Happy Olympics! yawhooo!
Sketchie had a long, hard week! ;)
Amazing response to the Glo Bar coupons yesterday- I added more and those went too.
Now onto breakfast…which was delicious oatmeal!
Quick and Easy Chia Banana Kiwi Oatmeal
Ingredients:
- 1 cup almond milk
- 1/2 cup water
- 1/2 cup regular oats
- 1 T chia seeds
- 1/2 T cashew butter
- 1 t pure vanilla extract
- pinch sea salt
- 1 ripe banana cut into chunks
Directions: Throw all ingredients into a pot and stir on high until it boils. Reduce to low temp and whip like crazy. Pour into a dish and add your desired toppings.
I enjoyed every bite!
Do Your Friends Keep Tabs On Your Weight?
The other day I was talking to a girlfriend of mine. Kara (not her real name) is upset because one of her friends makes constant comments about her weight.
I’m going to talk a bit about Kara’s situation (she gave me permission to talk about it on the blog):
Kara’s friend always asks her questions about her weight such as how much she weighs. Her friend also makes comments when they go out to eat such as ‘You are getting dessert? I thought you were a healthy eater?’ or even criticizing her for ordering a salad and soup telling her she needs to ‘stop eating like a bird’.
Kara feels very self-conscious about these comments and she isn’t quite sure what to do about it. She said that she feels like her friend is keeping tabs on her weight and is always watching and monitoring whether she is working out, eating healthy or unhealthy, or losing or gaining weight.
Kara said, ‘I am starting to feel obsessed with my weight because I have these hawk eyes on me all the time.’
‘In a way, I almost feel like I am being scrutinized like a celebrity, even though I know that what I am going through is nothing like a celebrity! I just feel like I am always being watched…and if I slip up or gain a few pounds this person is secretly happy or is going to make a comment about it. I feel like she is always waiting for me to do something wrong so she feels better about herself .’
Have you ever been in a similar situation as Kara?
Do you have friends who keep tabs on your weight or make comments about what you eat/how much you workout and turn it into a competition?
What do you do about it?
There will likely be a Part 2 of this topic as I want to add my own thoughts but this post is already a bit lengthy. :)
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Coming up on OSG a dramatic before and after of a room in our house!!!!
That girl is not her friend, or she has major self esteem issues… connect to her own weight. Poor Kara!
I have friends and relatives that comment on my weight here and there, but nothing out of the ordinary. It is not uncommon overseas to be completely blunt to someone about their weight, and I noticed my cousins abroad comment more than the ones here. I think nothing of it because I know that my weight fluctuates a bit, and whether they say I look thin or a little full, I take it with a grain of salt.
NO! Thankfully my friends do not make open comments about my weight, my diet, or my workouts. That would screw with my mind big time!! If anything, they encourage eating more freely and being a little less regimented about working out and eating healthy.
hope her friends are reading your blog and all the comments so they realize the impact of their words.
I was just wondering if you had still been eating oatmeal! :)
I have had some friends keep tabs on my weight. Unfortunately, I think it stems from doing fitness competitions, because after the show when a few pounds are put back on, they don’t understand, you know?? They thing I ‘look so good,’ but it isn’t a healthy weight to maintain. There is also some added pressure on me from being a trainer, and I have never been thin in my life. I think ‘new’ friends are surprised to learn that I am a trainer because I don’t always look as lean as certain trainers do.
I grew up my entire life hearing snide remarks about my weight, even if they weren’t meant to be hurtful. I went to a very small school, and distinctly remember a boy I liked telling my friend that I ‘didn’t have the best figure.’
I think as we grow and learn who true friends are and what it all means, that this changes. I feel more comfortable in my own skin and have true friends that don’t judge me. If they do, they aren’t really friends.
Wow, I read this and thought “thank GOODNESS I have never had a friend like that.” I think Kara should consider spending a little less time with this so-called friend. In fact I wondered, as I read it, why she did spend her time and energy on someone who clearly is not looking out for her best interests?
