Do Your Friends Keep Tabs On Your Weight?

I have a friend who always comments on her own weight now that she has gotten skinny (too skinny in fact…115 at 5’8″ is no good!). Anyways, on occasion she will ask me about my weight and I have told her numerous times that I don’t know or care about my weight because I just care about looking like I’m fit and BEING fit. It bothers me that she puts so much emphasis on it and sometimes I do feel like she is keeping tabs on my weight. I even felt embarrassed when I saw her the other week because I had put on weight since she had seen me last. And even tough I’ve done that in order to get pregnant I felt like I was judged and that I had to justify why I was bigger. One thing that has shut her up more than before though is when I told her that I want people to know I work for my body, not that I starve for it.

Poor girl, that’s messed up. I’ve definitely had friends act like that too, though, like making me feel guilty for not getting dessert or having a healthy entree, or vice versa, especially now that I have my healthy food blog. It basically just comes down to jealousy on their part – feeling like they can’t control their own eating habits so they have to criticize yours. Gotta let it roll off your shoulders. It doesn’t matter what others think as long as you feel good both mentally and physically about what you’re putting into your body!

Yeah, this is a loaded topic… And it is disheartening to see how many women bring down other women :(. I haven’t had too many people comment on my weight, but the few times they have literally orbit in my mind ALL THE TIME. Like, years and years later. I remember my uncle told me once, probably five years ago at this point, that I would look good if I just got rid of that gut. I remember I randomly lost weight during the summer before college (just from running around and partying too much I guess) and my mother saying, Wow you look good. It becomes this mantra in your head, this belief: thinner is better, thinner is better. And it drives you crazy and makes you unhappy — and obviously can make some people lash out at their friends because of how miserable they feel.

PS – Sketchie has been working too hard! Time for a vacay :) He’s so cute.

From the facts posted, I can’t even understand how Kara can consider this woman a friend. I would stay far away from this woman! We should surround ourselves with people that make us feel good — life is too short to deal with negative people. On the other hand, if Kara really wants this person to be her friend then she needs to confront her about her feelings.

Losing a lot of weight from an unhealthy weight for my height made me realize that there’s a very thin line (no pun intended) between people congratulating you and people telling you you look ridiculous/need more food in you/”why are you getting the salad?”

I think its natural to deal with our own body image issues by comparing ourselves to other women. And who doesn’t have body issues? Even us who are most comfortable in our skin still have our days where we just don’t like what we see. I feel like body image issues are something that all women can understand and relate to. I think Kara should be able to talk to her friend and discuss the situation. In the end they could both benefit. Kara would feel like self-conscious and maybe her friend will get a chance to talk about her own issues concerning body image and weight.

I have one particular friend that DRIVES ME CRAZY by constantly making comments about my weight / body! She herself has severe self-esteem issues, so I am not sure if her regular comments toward me are something she feels that every friend should offer or what.
Lately she’s said “You look like you’ve lost weight,” every time she sees me. I attribute this to a new pair of jeans (darker in color), the fact that I only see her once a month or less, and maybe just general changes in attire. I definitely take it with a grain of salt, and when she tells me this I just try and change the subject.
She does constantly bug me about exercise – I am her maid of honor in her wedding about 2 months from today – the worst she’s ever done was comment on my Facebook page (for all of my friends / contacts to see) about – “Hey, why weren’t you at the gym? When are you going to work out?” which was totally rude of her.

Thankfully my friends are all pretty chill about what they eat, but they do stress about the way they look.– like spending hours getting ready and changing clothes multiple times instead of actually leaving the house and having fun… I’d rather not spend hours in front of the mirror curling my hair and they give me a hard time about not wanting to primp for as long as them..Great post, it really made me think. Happy Olympics!

My friends NEVER do that, but my sister in law sounds exactly like Kara’s friend… I HATE IT. She totally gives me a hard time for eating lots of veggies (“rabbit food diet”) and she’ll often comment about how she likes to “eat real food” and how “she can’t eat nothing like I do”… and this is when I have a hugh jass salad and she’s having a bowl of ice cream with chocolate sauce… She is very thin and I think my wieght loss (90lbs) makes her insecure. (obv) She’s always right there to let me know how she thinks my progress is coming… if it has slowed etc. AND she constantly asks me my weight. I caught her once trying to see what size my jeans were and I said “they’re a size 12… I know… HUGE aren’t they?!” .. She became very embarrased and then kept trying to tell me how she thinks I don’t look “that big”… *sigh*

As you can see from my novel, this post spoke to me. Kind of feels good to vent about it! :) Thanks Ange!

