After my Hot Topic post yesterday on Happy Weights, I received this email from J. I shared part 1 of her email last night, but I thought I would post the entire email this morning and have a discussion about some of the interesting points that she brought up:
Love this post. I am 39 and a mom of 3. Most people don’t think I’m that old because I am healthy and fit and pretty thin. However, I still struggle with feeling happy at my weight – more now than when I was younger. I used to not think about my weight and now focus on it a lot. I used to look at MUCH younger girls and want their slim legs, waists, arms, but I’ve finally realized that I am supposed to look like a woman at nearly 40, NOT a little girl anymore! Hello?! Why did that take so long to sink in?! I am now trying to appreciate my curves. Anyway, that’s what men like… including my husband. The bottom line is inner happiness and self acceptance as the beautiful people/souls/bodies God created. Our physical appearances aren’t as important as we like to think they are as it always fades.
I keep wondering why I’m more concerned about my figure now than when I was younger. Is it just me feeling insecure about getting older, approaching 40? Or, is it that when I was younger (in the 80s and 90s) we were less bombarded by media images of super-skinny models and celebrities, and those same people didn’t have as much plastic surgery as they aged? I remember Cindy Crawford and curvy models like that, not the waifs we’ve seen in recent years. Also, I cannot believe how many regular women have plastic surgery to "fix" what they think is wrong with them, when truly, they’re quite beautiful already. My best friend and I like to say that we have to remember what we’ll be left with when we’re 80 or 90. Society’s outward definition of beauty will be gone. Will we have friends, family, love, good memories & faith for our last years?
J’s email actually reminded me of the recent research that is finding that women in mid-life are developing more body image insecurities and eating disorders than they ever did in the past.
Often, I think many of us think that if we can get healthy in our 20’s, we will be able to keep this healthy mindset the rest of our life. But is it always this easy? We always hear that with age comes wisdom and more self-confidence. If this is true then why are so many women falling into the weight-loss trap and pressures to get botox?
I actually know a few women who are in their mid-20’s and get botox. I don’t know about you, but I was quite shocked to hear this. Apparently it is a new trend for 20-somethings to get botox to prevent wrinkles.
Women not only face pressures of being career women and raising a family, but they have pressures of maintaining the youthful look of their 20’s at the same time! As women we are constantly bombarded with pressures to get botox, plastic surgery, and the latest slimming diet pill. It is no wonder that when women hit their 40’s they are not feeling too great about themselves and questioning whether they could be better, thinner, more youthful, prettier, etc.
You can’t go to a grocery store and not see a magazine cover with the words, ‘How I lost my pregnancy weight in 6 weeks’ or ‘Fittest celebrity new moms’. The pressure that women face to lose baby weight is quite sad. Not only do new moms have to face the anxieties and pressures of being a new mother, but they also have to try to fit into their jeans on the way out of the hospital!
A recent article by MSNBC talked about reasons why women are having problems with disordered eating in later life:
1) Aging bodies and the pressure to stay youthful looking
“One day, (a woman) wakes up and the kids are gone and she has a sense that nobody really needs her. She looks in the mirror and she says, ‘My body is shot,”’ said Tappen. “This woman says, ‘You know, that’s it. I’m going on a diet.”’
2) More Baby-Boomers
“Baby boomers have always cared about how they looked, what they wear,” she said. “I think a lot of eating disorders years ago went undiagnosed because it was the thing to do.”
3) More awareness about eating disorders
Eating disorders are talked about much more than they were in the past. Is this a result for the increase in the number of cases? Or are eating disorders truly on the rise in older women?
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Today’s questions:
- Why do you think there is a rise in eating disorders among older women? What pressures do women face that they didn’t in the past?
- What can we do to prevent falling into this trap once we get older?
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Great post Ange! I’m only in my early twenties and I definitely want to get into good habits now, but I need to accept that my body is going to chance over the years. I love all these issues and topics you’re adressing – keep up the good work!
