Sometimes it’s hard to transfer my swirling brain into the written word. Eric has this funny gesture that he does when he’s poking fun of my overactive mind. Picture him making buzzing noises as he motions electricity coming out of his head. He knows all too well that I’m often unable to quiet my mind. Writing has been challenging lately because life has changed so much and it’s been hard to focus with so many things going on. Then there is the sleep deprivation which isn’t always conducive to making coherent sentences. I always ask Eric what I can write about and he always says, write about how you can’t think of anything to write about. God, he’s so logical…ha.
Creative writing was always my favourite thing in school, next to gym class. My mom often digs up stories I wrote as a child and sends them to me. My writing was so free and filled with zany, creative tales. I never worried if I was saying the “right” thing or if others would like it. I owned that shit. In highschool, I eagerly signed up for a creative writing class with my awesome English teacher, Mr. Pierce. We each made our own creative writing journal. Mine was a huge coiled notebook (I think I splurged on the “fancy” Five Star notebook!) filled with random scraps of inspirational words pasted onto the pages and stories confessing the things I had been struggling with or triumphing over. I wrote about love and heartbreak, a cross country move with my mom, missing my best friend, and starting my last year of highschool in a new school. I wrote about my anxiety and struggles with body image. I wrote and wrote and wrote my little heart out; the words came easily because I knew that my teacher would be the only one reading. It was like therapy. Each week, his encouraging comments scribbled below each entry lifted me up. Sometimes he would ask us to share a bit of what we wrote with our classmates and I would freeze up, rarely ever volunteering, even though I could see him glancing my way out of the corner of my eye. Writing freely for yourself is one thing, but being vulnerable and sharing it with others takes guts. Heck, even writing honestly for your own eyes takes guts.
Even after 6 years of blogging and consistent daily writing, I still struggle with the debilitating feeling that my words don’t matter or what I have to say isn’t worth sharing. Isn’t it funny how we can defeat ourselves before even trying? Brain, stop that! I miss the freedom with writing that I felt so many years ago in my creative writing class.
When I started this blog I wrote as if I was writing in my journal. After all, no one was reading so I didn’t think about it much. As the blog grew, I started to overthink every word I wrote because I felt eyes looking over my shoulder as I typed. Would this offend someone…does this sound preachy…will I inadvertently destroy a young and impressionable human being? I’m being dramatic, but you get the idea. This type of thinking stifles every creative bone in the body. It’s definitely a good thing to be aware of others, but it’s a fine line and it’s easy to lose yourself. I think we’ve all been there whether it’s with writing or in real life situations. It’s funny though, since writing my pregnancy and baby blog posts, I’ve actually felt a renewed freedom in my writing again and I’ve even had readers take notice and comment on it. I love writing those weekly posts mostly because I feel like I’m writing in my journal again. It’s helped me bring back the me in my writing.
So. I’ve decided that I want to write more freely and in spite of fear. I don’t think that fear when sharing personal writing will ever go away (sharing takes guts, and always will), but I do think I can forge ahead anyway. I love connecting with YOU; it’s what ignited my passion for blogging in the first place (way back in 2008). What helped me write this post was just sitting down at the computer one night and letting my thoughts hit the paper (err…keyboard). No censoring myself, just writing freely. It felt good!
Having a daughter has made me think a lot about the lessons I want to teach her some day (gulp!), and encouraging Adriana to speak her truth is high on my list. I want her to be BRAVE and raise her hand and share her stories! And not just share her stories, but to feel like her words are worth sharing. That is so, so huge. To know that you are worth it. But I know that I have to practice what I preach and show her there is strength in vulnerability, in taking risks, and being true to who you are.
Raw Chocolate Pudding
Yield
3 servings
Prep time
Cook time
0 minutes
Total time
This raw, completely natural, no-sugar-added banana cacao almond butter pudding will make your heart skip a beat! It won't give you a sugar crash either. I expect that kids will love this recipe too. If you don't have raw cacao powder you can try using unsweetened cocoa powder, although you will likely have to adjust the amount to taste. I recommend adding it 1 tablespoon at a time and taste testing as you go. Roasted almond butter would also work lovely. And because I will probably be asked - the banana flavour does come through quite a bit in this pudding. Recipe adapted from Green Kitchen Stories, which was adapted from the Kernesund Familie cookbook.
