Eric says I make my best recipes when I’m pmsing.
Wait, is that a back-handed compliment?
Errr…
And how did he know I was pmsing?
“Well,…remember the other night when you started to cry watching that wedding dress show…?”
“When the Dad cries, everyone cries.”
“…and the other day, I caught you with chocolate all over your face talking about some chocolate river…”
“….and how is that different from any other day?”
“Good point. Or yesterday, when you were yelling on the phone with the phone company…”
“She was a phone robot, that doesn’t count! Robots have no feelings, pulse,…or comprehension of the English language, evidently.”
“Or this morning when…”
Ooooooook, no need to live in the past. I’m sure we all get the point. ;)
After some careful thought, his statement did make sense.
PMS –> increase in calorie expenditure (yay, eat more) –> increase in hunger –> empty stomach feeling 24/7 –> chocolate river dreams –> cooking/baking success.
Now, let’s look for concrete proof of his claims over the past week:
- Chocolate Cake Batter Smoothie
- Stuffed Phyllo Rolls
- Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Glazed Doughnuts
- Cinnamon Sugar Pumpkin Spiced Doughnuts
- 5 Ingredient Cheeze Sauce
Guilty as charged.
If that is hard evidence, these Chocolate Chunk Toffee Bars are the final nail in my coffin. Eric declared the recipe ‘in the vault’ and mumbled something about chocolate while his eyes glazed over. Typical. The stash quickly disappeared in the span of 3 days. Not surprisingly, more by him than me!
I guess he’s suffering from Male Menstrual Syndrome. I better keep my distance…there’s nothing worse than MAN-MS, right ladies?
And don’t worry, I pointed and laughed at the chocolate smudges on the side of his mouth.
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Chocolate Chunk Toffee Bars
Yield
9 large bars
Prep time
Rest time
45 minutes
Cook time
Total time
Everything I love in a granola bar- a crisp, toffee-like exterior with a chunky and chewy middle. Be sure to allow the bars to cool completely before slicing. If you adapt the recipe, please leave a comment with the changes you made and how it turned out! I’m curious if other flours and nut butters might work.
Ingredients
- 1.5 cup oats
- 1/4 cup whole grain spelt flour
- 2 tbsp chia seeds
- 1 tsp ground cinnamon
- 1/2 tsp kosher salt
- 1 cup walnuts, chopped
- 1/2 cup brown rice syrup
- 2 tbsp Earth Balance (or other non-dairy spread)
- 1/4 cup packed brown sugar
- 1/4 cup all natural peanut butter (my PB is very ‘drippy’- if yours is dry add another tbsp Earth Balance)
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- 1/2 cup chocolate chunks or chips
Directions
- Preheat oven to 350°F and line an 8-inch pan with 2 pieces of parchment paper (one going each way), so the bars do not stick to pan.
- In a large bowl, stir together the dry ingredients (oats, flour, chia seeds, cinnamon, salt, walnuts).
- In a microwavable bowl, stir together the brown rice syrup, Earth Balance, brown sugar, and peanut butter. Microwave on high for 45 seconds. Alternatively you can heat this on the stovetop.
- Pour wet mixture onto dry and stir well. The mixture will be very tough to stir (it’s a thick dough!) so don’t be alarmed. Allow the dough to cool a bit before mixing in the chocolate (otherwise, if you add in the chocolate too soon, it will melt, and it’s best chunky).
- Scoop into prepared pan and with a wet spoon spread out the mixture. The dough will be very thick and sticky. I dipped a pastry roller into water and rolled it out. Try to get it as even as possible!
- Bake for 30-32 minutes at 350°F. Allow to cool in the pan, on a cooling rack, for at least 15 minutes. Remove carefully from pan and allow to cool on the rack for another 20-30 minutes. If you cut the bars before completely cooling, they will crack, so it’s a good idea to wait as they will firm up.
These granola bars took me a few tries, but I finally got the outcome I was looking for- a crispy, toffee-like exterior with a chewy, chocolaty middle. They have a slight toffee flavour and are like a less sweet, more natural candy bar!
The bars will firm up a bit once cooled which is exactly how I prefer to eat them. Their flavour and chewy texture gets better with age. :)
Ok, I just Googled ‘male PMS’ for fun and there’s an actual term for it called Irritable Male Syndrome (IMS).
I can’t wait to tell Eric I found his diagnosis!
These just look AMAZING!
Mmmm I love bars that are filled with walnuts! Nothing’s better than a big bite with tons of crunchy toasted walnuts!
OMG I want them NOW lol….they look amazing!!! :-o
these look amazing, adding them to my ‘must make very soon’ list ;)
These look awesome, girl! YUM!
I may just have to try them with another flour and/or nut butter. I’ll be sure to let ya know if I do. ;)
HAHA I laughed out loud about the chocolate all over your face and “Something about a chocolate river.” We seem to have a PMS chocolate love in commons, Angela ;)
Wow – I need to tell my boss I am taking the morning off so I can make these right away!
Lol I love this post! :)
These sound/look incredible!
These look perfect Ange! And I agree on the IMS – I’m not married but I certainly know some males that suffer from it! I’m sure these bars would do the trick though…. ;)
Hahaha those reasons are priceless! I’m not even “there” yet but gah I could pack back quite a few of these bars right now!
Yum, these look amazing! So funny, I always tell my new husband he has male pms, and I looked it up and sent him an article a few moths back as a joke! I think we’re onto something here. Mean boys always teasing us.. We’ll show them!
These look fabulous! Wish I could reach in my computer, grab one, and eat it up right now.
haha this is too funny. I polished off an intense dark chocolate bar in a day last week… same logic that you outlined above lol!
The thing with PMNS is it’s always PMS because as soon as the other is over, we start counting down to the next one – so lucky US we ALWAYS have an excuse for “off” behavior.
HAHA! I literally just laughed out loud at the first part of this post. I can see it though – it’s always when I crave chocolate/sweets/deliciousness so it COULD make sense! :)
And these really do look incredible.
Male PMS is definitely real! And – like women – they all get it at the same time. You should see my office this week. LOL!
Those bar look amazing. I bet they’d be good with coconut four!
lol…a room full of males with IMS…shudder.
Those bars look really perfect! I love walnuts, they are my favorite kind of nuts :)
Angela these look so good — I love the BIG hunks of walnut in them!
These look amazing and the toffee taste sold me for sure! Oh yeah and IMS…SOOOO a real thing! When it’s my time, my hubby has this habit of making annoying noises he NEVER makes any other time. *smack!*
This definitely had me laughing — I can definitely relate! My vice during that…time… happens to be more in the salty and crunchy realm though. Like, a whole bag of sweet potato chips.. haha. My husband would go crazy over these too! Maybe I need to find a way to make ’em GF. Mmm. Yes. :)
Speaking of sweet potato chips, I recently tried the ‘Food Should Taste Good’ SP chips and they are to DIE for! http://www.foodshouldtastegood.com/flavors.html#/home/ Have you had them?
My only complaint is that there arent many chips in the bag and they are expensive.
I haven’t had them, as they contain corn and it messes with me :( BUT I have had the Terra SP chips (actually, my favorite is the Sweets and Beets kind) and whoa… ri. dic. u. lous! So good! But, they, too, are a bit on the pricy side, so they’ve become a special occasion treat :)