On October 31, 2008, I was just a girl grasping for hope.
I was struggling with disordered eating that still lingered despite my best efforts to beat it. I felt like I had made a lot of progress, but there was still a missing piece to my puzzle.
Self-love.
I fought a daily battle of self-acceptance, depressive thoughts, and anxiety. Despite the smile on the outside, most days I felt like I was crumbling on the inside. I was simply going through the motions of life and the days were passing me by. Indeed, I was truly thankful for so many wonderful people in my life, but the one thing I couldn’t be thankful for was myself.
I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to get to that place of self-acceptance or happiness, but I decided the first step was going to be writing about it.
And so it all began with a simple Boo on Halloween day!
I have always loved writing because it comes to me easier than expressing my thoughts out loud. It is just me and a keyboard or piece of paper talking to someone out there and thinking things through. Writing is a way for my inner voice to be heard when often it is silenced by all the thoughts swirling through my mind. Writing gives each thought a chance, each thought a moment to be heard and I often clear my mind or work things out as I write.
I guess this is why I was never meant to be a researcher. While I did spend most of my time writing in grad school, my writing was very very formal, scientific, and sterile in many ways. I felt suffocated when I wrote a research paper and I always felt like I couldn’t express my true self. In a paper, there was little room for jokes, sarcasm, stories, or occasional curse words (trust me, I could have used them many times!). It was all too structured.
I wanted to set my thoughts free.
Starting this blog was a way for me to have a creative outlet at a time when my creativity felt stifled in many areas of my life. OSG was the one place where I felt like I could express myself fully. I would simply write about what I wanted to write about, just like in my Creative Writing class in high school that I loved so much. My teacher had us make Creative Writing journals in high school and we could write whatever we wanted to in them. Personal stories, clippings, drawings, poems, deep thoughts, jokes, and anything that we wanted to share. I absolutely loved this journal and I would talk about my struggles with disordered eating, my love for delicious healthy food, animals, exercise, running, the desire for happiness, and whatever else I wanted to talk about.
Over the past two years, I have found that missing piece of self-love. Even on the days when I can’t find it and I am having a bad day, I know that it isn’t far away and it will come back to me. I have met amazing people along the way and I have been touched by the support and kindness of others.
Today, I write because I am truly thankful for these past two years, for sharing my life with you, the ups and the downs, and the discussions, inspiring words, and support. My hope for the blog going forward is to give back as much gratitude, love, and inspiration as I get from writing each day.
Thank you for letting me come into your lives each day and also, for allowing me to come into yours.
As a small token of my appreciation, I am going to do some giveaways!
1) Draw for $25 Glo Bakery gift certificates to be given out to 5 random people
2) Draw for a homemade batch of cookies, Glo bars, or muffins (any from my recipes page!) shipped to your doorstep.
3) Grand prize draw for $100 Glo Bakery gift certificate to one random winner
If you’d like a chance to be entered in the giveaway, please leave a comment below telling me anything about your own passions, journey, or perhaps something you have grown to love about yourself. Contest closes Monday Nov 8th.
I’m off to the kitchen to shoot my video for Challenge #7! Hopefully there aren’t as many flops as last night. ;) Happy Halloween!
Congratulations, Angela, on a victory every day. You are an inspiration to me and many other people. You contribute so much with this blog.
And I’m sure the flops were still spectacular. Love love LOVE the Twix post. :-)
J.
Happy Anniversary!!! I have stumbled across your blog recently and love your enthusiasm and love for baking and eating and running… and just enjoying LIFE. I feel funny sometimes knowing so many things about a person who is only alive to me by a blog, but I look forward to your posts and recipes every day. :)
My passions now (don’t we all know they are subject to change at any time) are my work, fitness (mainly triathlon training), my friends and my creative outlet is knitting (when I can find time). My journey is ongoing to find ways be more healthy and feel my best. Every day I learn something new and continue to get better at it!
Thanks for the great posts and the inspiration to keep seeking the balance!
Happy 2nd year blog anniversary!
I love your blog. I think you’re amazingly brave for getting to where you are. I too have had disordered eating in the past, and while I’ve come a long way, there are days when I do totally struggle. How did you feel revealing your disordered eating to thousands (millions?) on the internet? What about in real life? That seems like the most difficult part.
Happy Birthday OSG! I love your blog, I can’t believe it has only been 2 years, it feels like I have been loving it longer. My passions are the gym, I am on a high when I leave and there is nothing better than that. :)
Congratulations! You should be very proud :) Your blog has become part of my “‘daily” affirmations on the neverending road to being healthy in my mind, spirt & body. I appreciate all you do! Keep it up :)
I’d have to say that I’ve grown to be a lot more comfortable just being me. My size, my exercising, my strengths and weaknesses, etc. I am who I am, not anyone else. And I’ve grown past just being okay, and truly to loving who I am :-)
I have discovered a passion for baking healthy treats, and am realizing I shouldn’t be pressuring myself to run as much just bc my favorite bloggers do. Yoga is a great workout as well! :)
Happy 2nd bday to OSG! I’ve learned to love my body for what it can do, not what size it can fit into.