I totally have a “friend” like that, too! Once, she told me that she had a dream that I lost weight, and that she was so mad at me for it! It felt like she was threatening to not be my friend if I ever got skinnier than her…

I’ve noticed that most people who are critical of what others eat, and how much weight they lose or gain, are typically just very self-conscious of themselves. I think they’re afraid your healthy choices are making them look bad! I have learned to let it go with my certain friend, but it took me a while!

i think all of us have had friends like Kara…the best thing to do is to confront them abt it…telling them how you feel!! Good Luck!!

Ange–was wondering if you read that 3 of the top 5 liveable cities in the world as ranked by ‘The Economist’ are Canadian!! ye yaaaaay….represent!!
1. Vancouver
4. Toronto
5. Calgary

As a registered dietitian working in a hospital, I can totally relate to your friend’s comments. My coworkers and I get comments if we eat dessert (“Ooh, the dietitians are eating cake! I thought you always ate healthy!), but then we also get comments if we’re having salad for lunch (“All you girls eat is salad! That’s how you stay so trim!) We also get people defending their food choices to us. It’s almost like they feel as if we are “catching” them with that tray of french fries of slice of pizza… as if we are judging them or something (which is totally not true, we are not the food police!). Most of the comments are all in “good fun,” but it gets frustrating because we can’t win either way! Oh well, can’t please everyone I guess! I’m loving the discussion you got going and am looking forward to part 2!

Oh my gosh I totally get this! Girls in high school are constantly talking about it. When I was in the depths of my eating disorder girls would say, “You are scary skinny!” and that didn’t help at all. Or once at a friend’s house we were eating candy and the same girl looked at a bag of candy and said “Oh my gosh this has 8g of saturated fat!” I mean, hello, it’s candy! But once in a while is fine!

I don’t really have anyone in my life who makes it much of a competition, although people are constantly commenting on how thin I am – and how my body has been changing since I started working out. What I do have is my boyfriend, who notices literally every weight fluctuation, and he’ll tell me (sometimes not-so-tactfully) that I’ve gained or lost weight. It kind of gave me a complex for a while until I talked to him about it. Now he’s figuring out how to say it nicely.

Yeah, I do have friends who make comments on how I eat, and it drive me bonkers. I love my friends dearly but sometimes it really makes me feel sad to hear some comments from them.
However, the ones that I felt the worse and who always commented with a tone of jealousy I simply slowly walked away from. It is somewhat sad, but it was definitely not doing me any good being around them, and I feel much better now without their presence, thank you very much!
The one thing I hate to hear is “oh, I so wish I could eat like you” or the worse ones “you are so lucky to have a nice body, you can eat as much ice cream you want”…. arghhhhh!!! Wait, wait, my body may look good, but I DO WORK HARD FOR IT!! I treat myself well and my body with the respect it deserves. I eat healthy, I get enough sleep, and I exercise. I didn’t get where I am out of nowhere, my at least 3 days a week at the gym are very accountable into my shape!
It is like people don’t see these aspects when they comment about other people’s body or way of eating. I hate hearing those kind of comments from people who don’t do a thing, who don’t move themselves and and who eat poorly (and they always have an excuse for eating like that way, have you noticed that?!!!).
I wish people would think before they say anything, some comments are really hurtful.
Anyways, love your blog and the topics you always bring up, it is so cool to see others opinions on the subject and see that you are not the only one affected out there. It make me feel a little better!! :o)
And that oatmeal looks great with the kiwi slices on top! I made some oats yesterday just like that, looooove the chia seeds in my oats, so good!
Ana

Sometimes I feel like my dad does that!! How annoying. I definitely feel uncomfortable eating certain things in front of him.
I must know, what do the skins of the kiwi taste like. I’m too scared to eat them that way in fear of the fully sensation.

I’m in pretty much the same situation right now but with my mother-in-law! Whenever my husband and I eat with them she always comments on what I’m eating like why my salad fills up most of my plate, why I am not the meat, why did I have so little of dessert or none at all? It’s driving me mad, I know how to take care of my body and I know what it needs I don’t need someone to tell me that I eat too many veggies and not enough dessert! I honestly have no idea how to deal with it, usually I just ignore her haha!

i was thinking about this post at the hairdressing!

i have to echo what someone else said – i hate it when people talk about how “lucky” i am to be a healthy weight. like it’s something that happened accidentally???

bottom line is you need to be thoughtful when you talk to someone about weight.

Fortunately, the only people who make comments about my weight are my dad and brothers. They think I am too “thin” and that I should eat a “cheeseburger.” They really don’t understand the whole vegetarian diet (although I weigh the same as I did when I ate meat).

I think that if Kara really values this friendshp, she should talk to her friend about the comments that she is making. She should let her know that it bothers her, and that it makes her feel insecure. Kara’s friend is obviously insecure about her own weight and eating habits. Perhaps laying it out on the table can help them have a healthier relationship, and perhaps her friend will also begin to feel less secure if it no longer an issue.

