Sometimes it’s hard to transfer my swirling brain into the written word. Eric has this funny gesture that he does when he’s poking fun of my overactive mind. Picture him making buzzing noises as he motions electricity coming out of his head. He knows all too well that I’m often unable to quiet my mind. Writing has been challenging lately because life has changed so much and it’s been hard to focus with so many things going on. Then there is the sleep deprivation which isn’t always conducive to making coherent sentences. I always ask Eric what I can write about and he always says, write about how you can’t think of anything to write about. God, he’s so logical…ha.
Creative writing was always my favourite thing in school, next to gym class. My mom often digs up stories I wrote as a child and sends them to me. My writing was so free and filled with zany, creative tales. I never worried if I was saying the “right” thing or if others would like it. I owned that shit. In highschool, I eagerly signed up for a creative writing class with my awesome English teacher, Mr. Pierce. We each made our own creative writing journal. Mine was a huge coiled notebook (I think I splurged on the “fancy” Five Star notebook!) filled with random scraps of inspirational words pasted onto the pages and stories confessing the things I had been struggling with or triumphing over. I wrote about love and heartbreak, a cross country move with my mom, missing my best friend, and starting my last year of highschool in a new school. I wrote about my anxiety and struggles with body image. I wrote and wrote and wrote my little heart out; the words came easily because I knew that my teacher would be the only one reading. It was like therapy. Each week, his encouraging comments scribbled below each entry lifted me up. Sometimes he would ask us to share a bit of what we wrote with our classmates and I would freeze up, rarely ever volunteering, even though I could see him glancing my way out of the corner of my eye. Writing freely for yourself is one thing, but being vulnerable and sharing it with others takes guts. Heck, even writing honestly for your own eyes takes guts.
Even after 6 years of blogging and consistent daily writing, I still struggle with the debilitating feeling that my words don’t matter or what I have to say isn’t worth sharing. Isn’t it funny how we can defeat ourselves before even trying? Brain, stop that! I miss the freedom with writing that I felt so many years ago in my creative writing class.
When I started this blog I wrote as if I was writing in my journal. After all, no one was reading so I didn’t think about it much. As the blog grew, I started to overthink every word I wrote because I felt eyes looking over my shoulder as I typed. Would this offend someone…does this sound preachy…will I inadvertently destroy a young and impressionable human being? I’m being dramatic, but you get the idea. This type of thinking stifles every creative bone in the body. It’s definitely a good thing to be aware of others, but it’s a fine line and it’s easy to lose yourself. I think we’ve all been there whether it’s with writing or in real life situations. It’s funny though, since writing my pregnancy and baby blog posts, I’ve actually felt a renewed freedom in my writing again and I’ve even had readers take notice and comment on it. I love writing those weekly posts mostly because I feel like I’m writing in my journal again. It’s helped me bring back the me in my writing.
So. I’ve decided that I want to write more freely and in spite of fear. I don’t think that fear when sharing personal writing will ever go away (sharing takes guts, and always will), but I do think I can forge ahead anyway. I love connecting with YOU; it’s what ignited my passion for blogging in the first place (way back in 2008). What helped me write this post was just sitting down at the computer one night and letting my thoughts hit the paper (err…keyboard). No censoring myself, just writing freely. It felt good!
Having a daughter has made me think a lot about the lessons I want to teach her some day (gulp!), and encouraging Adriana to speak her truth is high on my list. I want her to be BRAVE and raise her hand and share her stories! And not just share her stories, but to feel like her words are worth sharing. That is so, so huge. To know that you are worth it. But I know that I have to practice what I preach and show her there is strength in vulnerability, in taking risks, and being true to who you are.
Raw Chocolate Pudding
Yield
3 servings
Prep time
Cook time
0 minutes
Total time
This raw, completely natural, no-sugar-added banana cacao almond butter pudding will make your heart skip a beat! It won't give you a sugar crash either. I expect that kids will love this recipe too. If you don't have raw cacao powder you can try using unsweetened cocoa powder, although you will likely have to adjust the amount to taste. I recommend adding it 1 tablespoon at a time and taste testing as you go. Roasted almond butter would also work lovely. And because I will probably be asked - the banana flavour does come through quite a bit in this pudding. Recipe adapted from Green Kitchen Stories, which was adapted from the Kernesund Familie cookbook.
