Good morning!
Eric and I got sucked into The Marriage Ref again last night! I hope they never cancel the show. We may or may not have a crush on the host, Tom Papa. ;) His little grin is so cute!
I was up around 5:30am and was off to work!
I still have about 200 bars to make today!
breakfast called…
A fresh juice composed of cucumber, ginger, carrot, beet, and apple:
I buy a lot of my juice produce from the discount bin at our grocery store. It saves a ton of money. This is a beat up apple that was going to be tossed had I not saved it. :)
Beets make everything look pretty… Or like blood splatter as one reader commented. Ew.
Rainbow sorbet!
Use your good glasses… Also, use your good towels. ;)
I got a set of these wine glasses from my sister (they gave them out as favours at their wedding) and I fell in love with them the first time I used them. I bet she never thought they would get so much use! I use them for green monsters, juices, wine, cantaloupe margaritas, etc. :mrgreen:
I had my juice along with a GF + Raw Glo Bar.
A very energizing breakfast!
Pressure In College
One of the things I get emailed about the most is my A Year Can Change A Lot Series (found here). This series documents how I was able to leave a miserable situation and find a career that I was passionate about. This led to quitting a stable job and despite all fears, deciding that I would do whatever it takes to be happy.
It is not an easy road. Many of you have emailed me with your stories. I received this email a while back and with Becky’s permission, I will share it with you:
“Hi Angela, Thank you, thank you, thank you for your AYCCA series. It really hit home with me. I have been miserable in school for a while now. You see, I started off doing what I thought I should do– a hard science degree– because my parents have always wanted me to pursue medical school like they did. I took hard sciences because everyone said that it opened the most doors for me even if I did end up changing the idea of going to med school. I am almost finishing up my 3rd year of my science degree and I have to say this has been the most miserable 3 years of my life. Instead of embracing the college experience like all of my friends I am stressed out and unhappy. Sometimes I tear up in the middle of class because I am so lost in the coursework and I feel so in over my head. Sciences just don’t ‘click’ with me!
I have to spend all my free time studying, just to pull a B average and even that disappoints my parents. They tell me I need straight A’s or I will never get into med school. I just feel so depressed right now. In my heart, I know that science is not for me. I don’t have a burning fire to do this. I feel like I would be a huge let down to my parents if I didn’t at least get my degree and then see what happens. They tell me, ‘Becky just stick with something once in your life and finish it.’ How could I do otherwise?
For the past 3 years, I have been going through the motions of college.
So many times, I have wanted to switch my major. I have always had a love of the arts. I am creative and I love to write poetry. I have notebooks and notebooks filled with my poetry. I also love to draw and I have been designing logos for friends on the side for a bit of extra money. This stuff keeps me sane.
Luckily I have a supportive boyfriend during all of this time. He has told me from the beginning to switch my major and go into the arts. He doesn’t really get along with my parents because he sees how unhappy they can make me. I know they just want the best for me, but I am having a hard time figuring this out for myself when they have such strong opinions about it all.
This email is way too long and I will be surprised if you are still reading, but thank you for putting yourself out there and giving me hope that I can do something now before it is too late. I feel like I am either going to make the change now or 30 years from now. What is worse? I just feel stuck and I wonder if you or any of your readers are going through the same situation or have been through it?”
Luckily I have never had pressure from my parents to pursue a specific degree, but I can imagine how hard it would be. I personally feel that it is always best to listen to your heart. I feel that many people ignore it and then when they are 50 they decide to finally make a career change and do what makes them happy. I say don’t wait. Life is too short to delay your happiness. I could be hit by a bus tomorrow and I would have died knowing that I was doing what I loved. If you know in your heart right now that you hate what you are doing, take steps to change that. See a career counselor at your college. I could have saved myself 7 years pursuing something I knew wasn’t for me if I had listened to my heart. I would probably have a heart to heart with my parents and tell them how I felt. I don’t think you can ever communicate too much. Maybe if they knew how unhappy you really were, they would be open to discussion?
Today’s question: Have you ever been in Becky’s shoes? Have you ever felt pressure from parents to go into a career you weren’t passionate about? What did you do?
