After my Hot Topic post yesterday on Happy Weights, I received this email from J. I shared part 1 of her email last night, but I thought I would post the entire email this morning and have a discussion about some of the interesting points that she brought up:
Love this post. I am 39 and a mom of 3. Most people don’t think I’m that old because I am healthy and fit and pretty thin. However, I still struggle with feeling happy at my weight – more now than when I was younger. I used to not think about my weight and now focus on it a lot. I used to look at MUCH younger girls and want their slim legs, waists, arms, but I’ve finally realized that I am supposed to look like a woman at nearly 40, NOT a little girl anymore! Hello?! Why did that take so long to sink in?! I am now trying to appreciate my curves. Anyway, that’s what men like… including my husband. The bottom line is inner happiness and self acceptance as the beautiful people/souls/bodies God created. Our physical appearances aren’t as important as we like to think they are as it always fades.
I keep wondering why I’m more concerned about my figure now than when I was younger. Is it just me feeling insecure about getting older, approaching 40? Or, is it that when I was younger (in the 80s and 90s) we were less bombarded by media images of super-skinny models and celebrities, and those same people didn’t have as much plastic surgery as they aged? I remember Cindy Crawford and curvy models like that, not the waifs we’ve seen in recent years. Also, I cannot believe how many regular women have plastic surgery to "fix" what they think is wrong with them, when truly, they’re quite beautiful already. My best friend and I like to say that we have to remember what we’ll be left with when we’re 80 or 90. Society’s outward definition of beauty will be gone. Will we have friends, family, love, good memories & faith for our last years?
J’s email actually reminded me of the recent research that is finding that women in mid-life are developing more body image insecurities and eating disorders than they ever did in the past.
Often, I think many of us think that if we can get healthy in our 20’s, we will be able to keep this healthy mindset the rest of our life. But is it always this easy? We always hear that with age comes wisdom and more self-confidence. If this is true then why are so many women falling into the weight-loss trap and pressures to get botox?
I actually know a few women who are in their mid-20’s and get botox. I don’t know about you, but I was quite shocked to hear this. Apparently it is a new trend for 20-somethings to get botox to prevent wrinkles.
Women not only face pressures of being career women and raising a family, but they have pressures of maintaining the youthful look of their 20’s at the same time! As women we are constantly bombarded with pressures to get botox, plastic surgery, and the latest slimming diet pill. It is no wonder that when women hit their 40’s they are not feeling too great about themselves and questioning whether they could be better, thinner, more youthful, prettier, etc.
You can’t go to a grocery store and not see a magazine cover with the words, ‘How I lost my pregnancy weight in 6 weeks’ or ‘Fittest celebrity new moms’. The pressure that women face to lose baby weight is quite sad. Not only do new moms have to face the anxieties and pressures of being a new mother, but they also have to try to fit into their jeans on the way out of the hospital!
A recent article by MSNBC talked about reasons why women are having problems with disordered eating in later life:
1) Aging bodies and the pressure to stay youthful looking
“One day, (a woman) wakes up and the kids are gone and she has a sense that nobody really needs her. She looks in the mirror and she says, ‘My body is shot,”’ said Tappen. “This woman says, ‘You know, that’s it. I’m going on a diet.”’
2) More Baby-Boomers
“Baby boomers have always cared about how they looked, what they wear,” she said. “I think a lot of eating disorders years ago went undiagnosed because it was the thing to do.”
3) More awareness about eating disorders
Eating disorders are talked about much more than they were in the past. Is this a result for the increase in the number of cases? Or are eating disorders truly on the rise in older women?
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Today’s questions:
- Why do you think there is a rise in eating disorders among older women? What pressures do women face that they didn’t in the past?
- What can we do to prevent falling into this trap once we get older?
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Thank you Angela for posting such inspirational thoughts. I just had my second child 6 weeks ago and felt really bad when I looked at magazines on which celebrity moms tell us how they lost all their pregnancy weight in 4 weeks. I was thinking about keeping a diary of my weight loss, but since discovering your wonderful website, I decided to ditch the scale. I focus on eating healthy and exercising (including the SGBC) and I feel much better and I have even been told that I was glowing!
