Good morning!
Eric and I got sucked into The Marriage Ref again last night! I hope they never cancel the show. We may or may not have a crush on the host, Tom Papa. ;) His little grin is so cute!
I was up around 5:30am and was off to work!
I still have about 200 bars to make today!
breakfast called…
A fresh juice composed of cucumber, ginger, carrot, beet, and apple:
I buy a lot of my juice produce from the discount bin at our grocery store. It saves a ton of money. This is a beat up apple that was going to be tossed had I not saved it. :)
Beets make everything look pretty… Or like blood splatter as one reader commented. Ew.
Rainbow sorbet!
Use your good glasses… Also, use your good towels. ;)
I got a set of these wine glasses from my sister (they gave them out as favours at their wedding) and I fell in love with them the first time I used them. I bet she never thought they would get so much use! I use them for green monsters, juices, wine, cantaloupe margaritas, etc. :mrgreen:
I had my juice along with a GF + Raw Glo Bar.
A very energizing breakfast!
Pressure In College
One of the things I get emailed about the most is my A Year Can Change A Lot Series (found here). This series documents how I was able to leave a miserable situation and find a career that I was passionate about. This led to quitting a stable job and despite all fears, deciding that I would do whatever it takes to be happy.
It is not an easy road. Many of you have emailed me with your stories. I received this email a while back and with Becky’s permission, I will share it with you:
“Hi Angela, Thank you, thank you, thank you for your AYCCA series. It really hit home with me. I have been miserable in school for a while now. You see, I started off doing what I thought I should do– a hard science degree– because my parents have always wanted me to pursue medical school like they did. I took hard sciences because everyone said that it opened the most doors for me even if I did end up changing the idea of going to med school. I am almost finishing up my 3rd year of my science degree and I have to say this has been the most miserable 3 years of my life. Instead of embracing the college experience like all of my friends I am stressed out and unhappy. Sometimes I tear up in the middle of class because I am so lost in the coursework and I feel so in over my head. Sciences just don’t ‘click’ with me!
I have to spend all my free time studying, just to pull a B average and even that disappoints my parents. They tell me I need straight A’s or I will never get into med school. I just feel so depressed right now. In my heart, I know that science is not for me. I don’t have a burning fire to do this. I feel like I would be a huge let down to my parents if I didn’t at least get my degree and then see what happens. They tell me, ‘Becky just stick with something once in your life and finish it.’ How could I do otherwise?
For the past 3 years, I have been going through the motions of college.
So many times, I have wanted to switch my major. I have always had a love of the arts. I am creative and I love to write poetry. I have notebooks and notebooks filled with my poetry. I also love to draw and I have been designing logos for friends on the side for a bit of extra money. This stuff keeps me sane.
Luckily I have a supportive boyfriend during all of this time. He has told me from the beginning to switch my major and go into the arts. He doesn’t really get along with my parents because he sees how unhappy they can make me. I know they just want the best for me, but I am having a hard time figuring this out for myself when they have such strong opinions about it all.
This email is way too long and I will be surprised if you are still reading, but thank you for putting yourself out there and giving me hope that I can do something now before it is too late. I feel like I am either going to make the change now or 30 years from now. What is worse? I just feel stuck and I wonder if you or any of your readers are going through the same situation or have been through it?”
Luckily I have never had pressure from my parents to pursue a specific degree, but I can imagine how hard it would be. I personally feel that it is always best to listen to your heart. I feel that many people ignore it and then when they are 50 they decide to finally make a career change and do what makes them happy. I say don’t wait. Life is too short to delay your happiness. I could be hit by a bus tomorrow and I would have died knowing that I was doing what I loved. If you know in your heart right now that you hate what you are doing, take steps to change that. See a career counselor at your college. I could have saved myself 7 years pursuing something I knew wasn’t for me if I had listened to my heart. I would probably have a heart to heart with my parents and tell them how I felt. I don’t think you can ever communicate too much. Maybe if they knew how unhappy you really were, they would be open to discussion?
Today’s question: Have you ever been in Becky’s shoes? Have you ever felt pressure from parents to go into a career you weren’t passionate about? What did you do?
~~~
Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want. – Margaret Young
Becky, I just read your story and my heart is breaking for you. I am an attorney who after 15 years, decided to no longer practice law. Law was never a good fit for me from the get go. I went to law school and did well. I had good jobs and received praise from my bosses. The thing is, I confused being good at what I do with being happy with what I do. My personality is so ill-suited to being an attorney that it is almost funny. I hate conflict and arguing with people, yet I have been a civil litigator for my whole career. I left my job over a year ago, without another one lined up. I have NEVER done that before, yet I do not regret the decision for a moment. I don’t know what I want to do next, but I do know that I no longer want to practice law. I’m certain of it. This is a decision I was not strong enough to make when I was younger, but I know myself a lot better now.
My advice to you is to talk to your parents. If you can not find the words, print out the letter you wrote to Angela (and all of the wonderful comments) and show it to them. I am a parent now. Although my oldest is only 4 years old, my hope is that, when the time comes, I will encourage my sons to do what makes them happy. I think, as parents, that is what most people want for their children. Perhaps your parents believe that the prestige and financial security that come along with being a doctor will lead to happiness – and in many cases it does, but not for everyone. All of the money and position in the world will not be able to fulfill you if you miserable inside.