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Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want. – Margaret Young
Fortunately I never got pressure like that from my parents to pursue a certain degree or major, but I can certainly relate to how she’s feeling. Right now I feel like I go through the motions at my job and am not passionate about it. My life has changed drastically in the last year as health and fitness has become a central part of my life. I started to blog so I am doing something regularly that I am passionate about and hope to move into a position in the health/fitness area. I’d love to work with other people to help them make a change and embrace a healthy lifestyle like I have.
I never felt pressure, but I knew I just wanted to be a trainer, and my dad kind of ‘coerced’ me into finishing with a business degree. In my experience, my parents have always been right, and I am so glad I have that degree.
I agree with you, Angela. Life is WAY too short. If there is a way to change things, do it. If it can’t be done immediately, take each and every step in that direction. If it is miserable now, it probably won’t get much better once school is over. And this is YOUR life – you want to do what you are passionate about.
i did for a while, and i actually got a degree in something i didn’t love because of it. but the more i work the more i realize that you can do what you’re passionate about without a degree in that specific area (minus healthcare and law). the key is to become an expert in something…and expert doesn’t require a degree but a firm base of knowledge that you can get from reading, writing, studying, joining organizations, interviews, etc.
all that to say that if i had it to do again, i would have changed majors, but since i didn’t i’ve had to find ways around that fact! life’s too short to worry about mistakes!
I never had pressure to pursue a certain career, but I did have a “never good enough” father which impacted every part of my life for many years. It took a lot of self work to realize that those expectations are just a projection of someone else’s dreams or insecurities. Your life is yours alone, and you are the one who has to go to sleep happy at the end of the day.
What a tough situation. I’m all for saying change majors!! If you are this unhappy now, I hate to say it, it isn’t going to get better- what comes next? Being miserable in med school, then hating being a doctor? You have to do what you’re passionate about it. They never mention in college how your major affects your life afterwards- you need to find something that will let you work AND be happy in life. College is 4 years- life is a lot longer. I can hear the passion for arts & poetry just from the email- it would be amazing if she could find a way to incorporate that. All that being said, there’s still the difficult situation of the parents- I think it’s important to get them to understand how much this is impacting you. Maybe write it all down, or set up a meeting with them so you can all sit down to discuss it when you’re calm & not angry with each other. Or both. Good luck to you Becky- I hope you find a way to be happy & passionate in school & your career- and life! :)
I love this ‘College is 4 years- life is a lot longer’
I can def understand what Becky is going through. I pursued a degree in Business Administration bc I thought it was the “safest” degree to graduate with. Luckily I discovered the Marketing–a specialization option for the Business Administration degree–and instantly fell in love with it. I loveeee the creativity aspect of it and cannot wait to begin a career within the food industry utilizing all of the skills I’ve gained from school.
Overall, I truly believe in the quote “Do what you like, like what you do.”
Here is another favorite quote of mine: “And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”
Great quote!
I was in your shoes, Becky. I pursued a premed bach degree for 2 years, then a mechanical engineering degree for 1 year until I finally realized that I did not want to be unhappy anymore. The competition with the premed students was insane, and it was to the point that no one wanted to help each other b/c they didn’t want their comrades to get a better grade on the test than them. I wasn’t grasping the material, not because it was hard, it was because I wasn’t interested. I was devastated when I finally changed my major and added 2 more years onto my undergrad degree. I wasn’t going to be a doctor anymore but it turned out to be the best decision of my life. I couldn’t imagine my life without my environmental science degree (what I finally chose as a major), and I have not looked back since. I’m currently pursuing my masters in env eng/science and I couldn’t be happier. Please go with your dreams. Stop wasting your time. Your parents will understand in time if they truly love you and want you to be happy. :)
I’ve definitely been in Becky’s position. My parents set a high bar, not only academically but personally. I was expected to be a certain person, and it was very black and white. It was their way or the highway.
I’m 28 now, and I lived much of my teens and twenties walking the fine line they put in front of me. Even when I thought I was walking straight, they just raised the bar a little higher. The moral of my story is, …STOP! They may love you, but they don’t know how to love you outside of controlling you. If you’re this miserable, there’s a reason, and it’s never going to stop unless you draw your own line. Take control, do what makes YOU happy, and let the chips fall where they will. There will be fallout, but it won’t be worse than a decade wasted in the wrong direction or continually being hurt when you can do nothing but disappoint their ridiculous expectations. If you do what you love, you’ll always be successful, maybe not monetarily but who wants to chase money?
