Happy Olympics! yawhooo!
Sketchie had a long, hard week! ;)
Amazing response to the Glo Bar coupons yesterday- I added more and those went too.
Now onto breakfast…which was delicious oatmeal!
Quick and Easy Chia Banana Kiwi Oatmeal
Ingredients:
- 1 cup almond milk
- 1/2 cup water
- 1/2 cup regular oats
- 1 T chia seeds
- 1/2 T cashew butter
- 1 t pure vanilla extract
- pinch sea salt
- 1 ripe banana cut into chunks
Directions: Throw all ingredients into a pot and stir on high until it boils. Reduce to low temp and whip like crazy. Pour into a dish and add your desired toppings.
I enjoyed every bite!
Do Your Friends Keep Tabs On Your Weight?
The other day I was talking to a girlfriend of mine. Kara (not her real name) is upset because one of her friends makes constant comments about her weight.
I’m going to talk a bit about Kara’s situation (she gave me permission to talk about it on the blog):
Kara’s friend always asks her questions about her weight such as how much she weighs. Her friend also makes comments when they go out to eat such as ‘You are getting dessert? I thought you were a healthy eater?’ or even criticizing her for ordering a salad and soup telling her she needs to ‘stop eating like a bird’.
Kara feels very self-conscious about these comments and she isn’t quite sure what to do about it. She said that she feels like her friend is keeping tabs on her weight and is always watching and monitoring whether she is working out, eating healthy or unhealthy, or losing or gaining weight.
Kara said, ‘I am starting to feel obsessed with my weight because I have these hawk eyes on me all the time.’
‘In a way, I almost feel like I am being scrutinized like a celebrity, even though I know that what I am going through is nothing like a celebrity! I just feel like I am always being watched…and if I slip up or gain a few pounds this person is secretly happy or is going to make a comment about it. I feel like she is always waiting for me to do something wrong so she feels better about herself .’
Have you ever been in a similar situation as Kara?
Do you have friends who keep tabs on your weight or make comments about what you eat/how much you workout and turn it into a competition?
What do you do about it?
There will likely be a Part 2 of this topic as I want to add my own thoughts but this post is already a bit lengthy. :)
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Coming up on OSG a dramatic before and after of a room in our house!!!!
I get weight/eating comments a lot. Sometimes they’re pretty outrageous, e.g. “I don’t know if it’s the pants, or if you’ve gained weight..” to “you look like a cartoon character because your legs are so skinny” … apparently how I look in pants is a divisive issue. Anyway, everyone is sensitive about different things. I have “friends” who really pressure me to drink and that bothers me A LOT more than anyone who asks nosey questions about what I eat.
Yes, I’m in a similar situation. My two closest friends don’t do that. But my family and acquaintance friends are definitely like that with me. They seem to enjoy commenting about how small I am. They’re always watching what I eat and how much I eat. Comments, comments, comments. It’s quite frustrating sometimes.
There’s a difference between discussing food/fitness/body issues with girlfriends and being grilled without provocation! I hope Kara can talk with her friend about how it’s making her feel, or reevaluate whether this person is adding to or draining from her life.
Maybe this is a stupid question… do you eat kiwi fruit with the skin on? I always peel it, and seem to lose a lot of the fruit goodness in the process. It never occurred to me that it might be OK to eat!
I have a friend who kind of does the opposite thing, but with the same results (ie. it ends with ME feeling bad). She says things like, “Yeah, but you’re so much smaller than me,” and, “Oh come on, admit it, you have a way better body than I do”. It just makes me feel bad. It’s a backhanded compliment for sure.
I think in general women tend to compare themselves to one another and as a result keep track of other’s eating and activity decisions. I think sometimes, women see someone eating what they think is too much or too little and get anxious as if their friend’s decision somehow reflects on their own…does that make sense? I’m sure it’s not healthy behavior but I know people (including myself) who have been guilty of it in the past.
