On October 31, 2008, I was just a girl grasping for hope.
I was struggling with disordered eating that still lingered despite my best efforts to beat it. I felt like I had made a lot of progress, but there was still a missing piece to my puzzle.
Self-love.
I fought a daily battle of self-acceptance, depressive thoughts, and anxiety. Despite the smile on the outside, most days I felt like I was crumbling on the inside. I was simply going through the motions of life and the days were passing me by. Indeed, I was truly thankful for so many wonderful people in my life, but the one thing I couldn’t be thankful for was myself.
I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to get to that place of self-acceptance or happiness, but I decided the first step was going to be writing about it.
And so it all began with a simple Boo on Halloween day!
I have always loved writing because it comes to me easier than expressing my thoughts out loud. It is just me and a keyboard or piece of paper talking to someone out there and thinking things through. Writing is a way for my inner voice to be heard when often it is silenced by all the thoughts swirling through my mind. Writing gives each thought a chance, each thought a moment to be heard and I often clear my mind or work things out as I write.
I guess this is why I was never meant to be a researcher. While I did spend most of my time writing in grad school, my writing was very very formal, scientific, and sterile in many ways. I felt suffocated when I wrote a research paper and I always felt like I couldn’t express my true self. In a paper, there was little room for jokes, sarcasm, stories, or occasional curse words (trust me, I could have used them many times!). It was all too structured.
I wanted to set my thoughts free.
Starting this blog was a way for me to have a creative outlet at a time when my creativity felt stifled in many areas of my life. OSG was the one place where I felt like I could express myself fully. I would simply write about what I wanted to write about, just like in my Creative Writing class in high school that I loved so much. My teacher had us make Creative Writing journals in high school and we could write whatever we wanted to in them. Personal stories, clippings, drawings, poems, deep thoughts, jokes, and anything that we wanted to share. I absolutely loved this journal and I would talk about my struggles with disordered eating, my love for delicious healthy food, animals, exercise, running, the desire for happiness, and whatever else I wanted to talk about.
Over the past two years, I have found that missing piece of self-love. Even on the days when I can’t find it and I am having a bad day, I know that it isn’t far away and it will come back to me. I have met amazing people along the way and I have been touched by the support and kindness of others.
Today, I write because I am truly thankful for these past two years, for sharing my life with you, the ups and the downs, and the discussions, inspiring words, and support. My hope for the blog going forward is to give back as much gratitude, love, and inspiration as I get from writing each day.
Thank you for letting me come into your lives each day and also, for allowing me to come into yours.
As a small token of my appreciation, I am going to do some giveaways!
1) Draw for $25 Glo Bakery gift certificates to be given out to 5 random people
2) Draw for a homemade batch of cookies, Glo bars, or muffins (any from my recipes page!) shipped to your doorstep.
3) Grand prize draw for $100 Glo Bakery gift certificate to one random winner
If you’d like a chance to be entered in the giveaway, please leave a comment below telling me anything about your own passions, journey, or perhaps something you have grown to love about yourself. Contest closes Monday Nov 8th.
I’m off to the kitchen to shoot my video for Challenge #7! Hopefully there aren’t as many flops as last night. ;) Happy Halloween!
Hi Angela,
Your blog has helped me on my way to recovery from disordered eating by appreciating and embracing myself (self-love!) and re-embracing my love for food experimentation and cooking in a healthier way. Your healthy attitudes (like finding moderation) towards being vegan and life in general are truly inspriing for me.
In this post, you mention you were not meant to be a researcher. Although, from reading all (or most) or your blog posts, it seems you have this creative and experimentational side as well as persistance that would be ideal in a researcher! You have just moved your skills to be aligned with your passions in (correct me if I’m wrong) food experimentation and possibly the science of cooking/baking where your kitchen is now your “lab”. As a disclaimer, this is just my point of view as an outsider looking into your life through your blog.
I too have gone through a similar career-finding experience where being an engineer just wasn’t right for me despite what my university diploma said and have gone on to try other fields using the skills I have. You definately give me hope if finding a career (or anything) I am truly passionate about.