I do not have any friends who comment negatively about my weight.If anything they say I’m skinny…they’re kind ;)
My Mother constantly does though. She’ll walk passed me and say hmm you look like you’ve gained weight, or that shirt shows all terrible things on you; Those types of comments. But My BMI is 19.9….and she’s overweight so I really don’t care what she says ;)

One more thought:
“Hurt people, Hurt People”
Kara’s friend is clearly hurting about her weight…

Hey
I don’t comment on here much..but i follow (every day!!) . I love your topics ..theyre so meaningful ..This really hit the spot I have a aunt who i stay with almost every weekend who does this exact same thing! its come to the point that I make excuses not to go to her place..Its just that as someone with a ED ..thats not what you need.
Its scary how women and often boys must deal with critics ..all the same while trying to be a strong and succesful person.

I have a friend who always says that she is gonna get so fat when she visits me…like I eat like crap or something. It’s just the fact that I eat healthfully — therefore I can eat more!! haha I know she doesn’t mean it as an insult to me — it’s more that she is insecure with her own weight — but still geeesh.

I see that more often than I would like to confess. I think Kara’s friend has some issues she needs to deal with, but can’t find the correct way to talk about it/discuss it.

Yes my friends keep tabs on my weight! It’s horrible!! I think it has something to do with that horrible innate need females seem to have to compete with other females. I don’t understand why my weight affects anybody but me. I understand a heartfelt comment if somebody is endangering their health, but on a day to day basis? Get over it! If I eat something healthy they say something about how I don’t eat and I should eat more, and if I eat a ton or something unhealthy I usually get a rude comment about what I ‘must go do later.’ If only everyone could support each other :( I just ignore it tho- I take care of my body the way I want to!

I was recently asked several times in one week how much I weighted and it made me really uncomfortable. My grandparents often comment on different family member’s weight without realizing they’re being offensive and I find it a sensitive issue.

People ALWAYS make comments on how much I eat. I am a grazer and truly need to eat about every hour. Usually healthy things like apples, almonds, carrot sticks, yogurt. But nevertheless I get “You’re eating AGAIN?” I would never comment on someone’s eating habits like that!

I typically don’t keep “friends” like that around for very long.

I can’t stand friends like that! I wouldn’t even call that a friend- clearly a frienemy! I used to have a friend that was not only critical about the way I looked but also took pleasure when bad things happened to me- which always made me feel worse. After years of this weird friendship I finally opened my eyes and decided she wasn’t a healthy friend for me and I would be better off without her. I know it sounds cruel but some people are just toxic and if they can’t learn to love themselves they will hate you to make them feel better. I say give her an ultimatum- either she is supportive of your healthy lifestyle or hits the road jack!

Ugh that makes me so mad I could just spit. Your friend Kara (or whatever her real name may be) should not feel any pressure what so ever, because it sounds like your other friend has insecurties. I find it funny how people wont comment when someone is overweight or overeating, but if your eating healthful foods its fair game.

Geese.

Oh and yummy oatmeal! :)

I noticed in your picture that your kiwi has the skin on it. Do you always eat the skin?

Thankfully I don’t really have any friends who keep up with my weight and such. At least not to my knowledge ;) I live at home with my parents so sometimes my mom will make comments. She asks a lot if I plan on working out and the other night I had a big serving of Fritos (which are thankfully never really in the house because those are like crack for me) and she said “Well, that’s not very healthy.” It kind of gets on my nerves but I just let it roll off my back.

I have a friend who is like that. Every time we go out she always has something to say either about what I’m eating or something about the gym. What drives me the most crazy is that it’s like she is talking down to me. It’s very annoying and unfortunely I have had to stop spending as much time with her because she can be a very negative influence.

I’m a freshman in college and instead if gaining weight like my friends I have lost weight from running daily. I get a lot of comments on my size and I feel like I’m put in the role of the “healthy skinny girl” a lot. My friends will sometimes mimic what I eat or ask me to list for them what I eat in a day. It’s strange because I don’t like discussing weight much, but it’s sort of forced on me and I do feel watched sometime. I feel like I have a healthy relationship with fitness and food, but my friend’s obsessions can make it hard to maintain a normal perspective.

Hey, I rarely comment, that doesn’t mean I don’t love your site LOL… but this topic is familiar to me… 1st, y suffered from an eating disorder when I was 15 through 16… and after I recovered and my last two years of high school, one of my good friends was just how you describe Kara’s friend… all day and night figuring out what I was eating, how much, how much i gained or lost… we used to do diets together and exercise together but later I got so fed up with it. At the end, I ended up not being such good friends with her anymore because I noticed that she was like this especially in this aspect of my life, but she also speculated all my life as well. She liked to gossip and that’s why I ended up having a fight with her one day. Ultimately I decided it was healthier for me to stay away from her for a bit. I felt monitored all the time and it can drive you crazy.