Ingredients
For the pudding:
- 3 medium bananas, peeled (see note)
- 1/2 medium avocado, pitted (see note)
- 1/4 cup smooth raw almond butter
- 4-5 tablespoons raw cacao powder, or to taste
- 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
- pinch of pink Himalayan salt or fine sea salt
Optional toppings:
- Coconut Whipped Cream (recipe linked in notes below)
- 1/4 cup hazelnuts, toasted and chopped
- Raspberry chia seed jam (recipe linked in notes below)
- Pomegranate arils
Directions
- Add all pudding ingredients into a food processor and process until smooth, stopping to scrape down the sides of the bowl as needed. I like to let the machine run for a couple minutes to get it super smooth.
- Portion the pudding into a container and chill in the fridge for an hour or so. Or you can serve it right away with the recommended toppings. Best enjoyed within 12-24 hours or so.
Tip:
Tips: 1) You want to avoid using overly ripe, brown bananas in this recipe or the banana flavour will overwhelm. Yellow with a few spots is best. 2) If you want an "instant" cold pudding, refrigerate the bananas and avocado prior to making this pudding. 3) For the coconut whipped cream recipe, see here. 4) For toasted hazelnuts, roast the nuts at 300F for 10-14 minutes until the skins start to fall off the nuts. Place toasted nuts in an old tea towel and rub vigorously to remove the skins. 5) For my Raspberry Chia Seed Jam recipe, see here. 6) I don't recommend using an avocado that is bruised as it will be bitter. A soft, but still green, avocado is perfect for this recipe.
The New York State English teacher in my absolutely loved reading every word of this post! I always have my students write daily journals ~ just to get them and keep them into the practice of writing. And reading them, truly heartbreaking! Kids pour their souls into the journals, it is therapy for them. But sometimes, I truly feel as though they forget a real person. Me. Is reading every word. And my heart breaks for their struggles. I just want to go home and indulge in some chocolate after reading some of the stuff they write. And of course, my butt will not thank them for stressing me out and making me turn to chocolate. So I kindly thank you for a recipe that allows me to indulge in chocolate with no added sugar spiking add-ons! It’s vegan and I love the addition and color of the pomegranate arils.
Hi Angela,
I’ve just commenced studies in Nutritional Science & my first assessment is to submit a blog over the up & coming weeks. This evening during an online class our lecturer suggested we hop on over here to check out your blog as an example of this style of writing. I could not have come across anything more inspiring, this is perfect. Many thanks for fuelling me with some confidence. Oh & that pudding is on my to do list.. Thanks again,
Ness.
That’s so cool! Thanks for letting me know :)
When I first started blogging, I convinced myself I would only write about the food in front of me and nothing else. It sounded impersonal and read more like a lecture than something remotely enjoyable. It has been a struggle to actually write what I want to write about purely out of fear that my words may be offensive, hard or worse, mean nothing at all. I owe you a big thanks since reading your site and seeing how productive, positive and goal-oriented you are, it made me come to my senses and realize I could do something if I tried. Starting is the hardest part and thankfully a year and a half later I can say I did it.
P.S. Really digging this pudding.
Hi Angela! I LOVE this post!! I have been following your blog since you started it and I have never commented before. But today I had to say something, because I have always been afraid to up to now. Your stories always inspired me. And even after all these years of being afraid to speak freely, the dream of wanting to start my own blog has not left me. So this year I am doing it :) Thank you for the gentle push!! I have loved all your posts and I can’t wait to see what comes next!
Hi Anne, I’m so happy to hear this!! Can’t wait to see what you come up with. Be sure to let me know when you are blogging!
Ann, this is such a thoughtful and genuine comment. You should definitely start your blog soon. It will be great.
Is it crazy that I have this spinning in my food processor now?
Request: If possible, could you make a healthy banana or vanilla pudding recipe that could be eaten for breakfast? I realize that this could certainly (and will be) eaten for breakfast… However, it seems that most vegan pudding recipes are chocolate, and chocolate is not really my favorite. I get that it’s easier without the help of powdered dairy, obsessive amounts of sugar and artificial preservatives, but still… :)
And as I write this it is now done blending. Yum!
Glad you made it so fast!