Thanks for taking the time to post all those beautiful photos and recipes as well as starting the Green Monster Movement! Have yet to try the Glo Bakery but it’s on my Christmas Wish list.
WOW- 2years!!! Congrats!! And thank YOU for the AWESOME give away!!
Over the past few years, I have embarked on a journey to go back to school to become a registered dietitian. Through this process, my diet did a 360!! I use to eat Fast Food everyday and NEVER thought twice about it! I started a Food Blog about a year ago to chronicle my journey of LEARNING my way thought the kitchen! I love trying new recipes and we NEVER eat fast food anymore! I am currently working as a clinical dietitian, but I feel that my journey in the kitchen has only just begun! My diet is ever evolving and changing (for the better!).
I love your blog and the YUMMy recipes! can’t wait to try a few out!!!
Congrats on the 2nd Anniversary of OSG!
I’m on a journey of finding balance and peace. I’m a very caring person that is too much of a people pleaser. I want to continue to love myself first and then let that love overflow onto the people in and around my life.
Congrats on your 2nd Anniversary. I found your blog about a year ago and I love it!
I’m in the process of starting my journey. I’m trying to get to the place where I can be happy with myself. I just had a baby and I want to be healthy for my family.
Wow! You have a lot of comments on this post.
I just want to say I totally find your blog inspiring to eat better. Your pictures and writing are fantastic.
As far as my journey, I am on it right now…. working on that healthy everyday lifestyle.
What I’ve grown to love about myself is my love! After being badly treated by an ex boyfriend, I thought that my problem was loving too much. It wasn’t until after some therapy & over a year to just be alone did I realize there was no such thing as loving too much :)
I honeslty look forward to reading your posts every day, and always get some inspiration for my lunches and dinners from you!
My current journey is to try to lead a healthy low-eco-footprint life. I became a vegetarian this year (in April), something I didn’t think I’d ever even want to do. After reading some books and watching documentaries, I decided it was time to try it out. After 2 weeks of no meat I decided that I’m officially a vegetarian. We are buying a winter CSA this year for the first time, organic root veggies, greenhouse greens and a fruit supplement of cider, fruit, frozen berries. I’m thinking of trying out veganism in January. :) Thanks for your wonderful site and recipes, your readers have hit the jackpot with your site! You are an inspiration!
Angela – Thanks so much for your wonderful blog! Your story is so inspiring and your positivity just radiates through your words. My current journey is one of mindful/intuitive eating, and while each day is a struggle, I truly believe this is the path I need to be on. I’ve spent too much of my life with negative self talk, restriction, and guilt, and it’s time for me to live my life fully the way I deserve to! Thank you for leading by example!
Something I love about myself now, that I never did when I was younger, is my hair. It changes all the time but I find now it’s not the end of the world to have a bad hair day – it’s not really that bad, it just has to be different.
I’ve recently learned to love my height. I’m 5’9″, and for a long time it’s been annoying (taller than most of the boys, most pants and jeans aren’t long enough, can’t cross my legs under dining tables…). BUT now that I’m pregnant, I’m realizing my height is a blessing – more room in that torso for the baby to stretch out, so less pregnancy aches and pains than I would have otherwise. Turns out God knew what he was doing when he made me tall! :)
Your blog inspires me everyday and I also have the same relationship with writing. Whenever I have something I need to say to someone but cannot get the words out I simply write it and I feel much better. I am still cultivating my self love and have been working on starting my blog for a few months but just feel so intimidated….I hope to get it up SOON! Thank you for sharing your life with us, it helps me out so much! Congrats on 2 VERY SUCCESSFUL years at OSG!
Happy Anniversary! I love your blog! I have learned so much from you! I have grown to like myself..my flaws have become not such a big deal, but actually things I embrace because they make me unique!
I have a passion for cooking delicous healthy meals. I have coverted my husband and children into semi-vegetarians without them even knowing. I thank you for giving me so many wonderful ideas and recipes!