I love the quote ‘If you do what you love the money will eventually follow’
Like Beth I never had pressure from my parents to pursue a certain degree, they always supported my brother and I in our choices, even though they didn’t always understand them. I studied Languages and Economics and work now as a PA, and my brother is a baker (French buttercream-laden goodies anyone?). Now I’m miserable in my job and am on the path of changing careers completely, it will take a few years still and it’s a completely different story so let’s leave it at that.
For Becky, I would also say to speak to your parents. You can’t go on feeling miserable forever, now’s the time to switch major. You say you would be a huge let down for your parents, but would you bear being a let down for you? Listen to your heart :-)
I’ve felt a little pressure to continue with this architecture thing. I have considered going into psychology, or my favorite, going to culinary school. But it was so difficult to get into the school, and I don’t mind doing the work, so I guess I’m just sticking with this major.
Thankfully my parents never pressured me on what career path to take. I, however, pressured myself into taking a job for the money rather than for the love of the job. 8 years later, I was crying every single morning before work and even during the day at work. I affected every part of my life. I was miserable beyond words. If I had it to do all over again, I would never have chosen a job for the money. All you can do is live and learn though. I don’t think that anyone should ever have to be so miserable and hope that Becky can change her situation somehow.
I have some pressure from my parents but the pressure mostly comes from my classmates. I am graduating in less than a month and I have yet to apply for a job or go on an interview. I don’t even have my resume updated from last year. You know why? Because I don’t WANT a desk job and don’t want to be an investment banker and I don’t WANT to go to grad school….
The last couple of years have been less than optimal for me. I’ve had a less than stellar (okay, pretty bad) experience at school and one thing I’ve realized is that my happiness is far more important than anything else. I also am the type of person that will not be satisfied unless I am doing something I love and not feeling like I am wasting my time.
Thus, I am going to pursue what I love and that is baking. I have no baking degree and the only experience I have is in my own kitchen. BUT I’m willing to give it a try and I hope someone gives me a chance.
My parents paid $200,000 for my education for me to NOT have to get an hourly paid job but they too want me to be happy. They’re supporting me no matter what (I hope).
Follow your heart my dear!!
I wish I could accuse my parents of my bad decision, but they’re entirely supportive. I just wouldn’t listen to my heart. I was working at a daycare to support myself and LOVING it as I attended law school (which I hated). 2 weeks into law school I knew I should leave and pursue a teaching license. 4 years of work, and I still dream of doing that. I still won’t let myself until I at least pay off the law school loans, though. Listen to yourself now before you get in deeper!
I can relate to that feeling 100%. I was a math major in college because it was easy (yes I am a nerd) and my parents saw it as a path to making a lot of money. Looking back, I wish I had pursued what I was interested in….I probably would be a lot happier in my career today. Don’t wait!
I think my parents were a little worried when I decided to go to grad school for poetry/creative writing (who makes money writing poetry?!?), but they held their tongues because they knew that it was my passion and what I needed to pursue. If you love something enough, you’ll find a way to make it worth, and luckily, this was always the message that my parents chose to send to me.
Plus, I think they could see that I was putting enough stress and pressure on myself as it was already, and they didn’t need to add any more!
I think university is an awesome experience and one that allows you mature and develop as a person. Whether or not you pursue a career in your area of study doesn’t really matter.
whoops– make it WORK :-)
How sad to read how you’re feeling, Becky :( I’m with everyone else – screw tradition, screw what everyone else wants you to do, and do what YOU want to do. Like you said – it’s either going to happen now or in the future, so why wait? There’s no point in living life for other people, and the longer you wait, the more stressed out about it you’ll become.
Good luck and you can do it!! :)
Good luck Becky! While I have never faced pressure from my parents I certainly feel my own pressure. I’ve been having some doubts about where my major (Religion) is going to take me and wondered about tacking on a second minor (finished my Political Science minor but I would love to minor or double major in Environmental Science). And while I don’t feel like my major dictacts I take a particular job I’m just afraid that I’ll end up not even using it or being proud of it in the future. But in the end I know that I need to make job choices based on what I want and what I feel and when it isn’t satisfying anymore, I’ll change it.
Great post! I went to a private college for undergrad and my masters for a degree in special education. While I was going to school I loved it. It wasn’t until I finished school and taught for a couple of years that I am considering changing careers. I don’t have any pressure from my family its more from myself. Hopefully I’ll be able to make a change soon! Thanks for the post.