At first I was like wait this can’t be eaten for breakfast!? Guess what I did this morning, haha. But then I realized you want something without the chocolate spin. I will definitely get the wheels turning! I have a good idea for a white chocolate pudding (tested one last week), but not sure it meets “breakfast” criteria though.
Dear Angela & Sarah Elizabeth, what about trying a mocha pudding made of banana, PB, silken tofu, pinch or two or carob, and a grain coffee sub or instant coffee?
carob would be awesome (Im a huge fan) – I was just thinking about mixing carob and cacao the other day. A banana cinnamon vanilla bean would probably be nice too.
Based off of the chia banana oatmeal chocolate pudding recipe you have in a previous blog, Angela, I like to omit the chocolate and add cinnamon and blueberries for a lovely breakfast pudding!
Angela, this post is probably the most authentic post you have ever done. I’ve been following your work since you first started as well. You are owning up to being a new mother, up keeping the responsibilities of being an incredible wife, thriving business owner and writer! It is to be expected to have a few rough days. You’re human.
I would like to offer a good read to you! ….
Start Where You Are by Pema Chodron
This book has helped me get rid of my anxiety, it has helped me better understand what it is like to be human and that everyone on this planet experiences the same thing. I offer this book to you because I understand the feeling of being drained, change, loss of creativity, and especially fear. In the end…. it’s no big deal. All of what we deal with. And we should never be hesitant to opening our hearts, saying the honest words we want to say and pursuing our dreams. Because of this read, the current life experiences and life altering events I am currently dealing with I am about to launch a site that I have been dreaming about doing and completely changing my career. I can’t thank you enough for living your passion and being my greatest inspiration.
I will reach out to you soon as I gain momentum.
Thanks so much for your kind words! I will definitely check out that book :)
Angela,
Thank you, thank you for this post! I came to your blog for the recipes, but what I found was someone with the strength to write about things that are real. Adrianna’s birth story was absolutely beautiful and helped me understand what I might have to expect when my husband and I have our own little ones. I can also absolutely relate to the overactive mind that questions everything you do. I have one too! So annoying! You’re quite an inspiration to me to squash my own fears of putting myself out there. So if you need any extra encouragement that your words are worth putting out there, I want to confirm what you already know, that they are!
Thank you Nancy, I appreciate your encouragement and kind words!
I will second that! I stumbled upon OSG about two years ago and I relate heartily to finding one’s self through eating whole, Vegan meals and an active lifestyle.
Angela, your voice is that of a BFF who cheers ya on. Thanks for your vulnerability. Seeing you choose compassion for yourself after years of struggle has inspired me, too. Left the job. Started a company. More creative and happier than ever. And eating better than the best restaurants (on a budget)!!
I’m convinced our old tapes will always tell us the counter-opposite of the truth, and our need to share each other’s experiences is the way to make this a better world for all.
Thanks for this beautiful comment Kathy! I’m so flattered by your words. It sounds like you’ve made some awesome changes in your life – congrats!
This sounds and looks amazing! I’m adding this to my “to make” list! Thanks for sharing.
ohmyleopard.com
Hi,
I’m allergic to almonds and so many tempting recipes contain almond butter.
Do you have any suggestions for substitutions?
Would peanut butter be too overpowering?
This looks delicious :)
Hi Ally, Peanut Butter or sunflower seed butter might work too, although I haven’t tried them yet! I would add them slowly to taste rather than 1/4 cup all in one go. Hope this helps and let us know if you try anything out!
This recipe is amazing Angela! I substituted the almond butter for sunflower butter as my children are allergic to nuts – tastes amazing! Luv, luv, luv that this is a healthy version of a high sugar and dairy dessert. I make a lot of your recipes not only for myself but also for my two toddlers – this one is a hit!
This sounds amazing! Do you think it would still be yummy without avocado? I don’t typically like them in chocolate desserts. Also, love your blog. It’s THE BEST.
Hi Meg, I added the avocado because I felt like the pudding was a bit “thin” with just the bananas – the avocado thickens things up so nicely! But I only added a half because like you, I find the flavour can come through a lot with avocado. I think it would work without it just won’t be as thick. Or you can try adding a few tablespoons of avocado too. It’s pretty forgiving!
I just made the pudding and subbed Chia seeds for the avocado. I blended after adding them to even out the texture. It was pretty firm and very delicious!