Ingredients
For the pudding:
- 3 medium bananas, peeled (see note)
- 1/2 medium avocado, pitted (see note)
- 1/4 cup smooth raw almond butter
- 4-5 tablespoons raw cacao powder, or to taste
- 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
- pinch of pink Himalayan salt or fine sea salt
Optional toppings:
- Coconut Whipped Cream (recipe linked in notes below)
- 1/4 cup hazelnuts, toasted and chopped
- Raspberry chia seed jam (recipe linked in notes below)
- Pomegranate arils
Directions
- Add all pudding ingredients into a food processor and process until smooth, stopping to scrape down the sides of the bowl as needed. I like to let the machine run for a couple minutes to get it super smooth.
- Portion the pudding into a container and chill in the fridge for an hour or so. Or you can serve it right away with the recommended toppings. Best enjoyed within 12-24 hours or so.
Tip:
Tips: 1) You want to avoid using overly ripe, brown bananas in this recipe or the banana flavour will overwhelm. Yellow with a few spots is best. 2) If you want an "instant" cold pudding, refrigerate the bananas and avocado prior to making this pudding. 3) For the coconut whipped cream recipe, see here. 4) For toasted hazelnuts, roast the nuts at 300F for 10-14 minutes until the skins start to fall off the nuts. Place toasted nuts in an old tea towel and rub vigorously to remove the skins. 5) For my Raspberry Chia Seed Jam recipe, see here. 6) I don't recommend using an avocado that is bruised as it will be bitter. A soft, but still green, avocado is perfect for this recipe.
Nutrition Information
(click to expand)
It looks amazzzingggggg! So delicious! Need to try this recipe.
www.trangscorner.com
Ok, this recipe….. I’m drooling just looking at it! But more importantly, I love your honesty, Ange. Your words resonate with people far more than I think you know, and I think some of your best posts are ones like this. I agree – putting yourself out there is hard and takes major guts, but every time you do it makes me re-affirm how much I absolutely love reading what you have to say! xo
I have been trying to start a blog but the same fear you talk about keeps getting in my way. I love reading your blog and I see you as a person who would be a great role model for girls.
Thank you for your inspiration, both in living a healthy, loving life and facing the fears that hold us back from doing what makes us happy.
Angela –
I have been reading your blog for a few years now and have recommended it to SO many people. More than one of these people have come back to tell me how much they love your writing style and your recipes. I know putting yourself out there is scary, but I would hate to see you censor yourself. I love that you are getting back to “you!”
I love the way you write! And this recipe. Anything with no extra sugar works for me as a type 1 diabetic so this is inspiring. going to have a go!
I LOVE your blog! Your words are extremely worth while and I appreciate the time you spend and the wonderful recipes you share!
OMG…a few weeks ago I made a very similar recipe but in the form of overnight oats. Basically, make cacao-banana-date-almond milk, soak chia+oats in it, and stir in almond butter and chia jam in the morning. I’m eating this incredible concoction right now, and I almost screamed at my desk when I saw your post. I must agree that these flavors are AMAZING together!
I was just telling my husband last night that I fear my words don’t matter. Thank you!!! Beautiful post and nice to know we are not alone in feeling this way.
Thanks for this very honest and inspiring post Angela. I know exactly how you feel! If you haven’t read it already, I highly recommend “The art of possibility” by Rosamund Stone Zander. It blew my mind and helped me pinpoint the ways in which fear has held me back. I think you might enjoy it!
No sugar added in a chocolate pudding? Now THAT by itself is an achievement worth mentioning :)
Hi Angela, I own your recipe book and have been following you for years. Don’t ever change! You are real! That is what I love about you!
Thank you for this reflection on writing. I’ve been having the same battle in my head since I started my blog about a month ago. Unlike you, I hated English class in high school and believed the harsh comments and criticisms from my teachers. I have thought of myself as a bad writer for over a decade because of it. While I was pregnant last year I began journalling and found that I absolutely love writing. Starting my blog has been so outside of my comfort zone but I’ve never been happier and I feel the happiest writing like nobody is reading.
Your post is exactly what I needed to hear today. It helps knowing that other people are going through the same thing as I am. Thank you so much and I look forward to reading more of your “free” writing!
You are a great writer! You should never worry about how it sounds to other people. I wish words came to me like they do for you. I struggle to write one short paragraph on my blog, haha. This recipe looks delish!