I wish you the best.
Having been there, I definitely say live what you love! What’s that saying? “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and go do that. Because what the world needs is people who come alive!” Or “Leap and the net will appear!” I think kids know what they came here to do (before society/family brainwashes them). I always *knew* that I would be a teacher, so I got straight A+’s, got told that I was “too smart to be a teacher,” ignored those comments, went to university, hated it with a passion, moved back home, studied via correspondence in a field that truly interested me but unfortunately would not allow me to become a teacher… and am now teaching my own workshops without having to follow some outdated curriculum! It didn’t happen half as easily as I just wrote it, but being unhappy every day of your life is infinitely more difficult than following your heart and learning to go with the flow! I think we all have a feeling of what we want to do, but you just have to be open to outside-the-box ideas and just do what you love, day by day… It’s a journey, not a destination! I haven’t read all the comments, but for Gaia3465 and anyone else feeling the same way, I have to recommend a couple books I’m actually reading right now: “Refuse to Choose” and “The Renaissance Soul.” I’m not even halfway finished either of them, but just picking it up at the bookstore and reading the cover changed my whole perception of myself. I would feel so trapped and suffocated if I had to choose only one career path! We have to listen to our feelings – if you’re miserable now, “toughing it out” isn’t going to help you! I get concerned looks and comments from people all the time because nothing about my life is “stable” or “steady” or “safe,” but when I was so unhappy in university, no one even seemed to notice. People being unhappy in their work is so common that it’s become completely normal… so much so that if you come home from work happy simply because you love what you do, people think that you’re not working hard enough! And yet if you go through the motions like a zombie everyday and come home drained and miserable, THAT’S contributing to society! Basically, right now, you’re not happy and it doesn’t sound like your parents are that happy either. If you decide to follow your heart, your parents might not be happy (although I’d be willing to bet that they won’t be quite as upset as you think… who knows, you might inspire them… in time!)… but YOU will be happy! You’ve got my support! *No one* has ever made great things happen by playing it safe.
fabulous… “Leap and the net will appear!”
i think most people will be able to relate to Becky. sadly i know many of my friends who didnt stand up for themselves and choose the path they wanted. theyre stuck in a state of anxiety and grief over the path theyve chosen and continue to walk on.
I’m in a job right now that I hate,hate,hate. I would love to go to college or take some courses in health & dietary but that is something that I can not afford to do.
I’m in my early 40’s and I have just discovered what I want to do with my life… and that is to find a job in health and fitness. It so far out of reach it makes me sad. But I’m going to try and find a way to make my dreams come true. Right now, I’m working on my blog and I love it. It’s a little glimmer of hope. :)
Love this post and I can really relate. I wanted to be a college professor because I had a lot of pressure from my parents to choose a career they thought was worth my time. I eventually finished my Master’s Degree and taught for a couple years after my program ended but truthfully I was miserable. So I quit. Then, I got a job working for an amazing company but it just wasn’t where I saw myself in 5 years.
Life is really too short to do something you are not passionate about. Now here I am, making jewelry and blogging. I love every thing about my life. I may not be super “successful” yet in jewelry or blogging but I know that I am at least on a path that I chose, not anyone else and that feels just as good.
I always think of this quote when I think of my career change:
“A master in the art of living draws no sharp distinction between his work and his play; his labor and his leisure; his mind and his body; his education and his recreation. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence through whatever he is doing, and leaves others to determine whether he is working or playing. To himself, he always appears to be doing both.” LP Jacks
i can relate to the person who sent the email 110%, I’m a BioMedical sciences major, its insanely stressful but my parents are pressuring me to stay at a school I really dislike to study for a field I don’t even know if I want to go into..everyone keeps telling me to stick it out, and because I’m about to finish up my sophomore year of college I feel like its to late to switch anyways..
Man, this was ME a year and a half ago. I was seriously unhappy in my Chemical Engineering degree, and was finally convinced by my now-fiance that I should change my major because I was so miserable. I switched to Food Engineering, which wasn’t a huge change, but worked for me. Now, I kind of wish I had gone all the way and switched to Food Science and just ditched the engineering part… I don’t plan on doing any engineering when I graduate next month!
I’m going to make it work for me, but I urge you (Becky) to go with your gut and make the change. You will be so much happier in the long run. Do you want to look back on your time in college as miserable?
Becky, please feel free to contact me if you want to talk more. I know how you feel!
I had a similar experience, but it was related to religion, not school. I walked away at 20 years old, even though it meant sacrificing my relationship with my family and everyone I had grown up with. It was hard, but I never second-guessed myself. When you feel something in your gut, you have to listen. In the end, your parents are still going to love you. Do what makes you happy, Becky.
I am there right now. My dad always want me to do something related to science or the healthcare field. I started my first year last fall, I picked life science mainly just for my parents. But I really hate it. Can’t do chem at all, tear up in class or when I am studying. I decided this is not going to work for me, why should I do something I hate and suck at? I am planning to switch to psychology and anthropology, not sure how am I going to tell my parents yet, too scared to.
