On October 31, 2008, I was just a girl grasping for hope.
I was struggling with disordered eating that still lingered despite my best efforts to beat it. I felt like I had made a lot of progress, but there was still a missing piece to my puzzle.
Self-love.
I fought a daily battle of self-acceptance, depressive thoughts, and anxiety. Despite the smile on the outside, most days I felt like I was crumbling on the inside. I was simply going through the motions of life and the days were passing me by. Indeed, I was truly thankful for so many wonderful people in my life, but the one thing I couldn’t be thankful for was myself.
I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to get to that place of self-acceptance or happiness, but I decided the first step was going to be writing about it.
And so it all began with a simple Boo on Halloween day!
I have always loved writing because it comes to me easier than expressing my thoughts out loud. It is just me and a keyboard or piece of paper talking to someone out there and thinking things through. Writing is a way for my inner voice to be heard when often it is silenced by all the thoughts swirling through my mind. Writing gives each thought a chance, each thought a moment to be heard and I often clear my mind or work things out as I write.
I guess this is why I was never meant to be a researcher. While I did spend most of my time writing in grad school, my writing was very very formal, scientific, and sterile in many ways. I felt suffocated when I wrote a research paper and I always felt like I couldn’t express my true self. In a paper, there was little room for jokes, sarcasm, stories, or occasional curse words (trust me, I could have used them many times!). It was all too structured.
I wanted to set my thoughts free.
Starting this blog was a way for me to have a creative outlet at a time when my creativity felt stifled in many areas of my life. OSG was the one place where I felt like I could express myself fully. I would simply write about what I wanted to write about, just like in my Creative Writing class in high school that I loved so much. My teacher had us make Creative Writing journals in high school and we could write whatever we wanted to in them. Personal stories, clippings, drawings, poems, deep thoughts, jokes, and anything that we wanted to share. I absolutely loved this journal and I would talk about my struggles with disordered eating, my love for delicious healthy food, animals, exercise, running, the desire for happiness, and whatever else I wanted to talk about.
Over the past two years, I have found that missing piece of self-love. Even on the days when I can’t find it and I am having a bad day, I know that it isn’t far away and it will come back to me. I have met amazing people along the way and I have been touched by the support and kindness of others.
Today, I write because I am truly thankful for these past two years, for sharing my life with you, the ups and the downs, and the discussions, inspiring words, and support. My hope for the blog going forward is to give back as much gratitude, love, and inspiration as I get from writing each day.
Thank you for letting me come into your lives each day and also, for allowing me to come into yours.
As a small token of my appreciation, I am going to do some giveaways!
1) Draw for $25 Glo Bakery gift certificates to be given out to 5 random people
2) Draw for a homemade batch of cookies, Glo bars, or muffins (any from my recipes page!) shipped to your doorstep.
3) Grand prize draw for $100 Glo Bakery gift certificate to one random winner
If you’d like a chance to be entered in the giveaway, please leave a comment below telling me anything about your own passions, journey, or perhaps something you have grown to love about yourself. Contest closes Monday Nov 8th.
I’m off to the kitchen to shoot my video for Challenge #7! Hopefully there aren’t as many flops as last night. ;) Happy Halloween!
Happy 2nd blog bday! It was fun reading your first post — I’m glad you linked back to it!
your posts are always so beautiful and heartfelt…it makes them such a pleasure to read.
i too have discovered a passion for writing that i never really knew existed until i started putting finger to keyboard…its very therapeutic (and fun!). plus if anyone else feels similarly, its kinda nice to know there are others out there…kindred spirits in our passion for living healthy, loving ourselves (in spite of any flaws), treating our bodies with respect, and honoring our inner glow. :)
Hi Angela,
I’ve been surreptitiously reading your blog for some time now and have fallen in love with it. Congrats on two years, that’s quite an achievement! I guess you could say I am in a similar place to where you were two years ago: struggling with some disordered eating, wanting to express myself creatively but unable to find room in the academic discipline I work in to do so. Something I have learned about myself is that some of the things I thought I wanted for myself, that I thought made me happy – a perfect GPA, a prestigious post-grad fellowship, etc. – I actually wanted for all the wrong reasons. That you’ve been able to come so far and find what really makes your heart sing is quite an inspiration and has motivated me to try to do the same. I feel like I owe you a pretty big thank you :)
I never miss an Oh She Glows post! I look forward to reading your blog every day because you always inspire me.
One of my deepest passions in life are animals…namely, cats. Adopting my own cat has created so much joy in my life. I enjoy walking in the door from work and being greeted by his chirps and snuggling on the couch while I blog.
Hi Angela,
I delurked today to say happy 2nd year, I love OSG! What I love most is your passion and that you always have a smile on your face.
I have lost 80 pounds and am working on the last few. It took the death of a parent for me to realize where I was in life and what changes I needed to make.
I have embraced my journey, benefited from it so much and learned to smile. It’s great being confident and happy ;-).
Congrats on the 2nd anniversary of what has become and extremely successful and widely read blog. I check in a couple of times a week to see what you are cooking… and find your blog interesting because you are not showing pictures of the stuff you eat everyday, but actually developing your own recipes. I get so bored just looking at pictures of people’s oats!
And I think you are extremely brave to reveal yourself to the world in this manner. I tried blogging for a while but got really uncomfortable when it started to get too personal.
Self love and appreciation appears in so many different shapes and forms. I express mine through exercise and activities that I enjoy, and by preparing delicious, nutritious, and beautiful meals, even when simple, for me and for my husband.