Kara’s friend needs to grow up. She’s acting like a high school student. I do sometimes get comments about my weight (which is in a perfectly healthy range), but mostly I get comments about how much I exercise. (Usually about 6 days a week for 1-2 hours.) I know this is more than the average person, but I LIKE exercising. On days where I exercise over an hour, I’m usually doing something low impact like yoga for half of it. I’m in a healthy weight range, I’ve never been injured, and I eat enough food to fuel my body. As long as exercise isn’t hindering my relationships or my work life…leave me alone!
I get generalized comments about eating and weight from family and friends, but mostly it is because of being vegan. I hear the “eating like a bird, rabbit, etc” comment quite a bit. I don’t really care about this kind of thing because I love my eating lifestyle; it’s my favorite part of being me. Weird, I know! :-P
I do have one friend who makes comments when she thinks that I have lost weight. She approaches me and while grabbing “excess fabric” will say something like, “those pants? You can’t wear them anymore” or “you’ve lost weight again”. It’s awkward and I really never know what to say other than that I do not think that I have lost weight. We all go up and down a bit over the course of months and years and by scrutinizing our weight, we become obsessed with it.
Two months ago someone who was at my June wedding said to me that I looked MUCH healthier now than I did then. She said this while giving me that look as though I was skin and bones on my wedding day! I was certainly not anything close to that, I assure you! So it was that I was too skinny on my wedding day (btw, thanks for telling me that you think that I looked like crud on the happiest day of my life!) or that I have gained weight (thanks for pointing that out!) It was really odd and all I could think of was…. I have no response to that.
Words are powerful, people!! No one should let their own self esteem issues or whatever negatively impact others. Think before you speak!
The next time her friend says something, I think that Kara should very nicely say that she has a healthful view of food, weight and eating habits and that comments about it can possibly derail these efforts. That might get her friend to understand that what she is saying is hurtful.
I am a recovered anorexic, and one of my friends is constantly commenting on what I eat and my weight. It was worse at the beginning of my recovery – telling me I should eat more, etc – and has gradually gotten better. I know she was only looking out for me which I really appreciate, but it was very frustrating. She, too, has had eating disorders in the past and I felt like she had no right to tell me what I should be doing. It was also difficult because recovery is a process. There were days when maybe I wasn’t doing everything exactly right, but I still felt like I needed to be making these decisions on my own.
Now (about 3 years later) I have fully recovered and even battled being slightly overweight. It was especially difficult to try to lose weight around my friends since it included behavior that had gotten me into trouble in the past. I’ve recently just decided to take on the mind set that I know my body better than anyone else, and that if I know that I am being healthy I shouldn’t care about what other people think.
Does anyone that is new to the blog world find that reading food blogs has gotten them a little grief from friends? All these new foods and recipes made my friends a little uneasy since food was such an issue in my past. But after realizing that I am eating well and enjoying cooking finally, I’ve gotten my friends in on it too! Talking about the blogs and foods has actually been a great bonding experience for us. So thanks!!
That girl is not Kara’s friend. I can’t believe that someone would say such ugly things to her. I think that in talking to our friends, the word “weight” should never be used! If one of my friends looks great, I tell them, “You look fantastic!” I never say, “You look like you’ve lost weight!” Women need to be reassured that we’re wonderful, not that they are at someone else’s ideal weight.
There are a few people that really put pressure on me as far as workouts go. They’re always asking if I went to the gym, how far I went, etc. If I worked out for a while it was too long but if I had a quick workout they say “that’s unlike you, are you getting lazy?”. It makes me want to not go at all, to be honest!!
People always project their own insecurities onto others… but even if you know it while they’re doing it, it’s still obnoxious as hell! Talk about awkward. I think Kara ought to say something, kindly, about how she feels self-conscious bc her friend is always commenting on her food choices/weight. If it doesn’t stop, she shouldn’t get food with her, plain and simple. Doesn’t seem like a healthy relationship anyway. I’ve been in this situation. Sucks. Also with family members… harder to get out of that tangle :/
That’s horrible!!! I don’t think that person she be called a ‘friend’! Friends are supposed to love and support you for who you are not what weight you are. I’m appalled by that.