I love this post! Your writing is one of the things I love most about this blog–it feels so open and honest, and I find that comforting.
I’m on this cusp of writing myself. I think about the vulnerability and putting myself out there in my own work as a psychic. I was not even able to tell people about my sensitivities until a few years ago and now I am doing readings, have a website, and will be pushing more from myself with intimate blog posts. It’s so scary. I need to be more brave, more and more brave. Thank you for your words and vulnerability. It alone is inspiring.
Oh. My. Lord. DANGER ZONE! Haha, I will have to make this recipe ASAP because my mouth is watering! Vegan and no sugar added? Bookmarked and printed! Thank you!
Circus & Bloom
♥♥♥
Beautiful post, sweet friend. I struggle with this as well. :)
I finally got a hold of your book at our library! I thought you’d enjoy hearing that at least at my local library your book is still in constant circulation. It’s never on the shelf, just heads straight to the next person on the wait list. I think our system has four copies. It is a gorgeous book, the copy I received is already showing signs of having been opened, flipped through and used many many times. There are even a few wiped away splatters (I see these as signs of a loved cookbook, not an abused one).
I’m excited to dive in!
Angela, I’ve been reading your blogs for years now, and I have to say that I’ve always enjoyed your perspective and reading your posts on food, life, and everything else in between. Thank you for sharing your stories (and AMAZING recipes) with the Internet. :)
Oh my dear….you have NO IDEA how much I LOVE reading your posts! Don’t change a thing. Your words DO make a difference, especially to this old woman who is new to the challenges of being vegan. Keep it coming!
great post!
I just posted a new weekly food diary on my blog, and I would love to know your opinion on it :)
nutritionpsychology.blogspot.co.uk
You are an inspiration Ange! I loved this post, and can’t wait to make this dessert/breakfast/snack anytime! ;) xoxo
Also…this pudding. Oh my goodness!!!!!!
What a beautiful chocolate pudding. It is perfect to serve for the Valentine;s Day Holiday.
“Writing freely for yourself is one thing, but being vulnerable and sharing it with others takes guts. Heck, even writing honestly for your own eyes takes guts”.
YES! Thanks for writing this Angela; it mirrors how I’ve been feeling lately. I write a running blog that has always been fun, but have recently begun to share some of my experiences with breast cancer over the last year. A logical leap, since my two greatest outlets have always been running and writing – but it was absolutely terrifying at first to put such personal reflections out there! I was definitely inspired by your blog; like so many others, it is your personal stories and great writing “voice” that draw me in, as much as your incredible recipes. Thanks for encouraging others to find and share their voice :)
This is my favorite post of yours, and not just because there is chocolate involved! lol. (Actually I like all your posts because of your sense of humor and honesty) It was very sincere and I think everyone can relate to this. Creative writing was my favorite in high school too. Keep on being fearless.
That looks incredible. I love the avocado/banana combo ! Perfect for when you want something light and chocolaty.
I just made this, so creamy and not too sweet which I love. A great balance of flavors, I used roasted almond butter too. Thanks for the recipe.
Hi Angela,
I love your blog and recipes, I even bought your book! I just wanted to share this podscast from Invisibilia (a new NPR program) entitled “The secret history of thoughts”. It is truly inspiring, and it also helps us to understand this part of our psychology related to certain “fears”.
http://www.npr.org/programs/invisibilia/375927143/the-secret-history-of-thoughts?showDate=2015-01-09
I hope you like it!
I’m glad you listened to Eric about what to write. I feel a similar connection to writing as you described. I always shied away from it as a career because I didn’t think I could make a living or did want to write about things I didn’t care about or that didn’t matter. I’ve recently started to blog and write what I call my daily pages. You’re right. It’s so therapeutic and incredibly scary to be vulnerable to an audience. I appreciate your bravery in your writing and have to tell you that you have inspired me to be open and honest with my own words. I see where it has taken you and wonder where it will bring me. Thank you.
