My teenage daughter is a vegan with possible disordered eating and your blog has been an inspiration to me. I would even go as far as to say that her favourite vegan recipes come from your recipe page. Actually the whole family enjoys them!
This is my second year of being a triathlete and I will be running my first half marathon next year, so I also love to follow your training/racing exploits.
Good luck with your video!
Angela, your blog has actually really helped me to change my perspective of my relationship with myself and food and the way I live my life. I have had an eating disorder for 5 years that has morphed and changed into different forms much like you have experienced. It can all seem so hopeless and endless, but seeing how you have grown and conquered your ED is so comforting and inspiring, and it gives me hope. There will always be bad days, but you have shown me that there is a way out if one really persists, and I am continuing trying to work towards being in a better place. So thank you so much!
Happy 2nd Birthday, OSG!!! I really enjoy reading your blog and am very grateful for the inspiration and motivation it provides. I have struggled with self-acceptance, depression, and anxiety for many (MANY) years. I am still trying to find the missing piece of the puzzle… But, in the process, I have found plenty activities that are helping bring me closer: biking, backpacking, photography, baking, and cooking (to name a few!). I quit my job in July and started writing a vegan brownie cookbook. I hope to have a publisher and copies available next year! So, I think it’s important to engage ourselves in the activities we love in order to move toward loving ourselves too. Thanks for hosting such a generous giveaway and I hope that OSG continues well into the future!!
After having a baby, I appreciate my body in a whole new level! I have seen the most amazing thing it can do and I have a whole new respect for it!
Congratulations on 2 years! I enjoy reading your blog and seeing all your wonderful pics…keep it up for 20 more years!
I love writing too; it helps me see my problems from a different angle and it lets me creative, too, just like you said.
Dear OSG,
A very happy 2nd birthday to ya! You have no idea how important you are in my everyday life. There is never a day when I don’t come and see you. And do you know what I like most about you, the lovely display of pictures and the yummy recipes! You are my older sister since I was born 15 day after you and will alway look up to you!
Happy birthday OSG!
The Healthy Diary :)
You are amazing Angela!
Happy 2nd Birthday!!! :) Here’s to many more years of wonderful thoughts, recipes and adventures :)