I have never had friends keep tabs on my weight. I was an in patient in an eating disorder facility when I was in high school and after I went back to school people asked me about ‘it’ and make some comments which hurt my feelings at the time but in reality we were all just young and while my friends were trying to be supportive and understand they just did not. Family however is a different matter. Both grandmothers always had something to say about my fluctuating weight and how much bigger I was than my siblings. And I remember aunts and uncles saying the occasional disrespectful comment. My mother and family still to this day comment on my weigh and I am in my 30’s! Some things never change… Great topic by the way.
I DO have friends and family make comments but I think it is out of genuine concern. I struggled with an eating disorder in my teens and had to go live in a special facility for a while because I had become so unhealthy. My weight does fluctuate a bit, and whenever I look even a bit thinner, some people (family mostly) panic and ask nosey questions…But I honestly just think that they are concerned I’m relapsing.
I have had one friend make “observations” about my eating.(she’s a blunt, forward person, and sometimes she says things not meaning to be hurtfull, but doesn’t realize how it can come across)I just told her right then and there how I felt about it and why it’s not appreciated and it was over. She appologized, and we’ve never had an issue since. We’re very close, and she is an extremely good friend. I think Kara should talk to this girl and tell her how innapropriate she is being. She may not even realize she’s doing it, or thee may be some other underlying issues. If they are friends, they should be able to talk it out.
I think the reason something like this happens in the first place is that society almost teaches us, as women, to see each other as COMPETITORS. So instead of supporting or encouraging one another, too often we find ourselves criticizing and trying to pull each other down. It doesn’t surprise me at all that this happens in the context of healthy eating, as healthy eating is inherently tied to things like weight and appearance – areas where women are socialized to be especially competitive.
I feel like women as a whole gender need to find ways of uniting – of coming together – instead of seeing each other as competition.
A few people do comment on my weight…
-My BFF/coworker. We’re seeing the same nutritionist, work out together and see each other’s number on the scale every week! We’re supportive of one another though, and try to help the other make good choices (when one person’s will power fades, hopefully the other’s will step up!) I don’t mind this at all. I also have some other friends who are trying to lose weight and we’ll make positive comments to each other like, “Looking good!” but unless you’re sweating with them in the gym, my opinion is that you shouldn’t comment on their weight.
-Other coworkers, usually women. I usually eat pretty healthy, but occasionally I like to eat things like pasta or treats. And occasionally a catty coworker will say something like, “Oh that smells delicious! But it has SOOOO many calories.” That bothers me–if they don’t want to eat it, don’t eat it. Just mention that it smells good and leave it at that. If I want to eat it, I’m going to eat it and don’t need their commentary on the amount of calories.
The “friend” of Kara’s is probably self-conscious about her own lifestyle
I definitely had a friend during high school who saw my weight loss as a threat. She was actually my best friend at the time, but quickly became a non-friend. I remember that she sent me an angry e-mail stating that i look like i’m from a 3rd world country and about to die. I found out after graduation that she was struggling with bulimia herself, which is why she was so focused on other people’s diets/appearances SO analy. I wish I were more patient with her and knew more about ED’s so I could have helped her.
I do have a friend who is like Kara’s friend, except she makes comments on how I am able to eat so much and never gain a lot of weight. That bothers me because I’m training for a race so therefore am running a lot and need to support my body. She also comments when I decide on “healthy” things when we go out. I understand women compare but I think we should all be more supportive of eachother!
I have one particular friend who slips in comments about my eating and exercise habits whenever she can, and I think a lot of it stems from dissatisfaction with her own habits. If we go out and I don’t drink, she enjoys telling strangers that it’s because I’m “healthy.” And not in a proud, bragging way. If we go through McDonald’s and I get something to eat, she’s quick to say how surprised she is. Despite the fact that I indulge almost every single time. If I order a salad and a restaurant, she’ll say “Oh, I knew you were going to get that.” It used to really bother me, and for a while I thought I hated her. But once my mom pointed out that it probably is due to her own insecurities, I let it all go. I make my choices for ME, not to impress anyone else. At the end of the day, we go to sleep in our own bodies, and if she’s happy with her choices, I’m glad for her, but I’m especially glad for myself.