My friends have always been supportive to one another about their weight. I work as a weight loss coach, and I’ve occassionally had friends ask for me for help, but I’ve purposefully tried to never make them feel uncomfortable about their food choices, exercise prefereneces or bodies. Girlfriends needs to uplift and encourage one another! That’s what we’re here for.
Oh my goodness, yes I have friends like that!!! Where I feel like it is a contest to eat the healthiest, which can lead to depriving myself of what I really want and making me uncomfortable to go out to eat with people!
I try really hard to not let it get to me and try surround myself with loving people who don’t care what I put in my body, but how I feel. I just want friends that make me happy, not ones that cause me to doubt myself.
Great idea for a post. I don’t feel like any of my friends or family keep tabs on my weight. I’m sure they would notice if I gained or lost a lot but day to day they don’t seem concerned or interested. If anything I am the one who talks the most about healthy eating and working out. I can see how “Kara” would feel an enormous amount of stress and pressure from her friend. I hope she has a great body image and just lets it roll off her back!
Oddly enough, when I went through what Kara’s going through, I was still in elementary school-so, very young. As an adult, my friends look to me for motivation and inspiration. Back to elementary school–my good friend Rachel and I were always arguing over something. We shared the same bus stop, and I would get dropped off at her house and she would get picked up in front of my house. Anyway–we were close in height and size, but had different shapes. We would pick on each other, especially as we got closer to ages 11 and 12-you’re fatter than me, you can’t fit into these shorts, that shirt is too small, you don’t have any boobs. Fast forward through high school and college–and now we’re 27–and yeah, she admits to blowing up the size of King Kong–it’s very, very sad. I do NOT pick on her today; I don’t bring up anything about food or exercise–she often does, and I just listen. We like to meet up and get Greek food and I ALWAYS overeat–I catch her staring or looking at my plate, but I know I’ve counted it into my intake, OR, decided I don’t care that day ;-) LOL
I say ignore the friend or ditch her completely. That kind of friend wouldn’t work for me today–too busy, with too much on my plate. I’m sorry people go through this, though! I say be strong, stand tall, and do your thing.
My real friends are really great–no comments about my eating and only positive things to say when they do comment! However, I’ve been on the receiving end of family grief based on weight issues before. Prime example: for years, the first thing my grandfather would ask when I’d call him was “Have you lost that weight yet?”, and the first topic of conversation with a few family members is always who’s gotten bigger/what a shame that is/etc. You just have to change the subject (with family), but if I had friends that did that sort of thing, I’d honestly have to change friends!
Wow! I couldn’t imagine having a friend constantly make comments like that. Generally, in my friendships if something is a sticking point, we are open enough to talk about it with the other person.
Yes! I had a friend just like this throughout college and shortly after. I must say I was a bit obsessed with my weight then and still a little bit now. After college I realized this friend was not good for my self-esteem or my well being. We slowly lost touch because I didn’t like how she made me feel. Honestly, I fear running into her today because I’m not the size 0 I was in college. Friends like this are not true friends.
Thankfully I’ve never had friends like that. the most I get is if I’m trying to limit myself to 2 cookies instead of 12, they say “oh but you don’t need to worry about that.” haha they don’t seem to understand that nobody needs to eat 12 cookies, regardless of whether you are thin or not. (although I’ve been known to go overboard on many an occasion).
I had friends like that in high school. My sophomore year I decided to clean up my eating and boost my exercise and as a result I dropped some weight and was looking pretty good. Of course, my friends noticed and a couple of them began makin comments, started exercising, and were basically daring me to keep up with them. Luckily, I stayed out of it, but I did lose those girls as friends. I still have friends who ask about my habits, but now they ask more as a way to get ideas for their own food and exercise plans.
I think this is really common with women. Though I’ve never experienced it, I know friends who’ve tried to make lifestyle changes and catch a lot of flack from friends. It so obviously stems from insecurity with one’s own lifestyle–and I feel so bad for Kara!
wow … no way.. my friends would NEVER make comments like that. Unless I’ve lost a ton of weight and they say good job or congratz or something…as long as i’m happy with myself they are happy!