I wish you continued success on your journey and with your blogging.
Ever since I started reading you’d blog I have been struck by the similarities between the two of us. I too am searching for that something and am growing everyday. I am passionate about building self esteem in young girls however I don’t think ill ever be as affective as I hope to be until I truly learn to love myself. Thank you for your words and inspiration. Happy 2nd bday :).
Happy Blog Anniversary!
I found this blog at the beginning of my journey back to health. Finding and following your passions is essential, but seems daunting in the face of so much self denial and deprivation. I realized that even looking for those passions comes from a passion for LIVING, and I will never give that up again!
My passion is cooking and baking to create new meals. I love being in the kitchen. In the last few years I’ve been focusing on healthy, vegetarian meals. I have also started making homemade dog food for ny dog so he can be healthier too.
Happy Birthday OSG and Happy Halloween!!! :)
Hmm, you have posed a tough question to answer. I am still learning a lot about myself, but I think the biggest thing that I need to learn is forgiveness. Being a perfectionist, I need to learn to forgive myself and realize that not everything I do and say and think has to be “perfect.” It’s definitely a journey, and I ensure that on most days I am on the right path. :)
Congrats on the 2 year blogiversary! :)
I think my passion is working every day to become a better version of myself. Discovering new passions, learning something new, accomplishing a goal (i.e. running 35 minutes instead of 30 minutes). Life is definitely a journey and an opportunity to get to know yourself better everyday (I don’t have it completely figured out yet, but I’m making an honest effort of it!) :)
Happy Birthday OSG! Thank you so much for sharing your journey to self acceptance with us. For me it is something I have to work on daily and reading your blog reminds me to relax, enjoy the moment and respect myself.
Happy Birthday OSG! Here’s to the Terrific Twos! ;)
I am realizing that it’s OK to say that I DON’T have my career figured out and that following my own path is HARD, dammit! (And it feels sooo freeing to admit that!) But I think trying to fit into a box is even harder. Doing what you’re meant to do is hard in a good way – it makes you stronger and more empowered. That’s my little epiphany of the moment. I like it. ;D
Congratulations, Angela! On everything!
Congrats on 2 years! Let’s hope for many more! :-)
I’m very proud of my current journey that began around the beginning of June of this year. I started to read more about nutrition and the body. I then started to eat more whole foods, learning that my body is a lot happier without dairy products and LOTS OF VEGGIES! Through your blog and others, I’ve learned how to incorporate this change into my daily life and make my health a priority! :-) Thank you for being such a big help!
Happy Birthday to OSG! Lovely post from a lovely woman:) I’m so happy you’ve grown into self-love! Personally I’ve had a bit of a wild ride over the past 5 years, overcoming my own struggles with an eating disorder. When I think about where I was just last year, deep in the depths of self-hatred, I can’t help but feel thankful for how far I’ve come on a personal journey to being at peace with who I am. I’ve learned so much, including how to accept that my best is good enough- I’ve learned to relax about many things, and that stressing myself out over the small things simply isn’t worth the pain.
Happy 2nd Bloggiversary!! I think one of the reasons I have loved reading your blog so much over the past (almost) year is because your story speaks so strongly to me. I have been learning to love myself for the past six years and it has not been an easy process. I have hated my body, been frustrated with my looks, doubted myself, and struggled some days to just put on a smile. But in the past few years I have learned to be fit, be healthy, be happy and that in the end, no one could love me if I didn’t start to love myself first. I have fallen in love with an amazing guy (an Eric) who picks me up when I’m feeling low, supports and encourages me in everything I do, and never fails to let me know that I am beautiful in so many ways. At this point in my journey, although I have come very far, I still deal with the anxiety and am working my way through that. I am getting much better and I think my blogging and reading other HLBlogs helps tremendously; knowing that I am not alone in this struggle and seeing how other have overcome is what gives me the strength to keep on moving. So thanks Ange for your writing, so glad that you found this path for your life :)
Last year, during the last two months of my sophomore year in college, I gained ten pounds. When I came home, everyone in my family had noticed and I dreaded the way I looked. I got on the healthy train by eating more veggies and whole foods and taught myself to eat in moderation. I had officially lost all of the weight my first week back at school this year, but I developed a fear of food because I was terrified of gaining the weight back. Reading your blog has showed me how to love and embrace food instead of fear it. I look forward to waking up each morning and reading Oh She Glows as I leisurely eat my breakfast before classes. You have become a beautiful part of my morning routine. I absolutely adore your creativity. Thank you so much for bringing back the fun side of food to my life. Now that I have learned to enjoy in moderation, I have maintained a happy weight and am so much more comfortable in my skin! Thank you!!
Congratulations on 2 years of blogging! I am also in recovery from an eating disorder and your blog is very inspiring.
Happy Anniversary OSG.
I have learned to let go and that each day is a blank canvass. Your daily post are often inspirational and have made me reflect on what I am grateful for in me life. It truly is the little things! When I am getting down on myself or if I have had a bad day, I remind myself of this quote:
Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. This day is all that is good and fair. It is too dear, with its hopes and invitation, to waste a moment on yesterdays.
–Ralph Waldo Emerson—
Keep writing your fantastic thoughts and we will all keep reading!
I’ve been reading healthy living blogs for months. Yours as truly helped me greatly in my struggle with bulimia, and every time I think about restricting myself or feeling guilty for eating a lot, I come here, and read your inspiring words :)