Hi Angela:
I am really enjoying your blog – you have some very insightful and thought provoking posts. My thing about plastic surgery is that it’s so common place now that a lot of people don’t seem to understand that it’s still SURGERY. I have been extremely blessed not to have needed any surgery in my life and I hope that continues – but why anyone (apart from breast cancer patients and those seeking breast reduction – two worthy exceptions as my aunt and my best friend have been through both these procedures) would want to willingly do this is just amazing to me. As for Botox I have a feeling that about 10 years down the track they’re going to find out some sort of bad long term side effect that wasn’t obvious to begin with.
I love all women road races – they’re so much fun! Sure there’s an element of competition among the elite runners, but it’s all women, out there having fun, exercising and cheering each other on. What that comes down to is in those moments we’re not putting each other down, analyzing what she’s wearing, I look better than her, I wish I had that etc. Part of me wonders if all these images and ideas purported by advertisers and the media only fuel competition among women, when we should really be out there cheering each other on every day in all aspects of life.
Wow, I could have written that letter myself, being that I’m 39. Only one child though.
Sometimes I think that in the 80’s and 90’s, we weren’t bombarded with images of skinny girls. But also we were in our teens and 20’s, and we were just plain busy…high school, college, first jobs, husbands, kids…I know I personally let my busy life put more than 50 lbs on me.
As far as aging gracefully without eating disorders and such…I don’t know the answer to that. Much of it has to be personality (I have a pretty strong one), and the people that you hang out with too. In my group of friends, we are all aging “gracefully” in our late 30’s/early 40’s. We’re fit and healthy, wear sunscreen, and spend time chasing our infants and toddlers.
Sure, we complain about the loose belly skin and other issues…but that comes with the territory.
Wow, this is something that I think about a lot. I’m still young (23) but I watched my mother treat her body very destructively when I was younger (lots of alcohol, cigarettes, and tanning) and I have to say that I have a huge fear that I’ll end up looking as worn down as her lifestyle left her. However, I think it’s kind of unhealthy to worry that much about aging, when I should be enjoying what I have now. Thanks for always posting things that make me think and challenge me to love myself and be happy.
I think one of the biggest reasons for the increase in eating disorders in older women (older than 20s) is due to the plethora of ‘anti-aging’ techniques. Between plastic surgery, botox, tanning and bleaching, women are being told to look perfect from a young age AND to maintain that youthful look forever or they’ll become “obsolete” or old news. Shows like The Real Housewives (just an example) encourage the concept that women are never supposed to look older than 30 and they will become undesirable and ugly if they look their age.
The two most beautiful older women I know are my mother and my maternal grandmother. Both have stunning white hair, fair skin and sparkling blue eyes. They are vibrant and lovely. Their secrets are sunscreen every day and lots of fresh foods!
I just found out that I’m pregnant with our first baby, and although I’m absolutely thrilled, I am already feeling anxiety over my upcoming weight gain. In the past, I have heard women judging other women for how much weight they gained during pregnancy or for how they “let themselves go.” And of course, the media and its constant reporting on new celebrity moms and their baby weight only makes it worse. I am only in my second month, and I am finding myself already planning how I’m going to lose the baby weight. It’s ridiculous. I should be proud of my growing belly and how it is nourishing our precious baby inside. And when our baby is born, I should be focused on the being the best mom I can be, instead of getting back into my skinny jeans as quickly as possible. Luckily, I have a wonderful and supportive husband who will think I am beautiful no matter what.
I agree with the comments above– every message that we encounter seems to insiunate that if you don’t look young, you have no value. As if we are never “supposed” to look any older than we did at 25…its very unrealistic, and it becomes dangerously chicken and egg. We get these messages, we seek out surgery, so companies produce more “anti-aging’ products, so we get more messages, so we but more products…and so on. We don’t get very many messages about our worth being about anything but our looks. Sure there are some messages to that end, and some really great women lookiing to promote it (like you Angela!) but its a bit like swimming upstream still.
I don’t have any answers, other than we all have to be very good to our daughters/future daughters to make sure the next generation can buck the trend!
This is an AMAZING post Angie and I’m not even going through this at the moment. However, I always like to be prepare.