200 bars, wow. Pretty soon you might have to hire some more staff :)
I am still studying my arts degree, I guess I am sort of in Becky’s situation because I don’t really get science and stress is inevitable when we’re in uni. However, I only had strong parental pressure from my parents during my high school years and first year of uni because my parents believed that I was for sure going to get in medical school. Med school has always been my goal and will still be. Though I am doing my arts degree in psychology with spanish and german, my parents have given up on trying to talk me into doing hard science papers. At a point they even told me that I can do whatever it is that I am comfortable in doing, but I told them I still have passion for med school, I am just taking my time, so that I can learn other things besides science. The world doesn’t revolve around science, there are many things that can affect our health and I believe medicine is about socialisation as well.
I know how it’s like to not conform with the crowd and listen to your heart.
I’ve never been in Becky’s situation before, I have been very blessed to have super supportive parents. But right now I am finding myself in the situation where I’m less than a month from graduation, I don’t have a job, and I still don’t know exactly what I want to do with the rest of my life. I’ve been applying for and interviewing for jobs, but until I’m actually at one working I don’t think I’ll know what is right for me. But after reading this post, I know now that if I’m unhappy with a career in the future I shouldn’t wait to find something that will fulfill my passions.
Thank you for posting this, it helps provide so much clarity and so much inspiration!
(First Comment!)
I actually had the opposite issue, I wanted something different then what my parents thought I should do. It took a lot of soul searching and some pretty hard choices to make me realize that I can been running away from a path that was perfect for me, just because everyone wanted me to do it.
I just got my Masters (Archival Science) and while I’m currently job searching in my field – I couldn’t be happier with the choice I made to follow in my Mother’s footsteps (same broad field, different focus)!
my parents are very supportive and have never pressured me into ANYTHING. I love them for that. they just let me follow my dreams, my mom made a suggestion awhile ago, saying I should get into Nutrition, and thats what i am doing currently!
I have felt pressure – and still do at times. I have, however, learned to make time for the things I enjoy…..fitness, photography, cooking and blogging :) It is now so a part of my daily routine that I am one happy girl!
For me it wasn’t intense pressure from my parents, but I definitely had the general feeling that they thought I should pursue a business degree because that would leave me with a lot of options and help me make a lot of money.
I decided not to go down this road and to become a teacher instead. Once I got serious about what I wanted to do and showed I had a plan, my parents supported me 100 percent. Of course, there are always days I wish I would’ve listened to them haha…but really I know I wouldn’t have been happy going down a road that wasn’t my own.
Wow. That made me quite sad to read.
My wish for Becky (and others who have similar feelings of pressure from family) is that she find the courage to send her parents the same post that she sent to OSG. It would be very hard, I am sure. But I think that deep down they just want her to be the best, most happy person that she can be. But they are stuck in that mode that parents get into and get stuck on – having their kids live their dreams and not allowing them to pursue what THEY themselves want to do.
Maybe they just need to be told? Maybe once they read something like what she wrote they would feel sad that they have done this to her? Maybe they would tell her to do what makes her happy… God, I hope so. Especially when she already has a pretty defined passion – that is huge! I really hope that she gets to live the life that she wants.
Wow. I felt like I was reading about my own situation from the beginning of this year! I’m a senior in high school, and am headed to college in the fall. I can’t explain how many times I’ve heard go medical, major in a science from my family. They told me that it was a better work environment, and medicine and science in general was the only stable career. It doesn’t help that my sister is pre-dental either. It took a year to fully convince my parents that being a doctor was just not for me. Everyone has their own strengths and going through with a decision that will make you unhappy down the road is not worth it. Your parents do not have to wake up everyday to study subjects for a career that will make you miserable. Although my parents always wanted a doctor for a daughter, I know that they will get over it with time. I’m planning on majoring in international business and go to law school studying international law.
I couldn’t be happier :) because it was a decision I made–not my parents.
Aww, thanks for sharing this story! I have also had some pressure on me to go into medicine, except unlike Becky, I REALLLYY want to, so it’s ok! However, my parents do have high expectations in everything I do, so that is difficult. I was a competitive dancer for 15 years and felt TONS of pressure from EVERYONE. I was SO unhappy and so sick all the time. When I think back, it was the worst time in my life. And I still feel pressure to go back into the dance world and visit people, but the pressure is too much. What I put myself through “preparing” to go. Restrict, restrict, restrict. I am still fighting the thin mindset that I had as a dancer. The pressure in that world is too much to handle. I am slllooowwwwlyyyy learning to do what I want, for ME!! We all need to stop letting others dictate how we live our lives. It is one of my main goals I am focusing on right now! STOP pleasing others, and just be happy with MYSELF!! :)
I luckily was never coerced by my family because I actually got better grades than they did. They supported me for whatever I wanted to do; however, my grandparents made more of a fuss about some degree paths that I tried. I’m finally happy what I’m doing, but I won’t lie, I’m scared about what’s next because I have no idea what to do now…