I see that aalll the time…and i’ll confess…sometimes I do it too. NOT THAT BADLY, but sometimes I find myself watching what my friends or eating or nothing their lack of exercise/healthy eating choices. I never say things, but perhaps it’s the stupid “competitive nature” we women are basically forced to have with regards to health/weight. Argh, I feel so bad now! I never even really noticed I was doing it until I read this article !
Angela, you read my heart! I have been struggling with this with a “new” friend for the past year. We worked together and I met my boyfriend through her and her husband. She is overweight and very unhealthy. Constantly doing the “wrong” things to lose weight and not understanding why she doesn’t lose it. I never criticize her about her weight (I wouldn’t do that to anyone who is overweight) and knowing she has low confidence, I try to compliment her as much as possible.
Unfortunately, women’s jealous sides come into play, and when we are out with other friends, she’ll make negative comments on how skinny I am and how she hates me for it. She makes it seem like she’s kidding, but it really hurts my feelings and makes me sad for her at the same time. I eat like a pig and she’ll comment on how she hates me and I can eat whatever I want and not get fat. Why the negativity? “Skinny” to me means unhealthy and I don’t want to be compared to unhealthy.
I also have other friends who I don’t see often, that the first thing they do is say how skinny I look. Why do we have to compliment each other on what shapes our bodies are? Why can’t women compliment each other on other things? Like “heard you kicked ass in that project at work, great job!”. Anyway, it’s so wonderful to know that others feel the same way!
I COMPLETELY sympathize with her! Unfortunately, when I started working out regularly and having a more healthy and balanced diet (and losing a few pounds), a lot of friends and family did the exact same thing to me. Also unfortunately, I gave in to the combined weight of their judgments and a lot of my healthy habits went out the window and the weight I was able to lose came right back. It was very frustrating but it taught me a lesson and now I’m back on track to lose the weight again…without falling prey to their comments.
Great post, Angela! First of all, I feel sorry for Kara– I can’t imagine having a friend make so many comments on what I eat. Just typing that sounds weird.
I think Kara’s friend has some real issues with herself, not Kara. She must be pretty self-conscious about her weight or eating habits. That said, she shouldn’t push it off on Kara. Perhaps Kara can find a polite, respectful, but assertive way to tell her to back off! It must be really difficult to have a friendship like that. Sending Kara my best!
Luckily, I don’t have any friends or family who comment on what I eat in a negative way. If I ever say, “I should probably skip dessert because I had those fries yesterday,” my friends or hubby will say, “What are talking about? You look great! Now live a little.”
I agree that this girl probably isn’t the greatest friend, and definitely has her own body image issues. She is taking them out on Kara to make herself feel better. Poor Kara!
I have never had a friend that actually comments on my weight or asks how much I weigh. But I HAVE had friends who have body image issues (and I have suffered from them myself) and there have always been events that are much less “obvious”; much more passive. They were never about someone being overweight, but rather if someone was acting disordered. Sometimes just talking about a workout would make someone jealous or want to go and beat how far she ran. Eating out with a group of women can be tough…if one person orders a salad, everyone immediately feels guilty for wanting the plate of pasta, or a dessert. I feel that friends don’t put pressure on you to exercise or eat like a bird, but when you see other people do it you put pressure on yourself.
My best friends in the world are the ones I can eat anything with, or can miss a day at the gym, and they don’t comment; it just DOESN’T MATTER to them. If we are going to beat disordered eating or body image issues for our future daughters, we just have to STOP talking about it. If someone loses 100 lbs, obviously that is a huge accomplishment to celebrate, but I don’t think its worth celebrating picking a salad over a delicious creamy shrimp alfredo if it is the alfred you reeeeeally wanted. For me it is more important to be happy than to care about what everyone else thinks.
You didn’t ask if we are the ones watching our friends weight?
I think it is very much the girls low self-esteem issues coming out and constantly asking kara about her food intake. she is comparing herself to her. which is really said she should just go about life and enjoy their time together. My advice to kara step away from this person for awhile and maybe get back together after a few weeks and see if anything has changed…if not confront her about it.
On the other hand though…when you have a group of close girlfriends I think at some point it weight comparison is an issue, even if there is nothing said out loud.