I agree with everything said so far. Unfortunately I also believe it’s due to the divorce rate. People leave their marriages and then try to look better and stay younger in hopes to find someone else. That’s just my opinion of course but I believe it’s a valid one.
Of course with Hollywood, it’s Hollywood and it’s to be expected. Someone like Denise Richards won’t get the roles she use to because someone perkier and younger will come along.
I intend to grow old gracefully. I’ll do everything EXCEPT surgery. SPF, creams and of course green monsters ;)
I think one of the biggest issues in today’s society is our need for instant gratification (sooooo true in American society). This is scary as you get older. We think our men will want the newer, better thing in the same way they trade in that tv. I know that sounds simplified, but in a huge way, it is. Whose to say they won’t? It’s supremely wrong that society has lost sight of what’s really important about a human being and especially what’s beautiful about a woman. We are the givers of life. Our bodies are AMAZING. It breaks my heart to see those pictures of women getting botox or to hear my own mother talk about aging. I want to believe it doesn’t have to be that way. I’m committed to being healthy body, mind and soul so that I will ALWAYS recognize my worth (and so my children might have an easier time finding theirs).
I do hope that being in my early twenties, I am able to develop a healthy relationship with my body and age gracefully. :) This was a great post!
This post mildly terrified me. I have fought so hard to stop having an eating disorder that I would be downright ANGRY if I happen to fall back into that trap just because the variables of my life change.
The idea of losing baby weight does make me a bit fearful. When I do get pregnant, will I behave appropriate during pregnancy regarding eating and will I also be healthy while losing the baby weight? Both are concepts that as a recovered anorexic, I am fearful of losing control when put into that situation.
Happiness Awaits
I think that older women are becoming anorexic/bulimic because just like teenagers they are plagued with images of celebrities. 40 year old’s want to look like Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie, and they choose to do that in unhealthy ways. Its really sad to see how much the media effects all generations. The media focuses more on unhealthy people like Lindsay Lohan, than praising healthy females like Scarlett Johannson ( love her by the way)who actually have curves. That’s my opinion, but love your blog :)
Just finished reading “Lying In Weight: The Hidden Epidemic of Eating Disorders in Adult Women” – really great book.
I think that older celebs are giving women of today an unrealistic idea of what they can and should look like. Women in their 40s and 50s who have amazing bodies have GOT to work at it, yet celebs are always claiming, “I eat what I want. I never work out.” Instead of acting like it’s effortless, I think these women should be proud of the hard work they’ve put in to be in great shape!! Women in the “real world” probably don’t have the time/money to look identical and that’s okay! I think we should all focus more on our PERSONAL best, not to look identical to an image on a magazine.
Great post! I agree that we (as women) are bombarded with so much pressure to be thin in our society. Worse yet, it seems like the media equates being thin/skinny with being beautiful! I’ve heard that Marilyn Monroe was a size 12. :)
Fantastic post! I have a friend from high school who three years ago – when we were 24 – told me she’d been getting Botox treatments every six months to remove crows feet and forehead lines that had developed after nearly 20 years of playing softball in the sun. I was so sad, and scared, for her that she’d begun such extremes – and so early. Aging is such a beautiful and natural thing. Why do we fight it?
How to prevent falling into a trap of disordered eating? That’s a tough one! I have thought about this a little over the course of the day. I think we’ve always had a focus on women being slender/gorgeous in society, but with the internet, and increased access to other media/communications avenues, we’re facing that focus *much more*. Not to mention, it sells!
In the face of massive media bombardment on being thin/perfect, I have found some of the answer to avoiding disordered eating right here: in the new health blogs/online communities of women trying to be their healthiest, fitess, happiest, best selves! I think a lot of these blogs (like OSG) are showing us that there are a lot of ways to be happy on the road to healthiness. So I hope that these online communities keep going strong. . . as I’m sure I’ll rely on them as I move into my 40’s, 50’s, and beyond.