This is a very interesting topic. Generally people don’t comment but some of my friends have commented, when my weight got too low, out of concern. I think generally, though, comments like the ones your friend was receiving are a reflection of the commentor’s own insecurities that she had been eating badly/didn’t like her own body, etc. People focus on others’ to deflect what is going on with themselves!

Kara’s friend seems kind-of not nice. :( I have a couple of girlfriends that I talk about weight with. But not really judging, just checking up. We are all concerned about our weight/health, so it becomes a natural thing to talk about…how our eating is going, how we are doing with workouts, etc..and we’ll share advice if someone asks. Its like a support system :) Totally non-judging.

I really think (not all of you great bloggers!) people should be careful when they talk about other people’s weight- and what right do we have to be so personal and hurtful? It sounds corny, but there are enough bad things going on in the world- Haiti, kidnappings, losing our troops in Afghanistan, than to generate more pain ourselves. Do people not know how lucky we are to be so comfortable as to actually have time and energy to do this to our friends rather than hoping the harvests won’t fail? Also, you never, never know what is going on with someone- they may put on weight because of clinical depression or an underactive thyroid, or be struggling with losing weight because of as yet undiagnosed Celiac (as I was), or Crohn’s disease, or even cancer. Also, we aren’t necessarily eating ‘salads’ and such and exercising to control weight, just maybe we might be doing it to give us a longer and healthier life, or reduce our stress levels. Theres an old fashioned word that seems to have gone by the wayside- respect! Just a couple of thoughts- bloggers you are a refuge from all the nastiness out there!

This has happened to me throughout my life. Most recently from a co-worker who would comment on my lunches and how “skinny” I was all the time. I eat healthy and workout, and I got the sense she felt guilty about not being able to make good choices when it came to avoiding fast food and exercising like I was – not that it mattered one bit to me what she did! A family member also has to comment on everyone’s weight. Everytime I see her she says something about my husband and I and how “fit” we are. I have been the same size give or take a few pounds since we first met, and my husband is exactly the same as when I first met him! I just try to change the subject with her because it can make me uncomfortable sometimes, but she always finds a way to keep talking about weight(hers, mine, and others), working out, and food with me. It’s frustrating, but I take comfort in the fact that I am more secure with these issues then her at a much younger age.

great post–very thought-provoking. my friends have commented if i look good (which is usually when i’m at my skinniest.) my parents/fam sometimes say when i look too thin but other than that, no. i’ve never had a bf or anyone make a comment like that.

when I know that i’ve gained weight though, subconsciously i wonder if people are thinking ‘she’s gained weight’ but aren’t telling me. even if it’s not even that much, but i feel different, i sometimes worry if people are thinking it.

I’ve never really had a friend that critiques my weight, but I do have a lady I work with that always has to comment on what I eat. If we have donuts come in for a birthday, she’ll immediately say that I won’t have one because I’m on a diet. Or she comments that my Green Monsters look disgusting (all the time!). Or, if I’m eating something like a black bean brownie (which looks totally decadent), she’ll be like, “You’re eating a brownie? How many calories is that?” and then be totally turned off when I say it’s made with black beans.

It can get really annoying.

I’m happy about my relationship with my husband because he’ll actually try anything I make, no matter how weird or how utterly healthy it looks. I love it! And if I have a dinner of tofu with lots of veggies, he doesn’t say anything about me being too healthy, and if I have a dinner of spaghetti and meatballs with a side of garlic bread, he doesn’t say anything about me veering away from my diet.

I think some people don’t realize that it’s not a diet, but a lifestyle change – I’m allowed to have a brownie, or a donut, or carbs carbs carbs once in a while. If I feel like I’m deprived all the time, it’s not really living, right?

K

I find that when people criticize others, it’s often the insecurities they feel about themselves. It’s the same concept as put downs. You don’t make someone feel bad when you feel so good. You make someone feel bad when you feel bad about yourself so in a sense you are elevating yourself and “making” yourself feel better.

This is such an important fact to realize so I know when things happen to me it’s no personal but rather an effect of something else.

That is weird… one of my friends does the exact same thing to me!! Not only about what I eat and my weight, but about other things too. It’s honestly the worst feeling having a friend do that do you. Maybe try confronting her about it, or don’t be friends with her. You don’t need to take that from someone!

Hi
My friends at school are always watching me and making comments about my weight saying I’m “anorexically skinny” let me make one thing clear. I am not anorexic. I have always been leaning towards skinny since I got sick as a baby. It’s sad when friends make a joke of it, support kara, it’s likely that she needs a proper friend right now instead of this other ‘fri
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