I couldn’t agree with you more about the media causing a lot of this. For example, The show Desperate Housewives shows all these GORGEOUS women with kids, jobs, husbands, etc. and make it seem so real and easy to keep up that look. Let’s be honest with ourselves for a second, it’s not real! Some of them don’t even have kids AT ALL only actors that play their kids on tv. But we are so busy caught up in the show and wanting to look just like them that we forget their ACTING and haven’t been through HALF the stuff they portray.
Well my parents live in an area where eating disorders are rampant (Boca Raton), and I see older women and young women who are chained to this deadly illness. I think it comes from this idea that being super thin is beautiful.. then it turns into nothing ever being “good enough”. Also, I know that as you age it’s harder to lose/maintain weight, and people in general have a tendency to want a quick fix – and the extremes of eating disorder behaviors would seem to be like quick fixes.
I wish people could strive for balance and happiness rather than striving for the “ideal” body.
i was just reading an interview with scarlett johansson where the interviewer asked her how she felt about botox. she’s 24! all i could think was what an absurd question it was – until i realized that it’s actually not that uncommon. i remember a line of skin products (dermacol i think?) that had wrinkle creams for different age brackets, and i was shocked to see an entire line for people in their twenties. i think this all goes back to the idolization of a teenage figure – now it’s just extending beyond body shape. what i don’t understand is why – i mean, what teenager is happy with the way they look? it’s an awkward stage for everyone, but once we reach womanhood, we criticize ourselves even more.
i think the rise in eating disorder awareness has a lot to do with generational differences. i see women from my mom’s (baby boomer) generation, my mom included, who display such disordered and restrictive eating habits based on the “fat free, sugar free, snack free” advice they were given, but they have been doing it for so long that it seems completely normal to them. and now i am seeing women in my generation, many of whom inherited those ed habits, instead seek out valid nutritional guidance in recovery. but for older women, when you’ve been living your life that way for 20 or 30 years, changing your habits seems nearly impossible, particularly because your body is naturally going to be different due to age. i think what needs to happen is for all of us to stop coveting the idea of being a different age and start loving where we are right now. easier said than done!
ps angela: thank you for making me think about so many different topics every day!
Well, I suppose I am a little conflicted on what I see going on out in society in regard to women and aging. Let me start by saying I am 55 and I grew up in the 60’s. That was the era of Twiggy and I was exposed her “standard” of beauty, I never felt thin enough, and still don’t, for what that may be worth!
On one hand, I feel that our youth oriented or attractive to men, and they DO feel the pressure to compete and do whatever they need to do so they will not appear “old” and completely ignored by men (of any age.)
On the other hand I can see another position that society takes toward older women and there seems to be a certain standard of beauty we are expected to abide by once we reach a certain age. That is, we should “act our age” and let our hair go gray, cut our hair short, start wearing polyester etc. Like it’s no use trying to stay young ,so we should give it up.
I have noticed that beauty magazines will often have articles on how to be beautiful in your 20’s, 30’s and 40’s. Then it stops. Every so often there may be a 50’s category or everything gets dumped into a 50’s and beyond or a 60’s and beyond category. It is like once you get to a certain age you fall off a cliff into this deep dark hole.
I am trying to sneak this in at work and this is not very well thought out, because I am rushing, but I hope I have made my point in an understandable way.
Thanks for asking our opinion. Great topic.
Being 35 I can say that in the late 80’s and 90’s, diet and exercise wasn’t as prevalent as it is now. Sure, I remember the 80’s aerobic phase, but there was very little “low fat, no fat, low carb, eat this super food, work out” type awareness that we have now. It really wasn’t until 5 years ago or so that I really started to “notice” my weight. Before then I was quite comfortable in my skin. What bothers me most about my body now is that I care so much about what size it is or how it appears to others. And I do constantly remind myself that my 20’s are long gone and that I’ve had kids which, for most of us, affects our shape….not always negatively, either. Funny enough, I was most confident and proud of my body in the last 3 months of my pregnancies. Go figure, eh?! :)
My own mother is struggling with accepting her new mature body. Luckily, she has taken a proactive approach including hiring a personal trainer and revamping her diet. (I have been trying to get her to do the whole new diet thing for a while now. It just took a stranger telling giving her the exact same advice for her to take it! LE SIGH…) She feels out of place in her body and no longer knows how to dress it. I have been trying to help her put together outfits, plan meals, etc…. It is sad because she is a beautiful, strong, smart, active woman, wife, and mother. This new approach she is taking is giving her hope. You can see it in her face. I hope one day soon she will love her body again. I see that day coming. I just hope it hurries up!