Hello! Something I’ve learned to love about myself is my passion for living in a way that doesn’t harm others. I’ve recently starting eating a vegan diet, and it just fills me with so much satisfaction that I can fuel myself without relying on the suffering of other creatures. Your blog has helped make my transition that much easier! I’ve made so many of your yummy treats and and always look forward to your wonderful entries. Keep up the amazing work, and happy 2 year anniversary :)
Hi Angela! I LOVE your blog and read it daily. You are such an inspiration and a breath of fresh air. By reading about you and the strength that you have it makes me feel like anything is possible. You are so happy and positive and I love it! It seems nothing gets you down and if you have a “flop” you try again until you get it right. I have done the same thing except with college. I started back in 1999 at the age of 18 as a single mom to a 2 year old. I ended up moving to PA from AR and went to school full time and worked part time. Well it is not cheap to live in PA so school ended up becoming part time and work full then just work and no school. I got married in 2008 and had a baby and decided to try school again as a now or never deal so I started in August 2009 as a full time student in an accelerated program where every 5 weeks I obtain 3 credits. A few months after starting I took my two girls and left my husband where things had not been good for over a year yet never stopped the schooling. I am proud to say that over a year later and 42 more credits than I had I am a junior and will be graduating in Nov 2011. I work full time and go to school full time and manage to make straight A’s and on the Deans List each semester. Another obstacle I am working through is my two year old was diagnosed with Juvenile idiopathic arthritis so I take her to Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia for treatment every month and I was worried that this would mean I would have to drop out to care for her but luckily she is responding well to treatment (she is such a trooper and has blessed my life in many, many ways) and I keep trucking through everything. I just want to say thank you because your inspiration has given me the passion and drive to go after my dreams and do what I need to do for my girls and myself and I truly look up to you and just wanted you to know. If there were more people like you in the world, it would be a better place.
Happy Birthday OSG! I have to say I am so thankful for YOU for keeping up with this blog, following your passions, and inspiring myself and so many others. One thing I have grown to love about myself is my self motivation. Realizing I can do anything I put my mind to. I was always so hard on myself and doubted a lot of things about me. But this year I found a passion for running and ran my first half marathon. I have also found a deep passion for yoga that is deepening my self love in ways I couldn’t imagine!
Happy Birthday OSG!!!
The biggest recent step in my journey was definitely going after my dreams and starting grad school this past fall. I knew that I would give up a steady job and dive into the unknown (and move back in with my parents at 27 y/o) but I know it’s so worth it!
Congrats and happy birthday to OSG! I can relate to some of your own struggles and journeys. I’ve come to accept myself for who I am, but with minor improvements, making me a better me.
yay! Happy 2nd bday : )
I’m ver, very passionate about running!! This morning on my six-mile trek, I got to thinking that running encompasses all things healthy! My “old self” would never of been able to wake up, roll out of bed, and run for hours+.. In the past year I have come so far to being a better me, and I have running to thank!!!
Cheers to another year of fabulousness..
I’m still discovering my passion, but I’m in graduate school for counseling and I really enjoy it. One of the major points that’s in most of the theories is learning to accept yourself while still working on yourself. I think that’s hugely important to growth!
Happy Birthday OSG! I’ve been following your blog for about a year, and I love it. I became vegan about 6 months before discovering OSG, and OSG has been incredibly helpful for me. I feel like you are a key member of my vegan support group, despite that you have no idea who I am :). Since discovering your blog, I’ve tried so many of your delicious recipes, and I went from not being able to run a minute to being able to run for 30 min without stopping. Learning to run has been instrumental in dealing with the anxiety problems I’ve had since high school. I also really identify with OSG because I am a Canadian girl from Ontario working on a PhD in Chicago, and I understand your issues with research, academia, and the need for a creative outlet when you exist in a very structured and, at times, stifling environment. Right now, I’m working on trying to understand who I am, and what I want to do as a career. I have no idea! I’m kind of OK with that for now. I have a journal that I write in every single day, which really has introduced me to myself, as cheesy as that sounds. I’m looking forward to learning more. Thank you for all your help and inspiration!
<3 Joanna
Happy Birthday! I would say that my passion has developed over the course of the last 6 months since discovering healthy living blogs such as OSG. You all have opened up a whole world of passion for vegan living and cooking and it has become something I love and feel so fulfilled from. So, thank you. You’ve done more for me than you would ever even imagine!
As a fellow researcher and grad student, you always remind me that there is more out there than the rush and shove up the ivory tower steps. I remember to enjoy things outside the (extremely rare) sense of accomplishment from a successful experiment. Thank you for writing.
Happy Birthday :) I’ve just recently discovered your blog and am very glad I did. I love your recipes, stories and photographs and I have found that I have a lot of the same passions as you. I photograph everything around me and I am getting more and more obsessed with baking. Keep up the good work :)
Happy blogiversary!
16 months ago, I put my engineering job on hold to move to Thailand and be part of a campus ministry team, and I’m so glad I did! It’s risky to follow your passions, but it also makes live more abundant and joy-filled.
life