Angela! I’ve been following your blog for quite a while, and when I first stumbled upon it, I knew I hadhit the jackpot. Your story resembles mine in so many ways, for all my life I have struggled with body image, food, and excersizing. Running and competetive hockey (fellow Canadian…woooo!) became my savior, and I finally started to feel good about myself. After a spurt of too much of both I started taking breaks, and my eating habits started to get weird..but I did adopt a flexitarian diet.. I have not had the willpower to adopt a vegitarian or vegan diet, oh but I’m trying to get there! I’ve been starting cardio kickboxing for the past few months, and my body is starting to get back the way it used to be along with running with a hint of yoga and your recipes! This site has been a huge influence on my fitness and eating… “Angela” has now become a household name for my family–they keep wondering where I get the ideas for the baked goods, overnight oats, dinners and lunches I keep making a most days of the week! Needless to say I follow your site daily and balance my excersise and eating habits with my last year of highschool! Thanks so much! I hope to try products from glo-bakery the first chance I get!
Congratulations on your own success and clearly super successful blog! Happy second birthday OSG! :D :D :D
i can’t believe it’s been TWO years already! i’ve been reading since December 08 and have loved it :)
for the past two years i’ve struggled with facing my own eating disorders – food/calorie restriction, overexercising, and binging. i’m not through it yet, but at this point i can say that i’m finally able to look at foods for what they do for my body instead of seeing them as “good” or “bad.”
reading your blog has been a huge help with that!
.. so thank you :)
Happy blogiversary! I’ve been blogging for more than *gasp* eight years now and what I’ve realized is that not only do I need my blog as a creative outlet, but I need it to remind me of the balance I need in my life. Work, fitness, cooking, creating, reading, mindlessly watching tv, and blogging all have places in my life and I need to be sure to make time for all of them.
Hi Angela,
I’ve been a reader for awhile but never posted. I love your blog and appreciate you openness about your personal journey. One thing I like about myself is my voice, music has always been a passion of mine (almost as much as cooking and baking!!).
I found your blog in Dec 09 and you helped me through my own eating disorder! I can’t think you enough for that! I am now eating an almost vegan diet and exercise to be healthy and not to lose just to lose weight :)
Happy Anniversary!! I’ve just recently been introduced to your blog via a link for overnight oats, which by the way are sooo good. I don’t usually read blogs, and have never leave a comment, I’m a mom of 4 and don’t have much time on the computer, but I love your blog and your passion for healthy eating and cooking and overall love for life. I started reading your earlier postings and see how far you’ve come. It is truly amazing. I’ve just recently started eating healthy and becoming more conscious of nutrition and hope to completely overhaul how I eat and how I feed my family. I cant wait to read more of your past bloggings and try more recipes you’ve posted. Thank you for truly inspiring me, you really do glow. : )
In the summer of 2010 I was a girl who was lost and had problems with food. I came across your blog and magically, my mind-set immediately changed. Your blog must have magical powers, because i never thought i would be able to get over my obsession with food. I began to read through all your posts; laying in bed until 12 at night with my phone glued to my face entranced in your entries! you have truly inspired me. Since i was sixteen i struggled with eating, and as soon as i came across your blog it all changed, something clicked in my head and it all made sense. You helped me become the healthful, fitness-loving girl i am today! I see all you’ve done for yourself and it truly has allowed me to set myself free. I am no longer traped in my own body, chained down and it truly feels great. If anything, i’d just like to say thank you. Since reading your blog i began to run again FOR FUN, not to just burn calories. I signed up for my first 5k at the end of October and i loved every minute of it. I had a smile gleaming on my face the whole race. I am signing up for another 5k, a 10k in the spring and hopefully a half-marathon in the future! I learned to love fitness and health and good food and realize treats are part of a normal diet (whatever that may be!) ;). I love your glo bars and whenever i bite into one i love myself because i know i am doing something good for myself, giving my body good wholesome energy. I am vegetarian now and let me tell you, i have NEVER felt better. Thank you, Angela. You inspire me and made me love, love, love to cook and eat and just enjoy everyday life.