It’s so hard for women these days to accept that it’s OK to grow older gracefully and without resorting to plastic surgery to look younger/thinner/etc.
A lot of the pressures do come from the media – magazines and TV programmes that make us feel like we’re too fat/ugly/unfit etc and ruin our self esteem. There’s always an emphasis put on the ‘quick fix’ and unrealistic body shapes (not everyone should be the same shape or size, being healthy is the most important thing!) that most of us just can’t achieve.
I gave up reading trashy magazines about a year ago and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done. Now if I pick one up in a friend’s house or read the covers in my local shop I see immediately why I gave them up – they make me (and so many other women) feel like crap.
I agree with Lizzie about Botox – I’m sure as hell that in a few years they’ll discover it’s very very bad for us!
I love this. I think the ever-presence of scarily thin celebrities has a lot to do with this. Women look up to these celebrities and it’s unfortunate that they don’t set a better example. Like Aoife I too have given up reading tabloids and following pop culture – I’d much rather envelop myself with happy and healthy information!
Hey Angela,
This is a really interesting post. I find it sad that there appears to be a rise in body image issues at an age when all of that is “supposed to” have passed. I think it’s happening just as a result of this being the first aging generation that was exposed to so much pressure and celebrity idolatry throughout much of their lives.
Unfortunately, if our generation doesn’t actively try to change things (and I think many of us are trying!), we may end up no better.
On a lighter note, my mum who is almost 55 (and doesn’t have the body of a 25 year old but is incredibly beautiful anyway) told me just the other day that she feels more comfortable and more beautiful than she did when she was my age. I’m going to try and follow her lead!
Keep up the HOT topics!! I’m LOVING them!!
Ps. I would love it if you checked out my blog! My latest post is on the idea of the “perfect diet”.
Alex
What a great post! I agree with the fact that the media is so much more obsessed now than they ever were in the past. The standards that girls and women are to live up to are completely unfair and unrealistic. I am in my mid twenties and I am trying to take the best care of my body now and hope that it continues into my 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond. I think the most important key to looking great is feeling great.
Great post Angela !
I think that there are more older women being diagnosed with eating disorders because:
1) It’s more socially acceptable to talk about it
2) Societal pressures to keep up with ‘girls’ 20 years their junior
3) I think it was always that way… we are just ‘allowed’ to talk about it now
I think the only way we can prevent from falling into the same trap is by accepting and loving ourselves for who we are, no matter what the weight or how many wrinkles.
~Mary
Angela – thank you for this post as well as all the wonderful information you pass along to all of your readers. This is an interesting one for me as I am 38 and have been battling what I call an OCD attitude towards food, calories, and exercise. I am a divorced mother of two, and due to the “divorce diet” am at my lowest weight and best fitness level ever. Due to a hip injury last year that I am still dealing with, I am very concerned about maintaining where I am. It’s amazing that at my age it has become an issue again. I guess being single makes that so as there are so many women getting botox and plastic surgery that it makes the dating field more difficult. Thankfully, we know that it’s what is inside that matters. We cannot turn back the clock.
Keep up the great blogs reminding women to just be themselves – healthy and happy!
this is such an important current topic! it is funny because in other cultures the elders are respected and admired for their experience and wisdom. i don’t know why if is the reverse in our culture. i agree with taking care of your body and protecting it from premature damage. however, i do think that age is something so be respected. People who age gracefully and without stress, naturally, are gorgeous. they glow from the inside! Just dont try so hard focusing on what the outside looks like. if you are at peace with yourself you will GLOW from the inside!