Please don’t hate me for saying this, but I’m so glad to read this post. I have made, loved, and shared a lot of your recipes, and this is definitely my go to website when I’m on a hunt for a great recipe. That said, for a while, I started to feel like maybe it was just me, but your “voice” started to feel a little bit distant. I feel like your recipes are amazing and just keep getting better (I don’t know HOW you keep managing to top them!) but until the cookbook was out and Adriana was born, I sort of felt like the blog was losing part of what made it so special. I know that you’ve had so much going on lately, and I don’t know how you’ve managed to juggle it all, but I have missed some of the other types of posts. Your earlier posts were very vulnerable, and I think that raw honesty and just being yourself was a huge part of what helped draw so many loyal readers to your site. I’m excited to see where you go from here!
I appreciate your candor Sarah – truly. And it’s something I have felt for a while so I don’t fault you for feeling the same. Thanks for reading!
xo
Hi Angela- I too, have been quietly following your site for years and I must say that your writing is equally as magical as your recipes. You have a way of being yourself that puts people at ease. We can all relate to “the fear” of putting yourself out there but you’ve done an amazing job.
Congratulations on your beautiful daughter!
BTW- you’ve increased my cooking skills profoundly and now my husband brags about my cooking skills and loves eating at home……..I am ever grateful.
This sounds so delicious! I wonder, could you increase the amount of avocado and decrease the amount of banana to reduce the banana flavor? I personally love banana and think it works great with chocolate but I know not everyone is in agreement.
Want to make this right now! Think I can use frozen bananas?
I just made this recipe! It’s fabulous! :)
This looks fantastic! Cant wait to try it.
You certainly are a genuine blogger. It is always a pleasure to read!
Your words here spoke to me in so many ways. Thank you! I thought that as time passed, I would feel more comfortable and confident in blogging, but unfortunately the opposite has been true. I constantly self-doubt. It’s been a learning process of self-discovery however and I love it for that. On an entirely different note, I think you have the absolute best chocolate recipes. I am totally eating this for breakfast tomorrow. :)
Bravo Angela! It is brave to put your words out there without fear of how others will perceive them. This is true in speech but more so in writing. I enjoy your blog and your delicious recipes which have been a godsend since finding out that I needed to eliminate wheat and dairy from my diet. Thank you!
I can totally relate about the fear of writing and the what it is I am really writing about. It’s funny because I started a blog this year about my art and just yeasterday wrote about something similar. Feels good to see others struggle too. And someone that I admire and have been indulging in your new book. I love your recipes! Thank you!
Hi Angela!
I have been reading your blog for quite a while now, and I’ve always been inspired by your blog and how your personality shines through in your writing.
I absolutely loved your post today. As someone who just recently started blogging I’ve found that what has caught me off-guard is the vulnerability that comes with letting your personality show in your blog posts. Thank you for being so candid – you’ve inspired me to push myself out of my comfort zone and do the same!
So yummy and tasty I wish
nastyadrama.ru
This is why I love your blog, you are REAL and not market blogging which drives me insane. I love that I feel like I kinda know you even though I don’t, anyways that is why I come back all the time and read your blog because I feel like you are a friend telling me the latest recipe! Thanks for your blog, I LOVE IT! xo C
I just remembered that I had an overly ripe avocado in my fridge and was trying to think of how to use it up. This is perfection! Thank you!
Thank you !
Thank you !
Carry on being brave and being authentically YOU. Your daughter is so lucky to have you.
I have 4 daughters and 2 sons and all I want for them is to be happy, healthy and true to themselves , to live kindly and authentically. It is not necessarily easy, and I am still very much on my journey.
with love
Thank you so much for all of your amazing vegan recipes. It’s always such a comfort to me to come home after a long day and open up your cookbook, to not only cook recipes that I know are going to be super healthy for me, but follow with amazing taste that is full fulling. P.S. I can’t wait to try this chocolate pudding! Looks amazing :)
Loving this post. I’ve been struggling with this same thing. I loved writing when I was younger but finding both the time and the courage to put down my thoughts and feelings is hard! My husband has been encouraging me to write again for YEARS but I’ve been ignoring him. I have the same desire to be a good example for my now 5 month old and encourage him to share his thoughts and feelings without fear. I have to constantly remind myself that even now he is learning from me. Thanks for the extra inspiration!
I really like this kind of desserts. You see chocolate dessert
but you know that it is a delicious and healthy fruit composition :)
Very tasty! Unfortunately I think my bananas were a little bit on the not quite ripe enough side, but it was good. I used pb too because I don’t like ab, and it was still yummy.
I absolutely love this post!
I love each and every one of your posts Angela, you are so down to earth. Never second guess yourself :)