I really hope I am able to keep my healthy mindset forever. This may be hard, but I think what motivates me most is that I KNOW I want kids one day, and if I have any daughters, I would really really hate for them to develop the same insecurities I used to have about my body. There was an article in SHAPE about how a mother’s eating habits influenced her daughter’s, and I really do believe that kids — especially girls- truly notice everything about their mothers and their habits, whether women realize it or not. My mom never had an eating disorder, but she has always been extremely tall and thin naturally. In addition, while she snacks a ton at home and loves dessert– I see her eat it all the time, once she is faced with a buffet, she gets overwhelmed and loses her appetite (she gets excited/nervous really easily when there’s a lot of people and food- aka a party). I know that this has influenced me to wonder why I can’t always control myself like my mom does at a buffet. Even though I know this is stupid because most of the time, my mom is trying to gain weight, not diet. But just knowing that kids are easily influenced by their parents’ actions is a huge motivator or why I want to maintain a healthy attitude towards food and fitness in the future!
I just happened to walk by one of those trashy magazines at the grocery store today and it had the Top 50 hottest bodies and Top 50 Worst bodies. They took obviously the most unflattering pictures of people in awkward positions and circled and highlighted “fat” spots and cellulite and made comments about their guts and thighs, etc. It made me laugh because it’s so absurd. They also highlight who looks “old” and I think this is a major contributor to the women out there who start worrying about their wrinkles and not so perfect bodies. You can’t go by movie stars…they spend $$$$$$ to make themselves look like they’re 20 years younger than they are. Have you ever seen Chong’s wife (of Cheech and Chong?) She’s the prime example. And to be honest, I think she looks like crap because it’s SO OBVIOUS how FAKE she is! But why? What are you proving? That you have enough money to do it?
We are beautiful, us women, and we need to remember that. The media has, is, and always will do whatever they can to make money, and unfortunately, this shit sells. So we, as women, need to look past the fakeness on every level and continue encouraging each other to be find balance. Everything else will follow.
You know I will never understand why women feel intense amounts of pressure to stay “young”. In Hollywood I get that “its competitive” and in order to get decent gigs you have to look as young as your co-star (which is a load of crap anyway) but women should see frown lines and wrinkles as parts of a journey… those are milestones.. be happy that you’ve made it to the point in life where you can age gracefully… tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone so the more laugh lines a lady develops the more fabulous she should feel.. just my opinion. I can only hope that this body gets me to a point where everything starts to droop and sag.. LOL that’s a life that was worthwhile.
I am 22 and I feel the pressure to look young. I work at an ice cream shop part time, and my coworkers thought I had just graduated from high school (when in reality it was college), and I was so pleased. I put on anti-aging skin care products, LOL. And I am 22??!
I am 34 and I am really starting to obsess about my health and I have always loved sport and i actually love all sorts of food including healthy stuff but never felt the need to change how i look as much as i do now the fear of being left on the shelf has kicked in.
HERE’s the thing, I am being honest here… i don’t want to look super skinny but I want to look GOOD, I don’t feel pressure to look like a celebrity but I feel pressure to look good because men will not be interested in me when I deteriorate. It is becoming increasingly true that men seek and easily find younger women when they get into their 30s, 40s, 50’s and 60’s, i don’t want to be abandoned when i hit the 50’s because a man is too dumb to see my real worth under how i physically look, so that is my real fear. Men have so much power now, even more than they ever did before because we now have to work our bodies harder, working, raising families, competiting with younger women and aging women do not get admired for THEIR FUNNY/KIND PERSONALITY or ACHEIVEMENTS because what man cares about these unless he wants to use you temporarily for something?!
An older women that can make their man feel admired for his OWN PERSONALITY or ACHEIVEMENTS will fair a better chance than if she works on her self image but we all work on the self image because it enpowers ourselves to feel some worth when the men don’t fancy you anymore.