Hi Lina, how much Chia seeds did you use instead of the avocado? I want to try this recipe without it as well and am thinking of trying the seeds, but have no experience with it. Did it blend well or could you feel the seeds in the pudding?
This post was so good to hear today. I love reading your posts and seeing all the great recipes you share. It is such a positive place to be.
Thank you so much for this post! I’ve only very recently started my own blog, and this is exactly what I’m struggling with. It’s incredibly scary to write honestly and personally, I’m finding I’m thinking the same things, obsessing about who is going to read my post and what they are going to think (which has resulted in my posts sticking pretty closely to just recipe-sharing so far). Your writing is always so open and real that I never would have guessed you would have gone through these insecurities.
Thanks Jessica :) I just checked out your blog and it looks great…and your creamy kale and chickpea dish is calling my name! I think I will have to try it this week. I just made a huge batch of chickpeas.
Thank you so much Angela!!! You have no idea how happy your reply made me and that you actually took the time to check out my site; I immediately called my mom to tell her; we are both huge fans of your blog and cookbook :) Hope you enjoy the kale & chickpea recipe if you end up trying it – it is one of my faves!
*blushing over here* :)
can’t wait to try out the recipe…it will be perfect comfort food during this snow-filled week. I have a bunch of my 10-spice blend leftover from my creamy veggie soup and I might have to add a tablespoon of that into it too. yum!!
Fabulous post. Thank you for writing from your heart.
Thank you Linda :)
Oh, how I love this post! I completely agree with you about how hard — and creatively stifiling — it can be to write for an audience while being afraid of what people think. I just started writing again a few weeks ago, and I’ve been struggling with the same thing. I recently came to the same conclusion you did, and even though that vulnerability is scary, I know it’s time to feel the fear and do it anyways.
And for what it’s worth, the exact journaling-style of writing you describe — your stories, anecdotes, and experiences — is the main thing that drew me to OSG in the first place. I remember when I first started reading (something like four years ago, which feels slightly insane to me), and while I love the recipes you share, it’s the personal writing I enjoy the most. I think a lot of people can relate to your experiences, struggles, and triumphs, and for lack of a better phrase, it helps people feel far less alone in a world that feels increasingly disconnected and impersonal. There are a lot of food blogs out there, and what sets OSG apart — in my mind at least — is the fact that readers quickly find out that there’s a *real person* behind the awesome recipes. So, more power to you in getting back to this kind of writing!
What a lovely thing to say, I can’t thank you enough!
This is EXACTLY what I need right now! I need a chocolate fix, sugar-free style. Thanks so much! I’ve made your raspberry chia jam before and loved it, so I will definitely be adding this on top!
This looks amazing, love the combination of bananas, chocolate and almond butter! And coconut whipped cream is the perfect addition to anything :)
You just gave me a totally new perspective on my early writing. From the 5th to the 8th grade I wrote a book about a foundling who later discovered that she was a the sister of her princess, who had been kidnapped. About halfway through the book I decided to bring in magic.
Up until now I often felt ashamed of such a childish and foreseeable story. But now I see that it is awesome I wrote at all and that I only learned how to improve my writing by doing so.
I am gonna try to own these attempts!
I’m glad! Thanks for sharing :)
Im glad you are able to get back to writing more for YOU. Last week I was published in the Huffington Post and it also helped to renew my passion for writing. Our creative writing stories sound really similar. I think I have fallen into a pattern w writing on my blog and that sometimes makes me feel like the creative aspect is missing. Writing for HP is a way to help bring that back, but I also want to start bringing more of myself back to my own blog and not rely on posting certain things on certain days so that I can be a part of linkups or things like that. Thanks for this post!
This sounds so yummy – I’ll to give this a go for a sweet tooth evening when I’m craving chocolates
Lauren x
brittonloves.blogspot.co.uk | Lifestyle Food Fashion Beauty
Mmmmmm this looks delicious! X
Charlotte – charlottesophiaroberts.blogspot.co.uk
Wow, wow, wow! What an amazing post! I was an English major and feel as though I’m reading my words in this post. Thank you for sharing and inspiring.
The pudding looks delicious!
I’m glad you’re going to write more freely. My blog is nowhere near your scale but I sometimes hate how I feel like I need to over-edit my every thought. Go for it!